The Unitarian Universalist Church of Reston

What is spirituality? The only thing I know for sure as I write that question is that I absolutely don’t know. After all, I only began my own spiritual journey a year ago at the age of 38 when I walked through the doors of the Unitarian Universalist Church of Reston, in Reston, Virginia. If you know me, you may be surprised to hear that I have been going to church for the better part of a year now, and plan to soon make it official by becoming a member. After all, I am a self avowed atheist, and have been for the better part of my life. This statement may be off-putting to some readers, but I think it is important to be up-front from the beginning: I do not believe in God. However, my belief that there is no god makes me no less inclined to long for spirituality — a connection to something greater, something bigger than myself and outside of myself. I simply choose to define what that is differently than many others. And while Unitarian Universalists don’t preach atheism, they do preach acceptance of all, along with the core tenets of compassion, and connection — all ideas I can wrap my brain and my heart around.

Though the concrete act of me walking through the doors of UUCR is a way that I seem to mark the start of my search for spirituality and deeper connection, I realize now that this journey is one that has neither a beginning nor an end except, perhaps, where it is marked by birth and death, and, even then, who I am to say it doesn’t go beyond that? Although I feel certain for myself that there is no Heaven or Hell, I also subscribe to the belief that we are all energy and energy is neither created nor destroyed — an idea that lends itself to a different way of viewing eternal life.

When I contemplate spirituality and what intuitively that means to me now that I have opened myself up to accepting something greater into my life, I do feel that it is something all around us all the time. Sometimes it lights up like like fireworks in the sky as if say “Look at me! I’m here! I’m extraordinary!” while at other times, it might be more like a flicker from a firefly, there one second and gone the next, a moment that can be missed if you blink. Of course, I realize that to many of you that may sound a lot like God, so maybe we aren’t so different after all.

I also know that while I love every service I go to on Sunday mornings, walking away feeling like my mind and heart have been stretched to new limits each week, I also know that church is usually the last place I feel spiritual. I feel many wonderful, positive things, but spiritual, no. Instead, the moments when I feel something greater than myself are moments I’ve had many times in my life, but maybe because I had some religious baggage or perhaps it was just a lack of proper guidance, I didn’t define them at the time as experiences of enlightenment. Moments like listening to a concert in the St. Chappelle Cathedral in Paris on a cold November night, closing my eyes and feeling the music reach inside me and flow through my entire body, leaving me feeling invigorated and drained all at once. Maybe the feeling I had was not unlike someone going through a Baptism, being reawakened to a new knowing — a knowing that there is a nameless something that evokes awe in the very core of my being. Even now, just writing about that moment, there is something coursing through my veins that wasn’t there a few minutes ago, and I feel a little more at peace this morning. In fact, music is something that is most likely to evoke a feeling of spirituality in me and on the same trip, I experienced a moment of nirvana once again, while sitting in a bar, dark and tinted with hues of red (or maybe that’s just how I remember it?), listening to a jazz trio where each instrument spoke to one another in a language only the players fully understood.

There are other moments and places, too, that aren’t centered around music, that bring me an inner peace and a feeling of connectedness to the world around me. Muir Woods, a redwood forest just outside of San Francisco always feels to me like my own personal cathedral — a place of worship — even when surrounded by the crowds of tourists who flock to see the grand work of nature. I have access to wonderful parks here in Northern Virginia, and love to hear the roar of the Potomac while hiking the trails through Great Falls Park where, even though one is only a few miles from the sheer suburban chaos of the DC Metropolitan area, you can truly lose yourself (in the best possible way!).

And I can find spirituality in animals. Although I don’t spend nearly enough time around horses, when I touch one, when I rub my hands along its soft muzzle, there is something there, a connection that goes far beyond words. I feel spiritual when I see a mother duck leading her small fluffy ducklings to a stream on the campus of George Mason University, completely indifferent to the busy students looking down at their iPhones, mindlessly walking through their lives, missing out on this firefly moment. When a cicada comes out of the ground after seventeen years of lying just under the surface while I go about my business, growing older, sprouting new gray hairs, wondering how I’m going to handle my kids entering into adolescence, I feel a miracle.

So, clearly music and nature have the profound ability to awake my spiritual soul, but it is not only external forces that have that power. Though admittedly my commitment to the daily practice of meditation ebbs and flows, the stilling of my mind and heart let me speak to a higher self within — a higher self that in our busy, high-wired modern world can sometimes be very hard to reach. Still, each time I take 15, 10, or even 5 minutes to put out the call to that higher self, an inner wisdom to guide me through the ups and downs of this brutiful (to quote Momastery) world, I become aware of something that transcends my own presence here.

I was at a seminar yesterday where we spent a lot of time discussing spirituality and its place in the mental health profession particularly as it relates to the treatment of eating disorders, and I came away believing what I already have intuitively come to know — that a healthy sense of spirituality can be a vital component to overcoming some of life’s greatest challenges. As William James said, spirituality involves “a sensation of union, of a direct connection with the cosmos, with nature and the Divine Energy. It includes a belief in the reality of an unseen order and in the human need to be attuned to it.” Though each of us may define Divine Energy differently, tapping into it whether it’s through prayer, meditation, getting in touch with nature, or listening to music, is a chance to awaken something both within ourselves and throughout the greater world.

I am thankful that I have awakened to the journey I was already on, though unaware, and look forward to new experiences of personal and spiritual enlightenment through intentional practice and random acts. What do you do to awaken your spirituality?

You can use the principle of intention with respect to planning meals and snacks or even generally applied to your food relationship. Weekly intentions might take the form of incorporating healthy snacks, packing your lunch to work, and/or having meals planned throughout the week. The reality is that those who are most successful are the ones who realize they are worth taking those extra ten minutes per day to pack their lunch or plan their meals. I recently had a client measure the time it took to create a healthy salad to pack in her lunch bag. To her surprise, creating and packing this salad took only three minutes. So sometimes we perceive that it will take longer than it actually will. Why not give yourself the challenge? I am sure you can find three extra minutes to pack your lunch.

Reflection Questions

1) Identify the sabotaging thoughts that get in the way of having a healthy food relationship (i.e., “I don’t have the time”, “It is too expensive”, “I am too tired”, “I’ll start next week”, “Next month, next year”).

2) Identify the supportive statements that you tell yourself about cultivating a healthy food relationship (i.e., one meal at a time, I am worth the time and investment, progress not perfection). In what ways are you already incorporating mindfulness in your food relationship?

Action Steps

How might you incorporate the act of intention with your food relationship? What will you commit to do over the next month? Make your act of intention focus on only one thing. Some ideas may include: starting your day with a healthy breakfast; practicing mindful eating at a minimum of one meal or snack per day; committing to having a regular day to grocery shop and meal plan. Some find it helpful to break down shopping and meal planning into two planning sessions and two shopping sessions per week. For example, on Sunday plan meals and snacks through Wednesday, and then again on Wednesday plan for Thursday through Saturday. Recognize that you are worth the investment of time. When you are able to plan and have healthy food options readily available you set yourself up for success.

Michelle Market, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Wellness Coach with more than 10 years of experience in Wellness and Women’s issues. She is dedicated to helping females feel better physically and emotionally. She has a private practice in Herndon, Virginia and works with Adults. Michelle provides counseling, coaching and workshops. She specializes in self-esteem and healthy food relationships. Her mission is to create and maintain positive change in the lives of her clients. She believes that beauty comes from the inside out. For more information visit her website www.michellemarket.com.

I went into my dressing room to try my clothes on, but I couldn’t help wondering what the rest of the story was for this man. Was he working so hard to just make ends meet for himself in one of the wealthiest counties in our nation? Maybe he was supporting his family, putting a child through college, or at least hoping to. What did he do in his native country? Was he a farmer? Or did he have a stall selling fruits and vegetables along side prepaid calling cards? Or maybe he was he a doctor, as many a taxi driver I’ve spoken to have been. Or a professor, or a lawyer, or one of many other white color professions that may have served them well in their home countries, but for which there is little reciprocity in terms of their credentials here in the U.S.

Alas, the clocked ticked, and by the time I was done deciding that nothing I brought in with me was going to work out, I had little time to investigate his life story. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have one. Or any other person that I come into contact with for 3.5 seconds at a time in my day. It’s easy to treat every person that we are not intimately connected with as a cog in the wheel of our life — they are there to keep things turning, making things comfortable for the rest of us, taking our money at the registers, folding clothes we choose not to buy, making our food, and packaging it up for us to take home and feed to our families, sweeping floors, cleaning up after our kids have spilled more food on the floor of a restaurant than what went into their mouths. It’s so easy not to notice them. To go through life as if we are surrounded by ghosts who only give us the slightest hint of their presence through a smile here, an automated “have a nice day” there. But at the end of their shift, they go home and live lives just like we do, putting dinner on the table (or hoping to), wanting the best for their kids, wondering if they’ve made the right choices in life.

My Dad used to tell me that some of the most interesting people he’s ever met were taxi cab drivers. They mostly sit in silence, occasionally perhaps broaching the area of small talk, mentioning the weather or asking about where you are going. You might mention your upcoming girl’s weekend, or a business trip, or a night out on the town in which you opted not to have the responsibility of driving home. But, ask the driver about his story (and I’m not being sexist here, but let’s face it, most taxi drivers are in fact male), and the story you might hear could be one filled with adventure, success, sadness, and pride, all rolled into one. I still remember a taxi ride early one morning to the airport, and probing my driver a little revealed that in Afghanistan, he’d been a brain surgeon, but couldn’t get the proper licensing here to practice medicine, and still needed to support his family that included a terminally ill mother he was caring for. Sure, he could have been making the whole story up to increase the generous tip I had already planned on giving him, but there was such a resignation in his voice that I turned off my cynicism and accepted his tale at face value. For even if it wasn’t true, surely there was tragedy and hope in this man’s life that was worth valuing and believing.

It wasn’t just taxi drivers my Dad talked with. Everyone at the grocery store he frequented not only knew him by name, but knew his family and asked about them frequently, as did he of their families. To my Dad, every person he came into contact with was an opportunity for engagement, exploration, and mind expansion that was symbiotic. That approach towards life is a gift he has endowed me with, though admittedly, it’s one that needs constant fostering. By recognizing that each person has something to offer this world, and taking time to listen and find out what that might be from time to time is an experience that will brighten your world as well as theirs, and brings us all one step closer to understanding the humanity that ties us together.

How many times have you been at a restaurant, or in a store, where the staff didn’t seem to want to give you the time of day — they barely acknowledged your existence. It probably was infuriating. We expect our presence to be recognized by those around us, but how often do you recognize the presence of those around you, except in how they may do something for you? And yet, that’s the lot so many people face, day in, and day out, just moving about as an auto-matron of sorts, there to serve others without any acknowledgement that they exist outside of their current role.

So today when you’re buying your triple grande soy latte at Starbucks (oh, wait, that’s me), or stopping for lunch at whatever McBurgerBellFila fast food joint you frequent, or going through the checkout line with your milk, diapers, and fully cooked rotisserie chicken, remember that the person on the other end is a person worth knowing too. Smile at them, and when they ask you how you are doing, not expecting you to respond with any great fervor, shoot right back at them, and ask them how THEY are doing. Acknowledge their existence and let them know you see them. Because don’t we all really just want that? Don’t we all just want to be seen? To know that we’re alive, not just because we can feel sensations running through our bodies, but because another person can look at us and not just through us.

The world is a gift to all of us, as are the people within it. Let’s all take the time to celebrate that gift just a little more.

The spare bedroom in our house is known as ‘the office’. Although the only piece of furniture that now occupies the room is a futon which is usually pulled out in the bed position and covered in toys that have spilled over from our kids’ rooms, it once served as a home office for my husband. And, even though he moved his office into the basement more than a year ago, the bedroom which has become our guest/play room will likely forever be known to us as ‘the office’.

Fortunately, our spare bedroom doesn’t have an identity that is being warped by conflicting ideas of who it is and who it should be based on past experiences. People, on the other hand, are different.

An individual’s identity develops over time, shifting and growing with each life experience. But sometimes it becomes easy to get wrapped up in maintaining a piece of your identity from the past even if it may not reflect who and where you are now. This can be physical, as in “I am dieting to get back to the body I had in high school”. Or it can be emotional, where one might lament what they see as a loss in the life they had in the past, as in a parent longing for the care-free days of their pre-child life.

While past experiences are an important part of who we are today, remaining tied to the past can lead to feelings of frustration and discontent. Instead of hanging on to who you “used to be”, concentrate on who you are now, reflect on the positive things, and consider what you might change for the better — not in an effort to get back to the past, but instead to move toward a better future.

Have you been trying to go back in time? What would happen if you let go of the person you “used to be”?

By Michelle Market, LPC

Imagine quiet amongst the chaos of your daily to-do’s. Imagine uninterrupted time during your day to focus on your breathing and slowing down. When you allow your mind to quiet down, how do you feel? Is it uncomfortable? Why might you avoid slowing down? These are questions to give some consideration as you begin to implement the practice of meditation.

It is possible to slow down, although it often needs to be intentional and, initially, rehearsed. Picture the first time you learned to ride a bike. You did not do it perfectly the first time. You fell, bumped into things – you started slowly. Learning the art of meditation and quieting your mind can sometimes feel like the same process.

When was the last time you sat in silence for any extended period of time? Meditation not only is a healthy coping skill to handle stress, but it is also a tool to help us tune in with ourselves. Quieting our mind results in becoming more centered. When we have slowness in our day we develop greater awareness of what is going on in our mind, body and with our emotions.

Steps to incorporate meditation into your day:

Choose a time in the day that is most conducive to your meditation practice. (All you need is 5 minutes). Initially, it is helpful to set a timer (start at 5 minutes).

Find a space where you can sit comfortably. Sit up tall with your legs uncrossed. Have your hands open and palms up. Close your eyes.

Find a word to focus on that will illicit a calm response. For example, peace, acceptance, slow, breathe.

When you have other thoughts that enter your mind picture them as clouds floating through the sky and then focus back on the calming word that you had chosen, refer to this as your mantra.

Take notice of taking slow, intentional deep breaths. Inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth.

Though there are many different ways to meditate, here are five types of meditations that may be easier to incorporate into your day:

Candle Meditation: Light a candle and place your focus on the flicker of the flame. When your mind begins to drift, re-center your focus back on the candle.

Walking Meditation: Find a path to walk (preferably a scenic route). Take notice of slowing down your steps one foot in front of the other. Take notice of slowing your breathing. Take notice of the scenery, the flowers, the trees and the grass as you connect with nature.

Cleaning Meditation: Turn any chore into a mini-escape. Take focus on the rhythmic nature of the chore. For example, if you are washing dishes, notice the sound of the water, take notice of the soap bubbles and take notice of your breathing. Use your calming word to re-center.

Car Mediation: While driving to work or running your errands turn off the music and drive in silence. Make a conscious decision to practice deep breathing.

Breathing Meditation: A simple way to incorporate calm into the day is committing to taking 3 deep breaths at different times throughout the day. You can use different transitions as a reminder to breathe such as before meals, before checking email, before starting the day. You will be amazed at the calming effect of just changing the way you breathe will make.

To sit without any judgment and to invite slowness is a gift of compassion to ourselves. Be patient in the process and start slowly. Begin to look forward to this pause within your day. Make the commitment to incorporate this self-care tool on a daily basis.

“I commit to 5 minutes of quiet each day.”

As you begin this practice on an on-going basis, you will start to look forward to this time of the day and will notice the days that you skipped. Meditation provides a bridge to create peace within ourselves.

Michelle Market, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Wellness Coach with more than 10 years of experience in Wellness and Women’s issues. She is dedicated to helping females feel better physically and emotionally. She has a private practice in Herndon, Virginia and works with Adults. Michelle provides counseling, coaching and workshops. She specializes in self-esteem and healthy food relationships. Her mission is to create and maintain positive change in the lives of her clients. She believes that beauty comes from the inside out. For more information visit her website www.michellemarket.com.

When Your Personal and Professional Lives Collide, You Can’t Control the Wind But You Can Adjust Your Sails

By Barbara M. LaRock

Image via Flickr, courtesy of QuiteLucid

As you begin to think about bringing more balance into your life, consider the following set of 12 rules from a brochure on white water rafting safety. They’re relevant and applicable to the choices we all make as we decide how to live our lives.

1. Decide before you start if you’re going to steer from the front or back
2. Someone has to be elected to call out orders clearly.
3. Take rest in calm places.
4. Never stop paddling even when it seems hopeless.
5. If you get into trouble, don’t panic.
6. Don’t be surprised if the boat doesn’t go where you want it to go.
7. On a raft, the more activity on the left, the boat goes right, and vice versa.
8. If you go under, let go of everything and you will float.
9. Everyone paddles, but the current always takes you.
10. Trust the boat and if you are in white water, hold on.
11. Remember, white water is what you came for, so enjoy it.
12. The people in the boat are the ones who will pull you out of the water if you go overboard, and they are also the people with whom you must eat supper.

Keep these rules in mind as you negotiate your own white water. They’re definitely points to ponder if you, like most people, are struggling to fit together all the pieces of your life. As you are probably all too well aware, most people today are overscheduled, over-committed and generally overwhelmed. This kind of over scheduling can leave you running on empty and desperate about how to improve your situation.

For people with children, the impact of this imbalance can be serious when you consider that as parents, you are your children’s first and most important teachers. Your kids are always learning from you and will copy into their own lives the way you live your life. Following are examples of things your children learn from you. In fact, they’re important areas to examine whether or not you have children.

• How you manage time and what choices you make about how you spend your time
• What priority you place on the relationships in your life
• How you handle both professional and personal stress
• How you share responsibilities such as chores at home or responsibilities at work
• What place hobbies and interests play in your life
• How you handle free time–days off, weekends or vacation

The lesson for all of us to learn is that it’s up to each individual to create a life that is balanced, a life that s/he loves. No one can do it for you. It’s your responsibility. It’s not healthy to keep saying, “if it weren’t for this” or “if it weren’t for that, everything would be great.” Nor is it healthy to put your satisfaction in the future, e.g., when the kids or older, or when you or your spouse get a raise, or when you finish a project, etc. Remember: Life is not a dress rehearsal. Your future is now.

An important part of developing self-awareness is to take some time to think about your priorities–to identify the areas that are important to you. Priorities are individual–what’s important to one person may not be important to another and vice versa. To that end, consider a few questions whose answers may prove quite revealing to you. Ask yourself: What do I really want for my life? When you consider this question, what comes to your mind first? Do you want more rest? More exercise? A promotion? More time alone? More time with family or friends? A new home? To telecommute? To expand your business? List everything that comes
into your mind.

Take a look at all that you’ve just written and ask yourself if your desires are really your desires or are they meant to please someone else. Also ask yourself if your desires are ones you think you should have rather than desires you truly want. “Shoulds” can get you into difficulty. Now that you’ve considered what’s important to you, prioritize these areas. In other words, put them in order of their importance to you. Then ask yourself how much time and attention the top priority items are receiving. This activity will help you see areas that are out of balance–areas that matter to you but aren’t getting enough of your time and attention and aren’t being nourished.

By becoming self-aware you’ve determined what matters to you. The next step in creating a balanced life is very important. You must learn to respect and protect what’s important to you. This means your schedule and the way you live your life should reflect your priorities. A crucial piece here is to stop reacting to life and ask yourself what causes you to lose site of your priorities. What or whom do you allow to get in your way? You are in the driver’s seat–not circumstances. There are no victims, only volunteers.

Think about when you’re on a plane listening to the flight attendant explain emergency depressurization procedures. You’ve all heard the flight attendant remind passengers traveling with someone who is dependent on them to put their own oxygen mask on first so they can be available to the dependent person. The bottom line The bottom line is you have to care for yourself first. This is not selfish–it’s taking care of yourself so that you can be available to those who matter to you and depend on you. You have to learn to say no to anything that doesn’t respect your priorities. This is how you honor and protect what’s important to you. It’s simple, but definitely not easy. If you’re a people pleaser, this can be especially hard.

A rule that’s attributed to the Dalai Llama is a simple formula that will help you protect your priorities:  Respect for self, respect for others, responsibility for all your actions.

Here are some tips to help you honor and respect the priorities you’ve identified:

• When you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself: what’s really happening – what’s going on and, what am I really feeling. Answering these questions will help ground you.
• You can’t maintain your sense of balance and grounding unless your basic needs are met.
• Remind yourself to give thought to what you want, what you choose and what you prefer rather than what you should want or ought to be doing.
• Identify the free time that you do have. Obvious free time is easy to identify. Most of us have a lot more free time than we realize, we just haven’t learned to recognize this “hidden” time and we let it pass away unnoticed. This free time usually won’t be a large block of time, but is most likely made up of small pieces of time. Examples of free time we may not realize we have are: waiting in traffic or riding Metro; standing in line at the bank or the DMV; your lunch or coffee break; waiting for doctor/dentist appointments; time on business trips–on planes, waiting in airports, eating alone.
• You’ve prioritized important areas in your life. Now think about what you need to do to reach your goal of spending more time on those areas. Ask yourself what small steps you can take to reach your goal. For example, if a priority for you is to spend more time on a hobby or interest, take a class or learn from a friend. If spending more time with a spouse/partner is a priority, identify what time you both have so you can reach your goal. You might try to set up a “date” night once a week or meet for lunch on a regular basis.
• If you want to read more, ask yourself what free times are available to you so you can read. You may want to carry a book with you so it’s handy when you have some “hidden” free time.
• Identify the things that revitalize and refresh you and make time for them–exercising, reading, visiting with friends, watching a favorite TV program, spiritual or religious time, or just being alone.
• Identify and eliminate things (including people and places) that bother you and drain your energy. Determine what you can delegate at work and at home. For instance, if you let family members choose a chore they have interest in doing, they’re more likely to do it with minimum grumbling. A word of caution: if you delegate, be careful about criticizing those who do things differently than you do. Also, remember to show appreciation. A word of thanks goes a long way. When people feel valued and recognized for what they’ve done, they’re much more likely to do it again — and willingly.
• Shop via catalog or on the Web. Use services that pick up and deliver such as dry cleaners and copy services. Order office products online. Delivery is fast. Hire a housecleaner if you can afford it.
• If your child is in day care, if it’s at all feasible, check in on him/her during your workday. This is obviously a lot easier if your child is in on site day care. However, new software enables you to actually see your child in day care from your computer. If your children are at home alone after school, have them call you or you call them during the time they’re at home alone. You’ll be more productive at work if you’re not worrying.
• Find a gym with a day care center such as a YMCA. If you have a small child, consider a jogging stroller.
• If you have a spouse, negotiate time alone–everyone needs time alone! If you have children during your alone time, the other spouse spends time with the children. Then the spouse whose had the time off reciprocates with supervision of the children.
• Set aside a family evening–take turns suggesting what games to play. Rent a movie–take turns choosing the movie or build a model together. Try to find a place in your house for a jigsaw puzzle for everyone to work on.
• Find a convenient place in your home for a master calendar and enter everyone’s activities and commitments on that calendar so you can see at a glance where jam up times are and what the best times for couple and family activities are.
• Set aside a special place, perhaps near the back door, for each child to have a “storage area” such as a plastic box to keep their own lunch boxes, boots, mittens, backpacks, sports gear and other belongings.
• Let children participate in menu planning during the week or on weekends, whichever works best for you. Then let the kids participate in cooking AND cleanup.
• When you first come home from work, be aware of and let your spouse and family know what kind of transition time you need. Talk about that transition time and work with your spouse and family so you get what you need.
• If you travel on business, telephone your family every night and talk about their day as well as yours. Send e-mails. Consider sending a postcard. These things keep everyone feeling connected and cared about.

Finally, give yourself credit for the effort and time you put into the steps that will lead you to your goal of achieving a more balanced life. As with anything new, you may find yourself experiencing some stops starts and course corrections. Progress is never a straight line forward; to be sure, there have to be steps forward, but it’s normal and indeed expected to have some backsliding and some plateaus. Don’t give up. Creating balance and a life you love will give you a better, more fulfilling life and will make you even more productive in your professional life. An added bonus if you have children is that you will be giving them the gift of priceless lessons for life from their first and most important teacher.

Barbara M. LaRock, M.Ed., offers life, leadership and career coaching as well as organizational training.  Her firm is located in Reston, VA.  Her background prior to coaching includes teaching, advising and mentoring students; designing and directing training programs for trade and professional associations; and organizational training involving presentation and facilitation of workshops and seminars. Barbara’s coaching specializes in life-related and career areas with her individual clients and provides them with encouragement, support and challenge as they focus on transition and change in their personal and professional lives. Her clients find more enjoyment in their everyday lives and become even more productive on the job. For more information, visit her web site Barbara LaRock.

Copyright 2010

No parts of this article or the article in its entirety may be reproduced without permission of the author.

After beginning physical therapy for my ailments, I offered my theory to my therapist, and he agreed that with my weak arches, wearing flip flops constantly could have been a culprit in the pain I was experiencing.

According to Lawrence Rubin, DPM, “The flimsy construction of flip flops provides zero support to the feet — something that is unhealthy to almost all feet.” He encourages the regular use light-weight athletic shoes with built-in arch supports. Timothy M. Axe, DPM agrees. He offers the good, the bad, and the ugly on flip flops:

The good: flip flops provide basic foot protection to the bottom (plantar) foot. They may help prevent catching fungal infection and warts in public showers. Flip flops are good for short periods of time, quick errands, and periods when the wearer is not doing a lot of walking.

The Bad – flip flops offer no support for the arch, no shock absorption, no heel cushion, and not much protection on the top and sides of the foot. They lead to greater risk of toe injuries, puncture wounds, cuts from foreign bodies, and possible insect or snake bites. They are not good for sports. Flip flops accentuate any biomechanical deficiencies of the foot. They may also affect balance and may lead to falls particularly in older patients.

The Ugly: There are an increasing number of cases of plantar fasciitis (arch/heel pain) and tendonitis in the foot and ankle, particularly in the 15-25 year old age range, where typically we do not these problems as much.

In case you weren’t convinced yet to ditch your $5 flip flops from Old Navy just yet, Dr. Stephen Arbetters, a podiatrist in Newton, Mass, added:

“In a normal flip-flop the front of your foot has to work harder to keep the flip flop on. That can lead to tendonitis, arch pain and hammer toes.” This means that even some of the flip flops that offer arch support may not necessarily be much better for your feet. Just because they feel comfortable, doesn’t mean they are providing the support and protection you need.

“For all the shoes seductive sponginess, 99 percent of them provide no support. So they can stress other joints, causing pain in the knees and back. Flip-flops also don’t absorb shock and they are unstable which makes it easier for the wearer to turn an ankle.” Arbetters sees many patients who wear flip-flops with conditions such as plantar fasciitis, an inflammation of the tissue on the bottom of the foot.

Podiatrists weren’t the only people I spoke with who had an opinion on the matter. I also heard from Aliesa George, a Pilates instructor and personal trainer who spends her days working with people to improve their posture, strengthen their core, and create proper muscle function through simple foot care exercises, awareness about good shoe choices, and improved shoe tying techniques.

George reiterated the notion that flip flops offer no support, and added to the discussion more on the mechanics:

“Most feet that I see wearing flip flops are rolled in at the ankle which causes the arches to continue to drop or flatten to the floor. Over time this reduces the mobility of the ankle, and will lead to knee, hip, and back issues because the base of support (the bottom of the feet) are not functioning and being held in proper alignment for the rest of the bones to stack correctly on top of them. Since our muscles attach to the bones and act as a lever and pulley system, if the bones aren’t lined up correctly, the lever system for correct and proper muscle firing for exercise and everyday movement will be compromised. If this compromise occurs daily, with every step you take, all you are doing is reinforcing bad posture, body alignment, and improper muscle firing patterns for movement. With time, the ONLY thing that can occur is pain and injury.”

I personally thought all of my problems could be solved by switching from flip flops to Mephisto Helen sandal with support for arches and a cork footbed. But as Aliesa George could probably have told me, a little extra support in the arch was not enough. “The toe muscles are working incorrectly with every step you take in flip flops (this holds true for every pair of strapless shoes.) The big toe and second toe are constantly squeezing together to hold on to the shoe. Not only do the first two toes squeeze together to hold a flip flop on the foot, but all the toes curl under to “grab” the shoe and keep it on during the swing through phase of each stride. This is the exact opposite of what the toes should be doing when you take a step!”

While George reminded me that she is not a shoe expert, she suggested that if you do want to wear sandals, look for options with a strap that goes around the ankle to help hold the shoe on the foot. She has also written a book on foot care exercises called Fantastic Feet. You can also purchase a combination kit that comes with the book and all the tools you need to do the exercises.

So now that you are thoroughly depressed (if you’re like me) over the prospect of eliminating an icon of summer, there is a silver lining. First, Dr. Jonah Mullens, a podiatrist with the Pacific Foot and Ankle Institute in Palo Alto, Ca., offered an everything in moderation approach suggesting “you can wear something a little less than sensible 20% of the time if you commit to comfortable shoes the other 80%.”

For that 20% of the time you still really want to wear flip flops, based on my research, there are definitely some that are better than others.

The makers of Beech Yoga Sandals cite Prevention Magazine which touted the sandal as a “better Flip-Flop for the way the sandal promotes balance and stability.” Owner and creator Gayle Trenberth says “Yoga Sandals® stay secure on the foot while walking and allow the tendons and muscles in the feet to work in freedom with proper heel support. Yoga Sandals® help keep feet flexible and enforce a basic principle of yoga which is to spread the toes to achieve optimal grounding and proper body alignment to master the standing poses.”

Some other brands that offer a little more cushioning and support support are Rainbow Sandals, Reef Sandals, and the FitFlop Thong Sandal the makers of which actually claim gives you a workout while you walk.

If you want to take a step in the right direction, but aren’t ready to close your feet in, try sandals with ankle straps like these Merrell Savannah sandals or Dansko Women’s Serafina Sandal

If you’re like me, and ready to throw the towel in all together on sandals, but still want a light weight, cute summer shoe, try these Privo Acacia mary jane shoes. I have a pair, and they are really comfortable and look great with jeans and shorts, and even some of my sportier skirts.

At this point in my life, I have more of an appreciation of my body and am interested in doing what I can to take care of it. I figure I don’t need to accelerate the decline of my body by wearing shoes that don’t offer the support I need to maintain a strong and healthy back and legs.

In this article, I wanted to share with you one of my greatest passions and recommendations for all of my clients to help them de-stress, find balance, and get in shape- yoga. I have been practicing this ancient form of fitness, meditation, and relaxation for over half my life already. I was introduced to Kundalini yoga – a form of intense, sweat-producing postures and very fast breathing techniques — at the tender age of 19, which literally changed my life. At the time, I was experiencing really bad bouts of depression an anxiety and after learning the poses, movements, and proper breathing techniques, I felt much happier, lighter, and much more relaxed. I was completely blown away by this simple ‘workout’, which was also deeply rooted in spirituality and mindfulness.

Over the past 20 years, I have tried every type of yoga I can get my hands on via taking in-person classes and listening to CD’s and watching videos. I can honestly say that I love every kind of yoga I have tried, from the slow, meditative kind called ‘yin yoga’ where you hold postures for roughly seven minutes to the more vigorous flowing dance-like series called ‘ashtanga’. But the one type of yoga that I prefer the most (and have practiced for over six years now at least three times a week) is Bikram’s hot yoga — a series of 26 hatha (beginner) postures done twice each in a super-hot room (average heat is 105 degrees). I know it’s not for everyone, but I am a complete addict and actually look forward eagerly to ’sweating it out’ in a hot crowded room with others who are often grumpy, smelly, and irritated. Some days are harder than others and I really don’t feel like stretching and being instructed loudly by a yoga teacher who talks non-stop for 90 minutes, but in the six years I’ve been practicing this yoga, I have NEVER regretted doing a class once it’s over.

For me, yoga is so much more than simply exercising the body. I find that it’s a great way to cultivate self-discipline- especially of one’s mind. There is nothing that will trigger your irritability more than being stuck in an incredibly hot, humid room full of other people while being expected to perform an entire 90 minutes of challenging exercise. Sometimes I actually feel murderous and want to scream obscenities at the teacher or the person next to me, wriggling around, and most definitely, not contributing to my inner peace. As a psychotherapist, I consider this release of extreme feelings as an ‘emotional cleansing’ and find it incredibly therapeutic.

Let’s face it — we all go through major stressful events in our lives, often on a daily basis — and don’t have time to process them emotionally. We just move ahead with our lives, going through our routines, simply getting the job of living done. Where do these feelings go? Inside! We stuff, suppress, ignore, and deny what we’re feeling underneath until there is a large ‘emotional stew’ bubbling away inside us, just under the surface.  And when we don’t acknowledge and express these feelings, they just compile; one on top of the other until our emotional ‘cup’ runneth over and we end up exploding in rage, crying jags, or succumb to physical illness.

That’s where yoga can be a real lifesaver. The word “yoga” actually means, “union of body and mind”– it’s purpose being to balance us out physically, mentally, and spiritually. I recommend yoga to nearly all of my clients as a method to:

• Release traumas held in the cells of the body
• Get some much needed ‘me time’
• Learn how to relax and meditate
• Relieve symptoms of depression and anxiety
• Improve body awareness and body image
• Relieve various forms of physical illnesses in the body which are tied to emotions

Happy stretching!

Esther Kane, MSW, Registered Clinical Counsellor, is the author of the book and audio program, “It’s Not About the Food: A Woman’s Guide To Making Peace with Food and Our Bodies” ( www.endyoureatingdisorder.com) and “Dump That Chump”(www.dumpthatchump.com), and “What Your Mama Can’t or Won’t Teach You”(www.guidebooktowomanhood.com).  Sign up for her free monthly e-zine, Women’s Community Counsellor, to uplift and inspire women at: http://www.estherkane.com.

On the other hand, after hearing my therapist tell me I had an eating disorder, I felt relief. After all, I was there to get help, and if I could label my problem, perhaps the solution would come more easily. I was ready to silence the voice in my head that made me obsess over my body and food 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and if giving that voice the name ED (for Eating Disorder) would help, I was willing to accept it.

National Eating Disorder Awareness Week is February 21-27 this year, which seems like a good opportunity to bring attention to this lesser known sibling of Anorexia and Bulimia. Everyone knows about Anorexia and Bulimia, but EDNOS, which has only recently begun to receive recognition in the mental health community can be as equally dangerous and life consuming as its better known counterparts.

So what does Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified mean? Well, the short answer is a “category [of] disorders of eating that do not meet the criteria of a specific eating disorder,” according to the most recently updated version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. Ultimately, the definition is more anecdotal which explains why it is often harder to identify, though according to the publication Eating Disorders: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention, 50 percent of individuals who present for treatment of an eating disorder receive the diagnosis of EDNOS which effects 4 to 6 percent of the general population.*

While many of the criteria for EDNOS may closely mimic anorexia or bulimia, some behaviors are less obvious, and in fact, within our diet and body-obsessed culture, can appear perfectly normal. What may look to an outsider as just another diet involving close monitoring of caloric intake as well as exercise, may in fact become — if not already — an unhealthy and unnatural way to control weight based on an intense drive to be thin combined with an unrealistic body image. On the flip side, EDNOS also includes the sub-category of Binge Eating Disorder (BED) which is often overlooked as a simple lack of willpower and/or self control. Regardless of wherever a patient lies in the spectrum of EDNOS, it is important to realize that the emotional trauma suffered as a result of the disorder is equal to that of Anorexia and Bulimia, and should not be seen as anything less than a serious illness.

The introduction of EDNOS as an accepted diagnosis “gives a voice to sufferers who don’t fit into the narrow diagnostic categories of Anorexia, Bulimia, and Binge Eating Disorder” said Shannon Cutts, author of ANA: How to Outsmart Your Eating Disorder and Take Your Life Back, and founder of Mentor Connect, a community of people in recovery from eating and related disorders.

Cutts, who herself suffered from Anorexia, Bulimia and EDNOS feels grateful for the recognition of EDNOS, and encourages sufferers to seek help. “If you know that your symptoms, thoughts, and behaviors are affecting your quality of life, then you both need and deserve help. Use your voice and ask for help. Do not assume you are the only one who “doesn’t fit” into a category and therefore you don’t deserve help. There are many people who suffer from EDNOS and you help not just yourself but everyone who suffers from it when you demand the care you deserve. Search out a medical professional who is familiar with eating disorders rather than struggling to educate an unsympathetic doctor or therapist. Be your own health care advocate. You know better than anyone else when you are struggling and need help. Eating disorders kill, and just because your symptoms don’t fall into the three most commonly-recognized categories does not mean they are not equally deadly.”

The health complications that arise from eating disorders are extensive, and include low blood pressure, slower heart rate, a decrease in bone density, a disruption in hormones, sometimes leading to infertility, and more. Even more alarming is the fact that eating disorders have the highest rate of death among any mental disorder — just one episode of bingeing and purging can cause an electrolyte imbalance causing sudden death. That is why it is so important to recognize that eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes, and present themselves in a variety of ways.

Is there treatment for EDNOS? Though whole rehabilitation centers have risen to address the problems specific to Anorexia, Bulimia, and even Binge Eating Disorder, there is help for other non specified eating disorders. The effort to overcome any eating disorder is extensive and should not be downplayed. Most of the times, the help of a mental health professional is necessary, and the journey through recovery is never quick and painless. But when you consider the alternative of living a life plagued by self loathing, fear of food, and serious health risks, including a premature death, the effort is one that must be undertaken to break free and live a full and happy life.

As for my own journey, to be honest, it’s an ongoing process. Sometimes it’s two steps forward, one step back. But as Jenni Schaefer, author of Life Without Ed, and Goodbye Ed, Hello Me likes to say, fall down seven times, stand up eight.