Amen for the Spanx Bra-llelujah!

When I was first approached about reviewing the Spanx Bra-llelujah bra*, I wasn’t sure what kind of feedback I would be able to provide. While I could definitely use some help in the lower half of my body in terms of holding it all in, I am the quintessential pear shape, barely filling out an A-cup on top. But, what the heck, I thought. If it didn’t work out for me, I certainly know plenty of women who would love the chance to review the bra, so I agreed to take a look at it.

Well, sorry ladies. It’s mine! ALL MINE!

Before I go into why I love this bra, here’s the description of the bra that came on the tag:

Why Bra-llelujah?? Because it’s the first ever bra designed backwards to smooth and flatter your back! It has molded cups and naturally adjusting hosiery straps that won’t dig in. It’s soooo comfortable you’ll want to sing about it!

Honestly, I don’t usually have problems (I think??) with back bulge. I have had bra fittings before, and accordingly have bras that fit me fairly well without bulging in the back. I say “fairly” because believe it or not, having tiny ta-tas can make it extra-ordinarily hard to find well fitting bras. While larger chested women have their own set of problems like back pain, and straps digging in, I have problems like bras slipping up over the nips when I raise my arms, and straps constantly falling down. Again, better fitting bras do this less, but it’s been hard to find bras that fit perfectly …. until now.

Bra-llelujah! (Can you hear the singing yet?)

When I got the bra, I wasn’t even sure it was going to fit. Instead of my usual 36 A, the bra was a 34 B. (Maybe it’s time to get a bra fitting again!) But when I put it on and hooked the clasp in the front, I could not believe how amazingly comfortable this bra was. Yes, that’s right. A comfortable bra. You might have thought that was an oxymoron, but I am here to tell you it IS possible!

The fit is perfect, and the stretchy “hosiery” fabric has enough give to move with you while staying put. I am wearing it at this moment but the only reason I am actually aware of the fact that I am wearing it is because I am writing about it. I think I could seriously live in this bra.

So, whether your an A cup or a DD, if you’re looking for an uber-comfortable bra that can also flatter your back, this bra is for you!

Available at Lane Bryant (where right now they are having a Buy 2 Get 2 Free promotion) and Nordstrom.

* Per FTC guidelines, I am required by law to disclose this item was given to me by Lane Bryant, Inc. to review.

Win Sexy Lane Bryant Lingerie

You saw the controversial Lane Bryant Cacique ad, now you can have your chance to win the sexy red lingerie featured in the ad. Generously given to me by Lane Bryant during the 2010 Lane Bryant Bloggers Conference, this sexy Red Lace Plunge Bra in size 42DD and matching red lace ‘cheeky’ panty in size 18/20 can be yours! Lane Bryant bras are notoriously comfortable with all around support, but this bra shows that you CAN have it all — comfort and style! Imagine how sexy you will feel wearing this underneath your clothes — or maybe just a trench coat!

All you have to do for your chance to win is leave a comment on this page between 12:00 am June 25, 2010 and 12:00 pm July 2, 2010 to be entered to win.

A winner will be chosen at random on Friday, July 2, 2010.

Fab Fashion Find: Nunzia ‘Annabella’ White Laptop Bag

I admit it. I am a bit of a handbag junkie. Although I’m not one to drop hundreds or thousands on a single hand bag, I certainly purchase enough of the lower priced bags that it adds up. The problem is, while I am always in search of “the one”, what defines “the one” at any given point in my life changes.

Right now “the one” is a bag that looks cute (ok, that’s a given), is large enough to hold my iPad (or laptop if necessary), has multiple compartments with at least one organizer section so I’m not just dropping my stuff into a bottomless cavern, never to be found again, and it has to be reasonably priced. Impossible?

Enter the Nunzia ‘Annabella’ White Laptop Bag. After countless hours of searching, I found this bag at Overstock.com. With a suggested retail price of $129, this bag is certainly a bargain at Overstock for just $42.99, especially when you consider the super cheap shipping Overstock always offers at $2.95 on your entire order (and yes, that includes furniture too!).

The nitty gritty as described on Overstock.com:

Lane Bryant Interview with Michelle Cantrell

While the goal of the Lane Bryant Bloggers Conference was to spread the word about the company and their commitment to making great fashion accessible to women in sizes 14 and above, the conference also provided a platform for a two-way conversation.

Here’s a video segment from an interview they did with me to hear more about my experience at the event.

Summer Survival Tips for Work at Home Moms

Summer break. As moms, most of us have a love-hate relationship with the long break our kids have from school. No more early mornings, no more figuring out what to pack for lunch day after day, no more arguments over what your kids should or shouldn’t wear to school. But it also means figuring out how to occupy your kids every single day, which can be particularly challenging if you work from home.

Whether you work full time, or stay at home full time, it goes without saying (but I’ll say it anyway) that being a mom has its challenges. The balancing act that is required of us, no matter what our situation is, takes the skill of an acrobat, the patience of Buddha, and the energy of the Tasmanian devil. As someone who has never really gotten the balancing act down, I particularly struggle with the responsibilities of motherhood, homemaking, and trying to earn a living. But during the school year, I knew I could always count on at least a few hours a day to devote to work. Now that school is out, what little balance I managed to create during the previous nine months has gone completely out the window.

I needed to enlist the help of some more experienced working moms, and I got some great advice. (Unfortunately, I didn’t read the advice immediately upon receiving it, and consequently am writing this article far later than I had intended.)

The first obvious solution for moms who work at home is summer camp. You already know there are a huge variety of camps for your kids, ranging from computer camps, acting camps, math camps, and science camps to camps that offer horseback riding, rock climbing, swimming, and more. Most camps offer half day and full day options with prices ranging from reasonable (which in our area translates to about $180 for 5 half days) to outrageous (there are no limits!). The most affordable camps tend to be offered by churches, Girl and Boy Scout Clubs, and local YMCA sites. If you can’t afford to do camps all summer long, look at your options and perhaps pick one or two weeks that would be of particular interest to your kids. If you can’t afford any camps, but still feel like you need a break for a few hours , enlist the help of a neighborhood teen. Most are eager to earn some extra spending money for the summer. My 14-year-old neighbor hosted a camp with a friend for the neighborhood kids, charging $60 per kid for 2.5 hours of organized fun for a week.

When camp is not an option, consider coordinating some vacation time with Dad, suggests Sara Bingham, founder of WeeHands Baby Sign Language and author of The Baby Signing Book. It’s a great chance for Dad to get some quality time with the kids, and it offers a break for you. Bingham also suggested sharing child care with another mom who works from home.

Regardless of how you choose to occupy your children during the summer months, maintaining a routine, and managing your time well are going to be essential to maximum productivity. Schedule time to put aside your work and spend uninterrupted quality time with your children. Rebecca Buscemi, owner of Creative Virtual Office shared her own strategies: “I try to outline some art and craft and various activities to do with the kids the weekend before the work week starts, that way I’m prepared.” However, she added, “When planning activities and games to play with your children while taking a break from work, make sure they aren’t long drawn out projects and games.” If you have to keep interuppting activities to take another call or get back to your work, your child will get frustrated and may be less likely to let you work in peace, Buscemi pointed out. She also suggested having easy activities on hand that your child can do independently, so when you get a phone call you have to take, you are ready with something to occupy your kids.

It also helps if your child has a dedicated play area with a variety of toys, games, and other activities they can enjoy by themselves. Josephine Geraci, Founder and President of My Mom Knows Best, Inc. considers converting her basement into a playroom for her children one of her best investments. She has put a lot of effort into creating a space they can call their own and in which they enjoy being. For inspiration, she tried to recreate a kindergarten class, offering a dress up area, a kitchen set, a doll house, legos, building bocks, puzzles, cars, trucks, etc. She admits it has gotten a little easier now that her children are old enough to play independently but that doesn’t mean they always play well together. Geraci has a rule that if they can’t play nicely together, she seperates them on different floors for a designated period of time.

And of course, sometimes it helps if you can put aside work for a few hours, and get out of the house with a kids. Even if you’re not near an urban center filled with large museums, you’d be surprised if you look around for some local museums what you might find. We have a small farm museum nearby that my kids can spend hours in. And don’t forget about local parks and libraries. Most offer programs and activities for kids free of charge or at a minimal cost. If you have access to a pool, that’s a great way to tire out your kids before coming home for some “quiet time” which presents another good opportunity to get some work done (provided you don’t wear yourself our too!). If you need to turn on the TV for a little break, don’t feel guilty. Sure you probably don’t want to park your kids in front of the tube all summer long, but using it for some down time for both of you won’t rot their brains!

If all else fails, and you just can’t get work done during the day, the best advice I can give is to embrace the time you have with your kids, and set aside time in the evenings to get your work done after they are in bed. If you’re not a night owl, this is easier said than done, but you will only get frustrated trying to get work done during the day if your children aren’t able to occupy themselves, and then everyone will have an unhappy summer. Before you know it, the kids will be back in school, and you”ll be wishing for those care free days of summer again!

Win a Lane Bryant Animal Print Maxi-Dress

I told you to stay tuned for a contest following the Lane Bryant Blogger Conference I attended last week, and now the time has come! While I have lots of great prizes to give away, the first is this fantastic Animal Print Maxi dress in size 18, generously provided by Lane Bryant.

I spent a lot of time deciding on what to give away. I watched what everyone from the conference was trying on, and I settled on this dress because it’s stylish and trendy, but not so much that it will be out of style before the wind changes direction. And from all accounts, it’s super comfortable!

Marie Denee of the Curvy Fashionista declared this dress love at first sight and took this dress home  paired with a white blazer. I really think it’s a style that just about anyone can wear.

With the dress, I am also giving away a Lane Bryant stretch black belt that adds a little more definition to the look, if desired. And don’t worry, if this dress isn’t your cup of tea, there are more prizes to come, including some great accessories!

Now the most important part: how to enter. All you have to do is leave a comment on this page telling me you want the dress! It’s that easy! A winner will be chose at random on Friday, June 18, 2010.

Listening to that Voice that says “SLOW DOWN”!

As I rushed in from the grocery store around noon, scurrying about trying to get groceries put away, I started contemplating what the quickest meal I could whip together for lunch would be so I could get on with the rest of my busy day. A smoothie? Some yogurt mixed with fruit and cereal? An apple with peanut butter? No, no, and no. I don’t have time to sit down long enough to eat any of those things, I thought. Maybe, I considered, I could just get a smoothie while I was out. That would eliminate my having to make it, then wash the blender, and I would have it in a cup that was ready to travel with me through the remainder of my activities.

And then, as I bustled about in my kitchen, feeling stressed about all that I felt needed to be done urgently, I suddenly stopped. A voice that I have only recently learned to listen to said “SLOW DOWN!” And at that moment, I decided I would not fall back into old habits of devouring my meal, trying to get to the next task, the next moment, without paying attention to the moment I was in or to the task that was right in front of me — the task of nourishing my body properly. I got the rest of my groceries put away,  put together a plate of warm pita bread, some hummus, a couple slices of cheese, and some carrots, and sat down with a large glass of water, and ate my lunch slowly and with awareness. It was not a fancy meal, but it was delicious and nutritious, and once I made the decision to enjoy it slowly, it felt nice to take a break, and regain some perspective on my life and all that has been filling it lately. When I was finished, instead of jumping back into the fray of chaos that I mistakenly viewed my day as, I took my dog for a much needed (for both of us) walk.

Sure I’ve been busy lately. In addition to being a full time mom of a 8- and 6-year-old girls, maintaining (albeit loosely) a household, and trying to stay current with VenusVision, I have also started a group for women to explore and improve their relationships with food and their body, and I have recently launched a home-based business of selling a line of jewelry called Stella & Dot. Add to that the other things that pop up, like birthday parties, out-of-town guests, and end-of-school-year activities, and what you might get is one crazed, stressed out mom. Or, at least that’s what you would have gotten a year ago. But you know that voice I mentioned earlier? Well, I’ve been working on letting her have her say more often. She is the voice that knows I can do my best when I am taking care of me. She is the voice that reminds me that the world will not stop turning if I don’t get the laundry put away right away, or if there are clumps of dog hair here and there, or if I don’t get to most of the other things on my to-do list right away. She is the voice that reminds me that I only have one life to live, and that if I spend it always trying to get to the next moment, I will reach the finish line wondering how I filled my years, my days, and my hours.

And so, after I slowly ate my lunch, and took my dog for a walk, I did get out to run a couple of more errands. But now I am sitting here writing this, even though until a couple of hours ago, this post was not on my to-do list, hoping that I can encourage you to slow down, take a breath, and savor the moment, whatever that moment might bring for you. If you are feeling like this is the worst time to try and slow down, that probably is a pretty good indication that you need it more than ever. Take a deep breath. Go for  a walk. Read a book — anything that serves as a speed bump in your life because you need it and you deserve it.

2010 Lane Bryant Bloggers Conference: Final Wrap Up

I have to admit, when I was invited to the 2010 Lane Bryant Bloggers Conference*, held June 3, I was not sure how to respond. VenusVision is not a plus-size blog. I am not plus sized, and although I have long thought Lane Bryant is a great brand and I have often included pieces from Lane Bryant in posts about fashion, I was not sure what I would get from the conference or what I could contribute. But the reality is that the path of Lane Bryant and that of my own converge in subtle ways that became more clear throughout the amazing 1-day conference.

As Robert Rutkauskas, one of the senior designers for Lane Bryant said, “Fashion is not a size.” He came to Lane Bryant believing that every woman in every size has the right to put on clothes that look and feel good on her. Whether it’s a basic piece like a black dress or slacks,

something trendy with fun prints and cuts, or the ever important, but often overlooked undergarments, Lane Bryant is working hard to blur the lines between plus size fashion and so called “straight” fashion, and that was demonstrated throughout my experience at the conference.

The day began at 7:45 am with all 12 bloggers congregating at the hotel, waiting to be taken to Lane Bryant’s flagship store located at Easton Mall in Columbus, OH. From 8:00-10:00 am, the store was all ours! Each of the 12 bloggers were treated to a head-to-toe outfit of our picking. Saying it was like kids in a candy shop is an understatement. With the help of the Lane Bryant staff, including Rutkauskas, the women filled the dressing rooms with outfits of every type, in some cases pushing the envelope for what they felt comfortable with and finding new looks to wear with confidence.

Each woman got an expert bra fitting, thanks to Linda Lewis, Senior Buyer for Bras and expert in bra fitting, and discovered how much of a difference wearing a proper fitting bra can make both in comfort and appearance. Everyone was thrilled to walk away new skivvies! After the basics were taken care of and outfits were chosen, accompanying accessories, shoes, and a handbag finished the look for many in the group.

Though the group was quiet at the start of our trip, there was clearly no better way to create a bond among us than starting with a shopping trip! Everyone was thrilled with their loot, snapping away taking pictures, tweeting, and posting to Facebook, sharing the experience with followers.

When we were finished wreaking havoc in the store and doing all the damage that could be done in two hours, we piled back in the van and headed to the Lane Bryant headquarters. It was apparent from the moment that we walked through the doors that this was the corporate headquarters of a progressive, fashion-focused company. The lobby features a full display of mannequins wearing the newest Lane Bryant styles.

Our visit at the headquarters began with an introduction to Lane Bryant president Brian Woolf. Though some of us later expressed surprise that the head of a women’s fashion company is a man, it is clear he is dedicated to the idea that every woman deserves to wear clothes she can feel good in. And while it may seem counter-intuitive, Woolf doesn’t look at Lane Bryant as a plus-size company since, as he said “Do we call sizes 2, 4 or 6 minus sizes?” And that attitude carries throughout the rest of the company where each staff member we met, from the head designers to the Vice President of the marketing department who places a heavy emphasis on the power of social networking.

“Women sizes 14 and up are in the majority in America, and yet they are made to feel they are in the minority,” said Woolf. Lane Bryant is out to change that and reaching out through social media, recognizing the growing influence of bloggers is part of that mission.

In addition to meeting the Lane Bryant design team, we got a tour of the entire design process from concept to store, which takes nearly a year from beginning to end. But perhaps the most exciting part of the day was when we got to talk to Lizzie Miller via Skype. If you don’t remember Lizzie, check out my article on The Girl on p. 194 or just do a quick google search to see the amazing buzz she created by posing nude (discretely positioned) in Glamour magazine last fall, revealing a body that’s more reflective (and amazingly beautiful!) of the average American woman. I could do a whole blog post on our brief conversation, but suffice it to say she’s as effervescent and beautiful as she appears in Glamour.

Our day at the headquarters ended with a make-over and photo shoot where everyone got to display their Lane Bryant outfits. It was a great experience to work with professional hair and make-up artists, and photography team. Everyone loved the pampering and attention, and when they flaunted their stuff in front of the camera, it was as if they were born to be models.

After taking turns striking a pose, we finished the day with a dinner at McCormick & Schmidt where we talked and laughed like we’d all been friends for years. And for years to come, this will be a day I will remember, for the connections I made and the unique experience I was given. I have always believed in the vision of Lane Bryant and look forward to continuing an open dialogue with the company going forward.

Stay tuned on how to win a fabulous dress (seen in the picture above, worn by Marie Denee of the Curvy Fashionista), sexy lingerie, great accessories and more from Lane Bryant.

And here’s a list of my fellow bloggers all of whom are worth getting to know!

• Miss Lori of Miss Lori’s CAMPUS, missloriscampus.com
• Allison Teng of Curvy Girl Chic, curvygirlchic.blogspot.com
• Eve Mayer Orsburn of Social Media Delivered, socialmediadelivered.com
• Tina Potter McNeely of T Minus, T Plus, tminustplus.blogspot.com
• Madeline Jones of PLUS Model Magazine, plusmodelmag.com
• Sara  Bartlett, Bombshell Beauty Blog, bombshellbeauty.blogspot.com
• Kimberly Brinkman of Fab Finds Under $50 Blog, fabfindsunder50.com
• Aimee Cheshire of EVA Apparel Group LLC, madisonplus.com
• Alissa Wilson of The Budget Fashionista, thebudgetfashionista.com and Stylish Curves, stylishcurves.blogspot.com
• Marie Denee of The Curvy Fashionista, thecurvyfashionista.mariedenee.com
• Diana Jane Rajchel of Fat Chic, fatchic.net

* Per FTC guidelines, I am required to disclose that Lane Bryant paid for airfare, accommodations, makeover, and dining expenses incurred during the conference, as well as providing all clothing and accessories selected by me at the Lane Bryant store.

The Ills of Flip Flops

Nothing says summer quite like flip flops. What would summer be without them? On that first warm day of each season, I love to set my cooped up feet free, don one of my many adorable pairs, and hear that ‘flip flop’ noise they make with each step. But after I started suffering from lower back and leg pain that seemed to coincide with warmer weather and the relegation of my more supportive shoes to the back of my closet, I began to ask myself if once again I would have to make a choice between fashion and comfort.

After beginning physical therapy for my ailments, I offered my theory to my therapist, and he agreed that with my weak arches, wearing flip flops constantly could have been a culprit in the pain I was experiencing.

According to Lawrence Rubin, DPM, “The flimsy construction of flip flops provides zero support to the feet — something that is unhealthy to almost all feet.” He encourages the regular use light-weight athletic shoes with built-in arch supports. Timothy M. Axe, DPM agrees. He offers the good, the bad, and the ugly on flip flops:

The good: flip flops provide basic foot protection to the bottom (plantar) foot. They may help prevent catching fungal infection and warts in public showers. Flip flops are good for short periods of time, quick errands, and periods when the wearer is not doing a lot of walking.

The Bad – flip flops offer no support for the arch, no shock absorption, no heel cushion, and not much protection on the top and sides of the foot. They lead to greater risk of toe injuries, puncture wounds, cuts from foreign bodies, and possible insect or snake bites. They are not good for sports. Flip flops accentuate any biomechanical deficiencies of the foot. They may also affect balance and may lead to falls particularly in older patients.

The Ugly: There are an increasing number of cases of plantar fasciitis (arch/heel pain) and tendonitis in the foot and ankle, particularly in the 15-25 year old age range, where typically we do not these problems as much.

In case you weren’t convinced yet to ditch your $5 flip flops from Old Navy just yet, Dr. Stephen Arbetters, a podiatrist in Newton, Mass, added:

“In a normal flip-flop the front of your foot has to work harder to keep the flip flop on. That can lead to tendonitis, arch pain and hammer toes.” This means that even some of the flip flops that offer arch support may not necessarily be much better for your feet. Just because they feel comfortable, doesn’t mean they are providing the support and protection you need.

“For all the shoes seductive sponginess, 99 percent of them provide no support. So they can stress other joints, causing pain in the knees and back. Flip-flops also don’t absorb shock and they are unstable which makes it easier for the wearer to turn an ankle.” Arbetters sees many patients who wear flip-flops with conditions such as plantar fasciitis, an inflammation of the tissue on the bottom of the foot.

Podiatrists weren’t the only people I spoke with who had an opinion on the matter. I also heard from Aliesa George, a Pilates instructor and personal trainer who spends her days working with people to improve their posture, strengthen their core, and create proper muscle function through simple foot care exercises, awareness about good shoe choices, and improved shoe tying techniques.

George reiterated the notion that flip flops offer no support, and added to the discussion more on the mechanics:

“Most feet that I see wearing flip flops are rolled in at the ankle which causes the arches to continue to drop or flatten to the floor. Over time this reduces the mobility of the ankle, and will lead to knee, hip, and back issues because the base of support (the bottom of the feet) are not functioning and being held in proper alignment for the rest of the bones to stack correctly on top of them. Since our muscles attach to the bones and act as a lever and pulley system, if the bones aren’t lined up correctly, the lever system for correct and proper muscle firing for exercise and everyday movement will be compromised. If this compromise occurs daily, with every step you take, all you are doing is reinforcing bad posture, body alignment, and improper muscle firing patterns for movement. With time, the ONLY thing that can occur is pain and injury.”

I personally thought all of my problems could be solved by switching from flip flops to Mephisto Helen sandal with support for arches and a cork footbed. But as Aliesa George could probably have told me, a little extra support in the arch was not enough. “The toe muscles are working incorrectly with every step you take in flip flops (this holds true for every pair of strapless shoes.) The big toe and second toe are constantly squeezing together to hold on to the shoe. Not only do the first two toes squeeze together to hold a flip flop on the foot, but all the toes curl under to “grab” the shoe and keep it on during the swing through phase of each stride. This is the exact opposite of what the toes should be doing when you take a step!”

While George reminded me that she is not a shoe expert, she suggested that if you do want to wear sandals, look for options with a strap that goes around the ankle to help hold the shoe on the foot. She has also written a book on foot care exercises called Fantastic Feet. You can also purchase a combination kit that comes with the book and all the tools you need to do the exercises.

So now that you are thoroughly depressed (if you’re like me) over the prospect of eliminating an icon of summer, there is a silver lining. First, Dr. Jonah Mullens, a podiatrist with the Pacific Foot and Ankle Institute in Palo Alto, Ca., offered an everything in moderation approach suggesting “you can wear something a little less than sensible 20% of the time if you commit to comfortable shoes the other 80%.”

For that 20% of the time you still really want to wear flip flops, based on my research, there are definitely some that are better than others.

The makers of Beech Yoga Sandals cite Prevention Magazine which touted the sandal as a “better Flip-Flop for the way the sandal promotes balance and stability.” Owner and creator Gayle Trenberth says “Yoga Sandals® stay secure on the foot while walking and allow the tendons and muscles in the feet to work in freedom with proper heel support. Yoga Sandals® help keep feet flexible and enforce a basic principle of yoga which is to spread the toes to achieve optimal grounding and proper body alignment to master the standing poses.”

Some other brands that offer a little more cushioning and support support are Rainbow Sandals, Reef Sandals, and the FitFlop Thong Sandal the makers of which actually claim gives you a workout while you walk.

If you want to take a step in the right direction, but aren’t ready to close your feet in, try sandals with ankle straps like these Merrell Savannah sandals or Dansko Women’s Serafina Sandal

If you’re like me, and ready to throw the towel in all together on sandals, but still want a light weight, cute summer shoe, try these Privo Acacia mary jane shoes. I have a pair, and they are really comfortable and look great with jeans and shorts, and even some of my sportier skirts.

At this point in my life, I have more of an appreciation of my body and am interested in doing what I can to take care of it. I figure I don’t need to accelerate the decline of my body by wearing shoes that don’t offer the support I need to maintain a strong and healthy back and legs.

Book Review: Women Food and God

After reading a sample chapter of Geneen Roth’s new book Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything my former therapist sent to me, I immediately went to Amazon, ordered the book, paid for upgraded overnight shipping, and waited impatiently for it to arrive while going back and rereading the sample chapter (which is Chapter 4, entitled “It’s Not About the Weight, but it’s Not Not About the Weight.” Saturday morning, I poured myself a cup of coffee, went out on my patio in the chilly morning spring air, and opened up the book. As I devoured page after page, tears streamed down my face as I felt both happiness and sadness with each sentence I read and identified so deeply with: happiness to realize how far I have come in my own journey to ending years of disordered eating habits and finally reaching levels of fulfillment I never thought possible, and sadness to recognize the isolation and emptiness so many around me feel and try to numb themselves from with food.

Let me preface this review by saying I am not a religious person, and when the book was first brought to my attention, I initially dismissed it, turned off by the title. I didn’t feel that God has anything to do with my relationship with food, and, I was guilty of judging a book by its cover (or in this case, the title). So, if you are inclined to dismiss it for those reasons, don’t. The book is less about God, and more about finding a space within ourselves — a space we often fill with food, rather than exploring to its depths. Some people, when they open themselves up to that space have a name for it in God. Others might define it in broader terms like spirituality. And some might simply feel it as being one with themselves and all around them. The point of the book is to demonstrate how the relationship so many people (or more specifically in this book, women) have with food keeps us from any of those things, and more importantly how to change that relationship.

In part one, Roth addresses the “God” part of the book and how God related to dieting for her in the past. “Dieting was like praying. It was a plaintive cry to whoever was listening: I know I am fat. I know I am ugly. I know I am undisciplined, but see how hard I try. See how violently I restrict myself, deprive myself, punish myself. Sure there must be a reward for those who know how horrible they are.” She talks about how dieting gave her a purpose — perhaps much in the same way religion might for some people, and then she goes on to say “bingeing gave me relief from the relentless attempt to be someone else.”

Roth has written many books (which I am sad to say I have not yet read) on the subject of emotional eating, but a realization she says she has only recently come to is that “the radical part of the tale is not that I stopped dieting; it’s that I stopped trying to fix myself.” This reminded me of a similar realization I came to and wrote about in the article Self Acceptance vs Body Acceptance in which I proclaimed to end the urge to fix myself.

And yet, it is often hard to imagine a world in which we are not constantly trying to fix ourselves, especially our bodies. For one, it’s how women have learned to relate to each other. As Roth points out, “we fit in by hating ourselves.” I’m sure from time to time you come across that person who seems to hold that secret to happiness and balance the rest of us struggle daily to find, and isn’t there just a tad of resentment towards them? Maybe you’re just waiting to see them fall in order to prove they too  are actually imperfect humans like you, which probably explains our obsession with celebrities and the great joy many find in seeing photos of their cellulite and jelly rolls as we go through the check out line with smirks on our faces. It’s almost as if there is something wrong with someone if they don’t hate themselves — or at least some part of themselves. And yet, the ability to see their imperfections and embrace them as part of a greater whole is what makes them happy, and it’s the lack of that ability that keeps others from achieving true happiness.

It’s also hard to let go of the belief that achieving weight loss will be accompanied with the answers to all of our problems. Though on a rational level, we can understand that a number on the scale won’t change the world, “the promise of weight loss is that it will allow [us] to live on a magical piece of earth from which everything else will be manageable … If I fix myself so that I am no longer myself, then everything will be fine. My feelings will be manageable.”

In the chapter entitled “Never Underestimate the Inclination to Bolt” Roth addresses head on why we might avoid overcoming compulsive eating (or dieting). She bluntly states it when she says “compulsive eaters wouldn’t have an obsession with food if we believed that life was tolerable without it … There is madness in obsession, yes, but its value is that it drowns out the madness of life.” This sentiment is followed by the chapter that hooked me on the book: It’s Not About the Weight, but It’s Not Not About the Weight. And that’s when Roth goes on to explain the conundrum of addressing the very real problems that are created by excess weight: diabetes, joint pain, shortness of breath, and for many, a general decrease in the quality of life due to health complications, while all the while trying to unsurface the deeper issues which are being covered up by the weight problems. Here is a very poignant passage from the chapter:

“The bottom line, whether you weight 340 pounds or 150 pounds, is that when you eat when you are not hungry, you are using food as a drug, grappling with boredom, or illness or loss or grief or emptiness or loneliness or rejection. Food is only the middleman, the means to the end. Of altering your emotions. Of making yourself numb. Of creating a secondary problem when the original problem becomes too uncomfortable. Of dying slowly rather than coming to terms with your messy, magnificent and very, very short — even at a hundred years old — life. The means to these ends happens to be food, but it could be alcohol, it could be work, it could be sex, it could be cocaine. Surfing the Internet. Talking on the phone … Weight (too much or too little) is a by product. Weight is what happens when you use food to flatten your life.”

And, if you’re thinking your compulsive eating stems from a simple case of too much love for food, Roth has an answer for that too: “When you like something — love something, you take time with it you want to be present for every second of the rapture … Overeating does not lead to rapture. It leads to burping and farting and being so sick that you can’t think of anything but how full you are. That’s not love; that’s suffering.” How can you love something that makes you sick over and over again? It’s like returning to an abusive partner every time they say they are sorry, and really, they do love you, and really, it won’t happen again. But like so many women who are abused and feel that they somehow deserve the abuse — as if they brought it on themselves, compulsive eaters and dieters continue to punish themselves through their relationship with food because they don’t feel worthy of something better.

Like most other books that address emotional eating, Women Food and God is for those ready to do some serious work and reflection on their lives. Roth challenges the reader to face head on the pain and uncomfortable feelings that drive them to eat when they’re bodies are telling them not to. What she reminds the reader over and over throughout the book is that the very feelings they feel will destroy them are the same feelings that allow us — everyone of us to feel alive. If you are ready to top numbing yourself with food and dieting, start feeling alive, this beautiful written, incredibly powerful book is for you.

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