Listening to that Voice that says “SLOW DOWN”!

As I rushed in from the grocery store around noon, scurrying about trying to get groceries put away, I started contemplating what the quickest meal I could whip together for lunch would be so I could get on with the rest of my busy day. A smoothie? Some yogurt mixed with fruit and cereal? An apple with peanut butter? No, no, and no. I don’t have time to sit down long enough to eat any of those things, I thought. Maybe, I considered, I could just get a smoothie while I was out. That would eliminate my having to make it, then wash the blender, and I would have it in a cup that was ready to travel with me through the remainder of my activities.

And then, as I bustled about in my kitchen, feeling stressed about all that I felt needed to be done urgently, I suddenly stopped. A voice that I have only recently learned to listen to said “SLOW DOWN!” And at that moment, I decided I would not fall back into old habits of devouring my meal, trying to get to the next task, the next moment, without paying attention to the moment I was in or to the task that was right in front of me — the task of nourishing my body properly. I got the rest of my groceries put away,  put together a plate of warm pita bread, some hummus, a couple slices of cheese, and some carrots, and sat down with a large glass of water, and ate my lunch slowly and with awareness. It was not a fancy meal, but it was delicious and nutritious, and once I made the decision to enjoy it slowly, it felt nice to take a break, and regain some perspective on my life and all that has been filling it lately. When I was finished, instead of jumping back into the fray of chaos that I mistakenly viewed my day as, I took my dog for a much needed (for both of us) walk.

Sure I’ve been busy lately. In addition to being a full time mom of a 8- and 6-year-old girls, maintaining (albeit loosely) a household, and trying to stay current with VenusVision, I have also started a group for women to explore and improve their relationships with food and their body, and I have recently launched a home-based business of selling a line of jewelry called Stella & Dot. Add to that the other things that pop up, like birthday parties, out-of-town guests, and end-of-school-year activities, and what you might get is one crazed, stressed out mom. Or, at least that’s what you would have gotten a year ago. But you know that voice I mentioned earlier? Well, I’ve been working on letting her have her say more often. She is the voice that knows I can do my best when I am taking care of me. She is the voice that reminds me that the world will not stop turning if I don’t get the laundry put away right away, or if there are clumps of dog hair here and there, or if I don’t get to most of the other things on my to-do list right away. She is the voice that reminds me that I only have one life to live, and that if I spend it always trying to get to the next moment, I will reach the finish line wondering how I filled my years, my days, and my hours.

And so, after I slowly ate my lunch, and took my dog for a walk, I did get out to run a couple of more errands. But now I am sitting here writing this, even though until a couple of hours ago, this post was not on my to-do list, hoping that I can encourage you to slow down, take a breath, and savor the moment, whatever that moment might bring for you. If you are feeling like this is the worst time to try and slow down, that probably is a pretty good indication that you need it more than ever. Take a deep breath. Go for  a walk. Read a book — anything that serves as a speed bump in your life because you need it and you deserve it.

The Ills of Flip Flops

Nothing says summer quite like flip flops. What would summer be without them? On that first warm day of each season, I love to set my cooped up feet free, don one of my many adorable pairs, and hear that ‘flip flop’ noise they make with each step. But after I started suffering from lower back and leg pain that seemed to coincide with warmer weather and the relegation of my more supportive shoes to the back of my closet, I began to ask myself if once again I would have to make a choice between fashion and comfort.

After beginning physical therapy for my ailments, I offered my theory to my therapist, and he agreed that with my weak arches, wearing flip flops constantly could have been a culprit in the pain I was experiencing.

According to Lawrence Rubin, DPM, “The flimsy construction of flip flops provides zero support to the feet — something that is unhealthy to almost all feet.” He encourages the regular use light-weight athletic shoes with built-in arch supports. Timothy M. Axe, DPM agrees. He offers the good, the bad, and the ugly on flip flops:

The good: flip flops provide basic foot protection to the bottom (plantar) foot. They may help prevent catching fungal infection and warts in public showers. Flip flops are good for short periods of time, quick errands, and periods when the wearer is not doing a lot of walking.

The Bad – flip flops offer no support for the arch, no shock absorption, no heel cushion, and not much protection on the top and sides of the foot. They lead to greater risk of toe injuries, puncture wounds, cuts from foreign bodies, and possible insect or snake bites. They are not good for sports. Flip flops accentuate any biomechanical deficiencies of the foot. They may also affect balance and may lead to falls particularly in older patients.

The Ugly: There are an increasing number of cases of plantar fasciitis (arch/heel pain) and tendonitis in the foot and ankle, particularly in the 15-25 year old age range, where typically we do not these problems as much.

In case you weren’t convinced yet to ditch your $5 flip flops from Old Navy just yet, Dr. Stephen Arbetters, a podiatrist in Newton, Mass, added:

“In a normal flip-flop the front of your foot has to work harder to keep the flip flop on. That can lead to tendonitis, arch pain and hammer toes.” This means that even some of the flip flops that offer arch support may not necessarily be much better for your feet. Just because they feel comfortable, doesn’t mean they are providing the support and protection you need.

“For all the shoes seductive sponginess, 99 percent of them provide no support. So they can stress other joints, causing pain in the knees and back. Flip-flops also don’t absorb shock and they are unstable which makes it easier for the wearer to turn an ankle.” Arbetters sees many patients who wear flip-flops with conditions such as plantar fasciitis, an inflammation of the tissue on the bottom of the foot.

Podiatrists weren’t the only people I spoke with who had an opinion on the matter. I also heard from Aliesa George, a Pilates instructor and personal trainer who spends her days working with people to improve their posture, strengthen their core, and create proper muscle function through simple foot care exercises, awareness about good shoe choices, and improved shoe tying techniques.

George reiterated the notion that flip flops offer no support, and added to the discussion more on the mechanics:

“Most feet that I see wearing flip flops are rolled in at the ankle which causes the arches to continue to drop or flatten to the floor. Over time this reduces the mobility of the ankle, and will lead to knee, hip, and back issues because the base of support (the bottom of the feet) are not functioning and being held in proper alignment for the rest of the bones to stack correctly on top of them. Since our muscles attach to the bones and act as a lever and pulley system, if the bones aren’t lined up correctly, the lever system for correct and proper muscle firing for exercise and everyday movement will be compromised. If this compromise occurs daily, with every step you take, all you are doing is reinforcing bad posture, body alignment, and improper muscle firing patterns for movement. With time, the ONLY thing that can occur is pain and injury.”

I personally thought all of my problems could be solved by switching from flip flops to Mephisto Helen sandal with support for arches and a cork footbed. But as Aliesa George could probably have told me, a little extra support in the arch was not enough. “The toe muscles are working incorrectly with every step you take in flip flops (this holds true for every pair of strapless shoes.) The big toe and second toe are constantly squeezing together to hold on to the shoe. Not only do the first two toes squeeze together to hold a flip flop on the foot, but all the toes curl under to “grab” the shoe and keep it on during the swing through phase of each stride. This is the exact opposite of what the toes should be doing when you take a step!”

While George reminded me that she is not a shoe expert, she suggested that if you do want to wear sandals, look for options with a strap that goes around the ankle to help hold the shoe on the foot. She has also written a book on foot care exercises called Fantastic Feet. You can also purchase a combination kit that comes with the book and all the tools you need to do the exercises.

So now that you are thoroughly depressed (if you’re like me) over the prospect of eliminating an icon of summer, there is a silver lining. First, Dr. Jonah Mullens, a podiatrist with the Pacific Foot and Ankle Institute in Palo Alto, Ca., offered an everything in moderation approach suggesting “you can wear something a little less than sensible 20% of the time if you commit to comfortable shoes the other 80%.”

For that 20% of the time you still really want to wear flip flops, based on my research, there are definitely some that are better than others.

The makers of Beech Yoga Sandals cite Prevention Magazine which touted the sandal as a “better Flip-Flop for the way the sandal promotes balance and stability.” Owner and creator Gayle Trenberth says “Yoga Sandals® stay secure on the foot while walking and allow the tendons and muscles in the feet to work in freedom with proper heel support. Yoga Sandals® help keep feet flexible and enforce a basic principle of yoga which is to spread the toes to achieve optimal grounding and proper body alignment to master the standing poses.”

Some other brands that offer a little more cushioning and support support are Rainbow Sandals, Reef Sandals, and the FitFlop Thong Sandal the makers of which actually claim gives you a workout while you walk.

If you want to take a step in the right direction, but aren’t ready to close your feet in, try sandals with ankle straps like these Merrell Savannah sandals or Dansko Women’s Serafina Sandal

If you’re like me, and ready to throw the towel in all together on sandals, but still want a light weight, cute summer shoe, try these Privo Acacia mary jane shoes. I have a pair, and they are really comfortable and look great with jeans and shorts, and even some of my sportier skirts.

At this point in my life, I have more of an appreciation of my body and am interested in doing what I can to take care of it. I figure I don’t need to accelerate the decline of my body by wearing shoes that don’t offer the support I need to maintain a strong and healthy back and legs.

Book Review: Women Food and God

After reading a sample chapter of Geneen Roth’s new book Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything my former therapist sent to me, I immediately went to Amazon, ordered the book, paid for upgraded overnight shipping, and waited impatiently for it to arrive while going back and rereading the sample chapter (which is Chapter 4, entitled “It’s Not About the Weight, but it’s Not Not About the Weight.” Saturday morning, I poured myself a cup of coffee, went out on my patio in the chilly morning spring air, and opened up the book. As I devoured page after page, tears streamed down my face as I felt both happiness and sadness with each sentence I read and identified so deeply with: happiness to realize how far I have come in my own journey to ending years of disordered eating habits and finally reaching levels of fulfillment I never thought possible, and sadness to recognize the isolation and emptiness so many around me feel and try to numb themselves from with food.

Let me preface this review by saying I am not a religious person, and when the book was first brought to my attention, I initially dismissed it, turned off by the title. I didn’t feel that God has anything to do with my relationship with food, and, I was guilty of judging a book by its cover (or in this case, the title). So, if you are inclined to dismiss it for those reasons, don’t. The book is less about God, and more about finding a space within ourselves — a space we often fill with food, rather than exploring to its depths. Some people, when they open themselves up to that space have a name for it in God. Others might define it in broader terms like spirituality. And some might simply feel it as being one with themselves and all around them. The point of the book is to demonstrate how the relationship so many people (or more specifically in this book, women) have with food keeps us from any of those things, and more importantly how to change that relationship.

In part one, Roth addresses the “God” part of the book and how God related to dieting for her in the past. “Dieting was like praying. It was a plaintive cry to whoever was listening: I know I am fat. I know I am ugly. I know I am undisciplined, but see how hard I try. See how violently I restrict myself, deprive myself, punish myself. Sure there must be a reward for those who know how horrible they are.” She talks about how dieting gave her a purpose — perhaps much in the same way religion might for some people, and then she goes on to say “bingeing gave me relief from the relentless attempt to be someone else.”

Roth has written many books (which I am sad to say I have not yet read) on the subject of emotional eating, but a realization she says she has only recently come to is that “the radical part of the tale is not that I stopped dieting; it’s that I stopped trying to fix myself.” This reminded me of a similar realization I came to and wrote about in the article Self Acceptance vs Body Acceptance in which I proclaimed to end the urge to fix myself.

And yet, it is often hard to imagine a world in which we are not constantly trying to fix ourselves, especially our bodies. For one, it’s how women have learned to relate to each other. As Roth points out, “we fit in by hating ourselves.” I’m sure from time to time you come across that person who seems to hold that secret to happiness and balance the rest of us struggle daily to find, and isn’t there just a tad of resentment towards them? Maybe you’re just waiting to see them fall in order to prove they too  are actually imperfect humans like you, which probably explains our obsession with celebrities and the great joy many find in seeing photos of their cellulite and jelly rolls as we go through the check out line with smirks on our faces. It’s almost as if there is something wrong with someone if they don’t hate themselves — or at least some part of themselves. And yet, the ability to see their imperfections and embrace them as part of a greater whole is what makes them happy, and it’s the lack of that ability that keeps others from achieving true happiness.

It’s also hard to let go of the belief that achieving weight loss will be accompanied with the answers to all of our problems. Though on a rational level, we can understand that a number on the scale won’t change the world, “the promise of weight loss is that it will allow [us] to live on a magical piece of earth from which everything else will be manageable … If I fix myself so that I am no longer myself, then everything will be fine. My feelings will be manageable.”

In the chapter entitled “Never Underestimate the Inclination to Bolt” Roth addresses head on why we might avoid overcoming compulsive eating (or dieting). She bluntly states it when she says “compulsive eaters wouldn’t have an obsession with food if we believed that life was tolerable without it … There is madness in obsession, yes, but its value is that it drowns out the madness of life.” This sentiment is followed by the chapter that hooked me on the book: It’s Not About the Weight, but It’s Not Not About the Weight. And that’s when Roth goes on to explain the conundrum of addressing the very real problems that are created by excess weight: diabetes, joint pain, shortness of breath, and for many, a general decrease in the quality of life due to health complications, while all the while trying to unsurface the deeper issues which are being covered up by the weight problems. Here is a very poignant passage from the chapter:

“The bottom line, whether you weight 340 pounds or 150 pounds, is that when you eat when you are not hungry, you are using food as a drug, grappling with boredom, or illness or loss or grief or emptiness or loneliness or rejection. Food is only the middleman, the means to the end. Of altering your emotions. Of making yourself numb. Of creating a secondary problem when the original problem becomes too uncomfortable. Of dying slowly rather than coming to terms with your messy, magnificent and very, very short — even at a hundred years old — life. The means to these ends happens to be food, but it could be alcohol, it could be work, it could be sex, it could be cocaine. Surfing the Internet. Talking on the phone … Weight (too much or too little) is a by product. Weight is what happens when you use food to flatten your life.”

And, if you’re thinking your compulsive eating stems from a simple case of too much love for food, Roth has an answer for that too: “When you like something — love something, you take time with it you want to be present for every second of the rapture … Overeating does not lead to rapture. It leads to burping and farting and being so sick that you can’t think of anything but how full you are. That’s not love; that’s suffering.” How can you love something that makes you sick over and over again? It’s like returning to an abusive partner every time they say they are sorry, and really, they do love you, and really, it won’t happen again. But like so many women who are abused and feel that they somehow deserve the abuse — as if they brought it on themselves, compulsive eaters and dieters continue to punish themselves through their relationship with food because they don’t feel worthy of something better.

Like most other books that address emotional eating, Women Food and God is for those ready to do some serious work and reflection on their lives. Roth challenges the reader to face head on the pain and uncomfortable feelings that drive them to eat when they’re bodies are telling them not to. What she reminds the reader over and over throughout the book is that the very feelings they feel will destroy them are the same feelings that allow us — everyone of us to feel alive. If you are ready to top numbing yourself with food and dieting, start feeling alive, this beautiful written, incredibly powerful book is for you.

Self Acceptance vs Body Acceptance

I use the phrase “self acceptance” a lot. I believe very strongly in the power of self acceptance, and am devoted to helping others find a place of self acceptance. On my own journey towards body acceptance, I came to use the term self acceptance interchangeably with body acceptance, not differentiating between the two phrases. But in a recent conversation with my Life Coach Andrea Owen, I realized the body acceptance is only part of self acceptance, and reaching one doesn’t neccessarily equate to achieving the other.

Through several years of active work with the help of a mental health professional, I have overcome my eating disorder, and have begun a love affair with my body — something I never thought possible without first losing a lot of weight and reaching some kind of societal ideal. And when I realized I had reached this moment, I celebrated this monumental achievement by claiming self acceptance for myself at last.

And then I sort of clapped my hands together with the sense of satisfaction that comes from fixing something that is broken, metaphorically said to myself “Ok, so what’s next?” and went on to start working on fixing the other areas of myself that I saw as broken. Aside from my relationship with food and my body, the qualities about myself that I saw as needing dire improvements were my organizational skills (or lack of them) and my time management skills (or again, the lack of them). Just as I was once convinced that losing weight would change everything and give me the happiness and success I so desired, I held firm to the belief that transforming my cluttered unorganized personality into a compartmentalized and structured Type A personality would help me achieve my dreams. It was at this point that I hired my Andrea, and told her of the list of things I hoped to accomplish, but felt that meeting those goals could ultimately done by focusing on the areas of organization and time management.

Throughout each conversation, I lamented the mess on my desk, the clutter in my brain (i.e. the inability to focus on any one thing at a time), and the fact that I wasted countless minutes on meaningless things like Facebook when I should be focused any of the kazillion tasks I had on my to-do list. I would harp on my childhood, blaming my upbringing which lacked any kind of structure, organization, or discipline, and dream of waving a magic wand which would transform me into the Type A personality I thought I should be. I mean, after all, what are the merits of being disorganized and not managing my time well?

And then one day, Andrea said “What if that’s just you?” She suggested, if just for a moment, setting aside my desire to be a different kind of person, and reflect on the possibility of staying the way I am. “What would happen?” she asked. “Would your husband leave you? Would your kids suffer? Would your world fall apart?” Andrea reminded me that I’ve gotten along pretty well doing things my way for 37 years, and in fact, I’ve done more than just get along. I would actually define my life as pretty successful. I have a fantastic marriage. I have terrific kids who are smart, creative, and compassionate — to name a few of their qualities, I have a web site that I’ve worked hard on for the last year, and have had several big milestones related to it. I could go on, but the point is, Andrea was right. “My” ways may not be perfect, but then, what is? And they’ve worked pretty well over time. Maybe with my disorganization comes my creativity, not bound by constraints. Perhaps with my less rigid time management tendencies comes the willingness to try new things and be spontaneous. The things that bug me about myself are inseparable from what I love about myself, so why not learn to love the whole package?

Have there been frustrations? Of course. I hate it when I can’t find something because I didn’t put it back in it’s place. Occasionally I miss a deadline of some sort. But for the most part, projects get done, bills get paid, and my house is generally not a terrible mess, though I’m sure there are plenty of Type As that would disagree. (It would help if my dog didn’t shed so much!) But then, ask any one with a Type A personality, and they will find plenty to complain about in their own nature, often wishing for a little more flexibility and spontaneity that comes with a more disorganized (for lack of a better word) mind like my own.

Of course, my realizations and new level of acceptance don’t mean that I am going to stop cleaning my house, never wear a watch, and let chaos take over — no more than learning to accept my body led to eating with abandon. But I will no longer try to be what I am not, and instead reflect on the values that come from who I already am — which I tend to think is a pretty awesome person. What have you thought you needed to change about yourself? Is it possible that the qualities you most want to change are integrally connected to what make you wonderful?

Sneaking Quiet Time Into Your Day — The First Steps to Incorporating Meditation

By Michelle Market, LPC

Imagine quiet amongst the chaos of your daily to-do’s. Imagine uninterrupted time during your day to focus on your breathing and slowing down. When you allow your mind to quiet down, how do you feel? Is it uncomfortable? Why might you avoid slowing down? These are questions to give some consideration as you begin to implement the practice of meditation.

It is possible to slow down, although it often needs to be intentional and, initially, rehearsed. Picture the first time you learned to ride a bike. You did not do it perfectly the first time. You fell, bumped into things – you started slowly. Learning the art of meditation and quieting your mind can sometimes feel like the same process.

When was the last time you sat in silence for any extended period of time? Meditation not only is a healthy coping skill to handle stress, but it is also a tool to help us tune in with ourselves. Quieting our mind results in becoming more centered. When we have slowness in our day we develop greater awareness of what is going on in our mind, body and with our emotions.

Steps to incorporate meditation into your day:

Choose a time in the day that is most conducive to your meditation practice. (All you need is 5 minutes). Initially, it is helpful to set a timer (start at 5 minutes).

Find a space where you can sit comfortably. Sit up tall with your legs uncrossed. Have your hands open and palms up. Close your eyes.

Find a word to focus on that will illicit a calm response. For example, peace, acceptance, slow, breathe.

When you have other thoughts that enter your mind picture them as clouds floating through the sky and then focus back on the calming word that you had chosen, refer to this as your mantra.

Take notice of taking slow, intentional deep breaths. Inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth.

Though there are many different ways to meditate, here are five types of meditations that may be easier to incorporate into your day:

Candle Meditation: Light a candle and place your focus on the flicker of the flame. When your mind begins to drift, re-center your focus back on the candle.

Walking Meditation: Find a path to walk (preferably a scenic route). Take notice of slowing down your steps one foot in front of the other. Take notice of slowing your breathing. Take notice of the scenery, the flowers, the trees and the grass as you connect with nature.

Cleaning Meditation: Turn any chore into a mini-escape. Take focus on the rhythmic nature of the chore. For example, if you are washing dishes, notice the sound of the water, take notice of the soap bubbles and take notice of your breathing. Use your calming word to re-center.

Car Mediation: While driving to work or running your errands turn off the music and drive in silence. Make a conscious decision to practice deep breathing.

Breathing Meditation: A simple way to incorporate calm into the day is committing to taking 3 deep breaths at different times throughout the day. You can use different transitions as a reminder to breathe such as before meals, before checking email, before starting the day. You will be amazed at the calming effect of just changing the way you breathe will make.

To sit without any judgment and to invite slowness is a gift of compassion to ourselves. Be patient in the process and start slowly. Begin to look forward to this pause within your day. Make the commitment to incorporate this self-care tool on a daily basis.

“I commit to 5 minutes of quiet each day.”

As you begin this practice on an on-going basis, you will start to look forward to this time of the day and will notice the days that you skipped. Meditation provides a bridge to create peace within ourselves.

Michelle Market, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Wellness Coach with more than 10 years of experience in Wellness and Women’s issues. She is dedicated to helping females feel better physically and emotionally. She has a private practice in Herndon, Virginia and works with Adults. Michelle provides counseling, coaching and workshops. She specializes in self-esteem and healthy food relationships. Her mission is to create and maintain positive change in the lives of her clients. She believes that beauty comes from the inside out. For more information visit her website www.michellemarket.com.

Don’t ‘Weight’ For Life to Happen

It’s an all too common excuse. “I’m too fat to …” or “When I can fit into that dress …” or “I just need to lose a little more weight …” before I try rock climbing … before I ask the cute guy down the hall out for a drink … before I run a marathon. But really, what are you waiting for? Sure, having excess weight can make a new exercise program or other physical activity a little harder. And yes, there are superficial men out there who don’t want to date any woman above a size 2. But you also have to ask yourself, if you are putting everything off because of your weight, whether it’s a few extra pounds or you have a lot to lose, what experiences in life are you depriving yourself of? Is your weight stopping you because you really just can’t do what it is you want to do? Or are you hiding behind your weight as an excuse to try something new because, let’s face it, trying new things can be scary — and the potential failure is even scarier.

What if you really can go rock climbing, or that guy really does have his eye on you, but is too shy to ask you out, or you really can run a marathon. What if you can do all those things, but never tried them, and instead spend a lifetime wishing you could do them and only having regrets for not allowing yourself to go for it, with or without the weight. Today is the day to stop letting your weight weigh you down.

Maria’s zest for life comes out almost immediately when you meet her. She’s friendly, talkative and always cheerful, greeting you with a smile. While she doesn’t typically spend her free time outdoors, there is one outdoor activity she truly has recently found a passion for: SCUBA diving. When I think of SCUBA divers, I think of tight bodies fitting into tight wet suits. I myself tried it a few years ago, and was extremely self conscious of donning a body hugging suit and diving with other, more trim divers. I thought I was pushing the envelope with my weight which was — as is now — in the high range of ‘normal’. Maria is beyond the ‘normal’ range and by all medical definitions is overweight. But that didn’t stop her — it never crossed Maria’s mind not to pursue the hobby.

Karen is a fit and active 40-something mother of three. Though her favorite activity is roller blading — a past-time in which she participates at every opportunity, she walks daily either on the treadmill or, on nice days, outside, and until she broke her wrist last year, she enjoyed rock climbing. All this in addition to raising three teenage boys! Like Maria, Karen loves new adventures and never thinks about not doing something because she is overweight. Karen lives by the quote “Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath.”

If you are looking for further inspiration to go for it (whatever ‘it’ may be), just check out the Athena division of any triathlon. A triathlon is something only a relatively small number of people aspire to do. And typically, we don’t imagine someone who falls into the category of overweight, or even obese doing any of the sports by themselves, let alone all together in one grueling event. While the Athena division is for women over 150 pounds, you will often find women over 200 pounds competing right along side everyone else. Contrary to public opinion, being overweight — ok, let’s just say it — FAT does not always mean being out of shape, and it certainly doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy life to the fullest, trying new things regardless of your size.

Book Review: The Body Love Manual — How to Love the Body You Have as You Create the Body You Want

You might find it strange to think that you need a manual on loving your body, but in fact, there is a book written by Elizabeth “Lily” Hills called The Body Love Manual*, and that’s precisely what it sets out to do — teach you to love your body. Right now, go to a mirror, look yourself directly in the eye and say “I love my body.” How does that feel? When one person I know said those words out loud, she said she felt silly. Silly because nothing could be further from the truth for her, as I suspect is the case with most people. I don’t have any statistics on how many people dislike their bodies, but if I were to take a guess, I would probably say that most people range somewhere from a vague dislike to an intense hatred of their bodies. And our eating habits confirm that.

It seems like most of us are either on a diet, trying to create a body that we can feel happy with, or treating our body with complete disregard, filling it beyond capacity with foods that would make our body scream in pain if it could talk. And then, when we can’t stand to look in the mirror anymore, or feel totally out of control around food, we go on a diet. Again. But let’s face it — diets don’t work.

Ninety-five percent of people who go on a diet regain the weight lost, and often more, within five years. But how are we supposed to reconcile those statistics with things like “obesity epidemic” or “1 in 3 Americans are overweight” and “war on obesity”. If diets don’t work, how are we supposed to cure our country of unhealthy eating habits and an inactive lifestyle? Jamie Oliver thinks he has the answer with his Food Revolution. Michelle Obama hopes she has the answers in trying to eradicate childhood obesity by encouraging kids to get off the sofa and get outdoors. In both cases, the focus, ultimately, is about teaching people to live healthier lives — to choose apple slices instead of chips, grilled chicken instead of burgers, bike riding instead of Playstation. But together, both Obama and Oliver are only getting at half the problem — which is what people eat, and without addressing the other half — why people eat, they will never reach the long term success they both genuinely want and hope to achieve.

The concept of intuitive eating is gaining momentum and working towards that goal with the help of books like Intuitive Eating, and Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat will be far more effective than wagging the finger at people in an effort to get them to make better choices. The Body Love Manual takes intuitive eating one step further by guiding readers through a process of identifying what it is that keeps them so disconnected from the bodies, preventing them from listening to and properly nourishing their bodies. Though the subtitle of the book is How to Love the Body You Have as You Create the Body You Want, don’t be mistaken. This is not a diet book in disguise. The Body Love Manual is for anyone ready to put away dieting forever, deciding to become an intuitive eater, and challenging the thoughts and feelings that so far have preventing you from achieving that goal. Integral to this process is learning, as the title suggests, to love your body. As Hills points out, “The human body is tragically under-appreciated, neglected, and abused…The fact is that it is very hard to feel motivated to take care of something you don’t care about. Conversely, when you care deeply for and truly honor your body, you will be far more likely to make the healthier choices for it.”

The Body Love Manual should not be a quick read. It requires reflection and real emotional work. But ask yourself if you identify with this passage from the book:

“As the number I saw on my bathroom scale went up, my sense of self-worth plummeted. During this period of my life, it was rare for me to appreciate and value any of my other qualities … [which] became secondary in comparison to my weight.”

If you feel like you could have written those words yourself, then perhaps it is time to begin the work towards loving your body because “When your thoughts about yourself are respectful and appreciative, you will begin to attract more positive experiences of all kinds into your life.”

Though the Body Love Manual talks about achieving your ideal weight, you might begin to question what your “ideal weight” is and in fact you may find that you are already there, because your “ideal weight” should reflect a healthy lifestyle that is not measured by a number on the scale but by the feelings that come from your mind and body which will tell you when you’ve reached it.

*As required by FCC law, I am disclosing that The Body Love Manual was donated by the author for purposes of this review.

To My Body, the Vessel of My Soul

by Anonymous

I offer you this apology for the many times I have treated you badly.
For not giving you rest when you were tired
For not feeding you when you were hungry
For overfeeding you when you weren’t
For putting you in danger with smoking and too much weight

For comparing you incessantly to other bodies and usually deciding that you came up short
For the harsh words, thoughts and scrutiny over qualities about you that I deemed as less than
For falling victim to others’ definitions of beauty and not defending my own
For my disappointment when you didn’t do things fast enough or strong enough
For placing you on a pedestal with lavish praise so fleetingly that it must have felt like you were the victim of emotional abuse – which I suppose you were

But the truth is this
You are strong in so many ways
You’ve got an immunity of steel and can heal yourself so quickly
You can carry your weight in grocery bags and a two-year old for hours with your strong left arm
You can hear a child crying in the middle of the night and drag yourself out of sleep to comfort him
You can run for a long time and cover a lot of distance

And you are beautiful
With your Easter hair and cat green eyes
With your sexy Morgan nose and breasts so perfect their authenticity has been questioned
Your ears and nose and eyebrows are fine featured and delicate
You have strong muscular legs

And you work – you work extraordinarily well with very little complaining. And so I apologize and I praise and I thank you. You are a gift from God – made perfectly in his eyes – who am I to criticize the works of his hand?

Time Management or Self-Management?

By Barbara M. LaRock

Would you like more time in your calendar and your life? What if changing the way you look at time could make a good life a great life? Think these concepts are impossible? Read on.

At one time or another, most of us have said, “There just isn’t enough time in the day” or “I can never accomplish all I want to both at work and at home”? This kind of thinking makes people see themselves as victims of their overcrowded, overwhelming and demanding schedules. They then sit back, complain and continue their self-defeating behaviors. You can, however, change your attitude about managing time by acknowledging and accepting your responsibility for managing yourself.

It goes without saying that everyone has the same amount of time in his or her day. It’s how you choose to “spend” that time that counts. The word “spend” is key. When you spend money, you choose what amount to pay out in order to get what you want/need. The same holds true for time. Each of us decides how much to spend to get what we want/need. Time is wasted when we don’t spend or invest it wisely. It’s up to each of us to decide what our personal and professional priorities are and then to honor those priorities. This is why effective management of time really is self-management.

Effective time/self-management begins with examining and knowing your own style. People who are structured, organized, good at identifying, setting and respecting priorities, and good at meeting deadlines find managing their time relatively easy. On the other hand, people who lack determination and discipline and who are reluctant to have structure and organization in their lives have a more difficult time managing themselves and their time. But, with resolve and practice, they can learn to get done more of the important things in their lives.

Here are a few tips to help you get started managing yourself and your time more effectively:

1. Keep in mind that you, not circumstances are in the driver’s seat.
2. Keep a daily log for one week of how you spend your time.
3. Assess your own style and attitudes about time. For instance, if you’re a morning person, schedule your most difficult tasks early when you are at your best.
4. Take 10 minutes at the end of each day to write down your top 5-6 priorities for the next day in order of their importance.
5. Make sure that before the end of your workday, you accomplish the top 5-6 priorities that you set for yourself. Let nothing pull you off track or intervene with this accomplishment.
6. Maintain a calendar, either written or electronic, so you don’t over schedule yourself.
7. Have a clear understanding of what is important to your family members and your associates.
8. Delegate what you can.
9. Every week, handle one unfinished task or project that has drained your energy.
10. Respect other people’s time
11. Learn to say no to anything that takes you away from respecting your priorities, and
12. Practice living with the guilt that may come from saying no. You will get better at it.

Remember that it’s up to you to manage yourself–and your time.

Barbara M. LaRock, M.Ed., offers life, leadership and career coaching as well as organizational training.  Her firm is located in Reston, VA.  Her background prior to coaching includes teaching, advising and mentoring students; designing and directing training programs for trade and professional associations; and organizational training involving presentation and facilitation of workshops and seminars. Barbara’s coaching specializes in life-related and career areas with her individual clients and provides them with encouragement, support and challenge as they focus on transition and change in their personal and professional lives. Her clients find more enjoyment in their everyday lives and become even more productive on the job. For more information, visit her web site Barbara LaRock.

Copyright 2010

No parts of this article or the article in its entirety may be reproduced without permission of the author.

Finish the Race

By C. Reed Weber

When she was a year old, Aimee Mullins, born missing fibula in both legs, underwent a double amputation and was fitted with a set of prosthesis limbs. She learned to walk with her prosthesis and began playing competitive sports early and aggressively.

While attending college, a track coach encouraged Aimee to join the Georgetown University Women’s Track Team and to compete not as a ‘disabled runner’ but as an individual. During Aimee’s first major competition one of her sprinting legs came loose. She was mortified and, fearing failure, tried to drop out of her next race.

She begged her coach not to make her compete: “Please, don’t make me do this. I can’t do this in front of all those people. My legs will come off!”

He replied: “So what if your legs falls off? You pick it up, you put the damn thing back on, and finish the race!”

Real life is not about winning or losing. You can never be a failure as long as you are giving it your best.

Pick up your leg. Finish the race.

C.Reed Weber has been writing since she first discovered an unguarded pencil and continues today as a freelance journalist and grant writer. Living Beyond the Worst has been adapted from Happy Thoughts, a collection of email columns she wrote for friends and family during 2008-2009. Weber is currently working on developing Happy Thoughts into a book. You can purchase mini-volumes of Happy Thoughts from her Etsy site.

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