5 Things I Learned In My 30s

Getting older occasionally has its advantages. One thing we hope for is a little bit of wisdom here and there. I would never claim to be wise — I’ll leave that to the old bearded man sitting on top of the mountain — but I do think I’ve learned a few things in my 30s. Each piece of wisdom I have gained was there for the taking earlier in life, but perhaps because of the phase of life I was in, I was unable to see it. As my wise father always says, “It’s developmental.” But maybe if I shed a little light on a few of my own secrets, I can help a few others see things in a new light themselves.

I learned:

1. ) How to love my body, at any size.

When I was 9 months pregnant pushing 200 pounds (having gained 50 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight), my husband still couldn’t keep his hands off me. He has always found my body beautiful at my lowest weight and at my highest. So why shouldn’t I? Of course I realize it’s not as easy as saying “Oh, well he/she/they think I’m beautiful, so I must be.” Our confidence in our body must come from within and not depend on the opinions of others. And it has taken me 30-something years, and the birth of two children for me to learn what an amazing thing my body is. I respect its accomplishments both big and small, and as I grow older I want to treat my body right so that it can carry me through the future.

2.) That I love being active.
I love to run, but anything beyond that, I never had the ambition or confidence to try a sport. As a kid I always wanted to play soccer, but I did not share my wishes with my parents and so I just ignored my desires to be active, instead opting for hours of TV time. In high school, I tried out for the track team, but found it too rigorous for me at the time and consequently gave up on being active all together. After that, here and there I would try to get fit, but more out of an attempt to change my body and lose weight than for the joy of being active.

But after the birth of my first daughter, I was fortunate enough to have some time to try and figure out exactly what it was that I enjoy. I took up running again, and this time stuck with it, eventually running three half marathons to date. (A full marathon is yet to come!) I spent two years taking Karate, nine months of which were during my second pregnancy. I continued right up until a week before my second daughter was born, and even with a c-section, I was back after only 3 weeks. Karate really kept me in shape during my pregnancy and I fully believe helped to speed my recovery. Eventually I received the lowest level of black belt before I moved on to other activities.

Later, I discovered a love for biking and swimming, and eventually combined that love with my passion for running and participated in my first triathlon. I was hooked and can’t wait to do more!

The difference between my half-hearted attempts to get fit in the past, and my unfailing commitment to fitness these days is that I don’t focus on the number of calories I am burning. Instead, I am conscious of the feeling it gives me, not just in the moment (or when I am finished) but overall. I feel strong, powerful and healthy. And, if I don’t make it to the gym for a week or two because life has thrown a curve ball, I don’t have to berate myself since I am not going just for the sake of looking better.

3.) That I am not a super mom, that being a stay at home mom is not the answer to my personal fulfillment. And that’s ok.

Before I had my first daughter, I worked for a large internet company. While it was definitely fun to work there during the the hey-day of dot.com boom (no, I wasn’t one of the dot.com millionaires) I quickly realized working in the corporate environment was not my thing. I had no desire to move up in the company, and was pretty much biding my time until I had kids, at which point I knew I wanted to stay home.

But when I actually came home with my first daughter, I discovered that I wasn’t a natural after all. Between the crazy post partem hormones, sleepless nights, round-the-clock nursing and colic, I quickly felt like I was losing my mind and questioned my ability to be a full time mom. I know a lot of those feelings are normal in the beginning, but there has always been a part of me that wondered if my children would be better off in someone else’s full time care, while I went back to work. The trouble was there wasn’t any work I could think of that I’d rather be doing than taking care of my children. A conundrum indeed! So I continued to stay at home, feeling incompetent and trying to keep up with my friends and all they were doing with their own kids the same age. But as my kids have gotten older, I have begun to realize something. They’re pretty great kids. They’re polite and well mannered. They are compassionate towards others. They’re loving. They’re smart and creative. They’re all around fabulous human beings. So I’ve concluded that I must being doing something right! I may not be the mom that sits down on the floor all day and plays with my kids. But I enjoy being with them, and we find other ways to enjoy each other’s company. I may not take them to art museums, plays, and concerts. But they love music, science and drama. I still lose my patience with them. I still sometimes say ‘no’ more times than I like, but I finally realized that my strengths as a parent are not lost on them.

4.) How to dress for my body.

Once I hit puberty, I had a peripheral interest in fashion, but without some lessons on what looks good on ME, I generally failed to pull together flattering, stylish outfits. Looking back at pictures of me in late teens and early 20s, I sometimes wonder, “What was I thinking?” when I put that on. But then came Stacy & Clinton from “What Not to Wear”, a popular show on The Learning Channel. Although I had started to come into my own sense of style before then, I learned some important lessons about what kind of clothes would flatter my pear shaped figure. I learned to be more objective about clothing, and pay less attention to the size on the label than how it fit my shape.

I don’t encourage women to obsess over their appearance, or constantly worry about how they are being judged on their appearance by others. But there is something empowering about feeling good in the clothes on your body. It gives a feeling of self confidence and lifts your spirit. Have you ever tried putting on a favorite outfit that you always feel good in when you are feeling down? Just like putting on a false smile causes a chemical reaction in your body that releases good feeling hormones, looking good on the outside can seep into your inner spirit and make you feel good on the inside.

5.) If someone stops petting you, move on.
I read this one in a book, and have made it a personal philosophy. One advantage to getting older is that a lot of things you worried about when you were younger are no longer a source of stress. In our teens and 20s, we usually spend a lot of time worrying about what others think of us, and consequently trying to please them. When a fair weather friend would stop returning my calls, I would fret over what I had done. Did I say something offensive without realizing it? Did I commit some major social faux paus? Or worse, was I just not cool enough/interesting enough/smart enough/attractive enough? And then I realized, none of that mattered. If my friendship is not worth the effort to others to maintain, then THEY are not worthy of my friendship and I move on. If I offend a friend, I expect them to tell me and clear the air. If they simply hold a grudge, or I worry over what I might have done, then both parties are only bathing themselves in self defeating negative energy.

So, what have you learned as you grow older?