Opening Your Eyes and Ears to the World Around You

Every time I go to Old Navy (which is more often than I care to admit), there is an older Middle Eastern looking man in the dressing room who unlocks the dressing room doors for you, and takes whichever clothes “didn’t work out” when you’re done to put them back on the hangers or fold them up and put them away. He’s always there. Granted, I’m typically there at the same time — somewhere between 10 am and 2 pm — a representation of the path that is crossed by the store hours with the hours my kids are in school. He’s pleasant, yet unobtrusive, mostly just getting the job done, but with a smile. Still, I felt like he’s been in my life enough through my increasingly frequent retail therapy sessions, so that the last time I was there, I said to him “Do you ever go home?” He laughed a modest smile that hid so much behind it, and said “No, not really,” only half joking. And then he added that he works at Old Navy every day until 2pm at which point he leaves and goes to JC Penney where he works in the Men’s Department until closing. I wasn’t sure what to say except to acknowledge that he must be tired — a trite and obvious response.

I went into my dressing room to try my clothes on, but I couldn’t help wondering what the rest of the story was for this man. Was he working so hard to just make ends meet for himself in one of the wealthiest counties in our nation? Maybe he was supporting his family, putting a child through college, or at least hoping to. What did he do in his native country? Was he a farmer? Or did he have a stall selling fruits and vegetables along side prepaid calling cards? Or maybe he was he a doctor, as many a taxi driver I’ve spoken to have been. Or a professor, or a lawyer, or one of many other white color professions that may have served them well in their home countries, but for which there is little reciprocity in terms of their credentials here in the U.S.

Alas, the clocked ticked, and by the time I was done deciding that nothing I brought in with me was going to work out, I had little time to investigate his life story. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have one. Or any other person that I come into contact with for 3.5 seconds at a time in my day. It’s easy to treat every person that we are not intimately connected with as a cog in the wheel of our life — they are there to keep things turning, making things comfortable for the rest of us, taking our money at the registers, folding clothes we choose not to buy, making our food, and packaging it up for us to take home and feed to our families, sweeping floors, cleaning up after our kids have spilled more food on the floor of a restaurant than what went into their mouths. It’s so easy not to notice them. To go through life as if we are surrounded by ghosts who only give us the slightest hint of their presence through a smile here, an automated “have a nice day” there. But at the end of their shift, they go home and live lives just like we do, putting dinner on the table (or hoping to), wanting the best for their kids, wondering if they’ve made the right choices in life.

My Dad used to tell me that some of the most interesting people he’s ever met were taxi cab drivers. They mostly sit in silence, occasionally perhaps broaching the area of small talk, mentioning the weather or asking about where you are going. You might mention your upcoming girl’s weekend, or a business trip, or a night out on the town in which you opted not to have the responsibility of driving home. But, ask the driver about his story (and I’m not being sexist here, but let’s face it, most taxi drivers are in fact male), and the story you might hear could be one filled with adventure, success, sadness, and pride, all rolled into one. I still remember a taxi ride early one morning to the airport, and probing my driver a little revealed that in Afghanistan, he’d been a brain surgeon, but couldn’t get the proper licensing here to practice medicine, and still needed to support his family that included a terminally ill mother he was caring for. Sure, he could have been making the whole story up to increase the generous tip I had already planned on giving him, but there was such a resignation in his voice that I turned off my cynicism and accepted his tale at face value. For even if it wasn’t true, surely there was tragedy and hope in this man’s life that was worth valuing and believing.

It wasn’t just taxi drivers my Dad talked with. Everyone at the grocery store he frequented not only knew him by name, but knew his family and asked about them frequently, as did he of their families. To my Dad, every person he came into contact with was an opportunity for engagement, exploration, and mind expansion that was symbiotic. That approach towards life is a gift he has endowed me with, though admittedly, it’s one that needs constant fostering. By recognizing that each person has something to offer this world, and taking time to listen and find out what that might be from time to time is an experience that will brighten your world as well as theirs, and brings us all one step closer to understanding the humanity that ties us together.

How many times have you been at a restaurant, or in a store, where the staff didn’t seem to want to give you the time of day — they barely acknowledged your existence. It probably was infuriating. We expect our presence to be recognized by those around us, but how often do you recognize the presence of those around you, except in how they may do something for you? And yet, that’s the lot so many people face, day in, and day out, just moving about as an auto-matron of sorts, there to serve others without any acknowledgement that they exist outside of their current role.

So today when you’re buying your triple grande soy latte at Starbucks (oh, wait, that’s me), or stopping for lunch at whatever McBurgerBellFila fast food joint you frequent, or going through the checkout line with your milk, diapers, and fully cooked rotisserie chicken, remember that the person on the other end is a person worth knowing too. Smile at them, and when they ask you how you are doing, not expecting you to respond with any great fervor, shoot right back at them, and ask them how THEY are doing. Acknowledge their existence and let them know you see them. Because don’t we all really just want that? Don’t we all just want to be seen? To know that we’re alive, not just because we can feel sensations running through our bodies, but because another person can look at us and not just through us.

The world is a gift to all of us, as are the people within it. Let’s all take the time to celebrate that gift just a little more.

Are You Living in the Past?

The spare bedroom in our house is known as ‘the office’. Although the only piece of furniture that now occupies the room is a futon which is usually pulled out in the bed position and covered in toys that have spilled over from our kids’ rooms, it once served as a home office for my husband. And, even though he moved his office into the basement more than a year ago, the bedroom which has become our guest/play room will likely forever be known to us as ‘the office’.

Fortunately, our spare bedroom doesn’t have an identity that is being warped by conflicting ideas of who it is and who it should be based on past experiences. People, on the other hand, are different.

An individual’s identity develops over time, shifting and growing with each life experience. But sometimes it becomes easy to get wrapped up in maintaining a piece of your identity from the past even if it may not reflect who and where you are now. This can be physical, as in “I am dieting to get back to the body I had in high school”. Or it can be emotional, where one might lament what they see as a loss in the life they had in the past, as in a parent longing for the care-free days of their pre-child life.

While past experiences are an important part of who we are today, remaining tied to the past can lead to feelings of frustration and discontent. Instead of hanging on to who you “used to be”, concentrate on who you are now, reflect on the positive things, and consider what you might change for the better — not in an effort to get back to the past, but instead to move toward a better future.

Have you been trying to go back in time? What would happen if you let go of the person you “used to be”?

Sneaking Quiet Time Into Your Day — The First Steps to Incorporating Meditation

By Michelle Market, LPC

Imagine quiet amongst the chaos of your daily to-do’s. Imagine uninterrupted time during your day to focus on your breathing and slowing down. When you allow your mind to quiet down, how do you feel? Is it uncomfortable? Why might you avoid slowing down? These are questions to give some consideration as you begin to implement the practice of meditation.

It is possible to slow down, although it often needs to be intentional and, initially, rehearsed. Picture the first time you learned to ride a bike. You did not do it perfectly the first time. You fell, bumped into things – you started slowly. Learning the art of meditation and quieting your mind can sometimes feel like the same process.

When was the last time you sat in silence for any extended period of time? Meditation not only is a healthy coping skill to handle stress, but it is also a tool to help us tune in with ourselves. Quieting our mind results in becoming more centered. When we have slowness in our day we develop greater awareness of what is going on in our mind, body and with our emotions.

Steps to incorporate meditation into your day:

Choose a time in the day that is most conducive to your meditation practice. (All you need is 5 minutes). Initially, it is helpful to set a timer (start at 5 minutes).

Find a space where you can sit comfortably. Sit up tall with your legs uncrossed. Have your hands open and palms up. Close your eyes.

Find a word to focus on that will illicit a calm response. For example, peace, acceptance, slow, breathe.

When you have other thoughts that enter your mind picture them as clouds floating through the sky and then focus back on the calming word that you had chosen, refer to this as your mantra.

Take notice of taking slow, intentional deep breaths. Inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth.

Though there are many different ways to meditate, here are five types of meditations that may be easier to incorporate into your day:

Candle Meditation: Light a candle and place your focus on the flicker of the flame. When your mind begins to drift, re-center your focus back on the candle.

Walking Meditation: Find a path to walk (preferably a scenic route). Take notice of slowing down your steps one foot in front of the other. Take notice of slowing your breathing. Take notice of the scenery, the flowers, the trees and the grass as you connect with nature.

Cleaning Meditation: Turn any chore into a mini-escape. Take focus on the rhythmic nature of the chore. For example, if you are washing dishes, notice the sound of the water, take notice of the soap bubbles and take notice of your breathing. Use your calming word to re-center.

Car Mediation: While driving to work or running your errands turn off the music and drive in silence. Make a conscious decision to practice deep breathing.

Breathing Meditation: A simple way to incorporate calm into the day is committing to taking 3 deep breaths at different times throughout the day. You can use different transitions as a reminder to breathe such as before meals, before checking email, before starting the day. You will be amazed at the calming effect of just changing the way you breathe will make.

To sit without any judgment and to invite slowness is a gift of compassion to ourselves. Be patient in the process and start slowly. Begin to look forward to this pause within your day. Make the commitment to incorporate this self-care tool on a daily basis.

“I commit to 5 minutes of quiet each day.”

As you begin this practice on an on-going basis, you will start to look forward to this time of the day and will notice the days that you skipped. Meditation provides a bridge to create peace within ourselves.

Michelle Market, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Wellness Coach with more than 10 years of experience in Wellness and Women’s issues. She is dedicated to helping females feel better physically and emotionally. She has a private practice in Herndon, Virginia and works with Adults. Michelle provides counseling, coaching and workshops. She specializes in self-esteem and healthy food relationships. Her mission is to create and maintain positive change in the lives of her clients. She believes that beauty comes from the inside out. For more information visit her website www.michellemarket.com.

Creating Balance in Your Life

or

When Your Personal and Professional Lives Collide, You Can’t Control the Wind But You Can Adjust Your Sails

By Barbara M. LaRock

As you begin to think about bringing more balance into your life, consider the following set of 12 rules from a brochure on white water rafting safety. They’re relevant and applicable to the choices we all make as we decide how to live our lives.

1. Decide before you start if you’re going to steer from the front or back
2. Someone has to be elected to call out orders clearly.
3. Take rest in calm places.
4. Never stop paddling even when it seems hopeless.
5. If you get into trouble, don’t panic.
6. Don’t be surprised if the boat doesn’t go where you want it to go.
7. On a raft, the more activity on the left, the boat goes right, and vice versa.
8. If you go under, let go of everything and you will float.
9. Everyone paddles, but the current always takes you.
10. Trust the boat and if you are in white water, hold on.
11. Remember, white water is what you came for, so enjoy it.
12. The people in the boat are the ones who will pull you out of the water if you go overboard, and they are also the people with whom you must eat supper.

Keep these rules in mind as you negotiate your own white water. They’re definitely points to ponder if you, like most people, are struggling to fit together all the pieces of your life. As you are probably all too well aware, most people today are overscheduled, over-committed and generally overwhelmed. This kind of over scheduling can leave you running on empty and desperate about how to improve your situation.

For people with children, the impact of this imbalance can be serious when you consider that as parents, you are your children’s first and most important teachers. Your kids are always learning from you and will copy into their own lives the way you live your life. Following are examples of things your children learn from you. In fact, they’re important areas to examine whether or not you have children.

• How you manage time and what choices you make about how you spend your time
• What priority you place on the relationships in your life
• How you handle both professional and personal stress
• How you share responsibilities such as chores at home or responsibilities at work
• What place hobbies and interests play in your life
• How you handle free time–days off, weekends or vacation

The lesson for all of us to learn is that it’s up to each individual to create a life that is balanced, a life that s/he loves. No one can do it for you. It’s your responsibility. It’s not healthy to keep saying, “if it weren’t for this” or “if it weren’t for that, everything would be great.” Nor is it healthy to put your satisfaction in the future, e.g., when the kids or older, or when you or your spouse get a raise, or when you finish a project, etc. Remember: Life is not a dress rehearsal. Your future is now.

An important part of developing self-awareness is to take some time to think about your priorities–to identify the areas that are important to you. Priorities are individual–what’s important to one person may not be important to another and vice versa. To that end, consider a few questions whose answers may prove quite revealing to you. Ask yourself: What do I really want for my life? When you consider this question, what comes to your mind first? Do you want more rest? More exercise? A promotion? More time alone? More time with family or friends? A new home? To telecommute? To expand your business? List everything that comes
into your mind.

Take a look at all that you’ve just written and ask yourself if your desires are really your desires or are they meant to please someone else. Also ask yourself if your desires are ones you think you should have rather than desires you truly want. “Shoulds” can get you into difficulty. Now that you’ve considered what’s important to you, prioritize these areas. In other words, put them in order of their importance to you. Then ask yourself how much time and attention the top priority items are receiving. This activity will help you see areas that are out of balance–areas that matter to you but aren’t getting enough of your time and attention and aren’t being nourished.

Read more

Waking Up at Your Plate

The Ills of Flip Flops

Nothing says summer quite like flip flops. What would summer be without them? On that first warm day of each season, I love to set my cooped up feet free, don one of my many adorable pairs, and hear that ‘flip flop’ noise they make with each step. But after I started suffering from lower back and leg pain that seemed to coincide with warmer weather and the relegation of my more supportive shoes to the back of my closet, I began to ask myself if once again I would have to make a choice between fashion and comfort.

After beginning physical therapy for my ailments, I offered my theory to my therapist, and he agreed that with my weak arches, wearing flip flops constantly could have been a culprit in the pain I was experiencing.

According to Lawrence Rubin, DPM, “The flimsy construction of flip flops provides zero support to the feet — something that is unhealthy to almost all feet.” He encourages the regular use light-weight athletic shoes with built-in arch supports. Timothy M. Axe, DPM agrees. He offers the good, the bad, and the ugly on flip flops:

The good: flip flops provide basic foot protection to the bottom (plantar) foot. They may help prevent catching fungal infection and warts in public showers. Flip flops are good for short periods of time, quick errands, and periods when the wearer is not doing a lot of walking.

The Bad – flip flops offer no support for the arch, no shock absorption, no heel cushion, and not much protection on the top and sides of the foot. They lead to greater risk of toe injuries, puncture wounds, cuts from foreign bodies, and possible insect or snake bites. They are not good for sports. Flip flops accentuate any biomechanical deficiencies of the foot. They may also affect balance and may lead to falls particularly in older patients.

The Ugly: There are an increasing number of cases of plantar fasciitis (arch/heel pain) and tendonitis in the foot and ankle, particularly in the 15-25 year old age range, where typically we do not these problems as much.

In case you weren’t convinced yet to ditch your $5 flip flops from Old Navy just yet, Dr. Stephen Arbetters, a podiatrist in Newton, Mass, added:

“In a normal flip-flop the front of your foot has to work harder to keep the flip flop on. That can lead to tendonitis, arch pain and hammer toes.” This means that even some of the flip flops that offer arch support may not necessarily be much better for your feet. Just because they feel comfortable, doesn’t mean they are providing the support and protection you need.

“For all the shoes seductive sponginess, 99 percent of them provide no support. So they can stress other joints, causing pain in the knees and back. Flip-flops also don’t absorb shock and they are unstable which makes it easier for the wearer to turn an ankle.” Arbetters sees many patients who wear flip-flops with conditions such as plantar fasciitis, an inflammation of the tissue on the bottom of the foot.

Podiatrists weren’t the only people I spoke with who had an opinion on the matter. I also heard from Aliesa George, a Pilates instructor and personal trainer who spends her days working with people to improve their posture, strengthen their core, and create proper muscle function through simple foot care exercises, awareness about good shoe choices, and improved shoe tying techniques.

George reiterated the notion that flip flops offer no support, and added to the discussion more on the mechanics:

“Most feet that I see wearing flip flops are rolled in at the ankle which causes the arches to continue to drop or flatten to the floor. Over time this reduces the mobility of the ankle, and will lead to knee, hip, and back issues because the base of support (the bottom of the feet) are not functioning and being held in proper alignment for the rest of the bones to stack correctly on top of them. Since our muscles attach to the bones and act as a lever and pulley system, if the bones aren’t lined up correctly, the lever system for correct and proper muscle firing for exercise and everyday movement will be compromised. If this compromise occurs daily, with every step you take, all you are doing is reinforcing bad posture, body alignment, and improper muscle firing patterns for movement. With time, the ONLY thing that can occur is pain and injury.”

I personally thought all of my problems could be solved by switching from flip flops to Mephisto Helen sandal with support for arches and a cork footbed. But as Aliesa George could probably have told me, a little extra support in the arch was not enough. “The toe muscles are working incorrectly with every step you take in flip flops (this holds true for every pair of strapless shoes.) The big toe and second toe are constantly squeezing together to hold on to the shoe. Not only do the first two toes squeeze together to hold a flip flop on the foot, but all the toes curl under to “grab” the shoe and keep it on during the swing through phase of each stride. This is the exact opposite of what the toes should be doing when you take a step!”

While George reminded me that she is not a shoe expert, she suggested that if you do want to wear sandals, look for options with a strap that goes around the ankle to help hold the shoe on the foot. She has also written a book on foot care exercises called Fantastic Feet. You can also purchase a combination kit that comes with the book and all the tools you need to do the exercises.

So now that you are thoroughly depressed (if you’re like me) over the prospect of eliminating an icon of summer, there is a silver lining. First, Dr. Jonah Mullens, a podiatrist with the Pacific Foot and Ankle Institute in Palo Alto, Ca., offered an everything in moderation approach suggesting “you can wear something a little less than sensible 20% of the time if you commit to comfortable shoes the other 80%.”

For that 20% of the time you still really want to wear flip flops, based on my research, there are definitely some that are better than others.

The makers of Beech Yoga Sandals cite Prevention Magazine which touted the sandal as a “better Flip-Flop for the way the sandal promotes balance and stability.” Owner and creator Gayle Trenberth says “Yoga Sandals® stay secure on the foot while walking and allow the tendons and muscles in the feet to work in freedom with proper heel support. Yoga Sandals® help keep feet flexible and enforce a basic principle of yoga which is to spread the toes to achieve optimal grounding and proper body alignment to master the standing poses.”

Some other brands that offer a little more cushioning and support support are Rainbow Sandals, Reef Sandals, and the FitFlop Thong Sandal the makers of which actually claim gives you a workout while you walk.

If you want to take a step in the right direction, but aren’t ready to close your feet in, try sandals with ankle straps like these Merrell Savannah sandals or Dansko Women’s Serafina Sandal

If you’re like me, and ready to throw the towel in all together on sandals, but still want a light weight, cute summer shoe, try these Privo Acacia mary jane shoes. I have a pair, and they are really comfortable and look great with jeans and shorts, and even some of my sportier skirts.

At this point in my life, I have more of an appreciation of my body and am interested in doing what I can to take care of it. I figure I don’t need to accelerate the decline of my body by wearing shoes that don’t offer the support I need to maintain a strong and healthy back and legs.

Yog-ahh

by Esther Kane, MSW

In this article, I wanted to share with you one of my greatest passions and recommendations for all of my clients to help them de-stress, find balance, and get in shape- yoga. I have been practicing this ancient form of fitness, meditation, and relaxation for over half my life already. I was introduced to Kundalini yoga – a form of intense, sweat-producing postures and very fast breathing techniques — at the tender age of 19, which literally changed my life. At the time, I was experiencing really bad bouts of depression an anxiety and after learning the poses, movements, and proper breathing techniques, I felt much happier, lighter, and much more relaxed. I was completely blown away by this simple ‘workout’, which was also deeply rooted in spirituality and mindfulness.

Over the past 20 years, I have tried every type of yoga I can get my hands on via taking in-person classes and listening to CD’s and watching videos. I can honestly say that I love every kind of yoga I have tried, from the slow, meditative kind called ‘yin yoga’ where you hold postures for roughly seven minutes to the more vigorous flowing dance-like series called ‘ashtanga’. But the one type of yoga that I prefer the most (and have practiced for over six years now at least three times a week) is Bikram’s hot yoga — a series of 26 hatha (beginner) postures done twice each in a super-hot room (average heat is 105 degrees). I know it’s not for everyone, but I am a complete addict and actually look forward eagerly to ’sweating it out’ in a hot crowded room with others who are often grumpy, smelly, and irritated. Some days are harder than others and I really don’t feel like stretching and being instructed loudly by a yoga teacher who talks non-stop for 90 minutes, but in the six years I’ve been practicing this yoga, I have NEVER regretted doing a class once it’s over.

For me, yoga is so much more than simply exercising the body. I find that it’s a great way to cultivate self-discipline- especially of one’s mind. There is nothing that will trigger your irritability more than being stuck in an incredibly hot, humid room full of other people while being expected to perform an entire 90 minutes of challenging exercise. Sometimes I actually feel murderous and want to scream obscenities at the teacher or the person next to me, wriggling around, and most definitely, not contributing to my inner peace. As a psychotherapist, I consider this release of extreme feelings as an ‘emotional cleansing’ and find it incredibly therapeutic.

Let’s face it — we all go through major stressful events in our lives, often on a daily basis — and don’t have time to process them emotionally. We just move ahead with our lives, going through our routines, simply getting the job of living done. Where do these feelings go? Inside! We stuff, suppress, ignore, and deny what we’re feeling underneath until there is a large ‘emotional stew’ bubbling away inside us, just under the surface.  And when we don’t acknowledge and express these feelings, they just compile; one on top of the other until our emotional ‘cup’ runneth over and we end up exploding in rage, crying jags, or succumb to physical illness.

That’s where yoga can be a real lifesaver. The word “yoga” actually means, “union of body and mind”– it’s purpose being to balance us out physically, mentally, and spiritually. I recommend yoga to nearly all of my clients as a method to:

• Release traumas held in the cells of the body
• Get some much needed ‘me time’
• Learn how to relax and meditate
• Relieve symptoms of depression and anxiety
• Improve body awareness and body image
• Relieve various forms of physical illnesses in the body which are tied to emotions

Happy stretching!

Esther Kane, MSW, Registered Clinical Counsellor, is the author of the book and audio program, “It’s Not About the Food: A Woman’s Guide To Making Peace with Food and Our Bodies” ( www.endyoureatingdisorder.com) and “Dump That Chump”(www.dumpthatchump.com), and “What Your Mama Can’t or Won’t Teach You”(www.guidebooktowomanhood.com).  Sign up for her free monthly e-zine, Women’s Community Counsellor, to uplift and inspire women at: http://www.estherkane.com.

EDNOS: The Eating Disorder You Haven’t Heard Of

When I received the diagnosis of Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified two years ago, I had a very mixed reaction. On the one hand, the label didn’t seem to fit. Me? With an eating disorder? I wasn’t underweight, and in fact was technically on the edge of being overweight. I had intentionally thrown up from time to time, but certainly was not bulimic. I had tried starving myself periodically in an attempt to get my weight under control, but I definitely wasn’t anorexic. At the most I considered myself a chronic dieter, or someone who at times could be a little obsessed with healthy eating and exercise. I could agree that my eating was very disordered but to identify myself as someone with an eating disorder made me squirm in my seat a bit. (For more on the differences between disorders and disordered eating, read Disordered Eating or Eating Disorder?)

On the other hand, after hearing my therapist tell me I had an eating disorder, I felt relief. After all, I was there to get help, and if I could label my problem, perhaps the solution would come more easily. I was ready to silence the voice in my head that made me obsess over my body and food 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and if giving that voice the name ED (for Eating Disorder) would help, I was willing to accept it.

National Eating Disorder Awareness Week is February 21-27 this year, which seems like a good opportunity to bring attention to this lesser known sibling of Anorexia and Bulimia. Everyone knows about Anorexia and Bulimia, but EDNOS, which has only recently begun to receive recognition in the mental health community can be as equally dangerous and life consuming as its better known counterparts.

So what does Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified mean? Well, the short answer is a “category [of] disorders of eating that do not meet the criteria of a specific eating disorder,” according to the most recently updated version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. Ultimately, the definition is more anecdotal which explains why it is often harder to identify, though according to the publication Eating Disorders: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention, 50 percent of individuals who present for treatment of an eating disorder receive the diagnosis of EDNOS which effects 4 to 6 percent of the general population.*

While many of the criteria for EDNOS may closely mimic anorexia or bulimia, some behaviors are less obvious, and in fact, within our diet and body-obsessed culture, can appear perfectly normal. What may look to an outsider as just another diet involving close monitoring of caloric intake as well as exercise, may in fact become — if not already — an unhealthy and unnatural way to control weight based on an intense drive to be thin combined with an unrealistic body image. On the flip side, EDNOS also includes the sub-category of Binge Eating Disorder (BED) which is often overlooked as a simple lack of willpower and/or self control. Regardless of wherever a patient lies in the spectrum of EDNOS, it is important to realize that the emotional trauma suffered as a result of the disorder is equal to that of Anorexia and Bulimia, and should not be seen as anything less than a serious illness.

The introduction of EDNOS as an accepted diagnosis “gives a voice to sufferers who don’t fit into the narrow diagnostic categories of Anorexia, Bulimia, and Binge Eating Disorder” said Shannon Cutts, author of ANA: How to Outsmart Your Eating Disorder and Take Your Life Back, and founder of Mentor Connect, a community of people in recovery from eating and related disorders.

Cutts, who herself suffered from Anorexia, Bulimia and EDNOS feels grateful for the recognition of EDNOS, and encourages sufferers to seek help. “If you know that your symptoms, thoughts, and behaviors are affecting your quality of life, then you both need and deserve help. Use your voice and ask for help. Do not assume you are the only one who “doesn’t fit” into a category and therefore you don’t deserve help. There are many people who suffer from EDNOS and you help not just yourself but everyone who suffers from it when you demand the care you deserve. Search out a medical professional who is familiar with eating disorders rather than struggling to educate an unsympathetic doctor or therapist. Be your own health care advocate. You know better than anyone else when you are struggling and need help. Eating disorders kill, and just because your symptoms don’t fall into the three most commonly-recognized categories does not mean they are not equally deadly.”

The health complications that arise from eating disorders are extensive, and include low blood pressure, slower heart rate, a decrease in bone density, a disruption in hormones, sometimes leading to infertility, and more. Even more alarming is the fact that eating disorders have the highest rate of death among any mental disorder — just one episode of bingeing and purging can cause an electrolyte imbalance causing sudden death. That is why it is so important to recognize that eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes, and present themselves in a variety of ways.

Is there treatment for EDNOS? Though whole rehabilitation centers have risen to address the problems specific to Anorexia, Bulimia, and even Binge Eating Disorder, there is help for other non specified eating disorders. The effort to overcome any eating disorder is extensive and should not be downplayed. Most of the times, the help of a mental health professional is necessary, and the journey through recovery is never quick and painless. But when you consider the alternative of living a life plagued by self loathing, fear of food, and serious health risks, including a premature death, the effort is one that must be undertaken to break free and live a full and happy life.

As for my own journey, to be honest, it’s an ongoing process. Sometimes it’s two steps forward, one step back. But as Jenni Schaefer, author of Life Without Ed, and Goodbye Ed, Hello Me likes to say, fall down seven times, stand up eight.

Time Management or Self-Management?

By Barbara M. LaRock

Would you like more time in your calendar and your life? What if changing the way you look at time could make a good life a great life? Think these concepts are impossible? Read on.

At one time or another, most of us have said, “There just isn’t enough time in the day” or “I can never accomplish all I want to both at work and at home”? This kind of thinking makes people see themselves as victims of their overcrowded, overwhelming and demanding schedules. They then sit back, complain and continue their self-defeating behaviors. You can, however, change your attitude about managing time by acknowledging and accepting your responsibility for managing yourself.

It goes without saying that everyone has the same amount of time in his or her day. It’s how you choose to “spend” that time that counts. The word “spend” is key. When you spend money, you choose what amount to pay out in order to get what you want/need. The same holds true for time. Each of us decides how much to spend to get what we want/need. Time is wasted when we don’t spend or invest it wisely. It’s up to each of us to decide what our personal and professional priorities are and then to honor those priorities. This is why effective management of time really is self-management.

Effective time/self-management begins with examining and knowing your own style. People who are structured, organized, good at identifying, setting and respecting priorities, and good at meeting deadlines find managing their time relatively easy. On the other hand, people who lack determination and discipline and who are reluctant to have structure and organization in their lives have a more difficult time managing themselves and their time. But, with resolve and practice, they can learn to get done more of the important things in their lives.

Here are a few tips to help you get started managing yourself and your time more effectively:

1. Keep in mind that you, not circumstances are in the driver’s seat.
2. Keep a daily log for one week of how you spend your time.
3. Assess your own style and attitudes about time. For instance, if you’re a morning person, schedule your most difficult tasks early when you are at your best.
4. Take 10 minutes at the end of each day to write down your top 5-6 priorities for the next day in order of their importance.
5. Make sure that before the end of your workday, you accomplish the top 5-6 priorities that you set for yourself. Let nothing pull you off track or intervene with this accomplishment.
6. Maintain a calendar, either written or electronic, so you don’t over schedule yourself.
7. Have a clear understanding of what is important to your family members and your associates.
8. Delegate what you can.
9. Every week, handle one unfinished task or project that has drained your energy.
10. Respect other people’s time
11. Learn to say no to anything that takes you away from respecting your priorities, and
12. Practice living with the guilt that may come from saying no. You will get better at it.

Remember that it’s up to you to manage yourself–and your time.

Barbara M. LaRock, M.Ed., offers life, leadership and career coaching as well as organizational training.  Her firm is located in Reston, VA.  Her background prior to coaching includes teaching, advising and mentoring students; designing and directing training programs for trade and professional associations; and organizational training involving presentation and facilitation of workshops and seminars. Barbara’s coaching specializes in life-related and career areas with her individual clients and provides them with encouragement, support and challenge as they focus on transition and change in their personal and professional lives. Her clients find more enjoyment in their everyday lives and become even more productive on the job. For more information, visit her web site Barbara LaRock.

Copyright 2010

No parts of this article or the article in its entirety may be reproduced without permission of the author.

Book Review: The Body Love Manual — How to Love the Body You Have as You Create the Body You Want

You might find it strange to think that you need a manual on loving your body, but in fact, there is a book written by Elizabeth “Lily” Hills called The Body Love Manual*, and that’s precisely what it sets out to do — teach you to love your body. Right now, go to a mirror, look yourself directly in the eye and say “I love my body.” How does that feel? When one person I know said those words out loud, she said she felt silly. Silly because nothing could be further from the truth for her, as I suspect is the case with most people. I don’t have any statistics on how many people dislike their bodies, but if I were to take a guess, I would probably say that most people range somewhere from a vague dislike to an intense hatred of their bodies. And our eating habits confirm that.

It seems like most of us are either on a diet, trying to create a body that we can feel happy with, or treating our body with complete disregard, filling it beyond capacity with foods that would make our body scream in pain if it could talk. And then, when we can’t stand to look in the mirror anymore, or feel totally out of control around food, we go on a diet. Again. But let’s face it — diets don’t work.

Ninety-five percent of people who go on a diet regain the weight lost, and often more, within five years. But how are we supposed to reconcile those statistics with things like “obesity epidemic” or “1 in 3 Americans are overweight” and “war on obesity”. If diets don’t work, how are we supposed to cure our country of unhealthy eating habits and an inactive lifestyle? Jamie Oliver thinks he has the answer with his Food Revolution. Michelle Obama hopes she has the answers in trying to eradicate childhood obesity by encouraging kids to get off the sofa and get outdoors. In both cases, the focus, ultimately, is about teaching people to live healthier lives — to choose apple slices instead of chips, grilled chicken instead of burgers, bike riding instead of Playstation. But together, both Obama and Oliver are only getting at half the problem — which is what people eat, and without addressing the other half — why people eat, they will never reach the long term success they both genuinely want and hope to achieve.

The concept of intuitive eating is gaining momentum and working towards that goal with the help of books like Intuitive Eating, and Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat will be far more effective than wagging the finger at people in an effort to get them to make better choices. The Body Love Manual takes intuitive eating one step further by guiding readers through a process of identifying what it is that keeps them so disconnected from the bodies, preventing them from listening to and properly nourishing their bodies. Though the subtitle of the book is How to Love the Body You Have as You Create the Body You Want, don’t be mistaken. This is not a diet book in disguise. The Body Love Manual is for anyone ready to put away dieting forever, deciding to become an intuitive eater, and challenging the thoughts and feelings that so far have preventing you from achieving that goal. Integral to this process is learning, as the title suggests, to love your body. As Hills points out, “The human body is tragically under-appreciated, neglected, and abused…The fact is that it is very hard to feel motivated to take care of something you don’t care about. Conversely, when you care deeply for and truly honor your body, you will be far more likely to make the healthier choices for it.”

The Body Love Manual should not be a quick read. It requires reflection and real emotional work. But ask yourself if you identify with this passage from the book:

“As the number I saw on my bathroom scale went up, my sense of self-worth plummeted. During this period of my life, it was rare for me to appreciate and value any of my other qualities … [which] became secondary in comparison to my weight.”

If you feel like you could have written those words yourself, then perhaps it is time to begin the work towards loving your body because “When your thoughts about yourself are respectful and appreciative, you will begin to attract more positive experiences of all kinds into your life.”

Though the Body Love Manual talks about achieving your ideal weight, you might begin to question what your “ideal weight” is and in fact you may find that you are already there, because your “ideal weight” should reflect a healthy lifestyle that is not measured by a number on the scale but by the feelings that come from your mind and body which will tell you when you’ve reached it.

*As required by FCC law, I am disclosing that The Body Love Manual was donated by the author for purposes of this review.

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