Finish the Race

By C. Reed Weber

When she was a year old, Aimee Mullins, born missing fibula in both legs, underwent a double amputation and was fitted with a set of prosthesis limbs. She learned to walk with her prosthesis and began playing competitive sports early and aggressively.

While attending college, a track coach encouraged Aimee to join the Georgetown University Women’s Track Team and to compete not as a ‘disabled runner’ but as an individual. During Aimee’s first major competition one of her sprinting legs came loose. She was mortified and, fearing failure, tried to drop out of her next race.

She begged her coach not to make her compete: “Please, don’t make me do this. I can’t do this in front of all those people. My legs will come off!”

He replied: “So what if your legs falls off? You pick it up, you put the damn thing back on, and finish the race!”

Real life is not about winning or losing. You can never be a failure as long as you are giving it your best.

Pick up your leg. Finish the race.

C.Reed Weber has been writing since she first discovered an unguarded pencil and continues today as a freelance journalist and grant writer. Living Beyond the Worst has been adapted from Happy Thoughts, a collection of email columns she wrote for friends and family during 2008-2009. Weber is currently working on developing Happy Thoughts into a book. You can purchase mini-volumes of Happy Thoughts from her Etsy site.

Fear, Itself

by C.Reed Weber

We had a big thunderstorm the other day. I happened to be sitting near two women when a tremendous roll of thunder shook the windows of the shop we were in. The younger woman, mother of three young children, shivered, “I hate storms. They frighten me. I hate to be around the kids when there’s a storm, because I don’t want them to see I’m scared.”

“It’s bad for them to see you are afraid,” agreed the older woman.

I pondered this for a moment before I spoke to the younger woman, “Sometimes it isn’t about not being afraid, it’s about being afraid and having the courage to face the fear.” Both women made noises of agreement in response to my statement, but I don’t think they really understand what I was trying to say.

I was trying to convey is that it isn’t important to be unafraid. What is important is being afraid and facing the fear. Too often, adults feel they need to be fearless and when they find they cannot, they become angry at themselves. It’s okay to be afraid; no one is immune to fear, but how an individual deals with fear is part of what defines character.

In the classic Western, High Noon, Gary Cooper’s character is Marshall of a frontier town. A criminal he sent to be hanged has been pardoned and is returning on the noon train to face him. The townspeople urge the Marshall to run away. At first, he and his wife leave. But the Marshall realizes he can’t run away from the problem and returns to town. The film explores how he deals with the fear of his own mortality and how he eventually is able to face both his fear and his would-be executioner.

There seems to be a mysterious disconnect between what adults feel adults should be, and what adults are in reality. Adults are not children who have outgrown emotional responses. Children become adults when they learn to manage their emotional responses.

C.Reed Weber has been writing since she first discovered an unguarded pencil and continues today as a freelance journalist and grant writer. Living Beyond the Worst has been adapted from Happy Thoughts, a collection of email columns she wrote for friends and family during 2008-2009. Weber is currently working on developing Happy Thoughts into a book. You can purchase mini-volumes of Happy Thoughts from her Etsy site.

Courage

By C.Reed Weber

What is the bravest thing you’ve ever done? You may be thinking sky diving or hang gliding, but you might want to think in a different direction. Think about incidents in your life when you did something despite being afraid of what would happen. Maybe you spoke up in defense of someone or took responsibility for an accident. Being brave, having courage, is not about being fearless, but about understanding the consequences and still going forward.

Growing older and becoming more settled in your life can make it more difficult to break away and make changes. This is true even if the change is positive, will benefit you, and you want to.  It takes determination to make a change in your routine, but it takes courage to make a significant change in your life … courage to let go of what you’ve known and let yourself experience something new.

But things rarely change overnight. Change generally happens over time, which is a good thing for those of us who are not ready. We have time to work ourselves up to it, letting go of the old ways and transitioning into the new ways. This sort of ‘easing in’ approach requires us to have a little bit of courage each day.

There is a story about a farm boy who met with a wandering soldier who told exciting tales of  travel and bravery in battle. The boy begged the soldier “Let me join you, because I do not want to waste my life farming. I want to prove how brave I am and stand beside you in battle!” The soldier shook his head and said, “It is not brave to leave home to fight battles. Rather, it takes courage to break your back plowing and planting, and shouldering the burden of being responsible for others. To feed them and clothe them and know when you wake every morning that they will be depending on you. It takes courage to stay and be responsible.”

“Courage doesn’t always roar.  Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.”  ~Mary Anne Radmacher

C.Reed Weber has been writing since she first discovered an unguarded pencil and continues today as a freelance journalist and grant writer. Living Beyond the Worst has been adapted from Happy Thoughts, a collection of email columns she wrote for friends and family during 2008-2009. Weber is currently working on developing Happy Thoughts into a book. You can purchase mini-volumes of Happy Thoughts from her Etsy site.

No Time Like the Present

By C. Reed Weber

Our world is so saturated with the awareness of time, it is difficult to imagine life not guided by clocks, watches, and other guardians of time. We talk about personal time, down time, time off, saving time or wasting time, say time is money, and sing “If I could save time in a bottle…” We have become enslaved by a concept we created and the resulting emotional pressure can be tremendous.

It is important to remember that time is only a measure of what has passed. Calendars are more like soothsayers than you realize, because we cannot measure something that has not come into existence yet. It’s true we can plan for it, but we cannot be positive it will occur until the moment arrives. Time can only be accurately measured by looking back, not forward.

Our lives are moments that come and go like drops of water falling into a cup. Each one unique and yet the same as all the rest, much of what passes goes unnoticed and is missed only when it become irretrievable. In essence, we only have control over time when we are inside the moment — before it arrives and after it is gone, we can no longer influence the action within the moment. Therefore, each moment is an opportunity to bring about change.

Right now, as you read these words, you have the power to make change in your life. No matter what sort of action you take, this is the moment to make it happen. Planning towards a day when everything falls in place and looking back in regret at not seizing opportunities, will not make change. Change is in the now and you control the now.

C.Reed Weber has been writing since she first discovered an unguarded pencil and continues today as a freelance journalist and grant writer. Living Beyond the Worst has been adapted from Happy Thoughts, a collection of email columns she wrote for friends and family during 2008-2009. Weber is currently working on developing Happy Thoughts into a book. You can purchase mini-volumes of Happy Thoughts from her Etsy site.

Living Beyond the Worst

By C.Reed Weber

Everyone has at least one Worst-Case Scenario tucked away and most of us live in fear of the day when that scenario — The Worst — will be played out. Maybe it involves a career choice, or perhaps loss of employment. It may involve family members or loved ones. It could be a single incident, or first in a chain of events that will bring you to your knees. It doesn’t really matter what you fear, the fear itself is enough to make you miserable.

But should The Worst happens, you may be surprised to discover life continues on. Birds sing. Clouds float. Children laugh. People cry. The Worst has happened, now what? What won’t happen is life will not stop. It may seem to you as if life should stop, but amazingly everything keeps going right along. The sun rises every morning and the stars shine every night. It may seem to you Clouds of Gloom rain everywhere you go, but soon you will realize only you are getting wet. Then you’ll find yourself in the position of being “outside” things for a time, but eventually you’ll be able to pick up the threads of your life and continue on. You will wake up. You will grocery shop. You will eat meals. You will talk with people. It happens very slowly, but as days pass you’ll find you are living again. Living is what you are supposed to be doing while you are tromping around on this planet!

My father once told me: “Be prepared for The Worst, but Live for the Best.” I think that sums it up nicely.

C.Reed Weber has been writing since she first discovered an unguarded pencil and continues today as a freelance journalist and grant writer. Living Beyond the Worst has been adapted from Happy Thoughts, a collection of email columns she wrote for friends and family during 2008-2009. Weber is currently working on developing Happy Thoughts into a book. You can purchase mini-volumes of Happy Thoughts from her Etsy site.

Life Lessons From Our Pets

by Ingrid King

I have always believed that animals come into our lives to teach us. First and foremost, they teach us about unconditional love. But they also teach us to stretch and grow, to reach beyond our self-imposed limits, and to expand our consciousness. They take us to places we did not think were possible for us to go. I’ve been fortunate to have a number of these animals in my life.

There was my soul mate kitty, Feebee, who was instrumental in guiding me from an unsatisfactory corporate job to a fulfilling career in the veterinary profession.  For the first time in my life, I discovered what loving what you do for a living feels like.  There was my office cat Virginia, who made my dream of a fulfilling career complete. Whenever I had visualized my perfect job, that dream had always included a cat sleeping in a sunny spot on my desk. One of Virginia’s favorite sleeping places was the spot right next to my computer on my desk at the animal hospital, in front of a sunny window.  There was Buckley, who changed my life in ways I never could have imagined by helping me discover my true passion.  Her lessons were profound enough to inspire an entire book.  And there is Amber, who I share my life with now.  Her gentle, wise presence brings love and affection into my life every day, and she inspired this site, which is dedicated to sharing information about health, happiness and conscious living for pets and their people.

I’ve found that there are three main lessons that all animals teach us, if only we are willing to listen.

They teach us to live in the moment.  Our pets don’t spend time analyzing the past, and they don’t worry about the future.  They are fully focused on whatever it is they are doing in the present moment, whether it’s enjoying a meal, playing with a favorite toy, or napping in the sunny spot on the rug.

They help us to slow down.  We get so caught up in the business of our daily lives, and we rarely take enough time to relax.  Spending time with our pets is the best stress relief I know of.  Research has shown that simply petting a dog or cat can lower your blood pressure.

They help us connect with our spiritual core.  As humans, we have an innate need to get in touch with something greater than ourselves.  For some people, this connection comes through religion, for others, it comes from being in nature.  For me, it has always come from being around animals.

Listen to the animals in your life – you might be surprised at the lessons they have to teach you. What have you learned from your pets?

Ingrid King is the author of Buckley’s Story — Lesson from a Feline Master Teacher.   She is a former veterinary hospital manager turned writer. Her online magazine News for You and Your Pet goes out to subscribers around the world. Her blog, The Conscious Cat, has been called “educational cat nip for the cat lover” and is a comprehensive resource for conscious living, health and happiness for pets and their people.  For more information about Ingrid, please visit www.ingridking.com.

Celebrating Our Authentic Bodies

by Esther Kane

In this article, I want to cover a topic that I’ve wanted to speak to for a long time- plastic surgery. I must confess that this is an area I gave little attention to in the past as I have been in my ‘prime’ for a good number of years being young with good skin and a curvaceous body. However, I have just turned 38 and with the increase of years have also come some things I hate to admit have shocked me to the core. These include:

*Weight gain that appears to take place just by LOOKING at fattening foods (I swear it’s true!)

*Gray hairs- at first manageable- all I had to do was use my trusty eyebrow tweezers and problem solved. Now, however, I risk going bald if I were to continue this practise.

*Breasts that have started to mimic the shape of pancakes and have definitely taken a downward turn (you know what I mean)

*Lines around my eyes and the skin surrounding my eyes staying in one place once I apply make-up for longer than I would like. It’s like watching a snail slowly migrate back into its shell once the cover-up is blended in.

*And horror of horrors-chin hairs! No, I’m not kidding…and not the blond wispy things no one notices-these little buggers are thick and black and have the amazing ability to grow roughly half an inch overnight!

Add to this the countless stories I hear from clients and girlfriends about “getting work done” on their bodies. These range from groups of women, whom upon the dawn of their 50^th birthday, get a face-lift, Botox injections in the face to reduce wrinkles, breast implants, to tummy tucks. I sit there trying to wipe the look of horror off of my face as I do my best to impart an attitude of empowerment and acceptance regardless of what choices women make in their lives.

I was at my local library recently and glanced along the shelves and found a new book out by Joan Rivers, the Queen of plastic surgery, which is a “guidebook” to getting plastic surgery. It was titled, “Men are Stupid and they Like Big Boobs”. She is 75 years old and has had so much plastic surgery that she looks somewhat cartoon-like and anything but natural. She doesn’t even look like a younger version of herself- she looks strange and almost doll-like and scarily unreal. Anyway, the book was co-written with some top cosmetic surgeons and boasts all of the “wonderful” advances available to women who want to change the way they look through plastic surgery. I particularly loved the part where she’s talking about one procedure and under “risks” she casually writes, “death”. Then without missing a beat, she’s onto describing the next “wonderful” procedure!

I don’t know about you, but I think DEATH is a pretty big risk! It reminds me of the author who died a few years ago from liposuction- yikes. I don’t want to come off as being all fanatical and judgmental, because I truly believe that women are in charge of their bodies and it’s not my place to tell someone what to do with her body.

However, I do believe that the current obsession we have with looking younger (one writer calls the times we are living in, “age deceleration”- i.e., “forty is the new thirty” and so on) is a recent and ultimately, dangerous focus. Never before in human history have people been so terrified of getting old. It’s also true that we have never had such a long lifespan so perhaps this is a contributing factor as well.

My grandparents never considered plastic surgery and my 86-year-old grandmother is completely perplexed with this newfound obsession younger generations have with looking young for as long as they possibly can. I think that there are many factors at play here; most notably, the fear of death.

I know I’m terrified of dying and getting old. But I’m working through it. I want to be courageous enough to face getting older head-on without going under the knife or injecting poisonous substances in my body to appear younger. Honestly, I’m not looking forward to more gray hair, my body shape changing, and those lovely hairs on my chinny-chin-chin, but I’m going to do my best to ‘go natural’ and grow old gracefully. I am more than my body and so are you. Let’s all remember that.

Esther Kane, MSW, Registered Clinical Counsellor, is the author the book and audio program, “It’s Not About the Food: A Woman’s Guide To Making Peace with Food and Our Bodies” (www.endyoureatingdisorder.com) and “Dump That Chump”(www.dumpthatchump.com), and “What Your Mama Can’t or Won’t Teach You”(www.guidebooktowomanhood.com). Sign up for her free monthly e-zine, Women’s Community Counsellor, to uplift and inspire women at: http://www.estherkane.com.

Beating the Winter Blues

By Esther Kane, MSW

As a psychotherapist, this is my busiest time of year. Why? Because a lot of people are really bummed out and don’t understand why. They come to me feeling desperate in the hopes that I will help them get their “pep” back. Many are predisposed to seasonal depression, otherwise known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). This is a very common form of depression, which is only noticeable during those months where there is very little sunlight (like now!).

Symptoms of SAD

The symptoms of SAD commonly begin every year between September and November and continue until March or April. Symptoms often include a number of the following*:

• Sleep problems: Oversleeping and difficulty staying awake but, in some cases, disturbed sleep and early morning wakening
• Lethargy: Feeling of fatigue and inability to carry out normal routine
• Overeating: Craving for carbohydrates and sweet foods, usually resulting in weight gain
• Depression: Feelings of misery, guilt and loss of self-esteem, sometimes hopelessness and despair, sometimes apathy
• Social problems: Irritability and avoidance of social contact
• Anxiety: Tension and inability to tolerate stress
• Loss of libido: Decreased interest in sex and physical contact
• Mood changes: In some sufferers, extremes of mood and short periods of hypomania (overactivity) in spring and autumn.

If you identify readily with all or most of the above symptoms and you’ve experienced them every winter for at least three consecutive years, chances are you are suffering from SAD. Luckily, there can be great relief found from a variety of non-invasive modalities available. I will outline the methods that the majority of my clients struggling with SAD have found most helpful:

Light therapy

Recent research has shown that 85 percent of people diagnosed with SAD have been helped by light therapy.  This involves being exposed to very bright light (at least ten times the intensity of household lighting) first thing in the morning for 15-30 minutes every day.

Look into getting a special light used to treat SAD. The one I use and recommend constantly to my clients is called the “Litebook Elite”. It’s small, lightweight (8 oz), and durable.** The great thing about light therapy is that it is safe, has no side effects, and easy to use.

Regular Exercise

A 2001 study by  Duke University, in North Carolina, found exercise to be a more effective treatment for depression than anti-depressants, with fewer relapses and a higher recovery rate. Researchers say a chemical in the brain called serotonin may be the key. People suffering from depression have low levels of serotonin, and exercise can boost those levels.

Find an exercise routine you enjoy and can commit to at least three times a week. Make sure it’s active enough to get your heart-rate up and your blood pumping — this boosts serotonin levels and leaves you feeling more upbeat and positive.

Talk Therapy

Engaging in regular sessions with a psychotherapist who specializes in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to treat various forms of depression will give you the tools you need to re-train your brain from negative to positive thinking. When combined with other modalities of healing, this can provide much relief from SAD.

Practice lots of positive self-talk; much of depression is a result of what we say to ourselves. We need to learn to ‘think happy’: when we do this, the brain follows suit.

If you’d rather work on your own, I suggest you pick up a copy of David Burn’s classic self-help guide to overcoming depression, The Feeling Good Handbook. This is a wonderful resource and can be helpful to anyone who needs to change his or her thinking from negative to positive.

*adapted from The Seasonal Affective Disorder Association’s website.

** You can order a Litebook Elite by calling 1-877-723-5483. If you use my professional # (BC 0007) when you place your order, you’ll save twenty percent on the cost. I have registered myself with this company in order to make these lights more affordable to people.

Esther Kane, MSW, Registered Clinical Counselor, is in full-time private practice as a psychotherapist in Courtenay, B.C. Esther has over a decade of experience counseling women and their loved ones with a multitude of presenting problems.Her main focus is helping women to become free of barriers which keep them stuck so that they can become all that they dream of being. To learn more about Esther’s services, please visit her website at EstherKane.com.

5 Easy Ways to Give Clutter Free Gifts

By Michelle Poteet

What is on your holiday wish list this year? Are you hoping that Aunt Mae gives you another 12-piece collection of holiday mugs? Or maybe that Grandma Rose makes you another collection of hot-pink doilies? Most likely you are secretly wishing for a clutter-free gift season. You probably already have a house full of many items that are never used, never needed and even things you might not even realize you have buried somewhere in the attic. Wouldn’t it be great to receive less “clutter” this year? You wouldn’t have to figure out where to put it, or what to do with it. You wouldn’t feel guilty when you donate or even discard of the item because it didn’t work for you. As you create your holiday gift shopping list this season remember these thoughts and feelings you are having about a clutter free holiday season and carry that over into how and what you decide to give this season.

Here are 5 clutter-free gift ideas to help you give a less cluttered holiday to your family and friends:

• Bake with love – Why not share you specialty cookies, candy or fudge with your family and friends? Put the treats in a reusable plastic container, or even a recycled pasta sauce jar. Decorate the container as you like. You instantly have a clutter-free, delicious holiday gift.
• Give your time – Do you know someone in need additional help cooking, cleaning, or even running errands? Give the gift of time this holiday. Helping someone who needs some extra help is a great clutter-free gift.
• Donate in their name – Do you know someone who is passionate about a particular wildlife organization? Make a donation in their name. Let them know that you donated to their favorite organization and forgo the cluttered gifts this year.
• Movie subscriptions – Do you have movie lovers in your family? Give them a movie subscription program. They can watch the movies they want to see and send them back when they are done. No extra clutter sitting around the house.
• Personal gift certificates – Create your own personal gift certificates for you family and friends this year. Do you have a friend who loves a certain band? Create a gift certificate that states you will take them to that concert. Maybe yourmom loves to get a pedicure? Create a gift certificate that stated you will take her for a day of pampering. Be creative, but be clutter free!

Gift giving should be from the heart. Remember what that special someone means to you and give a clutter-free gift that is meaningful to them. Think about the smile on their face
when they receive a heart-felt gift from you that adds no new clutter to their lives!

Michelle Poteet’s passion for organizing and her need to keep order in her home (when possible) inspired her to reach out and help others to Reclaim Order and simplify their lives. Learn more about Michelle and her services at ReclaimOrder.com.

Loving Your Body Vs. Making Peace With It

by Andrea Owen

I talk a lot about loving your body. I’ve had my own body image struggles and have tried hard to heal them. I think I’ve come a tremendous way and it’s become my mission to help others. However, I’ve come to the realization that as I spew “Love your bodies, girls!” it’s a much bigger journey than expected and harder than just saying “let’s do it”. I have this image of us all running through the daisy fields in our bikinis with rainbows in the background, singing about how much we love our bodies. Not likely, I know.

So how do you do it? Well, I don’t have a hard and fast answer. It’s a different journey for everyone, but I do have some steps that will help. The first thing I want to tell you is that instead of thinking you need to love your body, first try to make peace with it. Some women really hate their bodies. They’ve grown up hating the way they look, have trouble looking at themselves naked in front of the mirror and have a hard time being intimate with their partners. If these are some feelings you have, starting out by making peace with your body may be what you need to make the first step to be free from body loathing. These steps are small, and the bigger picture is just that, much bigger, but here are some simple things to get you started.

First off, and this may sound crazy, but start off by admitting how you feel about your body. We live in a world where it has become so normal to hate our bodies, we have become accustomed to it and are not feeling the feelings and emotions that go along with it. If it means having to strip down naked and look at yourself in front of the mirror, go ahead and do it. Take the time to really ask yourself what you think of your body. Don’t feel like you have to lie about what you see. Be honest, even if it isn’t nice. If you’re going to make an honest effort in making peace with your body, you need to start by really understanding your own feelings which may be hiding. If you have to cry, then cry. Trust me, I’ve been there. This isn’t a time to beat yourself up or make you feel worse, just a starting off point. I encourage you to journal about this.

The next thing, which is so important (they’re all important, but this one is grand), is to stop the fat talk. Take note of how cruel (yes, cruel) you are to yourself when you talk or think about your body. You may want to do something so you have to stop and notice it. For instance, I always wear a pony tail holder around my wrist. What I do is switch it to the other wrist every time I say something negative about my body or even have a thought about it. This can even be if I am watching TV and see someone that I wish I looked like. The rubber band goes to the other wrist. You may be surprised how often you are switching it back and forth. This is to make you realize how often you beat yourself up and hopefully will slow down.

Lastly, be kind to yourself. I feel like I have come a tremendous way in regards to how I feel about my body, but I still have bad days. Instead of tumbling all the way back to where I started, I realize that I am human and I still get insecure at times, and I move on. The media isn’t often nice, advertisements aren’t nice, so remember to be nice to yourself.

Hopefully these three things will get you started. Don’t underestimate how much body loathing bleeds into other aspects of your life. Once you learn to accept and love your body for what it is, you’ll be amazed at how much it will change your life.

I’ll close with this short video. I think this 4 year old little girl sums it up best…

Andrea Owen is a life coach and speaker. She is passionate about empowering women to value their character and feel beautiful by manifesting respect and love for themselves first and foremost. She teaches women how to develop and access their 3 best selves: self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem.

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