Visualize Winning

The Winter Olympics are over, but in their wake we are left with innumerable things upon which to reflect. We saw people who are dedicated and unwavering in their commitment to achieving their dreams of doing their best and winning the gold. Often, they seem worlds apart from us, having gifts that perhaps some of dream of having or, more likely, quietly accept that we never will. But in addition to strength and dedication, it is an Olympian’s ability to visualize themselves winning that gives them an edge. What really drove this home for me was watching the women’s snowboarding event.

I have no doubt that each Olympian athlete has their own ritual for visualizing their success. But while watching the women’s snowboarding, I noticed that more often than not, the competitors would leave the gate slowly, slide down the hill, and then pause before entering the half pipe. At first I wondered why they were stopping, since not every woman did it. But then I realized as the camera zoomed in on them that they were taking in the course, visualizing their moves, their tricks — catching air, grabbing the board, doing turns and every other move that makes these hot dog women something worthy of sheer awe in my opinion. Then, after a few moments, we would see in action what these women already knew they would achieve. Of course, not every one did achieve it. Some fell. Some fell more than once. But they all got back up, and went on.

How often do you visualize yourself achieving your goals? Do you set goals only to find yourself failing before you feel like you’ve really even begun? Maybe you decided you wanted to eat healthier, or start exercising, or read more, or change careers, and then, you sat back and waited for the change to come. Sometimes it seems as though making a change is as simple as making the decision to do so, but nothing could be further from the truth. Do you think Olympic athletes woke up one day, decided to compete, and then headed off to Vancouver with their skiis, mittens and snowcap, waiting to bow down and have a medal placed around their neck? Certainly not.

It is time for you to start visualizing the person you want to become. This is in no way a suggestion to reject who you currently are — in fact, you need to embrace who you are before you can bring the changes that will truly benefit your mind, body, and spirit. But when you set goals that can lead to greater fulfillment in life — and please be honest with yourself as to what actually will do that (hint: it’s not looking like a model) — you need to create a roadmap for achieving those goals, and visualizing the outcome is part of that process. And of course, you don’t just stop there. You need to see yourself taking the interim steps and accomplishing the smaller milestones that will help you reach your larger goals.

So how exactly does this translate to achieving your own Olympic gold? If your goal is to eat healthier, visualize yourself looking and feeling better, but also see yourself at a meal, in the store, going to a restaurant, and making better choices — not for the sake of losing weight, but for the sake of taking care of your body and loving it.

If your goal is to exercise more, visualize yourself at your end goal where you can run around with your kids, climb the stairs without getting winded, or maybe even completing a race. And then picture yourself getting up in the morning to take a walk, or parking further away from the store to add a few steps to your day, or lifting weights at the gym, making your body stronger and healthier.

Or maybe you are ready to change jobs, or even careers. See yourself doing something that you love. Imagine your dream job, and then imagine yourself in it! Now, what do you have to do to get there? Take a class? Save money? Take out a loan? Attend networking events? Figure out what will lead you to your goals, and visualize yourself taking each step to get there.

Not every Olympian who visualized themselves walking away with a gold medal did so. But I’d be willing to bet that very few — if any — did win the gold without first seeing themselves doing so. Figure out what your dreams are, and see yourself accomplishing them. It’s the first step to living a life you love and deserve.

This Is the New 80

My Grandmother with her two adoring great grand-daughters

A couple of years ago, Jane Fonda was on the Oprah Winfrey Show, and when she walked out on stage, Oprah said enthusiastically, something along the lines of “This is the new 70!”. “This” of course refers to a person who has had countless plastic surgeries, spent a lifetime devoted to having a perfect body, and maintaining her pseudo-youthful looks. I remember feeling very resentful as Oprah paraded Fonda around, creating yet another impossible standard for the rest of us to live up to. Sure, I’m a long way away from being 70 years old, but if that’s what I’m supposed to look like at 70, I might as well just give up now if I am not willing to commit tens of thousands of hours and dollars towards my appearance.

But all it takes for me is one look at my own Grandmother — who recently turned 80 — to realize that I don’t want to look like Jane Fonda when I’m 70. Or even 60. Dare I say, even 40? Unlike Fonda, my grandmother has never worried about her looks. That’s not to say she doesn’t put any effort into her appearance. Her hair is always neatly done, she usually wears nice “slacks” as she would say, and she loves costume jewelry, never leaving the house without being suitably adorned. By any medical standards, she’s in the overweight range, but as long as her doctor continues to declare her in near-perfect health, she won’t fret over her weight. Never in a million years would she consider any type of plastic surgery to remove her soft folds of flesh that I have come to love so dearly but that she probably doesn’t even give a thought to.

Instead, my Grandmother — whom any normal person outside of Hollywood would consider beautiful — has devoted her life to others and to enjoying the simple pleasures life has to offer. When more than 100 people came to celebrate her 80th birthday with her, they weren’t there because of her stunning beauty or youthful looks (though most people are shocked to hear she is 80). They were there because she has touched their life in meaningful ways. Jane Fonda could certainly fill a room with hundreds or even thousands of ‘friends’, but I have to wonder how many people could say the same thing about her.

My Grandmother takes the time to make sure each person she comes into contact with feels special. She leaves treats for the trash collection people to let them know they are appreciated. She brings pies for the line cooks at her favorite restaurant where — although she has no reason to come into direct contact with them — she wants them to know they are important too. She listens to the stories of strangers, lending them an ear when they need it most. The people who know my Grandmother truly cherish her in ways far deeper than most of us could ever know. When I am 80, I don’t want to look like I am 40 — or least look like I am trying to look 40. I want to accept my age gracefully and embrace the wisdom — and each gray hair — that comes with every passing year.

Celebrating One Year of VenusVision

It was one year ago today that I launched VenusVision.com, and it’s been an amazing year that was filled with amazing connections and countless opportunities for learning and growing. When I first came up with the concept of VenusVision, I was eager to provide a platform for information and inspiration I had hoped others would find useful, while at the same time encouraging self reflection and personal growth. I had not considered how much it would provide those things for myself.

Had the opportunity to talk to inspiring, incredible women — women like Jenni Schaefer, Abby Lentz, Sybil Temtchine, Jolly Bugari, Joy Nash, and more.

Met an awesome network of women, many of whom share my vision and my mission to help lift women up to a place where they can feel good about themselves.

Come across a wealth of knowledge through many books like Intuitive Eating, Life Without Ed, Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat, Girl on Top, to name a few.

Learned that while others may face similar challenges in life, the journey to meeting those challenges is not the same for everyone.

Attended a number of events, some of which were eye-opening like the Congressional hearing on eating disorders, and a screening of the documentary America the Beautiful, and others that were just a lot of fun, like a book signing and fashion show with Nicole Williams for her book Girl on Top.

Been surprised by the candor of some to share their stories, no matter how personal, in an attempt to let others know they are not alone.

Gained skills in image editing software in an effort to provide the highest quality images to accompany VenusVision content.

Discovered the benefits of online social networking, and have forged new friendships as a result.

Learned that having an idea is only the beginning, and persistence, perseverance, and sometimes a little ignorance are needed in seeing that idea through.

Been touched by the comments, feedback, and support I have received from people telling me how VenusVision has touched their lives.

Had my eyes open to new perspectives, and am grateful to people willing to gently offer correction where sometimes I needed it.

Learned, and continue to learn how to run a web site, managing content, promotional partners, and guest authors.

Further honed my writing skills (I hope!), trying to keep a balance between my personal experience and objective information.

Realized that even though I would like to help every woman out there who needs it, I cannot, and the best way to be a positive resource to others is to maintain an air of openness within myself and my web site.

Discovered that I still have a lot of my own personal growing to do, and frankly, hope I always do!

Learned to ask for help when I need it.

Realized that the world will not stop if I don’t get something (that I feel stressed about) done ASAP, or, at all.

Come to feel love for all of my VenusVision readers and supporters. You are what makes this endeavor worthwhile — every single day.

Thank you!

EDNOS: The Eating Disorder You Haven’t Heard Of

When I received the diagnosis of Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified two years ago, I had a very mixed reaction. On the one hand, the label didn’t seem to fit. Me? With an eating disorder? I wasn’t underweight, and in fact was technically on the edge of being overweight. I had intentionally thrown up from time to time, but certainly was not bulimic. I had tried starving myself periodically in an attempt to get my weight under control, but I definitely wasn’t anorexic. At the most I considered myself a chronic dieter, or someone who at times could be a little obsessed with healthy eating and exercise. I could agree that my eating was very disordered but to identify myself as someone with an eating disorder made me squirm in my seat a bit. (For more on the differences between disorders and disordered eating, read Disordered Eating or Eating Disorder?)

On the other hand, after hearing my therapist tell me I had an eating disorder, I felt relief. After all, I was there to get help, and if I could label my problem, perhaps the solution would come more easily. I was ready to silence the voice in my head that made me obsess over my body and food 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and if giving that voice the name ED (for Eating Disorder) would help, I was willing to accept it.

National Eating Disorder Awareness Week is February 21-27 this year, which seems like a good opportunity to bring attention to this lesser known sibling of Anorexia and Bulimia. Everyone knows about Anorexia and Bulimia, but EDNOS, which has only recently begun to receive recognition in the mental health community can be as equally dangerous and life consuming as its better known counterparts.

So what does Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified mean? Well, the short answer is a “category [of] disorders of eating that do not meet the criteria of a specific eating disorder,” according to the most recently updated version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. Ultimately, the definition is more anecdotal which explains why it is often harder to identify, though according to the publication Eating Disorders: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention, 50 percent of individuals who present for treatment of an eating disorder receive the diagnosis of EDNOS which effects 4 to 6 percent of the general population.*

While many of the criteria for EDNOS may closely mimic anorexia or bulimia, some behaviors are less obvious, and in fact, within our diet and body-obsessed culture, can appear perfectly normal. What may look to an outsider as just another diet involving close monitoring of caloric intake as well as exercise, may in fact become — if not already — an unhealthy and unnatural way to control weight based on an intense drive to be thin combined with an unrealistic body image. On the flip side, EDNOS also includes the sub-category of Binge Eating Disorder (BED) which is often overlooked as a simple lack of willpower and/or self control. Regardless of wherever a patient lies in the spectrum of EDNOS, it is important to realize that the emotional trauma suffered as a result of the disorder is equal to that of Anorexia and Bulimia, and should not be seen as anything less than a serious illness.

The introduction of EDNOS as an accepted diagnosis “gives a voice to sufferers who don’t fit into the narrow diagnostic categories of Anorexia, Bulimia, and Binge Eating Disorder” said Shannon Cutts, author of ANA: How to Outsmart Your Eating Disorder and Take Your Life Back, and founder of Mentor Connect, a community of people in recovery from eating and related disorders.

Cutts, who herself suffered from Anorexia, Bulimia and EDNOS feels grateful for the recognition of EDNOS, and encourages sufferers to seek help. “If you know that your symptoms, thoughts, and behaviors are affecting your quality of life, then you both need and deserve help. Use your voice and ask for help. Do not assume you are the only one who “doesn’t fit” into a category and therefore you don’t deserve help. There are many people who suffer from EDNOS and you help not just yourself but everyone who suffers from it when you demand the care you deserve. Search out a medical professional who is familiar with eating disorders rather than struggling to educate an unsympathetic doctor or therapist. Be your own health care advocate. You know better than anyone else when you are struggling and need help. Eating disorders kill, and just because your symptoms don’t fall into the three most commonly-recognized categories does not mean they are not equally deadly.”

The health complications that arise from eating disorders are extensive, and include low blood pressure, slower heart rate, a decrease in bone density, a disruption in hormones, sometimes leading to infertility, and more. Even more alarming is the fact that eating disorders have the highest rate of death among any mental disorder — just one episode of bingeing and purging can cause an electrolyte imbalance causing sudden death. That is why it is so important to recognize that eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes, and present themselves in a variety of ways.

Is there treatment for EDNOS? Though whole rehabilitation centers have risen to address the problems specific to Anorexia, Bulimia, and even Binge Eating Disorder, there is help for other non specified eating disorders. The effort to overcome any eating disorder is extensive and should not be downplayed. Most of the times, the help of a mental health professional is necessary, and the journey through recovery is never quick and painless. But when you consider the alternative of living a life plagued by self loathing, fear of food, and serious health risks, including a premature death, the effort is one that must be undertaken to break free and live a full and happy life.

As for my own journey, to be honest, it’s an ongoing process. Sometimes it’s two steps forward, one step back. But as Jenni Schaefer, author of Life Without Ed, and Goodbye Ed, Hello Me likes to say, fall down seven times, stand up eight.

When Weight Loss Is the Ultimate Indicator of Success

If you’ve read some of my more personal posts on VenusVision, or you otherwise know me, you know my body image and food issues go way back. In fact, my first diet was the Beverly Hills Diet at age 7. I don’t remember feeling fat at the time, but for some reason my mom and I went on this diet together (for the record, she wasn’t fat either). The main thing I remember about the diet — which I didn’t realize as such — was that all the nuts and dried fruit were having an “effect” on my digestive system. I was worried about all the trips to the bathroom, but my mom explained that the food was doing its work “cleaning out my system.”

Other early memories include giving my pudding away because I knew it would make me fat, and later on in elementary school, being offered incentives to lose weight (though again, I wasn’t fat, but perhaps on the high end of “normal” and therefore bigger than most of my peers).

The diets increased, though the weight loss never came, and as for so many girls and women it became nothing short of a quest. I was searching for the Holy Grail of weight loss because surely with it would come the label of success which I otherwise felt unable to reach.

I graduated from high school as an honor roll student after pulling my grades out of the gutter. But it didn’t mean anything when I put on my graduation dress and it was tight, revealing my large tummy. (As soon as I took off my graduation gown, I immediately changed out of my dress as well before anyone could see me in it.)

I graduated from college, again with high marks, but still didn’t feel as though I had reached success because I had not lost weight.

I earned a black belt in Karate, but could never stop thinking about how my Ghi pants never got looser during my training.

I ran half marathons, but felt defeated after looking at the race photos and seeing my flabby legs.

I birthed two children but always lamented my flabby middle from which they came.

I completed a triathlon, but worried about how I looked in my wet suit, and cropped the after-race photo before sharing with my friends to avoid showing my legs in my bike shorts.

No matter what great accomplishments I succeeded in, it was always overshadowed by one thing. My failure to lose weight.

Once, actually, I did manage to lose a fair amount of weight, reaching the lowest number on the scale I had ever seen as an adult. When I reached what I thought would be my “goal” weight, I wasn’t happy. That weight did not reveal the body I desired. So still, I felt like a failure.

And of course, any temporary weight loss I ever did manage to achieve was met with what seemed like far more recognition than any other accomplishment. I learned early on to judge others by their weight and assumed accordingly that every person judged me by mine.

So if I was able to do all of these other things, why couldn’t I succeed at the one thing I had been working at my whole life? At least that’s one way of looking at the situation. Of course, another way of looking at it was to ask myself why I defined success almost entirely by a number on a scale or the size clothing I was wearing? And, after living and thinking that way most of my life, how was I going to change that way of thinking?

Well, it’s taken a lot of work, much of which was done with the help of a professional. I have worked on reframing the constant barrage of negative thoughts that used to invade my head 24/7.  In the past, I would take note of every body (not ‘everybody’ but EVERY BODY) that came into my visual range, and compare my body to theirs. Was I thinner or fatter than each person in the room, I would think to myself. Now I still notice everyone in the room, but instead of seeing what might be noted as flaws, I look for their unique characteristics that make them beautiful.

By judging others less on their appearance, and  stopping the constant comparison of myself to them, I was able to begin the work of accepting my body, and end the cycle of constant dieting/deprivation/calorie counting that has made me miserable for so many years. Of course, there were many elements to my progress, many of which are highlighted in the article Celebrate Your Body.

I have come a long way, and most days, I can look in the mirror, noticing all the things about myself I used to see as flaws, and simply see them as they are — parts of me. At the same time, my reflection in the mirror has little do with any of the things I accomplish day to day. All of my successes, both large and small have come about through hard work and dedication, and are — I realize now — completely unrelated to a number on the scale.

Some days, every now and then, the old thoughts come creeping back in, and a voice starts telling me I am fat, but I know now that I need to ignore those voices, not just because they are  negative, but because they are irrelevant. Yet, what I have noticed, is those days crop up when other things are bothering me, and I don’t want to — or don’t know how to — deal with them. Dealing with feelings of self loathing may be pretty terrible, but they are familiar. And like an abusive spouse, you sometimes take comfort in what you know, even if it’s unpleasant.

With new coping tools and more attention to self care, I am now able to concentrate on the deeper issues. The effort it takes to push back at times like this is considerable, but I also know I have come a long way, and the effort is worth it. More importantly, I can finally look at all of the amazing things I have accomplished and take pride in each of them, rather than feeling inadequate

A Confession in Numbers

I am 37 years old. I am 5 feet 5 inches tall. I weigh 159 pounds. I wear a size 36 AA bra. My pant size ranges from a 10 to a 12.

These are numbers that so many people don’t share — at least in full honesty. Some lie about their age or are too embarrassed to admit it. Many lie about their weight, and we’d probably be surprised how many people stretch the truth a bit on their height.

I decided I am going to break the taboo and share my numbers here … publicly … for anyone to see. And guess what … I have not been sucked down into a pit of shame for doing so. To me, they are just numbers. There is no value or meaning behind them. They are a numerical representation of particular facts pertaining to me. But I have not always felt this way.

When I was in my teens and early twenties, I always looked much younger than my age. When I was 17, I was offered a children’s menu at a restaurant. When I was 19, people would ask me what grade (in high school) I was in. When I was 25 people would inquire about my major (when I had completed my degree 4 years prior). For the most part, I was annoyed because if people thought I was younger, they also treated me that way, condescending to me, or at least that’s what I thought. But I also felt mature for my age, and was threatened if people undermined that feeling by assuming I was younger (a clear indication I still had some growing up to do). Of course, as I got older, the tables began to turn, and as the number of times I got carded had an inverse relationship with the number of gray hairs I found, I began to fear aging a little more.

My height, though less of an issue was also something I was insecure about. For most of my young adult life, I was 5 feet, 3 and 3/4 inches. Of course, it was natural to round up, but I hated the idea of being short. That probably stemmed from the fact that my short stature was accompanied by a more rounded shape. Which brings me to the next number: my weight.

Until pretty recently in my life, my weight — whether I knew exactly what it was, or shied away from that knowledge in the pursuit of blissful ignorance — had an enormous impact on my mood. If I woke up feeling great, and stepped on the scale only to find an unexpectedly high number, my mood was instantly deflated, and I might stay depressed for days. The opposite also held true, however, and a low number could add a note of joy to my day. The same could be said for the times I went into a dressing room and tried on an item of clothing. If I tried on my usual size and it was too big, I was overjoyed. If the size I picked out was too tight, I was devastated. Never mind that there are so many factors in what goes behind that number on the tag ranging from cost of fabric to clever marketing.

As for my bra size, well, in this breast-obsessed culture, it can be just as hard to accept small breasts as it can to accept a larger stomach (and even more difficult if you have both!). I sometimes felt humiliated going into Victoria’s Secret and not being able to find a single bra that fit my less endowed chest.

But allowing any of these numbers to have a such an impact on our outlook in life can be so hindering, or worse, damaging. Through a lot of work, I have learned to embrace each of these numbers (though oddly enough, I now measure at 5′5″ — perhaps due to a higher self esteem and better posture??) no matter what they are. I do not fear my age, but embrace the wisdom and experience that has come with each year I have passed.

I do not fear the number on the scale. Learning how to see each of these numbers for what they are has been liberating for me, and I have to say has led me to a more peaceful place in life since I know longer devote the majority of my effort resisting them — mostly the one on the scale.

So, what are your numbers?

Review: America the Beautiful

One of the first questions Darryl Roberts asks in his documentary America the Beautiful is “Who benefits from women not feeling beautiful?” As the film spends the next 105 minutes trying to find the answers to that question, you witness the full impact of our obsession with beauty through tales of girls with eating disorders, plastic surgeries gone wrong, and the whirlwind modeling career of Gerren Taylor who did her first runway shows at the age of 12.

Roberts, who undertook this project after the search for the perfect women led him down an empty road filled with false promises of happiness, examines the different industries that benefit from America’s preoccupation with perfection. One 12-year-old boy interviewed in the film sums it up quite simply when he says “companies put people down to make money”. He realizes already that the more people feel bad about themselves, the more they will seek products and services to improve their self image.  This might explain that while America has 5% of the world’s population, we are exposed to 40% of the world’s advertising. Talking about creating a perfect image, world-renowned fashion photographer Marc Baptiste remarks “at the end of the day, we’re selling dreams”. But of course, they are dreams that can never be realized.

As Roberts follows Gerren’s pursuit of her own dream of becoming a super model, he interweaves her tale with a closer look at the cosmetics industry, the media and their role in creating unattainable expectations for both men and women and the toll that is taken, physically and mentally on our society.

America the Beautiful features insightful interviews of people from all sides of the issue. There is the guy who starts out saying “my idea of a perfect women is, first of all, she’s gotta be hot,” raising the question “is this the person for whom we are trying so hard to reach perfection?” There are interviews with representatives from the media industry some of whom admit to some amount of culpability, while others laugh at the mere suggestion that media has any role on the behaviors of those to whom it is targeted. (Of course, isn’t that why advertising exists in the first place?) We also meet plastic surgeons, toxicologists, and various girls and women who can only see their shortcomings.

My favorite interview though is with Eve Ensler who wrote and performed in the play The Vagina Monologues. As someone who has achieved great success and has been such a strong voice for empowering women worldwide, she would seem above suffering from a poor body image. And yet her description of a conversation with a woman in Africa about not knowing how to love her own body makes the viewer realize that even the strongest of women are vulnerable to the idea that there is such a thing as the perfect body.

Ultimately though she realizes that we all have a vision problem. “Every woman is beautiful in her particular way; if we developed eyes and we develop spirit, we would see that every woman is beautiful.” This statement alone really sums up the whole point of the film, but equally profound is her comment on plastic surgery: “Stop fixing yourself. You were never broken.”

Roberts spends considerable time delving into the darker side of plastic surgery — a side to which every woman considering any procedure should become acquainted. We learn that, thanks to a FTC ruling in 1977, anyone with an M.D. can hang a sign up on their door saying they are a plastic surgeon and start doing business. And there is no end to the procedures that can be done to “enhance” one’s features, including creating “designer vaginas”. But as Eve Ensler says, “to think you’re not tight enough, well, get a bigger dick.”

The film also highlights some startling statistics like the fact that in 2004 Americans spent $12.4 billion on cosmetic surgery, while the estimated cost for basic nutrition and health care in developing countries is $13 billion. In addition, we spend over $45 billion per year on cosmetic and beauty products. And yet, we put little thought into exactly what it is we are applying to our skin. According to Roberts’ research, there are 884 toxic ingredients found in cosmetics. While the EU has banned 450 ingredients commonly used in cosmetics, including the phthalates which have been shown to be toxic to the reproductive system, the FDA has banned only 6 ingredients and continues to allow phthalates which of course the cosmetic industry still argues are perfectly safe.

At one point in the movie, after we question if a woman who has just undergone plastic surgery will awake from anesthesia — which ultimately is what carries the most risk in plastic surgery procedures — Darryl Roberts says he called every man he knew and told them to tell every woman they know that they are beautiful exactly the way they are.

Going back to the beginning of the movie, Roberts draws a correlation between women gaining the right to vote, and the introduction of the Miss America Pageant, suggesting that to keep women from gaining too much power, women were becoming more suppressed by the burden of beauty, requiring a whole new level of preoccupation. I have now seen this movie three times, and each time I am left wondering how much we could change the world if we took all the time, effort, and money that we devote to beauty, and put it towards something important, like world hunger, basic human rights and the protection of our environment. Perhaps one day self-improvement will be equated with improving the lives of those around us, and Robert’s film will remind you that your own beauty has less to do with looking like the photo-shopped pages of a magazine, and more to do with what you radiate from within.

For your chance to win a copy of the Limited Edition America the Beautiful DVD, enter a comment below by 12:00 pm EST December 11, 2009 saying that you would like to win a copy of America the Beautiful. For more chances to win, be sure to become a VenusVision fan on Facebook and follow VenusVision on Twitter (@VenusVision).

Review of Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat

It wasn’t that long ago that I decided I was ready to get off the diet roller coaster. But if you’ve spent a lifetime going on and off diets, obsessing about your weight, and swinging back and forth between counting every calorie and having an all-out food free-for-all like I have, then making the decision to end the cycle is only the beginning of the process. Sure you can decide you’ve had enough of counting calories, always feeling deprived, and so you just eat what you want, whenever you want, without considering the consequences. But chances are you, if you’ve been playing the diet game long enough, you probably have long lost the ability to listen to your body, and when you end up gaining weight as you no longer restrict every bite, you’re likely to feel bad about yourself, leading you to go on yet another diet.

Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat: How to Break Your Eat-Repent-Repeat Cycle by Michelle May, M.D., is a guide book for quitting dieting and (re)learning how to eat. Like other books on intuitive eating, Eat What You Love places a big emphasis on listening to your body. But simply deciding to listen to ones body after ignoring it for so long isn’t as easy as making the decision to do so. With each Chapter, author Michelle May outlines actionable steps you can take to stop controlling what you eat and start taking charge of what you eat. She also includes moments from her own journey towards becoming an intuitive eater, bringing a personal element to the book.

In Part 1 of Eat What You Love, May helps you recognize what type of eater you are. While you might think your poor relationship by food can be summed up by simple explanations like “I just enjoy food too much” what you might find while reading this book is that there are more underlying issues that lead you to ignore your body’s cues. Understanding your habits and learning the reasons behind your eating will enable you to use the tools provided in the book to help you “eat mindfully, live vibrantly.”

Once you’ve discovered the underlying issues behind your eating habits, Eat What You Love provides new strategies to deal with old feelings and situations that may trigger overeating. In fact, there is a whole chapter on self-care. Additionally, learning how to eat with purpose may awaken or heighten the sensations you get from the food you love, and give you whole new level of enjoyment of food. And you may even realize some of the foods you think you love actually don’t taste all that great when you pay close attention to what your body is telling you as you eat it. Your taste buds are the most sensitive when you are truly hungry, and as your hunger diminishes, so does your taste sensations. That first bite of chocolate cake may taste like a little slice of heaven but if you eat slowly, taking time to taste every bite, you might find that as you fill up, the flavor seems to fade.

After going through the process of learning to eat with intention, becoming more mindful of how your emotions come into play when making decisions about food and learning how to cope through means other than food, Eat What You Love moves onto the subject of exercise. As with food, May encourages you to focus more on how exercise makes you feel instead of seeing it as a chore or as redemption for your food sins, and in the vain of the title of the book suggests “do what you love, love what you do”. If you dread the monotony of walking on the treadmill, don’t do it. Instead find other ways to move that make you feel good, like dancing around the house, taking the dog for a walk outside, or even active play with the kids. Of course, you might also find that when you are focused on the way exercise makes your body and mind feel, it might renew love for activities you thought you no longer enjoyed. And for those who are interested, May spends some time talking about the physiology of exercise but breaks it down in layman’s terms to make the information accessible and meaningful.

May points out that “Every time you drastically decrease your caloric intake, you lose muscle, not just fat, if you aren’t exercising regularly. Once you abandon the diet and resume eating the way you previously did, you’ll quickly regain fat but not the muscle you lost. As a result, your metabolism will be even slower.” In addition to suggestions on ways to add enjoyable movement to your life, Eat What You Love offers specific weight-bearing exercises as well as stretches to increase flexibility — another important component of a healthy lifestyle.

The last section of the book is filled with menu ideas and recipes for foods that will feed and nourish your body while allowing you to love what you eat. Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat is a comprehensive resource to get you on track towards a healthy relationship with food and your body. It is not a quick fix diet solution. It does not present an easy way to lose weight under the guise of a healthy eating plan. Instead, if you are ready to do some emotional work, Eat What You Love will bring you to a place you thought you might never be able to find — a place where you don’t have to think about food all the time, but instead enjoy it thoroughly while staying in charge, and living your life in a healthy way.

Your exercise routine has fizzled out. Now what?

Ok, so we’re nearly two weeks into January, and I am wondering how many fitness resolutions are already out the window. As someone who loves being active, I’m all for goals that promote a more active lifestyle. But if you don’t get off on the right start, well-meaning intentions will only go so far in delivering you to the gym. Before you commit to getting fit, evaluate your motives, and make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. (Read What Motivates You to Move?) Once you’ve established that your goals come from a genuine desire for well being (rather than trying to reach an unattainable or unmaintainable body weight/shape/size), you still might get discouraged at what seems like a long road ahead of you. If your motivation has already petered out, here are a few suggestions to help spark the flame again.

Buy some new work out clothes. This may seem like a shallow approach, but if you feel self conscious in your over-sized holey sweats while everyone else is walking around in their Nike/Reebok/Adidas gear, you will look for every excuse not to go. While there is no limit to how much you can spend on fitness apparel, you don’t have to spend a lot on functional, yet fashionable clothing that will give you the freedom you need to move. I recently stocked up on Champion boot-cut fitted pants from Target, and while I was lucky enough to catch them on sale for $14.99, their regular price of $19.99 still can’t be beat. I also got a few tank tops with built in bras, like this Champion Racer Back Tank for $18.99. And speaking of bras, make sure you have a properly fitted bra that gives you the support you need. If you are uncomfortable because the girls are bouncing around too much, that will just add to your list of excuses to avoid moving. For extra support, check out the Ultimate Sport Bra from Lane Bryant. Old Navy is another great source for reasonably priced fitness clothes, and Junonia is a good source for plus-sized active wear. If you’re ready to spend a little more and want to check out some fun styles, try the newest brand from the Gap brand of stores, Athleta. While many of their price points are beyond what I’m willing to spend, I definitely love their styles and would enjoy heading to the gym in some of their cute tops. Whatever you do, find clothes that are comfortable to work out in but make you feel good too. You’d be surprised what a difference it can make.

Celebrating Our Authentic Bodies

by Esther Kane

In this article, I want to cover a topic that I’ve wanted to speak to for a long time- plastic surgery. I must confess that this is an area I gave little attention to in the past as I have been in my ‘prime’ for a good number of years being young with good skin and a curvaceous body. However, I have just turned 38 and with the increase of years have also come some things I hate to admit have shocked me to the core. These include:

*Weight gain that appears to take place just by LOOKING at fattening foods (I swear it’s true!)

*Gray hairs- at first manageable- all I had to do was use my trusty eyebrow tweezers and problem solved. Now, however, I risk going bald if I were to continue this practise.

*Breasts that have started to mimic the shape of pancakes and have definitely taken a downward turn (you know what I mean)

*Lines around my eyes and the skin surrounding my eyes staying in one place once I apply make-up for longer than I would like. It’s like watching a snail slowly migrate back into its shell once the cover-up is blended in.

*And horror of horrors-chin hairs! No, I’m not kidding…and not the blond wispy things no one notices-these little buggers are thick and black and have the amazing ability to grow roughly half an inch overnight!

Add to this the countless stories I hear from clients and girlfriends about “getting work done” on their bodies. These range from groups of women, whom upon the dawn of their 50^th birthday, get a face-lift, Botox injections in the face to reduce wrinkles, breast implants, to tummy tucks. I sit there trying to wipe the look of horror off of my face as I do my best to impart an attitude of empowerment and acceptance regardless of what choices women make in their lives.

I was at my local library recently and glanced along the shelves and found a new book out by Joan Rivers, the Queen of plastic surgery, which is a “guidebook” to getting plastic surgery. It was titled, “Men are Stupid and they Like Big Boobs”. She is 75 years old and has had so much plastic surgery that she looks somewhat cartoon-like and anything but natural. She doesn’t even look like a younger version of herself- she looks strange and almost doll-like and scarily unreal. Anyway, the book was co-written with some top cosmetic surgeons and boasts all of the “wonderful” advances available to women who want to change the way they look through plastic surgery. I particularly loved the part where she’s talking about one procedure and under “risks” she casually writes, “death”. Then without missing a beat, she’s onto describing the next “wonderful” procedure!

I don’t know about you, but I think DEATH is a pretty big risk! It reminds me of the author who died a few years ago from liposuction- yikes. I don’t want to come off as being all fanatical and judgmental, because I truly believe that women are in charge of their bodies and it’s not my place to tell someone what to do with her body.

However, I do believe that the current obsession we have with looking younger (one writer calls the times we are living in, “age deceleration”- i.e., “forty is the new thirty” and so on) is a recent and ultimately, dangerous focus. Never before in human history have people been so terrified of getting old. It’s also true that we have never had such a long lifespan so perhaps this is a contributing factor as well.

My grandparents never considered plastic surgery and my 86-year-old grandmother is completely perplexed with this newfound obsession younger generations have with looking young for as long as they possibly can. I think that there are many factors at play here; most notably, the fear of death.

I know I’m terrified of dying and getting old. But I’m working through it. I want to be courageous enough to face getting older head-on without going under the knife or injecting poisonous substances in my body to appear younger. Honestly, I’m not looking forward to more gray hair, my body shape changing, and those lovely hairs on my chinny-chin-chin, but I’m going to do my best to ‘go natural’ and grow old gracefully. I am more than my body and so are you. Let’s all remember that.

Esther Kane, MSW, Registered Clinical Counsellor, is the author the book and audio program, “It’s Not About the Food: A Woman’s Guide To Making Peace with Food and Our Bodies” (www.endyoureatingdisorder.com) and “Dump That Chump”(www.dumpthatchump.com), and “What Your Mama Can’t or Won’t Teach You”(www.guidebooktowomanhood.com). Sign up for her free monthly e-zine, Women’s Community Counsellor, to uplift and inspire women at: http://www.estherkane.com.

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