Visualize Winning

The Winter Olympics are over, but in their wake we are left with innumerable things upon which to reflect. We saw people who are dedicated and unwavering in their commitment to achieving their dreams of doing their best and winning the gold. Often, they seem worlds apart from us, having gifts that perhaps some of dream of having or, more likely, quietly accept that we never will. But in addition to strength and dedication, it is an Olympian’s ability to visualize themselves winning that gives them an edge. What really drove this home for me was watching the women’s snowboarding event.

I have no doubt that each Olympian athlete has their own ritual for visualizing their success. But while watching the women’s snowboarding, I noticed that more often than not, the competitors would leave the gate slowly, slide down the hill, and then pause before entering the half pipe. At first I wondered why they were stopping, since not every woman did it. But then I realized as the camera zoomed in on them that they were taking in the course, visualizing their moves, their tricks — catching air, grabbing the board, doing turns and every other move that makes these hot dog women something worthy of sheer awe in my opinion. Then, after a few moments, we would see in action what these women already knew they would achieve. Of course, not every one did achieve it. Some fell. Some fell more than once. But they all got back up, and went on.

How often do you visualize yourself achieving your goals? Do you set goals only to find yourself failing before you feel like you’ve really even begun? Maybe you decided you wanted to eat healthier, or start exercising, or read more, or change careers, and then, you sat back and waited for the change to come. Sometimes it seems as though making a change is as simple as making the decision to do so, but nothing could be further from the truth. Do you think Olympic athletes woke up one day, decided to compete, and then headed off to Vancouver with their skiis, mittens and snowcap, waiting to bow down and have a medal placed around their neck? Certainly not.

It is time for you to start visualizing the person you want to become. This is in no way a suggestion to reject who you currently are — in fact, you need to embrace who you are before you can bring the changes that will truly benefit your mind, body, and spirit. But when you set goals that can lead to greater fulfillment in life — and please be honest with yourself as to what actually will do that (hint: it’s not looking like a model) — you need to create a roadmap for achieving those goals, and visualizing the outcome is part of that process. And of course, you don’t just stop there. You need to see yourself taking the interim steps and accomplishing the smaller milestones that will help you reach your larger goals.

So how exactly does this translate to achieving your own Olympic gold? If your goal is to eat healthier, visualize yourself looking and feeling better, but also see yourself at a meal, in the store, going to a restaurant, and making better choices — not for the sake of losing weight, but for the sake of taking care of your body and loving it.

If your goal is to exercise more, visualize yourself at your end goal where you can run around with your kids, climb the stairs without getting winded, or maybe even completing a race. And then picture yourself getting up in the morning to take a walk, or parking further away from the store to add a few steps to your day, or lifting weights at the gym, making your body stronger and healthier.

Or maybe you are ready to change jobs, or even careers. See yourself doing something that you love. Imagine your dream job, and then imagine yourself in it! Now, what do you have to do to get there? Take a class? Save money? Take out a loan? Attend networking events? Figure out what will lead you to your goals, and visualize yourself taking each step to get there.

Not every Olympian who visualized themselves walking away with a gold medal did so. But I’d be willing to bet that very few — if any — did win the gold without first seeing themselves doing so. Figure out what your dreams are, and see yourself accomplishing them. It’s the first step to living a life you love and deserve.

This Is the New 80

A couple of years ago, Jane Fonda was on the Oprah Winfrey Show, and when she walked out on stage, Oprah said enthusiastically, something along the lines of “This is the new 70!”. “This” of course refers to a person who has had countless plastic surgeries, spent a lifetime devoted to having a perfect body, and maintaining her pseudo-youthful looks. I remember feeling very resentful as Oprah paraded Fonda around, creating yet another impossible standard for the rest of us to live up to. Sure, I’m a long way away from being 70 years old, but if that’s what I’m supposed to look like at 70, I might as well just give up now if I am not willing to commit tens of thousands of hours and dollars towards my appearance.

But all it takes for me is one look at my own Grandmother — who recently turned 80 — to realize that I don’t want to look like Jane Fonda when I’m 70. Or even 60. Dare I say, even 40? Unlike Fonda, my grandmother has never worried about her looks. That’s not to say she doesn’t put any effort into her appearance. Her hair is always neatly done, she usually wears nice “slacks” as she would say, and she loves costume jewelry, never leaving the house without being suitably adorned. By any medical standards, she’s in the overweight range, but as long as her doctor continues to declare her in near-perfect health, she won’t fret over her weight. Never in a million years would she consider any type of plastic surgery to remove her soft folds of flesh that I have come to love so dearly but that she probably doesn’t even give a thought to.

Instead, my Grandmother — whom any normal person outside of Hollywood would consider beautiful — has devoted her life to others and to enjoying the simple pleasures life has to offer. When more than 100 people came to celebrate her 80th birthday with her, they weren’t there because of her stunning beauty or youthful looks (though most people are shocked to hear she is 80). They were there because she has touched their life in meaningful ways. Jane Fonda could certainly fill a room with hundreds or even thousands of ‘friends’, but I have to wonder how many people could say the same thing about her.

My Grandmother takes the time to make sure each person she comes into contact with feels special. She leaves treats for the trash collection people to let them know they are appreciated. She brings pies for the line cooks at her favorite restaurant where — although she has no reason to come into direct contact with them — she wants them to know they are important too. She listens to the stories of strangers, lending them an ear when they need it most. The people who know my Grandmother truly cherish her in ways far deeper than most of us could ever know. When I am 80, I don’t want to look like I am 40 — or least look like I am trying to look 40. I want to accept my age gracefully and embrace the wisdom — and each gray hair — that comes with every passing year.

Celebrating One Year of VenusVision

It was one year ago today that I launched VenusVision.com, and it’s been an amazing year that was filled with amazing connections and countless opportunities for learning and growing. When I first came up with the concept of VenusVision, I was eager to provide a platform for information and inspiration I had hoped others would find useful, while at the same time encouraging self reflection and personal growth. I had not considered how much it would provide those things for myself.

Had the opportunity to talk to inspiring, incredible women — women like Jenni Schaefer, Abby Lentz, Sybil Temtchine, Jolly Bugari, Joy Nash, and more.

Met an awesome network of women, many of whom share my vision and my mission to help lift women up to a place where they can feel good about themselves.

Come across a wealth of knowledge through many books like Intuitive Eating, Life Without Ed, Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat, Girl on Top, to name a few.

Learned that while others may face similar challenges in life, the journey to meeting those challenges is not the same for everyone.

Attended a number of events, some of which were eye-opening like the Congressional hearing on eating disorders, and a screening of the documentary America the Beautiful, and others that were just a lot of fun, like a book signing and fashion show with Nicole Williams for her book Girl on Top.

Been surprised by the candor of some to share their stories, no matter how personal, in an attempt to let others know they are not alone.

Gained skills in image editing software in an effort to provide the highest quality images to accompany VenusVision content.

Discovered the benefits of online social networking, and have forged new friendships as a result.

Learned that having an idea is only the beginning, and persistence, perseverance, and sometimes a little ignorance are needed in seeing that idea through.

Been touched by the comments, feedback, and support I have received from people telling me how VenusVision has touched their lives.

Had my eyes open to new perspectives, and am grateful to people willing to gently offer correction where sometimes I needed it.

Learned, and continue to learn how to run a web site, managing content, promotional partners, and guest authors.

Further honed my writing skills (I hope!), trying to keep a balance between my personal experience and objective information.

Realized that even though I would like to help every woman out there who needs it, I cannot, and the best way to be a positive resource to others is to maintain an air of openness within myself and my web site.

Discovered that I still have a lot of my own personal growing to do, and frankly, hope I always do!

Learned to ask for help when I need it.

Realized that the world will not stop if I don’t get something (that I feel stressed about) done ASAP, or, at all.

Come to feel love for all of my VenusVision readers and supporters. You are what makes this endeavor worthwhile — every single day.

Thank you!

When Weight Loss Is the Ultimate Indicator of Success

If you’ve read some of my more personal posts on VenusVision, or you otherwise know me, you know my body image and food issues go way back. In fact, my first diet was the Beverly Hills Diet at age 7. I don’t remember feeling fat at the time, but for some reason my mom and I went on this diet together (for the record, she wasn’t fat either). The main thing I remember about the diet — which I didn’t realize as such — was that all the nuts and dried fruit were having an “effect” on my digestive system. I was worried about all the trips to the bathroom, but my mom explained that the food was doing its work “cleaning out my system.”

Other early memories include giving my pudding away because I knew it would make me fat, and later on in elementary school, being offered incentives to lose weight (though again, I wasn’t fat, but perhaps on the high end of “normal” and therefore bigger than most of my peers).

The diets increased, though the weight loss never came, and as for so many girls and women it became nothing short of a quest. I was searching for the Holy Grail of weight loss because surely with it would come the label of success which I otherwise felt unable to reach.

I graduated from high school as an honor roll student after pulling my grades out of the gutter. But it didn’t mean anything when I put on my graduation dress and it was tight, revealing my large tummy. (As soon as I took off my graduation gown, I immediately changed out of my dress as well before anyone could see me in it.)

I graduated from college, again with high marks, but still didn’t feel as though I had reached success because I had not lost weight.

I earned a black belt in Karate, but could never stop thinking about how my Ghi pants never got looser during my training.

I ran half marathons, but felt defeated after looking at the race photos and seeing my flabby legs.

I birthed two children but always lamented my flabby middle from which they came.

I completed a triathlon, but worried about how I looked in my wet suit, and cropped the after-race photo before sharing with my friends to avoid showing my legs in my bike shorts.

No matter what great accomplishments I succeeded in, it was always overshadowed by one thing. My failure to lose weight.

Once, actually, I did manage to lose a fair amount of weight, reaching the lowest number on the scale I had ever seen as an adult. When I reached what I thought would be my “goal” weight, I wasn’t happy. That weight did not reveal the body I desired. So still, I felt like a failure.

And of course, any temporary weight loss I ever did manage to achieve was met with what seemed like far more recognition than any other accomplishment. I learned early on to judge others by their weight and assumed accordingly that every person judged me by mine.

So if I was able to do all of these other things, why couldn’t I succeed at the one thing I had been working at my whole life? At least that’s one way of looking at the situation. Of course, another way of looking at it was to ask myself why I defined success almost entirely by a number on a scale or the size clothing I was wearing? And, after living and thinking that way most of my life, how was I going to change that way of thinking?

Well, it’s taken a lot of work, much of which was done with the help of a professional. I have worked on reframing the constant barrage of negative thoughts that used to invade my head 24/7.  In the past, I would take note of every body (not ‘everybody’ but EVERY BODY) that came into my visual range, and compare my body to theirs. Was I thinner or fatter than each person in the room, I would think to myself. Now I still notice everyone in the room, but instead of seeing what might be noted as flaws, I look for their unique characteristics that make them beautiful.

By judging others less on their appearance, and  stopping the constant comparison of myself to them, I was able to begin the work of accepting my body, and end the cycle of constant dieting/deprivation/calorie counting that has made me miserable for so many years. Of course, there were many elements to my progress, many of which are highlighted in the article Celebrate Your Body.

I have come a long way, and most days, I can look in the mirror, noticing all the things about myself I used to see as flaws, and simply see them as they are — parts of me. At the same time, my reflection in the mirror has little do with any of the things I accomplish day to day. All of my successes, both large and small have come about through hard work and dedication, and are — I realize now — completely unrelated to a number on the scale.

Some days, every now and then, the old thoughts come creeping back in, and a voice starts telling me I am fat, but I know now that I need to ignore those voices, not just because they are  negative, but because they are irrelevant. Yet, what I have noticed, is those days crop up when other things are bothering me, and I don’t want to — or don’t know how to — deal with them. Dealing with feelings of self loathing may be pretty terrible, but they are familiar. And like an abusive spouse, you sometimes take comfort in what you know, even if it’s unpleasant.

With new coping tools and more attention to self care, I am now able to concentrate on the deeper issues. The effort it takes to push back at times like this is considerable, but I also know I have come a long way, and the effort is worth it. More importantly, I can finally look at all of the amazing things I have accomplished and take pride in each of them, rather than feeling inadequate

A Confession in Numbers

I am 37 years old. I am 5 feet 5 inches tall. I weigh 159 pounds. I wear a size 36 AA bra. My pant size ranges from a 10 to a 12.

These are numbers that so many people don’t share — at least in full honesty. Some lie about their age or are too embarrassed to admit it. Many lie about their weight, and we’d probably be surprised how many people stretch the truth a bit on their height.

I decided I am going to break the taboo and share my numbers here … publicly … for anyone to see. And guess what … I have not been sucked down into a pit of shame for doing so. To me, they are just numbers. There is no value or meaning behind them. They are a numerical representation of particular facts pertaining to me. But I have not always felt this way.

When I was in my teens and early twenties, I always looked much younger than my age. When I was 17, I was offered a children’s menu at a restaurant. When I was 19, people would ask me what grade (in high school) I was in. When I was 25 people would inquire about my major (when I had completed my degree 4 years prior). For the most part, I was annoyed because if people thought I was younger, they also treated me that way, condescending to me, or at least that’s what I thought. But I also felt mature for my age, and was threatened if people undermined that feeling by assuming I was younger (a clear indication I still had some growing up to do). Of course, as I got older, the tables began to turn, and as the number of times I got carded had an inverse relationship with the number of gray hairs I found, I began to fear aging a little more.

My height, though less of an issue was also something I was insecure about. For most of my young adult life, I was 5 feet, 3 and 3/4 inches. Of course, it was natural to round up, but I hated the idea of being short. That probably stemmed from the fact that my short stature was accompanied by a more rounded shape. Which brings me to the next number: my weight.

Until pretty recently in my life, my weight — whether I knew exactly what it was, or shied away from that knowledge in the pursuit of blissful ignorance — had an enormous impact on my mood. If I woke up feeling great, and stepped on the scale only to find an unexpectedly high number, my mood was instantly deflated, and I might stay depressed for days. The opposite also held true, however, and a low number could add a note of joy to my day. The same could be said for the times I went into a dressing room and tried on an item of clothing. If I tried on my usual size and it was too big, I was overjoyed. If the size I picked out was too tight, I was devastated. Never mind that there are so many factors in what goes behind that number on the tag ranging from cost of fabric to clever marketing.

As for my bra size, well, in this breast-obsessed culture, it can be just as hard to accept small breasts as it can to accept a larger stomach (and even more difficult if you have both!). I sometimes felt humiliated going into Victoria’s Secret and not being able to find a single bra that fit my less endowed chest.

But allowing any of these numbers to have a such an impact on our outlook in life can be so hindering, or worse, damaging. Through a lot of work, I have learned to embrace each of these numbers (though oddly enough, I now measure at 5′5″ — perhaps due to a higher self esteem and better posture??) no matter what they are. I do not fear my age, but embrace the wisdom and experience that has come with each year I have passed.

I do not fear the number on the scale. Learning how to see each of these numbers for what they are has been liberating for me, and I have to say has led me to a more peaceful place in life since I know longer devote the majority of my effort resisting them — mostly the one on the scale.

So, what are your numbers?

Review: America the Beautiful

One of the first questions Darryl Roberts asks in his documentary America the Beautiful is “Who benefits from women not feeling beautiful?” As the film spends the next 105 minutes trying to find the answers to that question, you witness the full impact of our obsession with beauty through tales of girls with eating disorders, plastic surgeries gone wrong, and the whirlwind modeling career of Gerren Taylor who did her first runway shows at the age of 12.

Roberts, who undertook this project after the search for the perfect women led him down an empty road filled with false promises of happiness, examines the different industries that benefit from America’s preoccupation with perfection. One 12-year-old boy interviewed in the film sums it up quite simply when he says “companies put people down to make money”. He realizes already that the more people feel bad about themselves, the more they will seek products and services to improve their self image.  This might explain that while America has 5% of the world’s population, we are exposed to 40% of the world’s advertising. Talking about creating a perfect image, world-renowned fashion photographer Marc Baptiste remarks “at the end of the day, we’re selling dreams”. But of course, they are dreams that can never be realized.

As Roberts follows Gerren’s pursuit of her own dream of becoming a super model, he interweaves her tale with a closer look at the cosmetics industry, the media and their role in creating unattainable expectations for both men and women and the toll that is taken, physically and mentally on our society.

America the Beautiful features insightful interviews of people from all sides of the issue. There is the guy who starts out saying “my idea of a perfect women is, first of all, she’s gotta be hot,” raising the question “is this the person for whom we are trying so hard to reach perfection?” There are interviews with representatives from the media industry some of whom admit to some amount of culpability, while others laugh at the mere suggestion that media has any role on the behaviors of those to whom it is targeted. (Of course, isn’t that why advertising exists in the first place?) We also meet plastic surgeons, toxicologists, and various girls and women who can only see their shortcomings.

My favorite interview though is with Eve Ensler who wrote and performed in the play The Vagina Monologues. As someone who has achieved great success and has been such a strong voice for empowering women worldwide, she would seem above suffering from a poor body image. And yet her description of a conversation with a woman in Africa about not knowing how to love her own body makes the viewer realize that even the strongest of women are vulnerable to the idea that there is such a thing as the perfect body.

Ultimately though she realizes that we all have a vision problem. “Every woman is beautiful in her particular way; if we developed eyes and we develop spirit, we would see that every woman is beautiful.” This statement alone really sums up the whole point of the film, but equally profound is her comment on plastic surgery: “Stop fixing yourself. You were never broken.”

Roberts spends considerable time delving into the darker side of plastic surgery — a side to which every woman considering any procedure should become acquainted. We learn that, thanks to a FTC ruling in 1977, anyone with an M.D. can hang a sign up on their door saying they are a plastic surgeon and start doing business. And there is no end to the procedures that can be done to “enhance” one’s features, including creating “designer vaginas”. But as Eve Ensler says, “to think you’re not tight enough, well, get a bigger dick.”

The film also highlights some startling statistics like the fact that in 2004 Americans spent $12.4 billion on cosmetic surgery, while the estimated cost for basic nutrition and health care in developing countries is $13 billion. In addition, we spend over $45 billion per year on cosmetic and beauty products. And yet, we put little thought into exactly what it is we are applying to our skin. According to Roberts’ research, there are 884 toxic ingredients found in cosmetics. While the EU has banned 450 ingredients commonly used in cosmetics, including the phthalates which have been shown to be toxic to the reproductive system, the FDA has banned only 6 ingredients and continues to allow phthalates which of course the cosmetic industry still argues are perfectly safe.

At one point in the movie, after we question if a woman who has just undergone plastic surgery will awake from anesthesia — which ultimately is what carries the most risk in plastic surgery procedures — Darryl Roberts says he called every man he knew and told them to tell every woman they know that they are beautiful exactly the way they are.

Going back to the beginning of the movie, Roberts draws a correlation between women gaining the right to vote, and the introduction of the Miss America Pageant, suggesting that to keep women from gaining too much power, women were becoming more suppressed by the burden of beauty, requiring a whole new level of preoccupation. I have now seen this movie three times, and each time I am left wondering how much we could change the world if we took all the time, effort, and money that we devote to beauty, and put it towards something important, like world hunger, basic human rights and the protection of our environment. Perhaps one day self-improvement will be equated with improving the lives of those around us, and Robert’s film will remind you that your own beauty has less to do with looking like the photo-shopped pages of a magazine, and more to do with what you radiate from within.

For your chance to win a copy of the Limited Edition America the Beautiful DVD, enter a comment below by 12:00 pm EST December 11, 2009 saying that you would like to win a copy of America the Beautiful. For more chances to win, be sure to become a VenusVision fan on Facebook and follow VenusVision on Twitter (@VenusVision).

Celebrating Our Authentic Bodies

by Esther Kane

In this article, I want to cover a topic that I’ve wanted to speak to for a long time- plastic surgery. I must confess that this is an area I gave little attention to in the past as I have been in my ‘prime’ for a good number of years being young with good skin and a curvaceous body. However, I have just turned 38 and with the increase of years have also come some things I hate to admit have shocked me to the core. These include:

*Weight gain that appears to take place just by LOOKING at fattening foods (I swear it’s true!)

*Gray hairs- at first manageable- all I had to do was use my trusty eyebrow tweezers and problem solved. Now, however, I risk going bald if I were to continue this practise.

*Breasts that have started to mimic the shape of pancakes and have definitely taken a downward turn (you know what I mean)

*Lines around my eyes and the skin surrounding my eyes staying in one place once I apply make-up for longer than I would like. It’s like watching a snail slowly migrate back into its shell once the cover-up is blended in.

*And horror of horrors-chin hairs! No, I’m not kidding…and not the blond wispy things no one notices-these little buggers are thick and black and have the amazing ability to grow roughly half an inch overnight!

Add to this the countless stories I hear from clients and girlfriends about “getting work done” on their bodies. These range from groups of women, whom upon the dawn of their 50^th birthday, get a face-lift, Botox injections in the face to reduce wrinkles, breast implants, to tummy tucks. I sit there trying to wipe the look of horror off of my face as I do my best to impart an attitude of empowerment and acceptance regardless of what choices women make in their lives.

I was at my local library recently and glanced along the shelves and found a new book out by Joan Rivers, the Queen of plastic surgery, which is a “guidebook” to getting plastic surgery. It was titled, “Men are Stupid and they Like Big Boobs”. She is 75 years old and has had so much plastic surgery that she looks somewhat cartoon-like and anything but natural. She doesn’t even look like a younger version of herself- she looks strange and almost doll-like and scarily unreal. Anyway, the book was co-written with some top cosmetic surgeons and boasts all of the “wonderful” advances available to women who want to change the way they look through plastic surgery. I particularly loved the part where she’s talking about one procedure and under “risks” she casually writes, “death”. Then without missing a beat, she’s onto describing the next “wonderful” procedure!

I don’t know about you, but I think DEATH is a pretty big risk! It reminds me of the author who died a few years ago from liposuction- yikes. I don’t want to come off as being all fanatical and judgmental, because I truly believe that women are in charge of their bodies and it’s not my place to tell someone what to do with her body.

However, I do believe that the current obsession we have with looking younger (one writer calls the times we are living in, “age deceleration”- i.e., “forty is the new thirty” and so on) is a recent and ultimately, dangerous focus. Never before in human history have people been so terrified of getting old. It’s also true that we have never had such a long lifespan so perhaps this is a contributing factor as well.

My grandparents never considered plastic surgery and my 86-year-old grandmother is completely perplexed with this newfound obsession younger generations have with looking young for as long as they possibly can. I think that there are many factors at play here; most notably, the fear of death.

I know I’m terrified of dying and getting old. But I’m working through it. I want to be courageous enough to face getting older head-on without going under the knife or injecting poisonous substances in my body to appear younger. Honestly, I’m not looking forward to more gray hair, my body shape changing, and those lovely hairs on my chinny-chin-chin, but I’m going to do my best to ‘go natural’ and grow old gracefully. I am more than my body and so are you. Let’s all remember that.

Esther Kane, MSW, Registered Clinical Counsellor, is the author the book and audio program, “It’s Not About the Food: A Woman’s Guide To Making Peace with Food and Our Bodies” (www.endyoureatingdisorder.com) and “Dump That Chump”(www.dumpthatchump.com), and “What Your Mama Can’t or Won’t Teach You”(www.guidebooktowomanhood.com). Sign up for her free monthly e-zine, Women’s Community Counsellor, to uplift and inspire women at: http://www.estherkane.com.

50 Things I Am Grateful For

Andrea Owen of Live Your Ideal Life recently compiled a list of 100 things she is grateful for and inspired her readers to do the same.  I am grateful for so much every day, but I decided to narrow my list down to 50 for now (what can I say, it’s late at night as I write this). Still, it was a good exercise in making me even more aware of how great my life is and how lucky I am.

50 Things I am Grateful For (in no particular order)

1.) My husband. He is an amazing guy who supports and loves me unconditionally, even when I find it hard to do so myself.
2.) My two beautiful, amazing daughters. They are wonderful human beings and the planet is a better place because they are on it.
3.) The strength of my body. It’s taken me a long time to appreciate all the incredible things my body can do and has done but when I reflect on everything it has done for me, it’s hard not to be in awe.
4.) My health. It’s not perfect, but overall, it’s pretty good, and I plan to keep it that way.
5.) My house — or more specifically, the simple fact that I have a roof over my head.
6.) My neighborhood. After living here for two months, I felt more a part of a community than anywhere else I’ve ever lived.
7.) The good education afforded to my children by the public school system within which we live.
8.) My black Labrador, Chase. The first months we he had him as a puppy were touch and go, challenging me in ways I had thought I was done with after we decided not to have more kids. But two years later, he is truly a member of our family and I love him dearly. (Plus he gets me outside a lot more!)
9.) Good health insurance. My husband has a job that provides excellent health coverage, and I am under no delusions that it could be pulled out from under us at any time for any number of reasons.
10.) My ability to write. I love to write, and it  has always been a way in which I was comfortable expressing myself.
11.) My friends. I have friends from all different corners of my life, and I learn valuable things from all of them. I am surrounded by amazing people.
12.) The internet. I love feeling like I have access to the world at my fingertips.
13.) Social networking. It may sound trite to include Facebook and Twitter, but I have met amazing people on both, and reconnected in new ways with people I thought I would never see again.
14.) My extended family. My father. My mother. My step-mother. My grandmother. My 5 sisters and brother. All unique, wonderful people who have helped shaped the person I have become.
15.) My love for food. I have always had a love-hate relationship with food, mostly because I did not know how to balance my love of it with moderation. But the pleasures one derives from really good food is almost unequaled.
16.) Passion. After 14 years of marriage, my husband and I still got it. Enough said.
17.) My gym. I LOVE my gym. I love walking in it, and feeling like I am going to a spa every time. I love the friendly people that work there who create a welcoming atmosphere. I love the variety of classes and equipment they have.
18.) Savings. We’ve had some smarts, and some luck, but because of both, we have a little extra for a rainy day.
19.) My chance to go to Paris. After years of dreaming of traveling to Paris, I finally got to go last fall and experience it with a good friend. If I had ever made up a bucket list, that would be one I could check off.
20.) Not being afraid to try new things, which has given me the opportunity to live in Ireland, Japan, San Francisco, Philadelphia, and more. I’ve tried different jobs, met new people, tried exotic foods. As a result, I feel like I’ve lived an interesting, and, at times, adventure-filled life.
21.) Wine. I love red wine. It doesn’t need to be fancy or expensive. But when I find one that I like, I love to taste it in my mouth, and feel the wave of relaxation that comes from sipping at a glass of my favorite wine.
22.) Coffee. I like it strong. I like it black. I like lattes. I like how I get a burst of energy from it.
23.) Tea, especially herbal. Guess I need it to counteract the stimulating effects of coffee!
24.) Being an American. I get frustrated at times with our country and with our political system, and occasionally feel ready to expatriate. But when I really look at things, I know we live in a great country, with freedoms and access to so much.
25.) Four seasons. I love every one of them. I love the blooming flowers in the spring, and how everything and everyone seems to have an extra bounce in their step as the clouds from the cold winter months lift. I love the summer — the heat, the humidity, the thunderstorms, all of it. I love the fall, and the amazing fall foliage we experience here in Virginia. I love the cooling weather, and putting on jeans and sweaters after sweating all summer. I love the winter — making fires, bundling up, wearing scarves, and hats, and gloves. I love the snow, and how pretty it makes everything look, and how my kids can play in it for hours.
26.) My career experiences. I never was a career-oriented person before quitting to be a full-time mom, but the many mentors I had while in the professional world were invaluable in all the lessons they taught me.
27.) Motherhood. It has been a tough road for me, fraught with many bumps that were both expected and unexpected. But after 8 years of being a mom, I finally feel like I’m doing a pretty good job, and wouldn’t trade in the last 8 years for the world.
28.) The fact that I was able to conceive and carry two children. I know so many people that struggle or have struggled with fertility and I never want to take for granted the fact that I was able to give birth to my daughters.
29.) The health of my children and husband. I never want to take that for granted either, because I know how quickly it can change.
30.) My car. At the risk of sounding materialistic, I have to say that I love my car. It’s fun to drive, it works well for our family, and as someone who has always had a thing for cars, it’s nice to get into one every day that I enjoy driving.
31.) My clothes. Again, hoping not to sound materialistic, but every time I purchase something, I can’t help but think that there are people who barely have shreds covering their body. When I no longer wear an item of clothing I donate it in hopes that it can help someone else.
32.) Our ability to give back. I regret that I don’t give more with our time, but I feel fortunate that we can at least share some of what we have with others in terms of financial support. And I am committed to finding more time to give back in other ways too.
33.) My camera. After years of putting aside my love for photography, I have recently picked it back up and love having a new way to express my creativity.
34.) Abundant amounts of food all around me. I can go into any grocery store, and find almost everything I want and need.
35.) Farmers markets. I like being able to purchase produce and meat from local farmers when I can. It’s nice to see the face of the person growing your food, and it helps to support the local economy as well as encourage sustainable farming practices.
36.) The fact that my husband is a high-tech nerd (a handsome one though). I can’t imagine life without someone who can fix my every computer need.
37.) Chocolate. Good chocolate. Ok, and even not-so-good chocolate. Though some kinds are definitely a class above others, it’s all pretty good stuff.
38.) The woods. There are many nature trails where I live, even in the middle of suburbia. I love walking through the woods, and going in areas where I can forget that I am surrounded by shopping malls and Ruby Tuesdays.
39.) Good smelling lotions. When I rub my favorite scent into my hands, it calms me.
40.) Candle lit dinners. I don’t have them nearly enough, but they make you slow down and take a moment to really enjoy each other’s company.
41.) Sushi. I LOVE good, fresh sushi. And miso soup. And I love that I live in an area where I can get really awesome sushi that rivals any I had while living in Japan.
42.) Books. I finally quit complaining that I didn’t have enough time to get through all the books I have on my night stand, so I finally wised up and cut out evening TV. Now I’m making a lot more progress and am enjoying a variety of books that I’ve been putting off for too long.
43.) Music. I love jazz, classical, all kinds of rock/pop, etc. I love music that relaxes me, music that excites me, music that inspires me. It’s hard to be down when I put on my iPod and bop around to Madonna or the soundtrack to Slumdog Millionaire.
44.) Movies. There are plenty of good ones, and plenty of not-so-good ones, but even the lousy ones keep me and my husband talking about them for days.
45.) Good TV shows. Everyone has the ones they love, and I won’t go into my favorites. But when you find one that you really like, it’s like meeting up with friends once a week. Once when one of my favorite shows ended, it felt like a good friend  had died. (Ok, actually, they all kind of did … it was Six Feet Under, and in the very last episode, they followed each character through to their own death.)
46.) The sun. This may sound a little obvious, but after living in San Francisco (a.k.a. Fog City) for two years, I have a whole new appreciation for the sun and how it affects me.
47.) My iPhone. Hoping again not to sound trite, but I can own up to my addiction, though I am trying to ease off a bit. I love all the of the applications that meet my needs or are are just plain entertaining.
48.) Honesty. Sometimes it hurts, but I always want to hear it. Honesty can help people grow.
49.) My capacity for forgiveness. I have never been one to hold a grudge. It doesn’t do anyone any good, and I don’t like to let wounds fester.
50.) My ability to be introspective. I feel like I have a pretty good idea of who I am, and I am happy to say, I like who I am.

What things are you grateful for?

Is It REALLY Body Diversity?

There’s been a lot of hype about the growing trend towards featuring body diversity in the media lately. There was Glamour’s decision to include more body types among their pages after the Lizzie Miller phenomenon. There was the decision by Brigitte magazine in Germany to ban the use of professional models, instead opting to use “real women”. Most recently, V Magazine revealed their Size Issue which has page after page of plus-size beauties displayed in full splendor.

As you may have read, my heart skipped a beat when I first saw the picture of Lizzie Miller in Glamour. I thought she was stunning, and felt a proud moment of recognition as I looked upon her stomach resting gently on her lap. Finally, I thought, someone with a body similar to mine is not only represented in a mainstream fashion magazine, but recognized as beautiful, not in spite of her “flaws” but because of them.

But as I look at image after image coming out with every new demonstration of each magazine’s commitment to body diversity, I’ve started to notice one thing. All of the plus-size bodies look strikingly similar. The women all appear to be tall, meeting the traditional model standard height of 5′10″ (ok, I don’t know this for sure, but after reading plus-size model Chrstal Renn’s new book Hungry: A Young Model’s Story of Appetite, Ambition and the Ultimate Embrace of Curves, I can only assume this to be the case). I am left wondering: is it really body diversity if the media simply shifts their focus from one body type to two body types?

Don’t get me wrong. I am thrilled that plus-size women are being held up as a standard of beauty equal to their traditional model counterparts. The industry is definitely headed in the right direction. I just don’t want the momentum to stall, leaving women of average height or below left out of the picture. It’s as if the fashion industry has said, “Ok, so maybe all models don’t have to be tall and skinny. The can be tall and a little overweight too.” I don’t want to come off as sizest here, or insensitive, but it seems to me (as someone who stands at 5′5″ and weighs 160 pounds) that carrying “extra” weight on a taller frame is very different to that same proportion of weight (i.e. BMI) on a smaller frame. That being said, short women can wear fat well too. Of course, that statement is an oversimplification of the issue, but then, the modeling and fashion industries seem to like to keep things pretty basic.

So am I being overly sensitive? Am I asking for too much too soon? I’m ready to see real body diversity: short, tall, fat, thin, large chested, flat chested, pear shaped, apple shaped, any shape! How about you?

Loving Your Body Vs. Making Peace With It

by Andrea Owen

I talk a lot about loving your body. I’ve had my own body image struggles and have tried hard to heal them. I think I’ve come a tremendous way and it’s become my mission to help others. However, I’ve come to the realization that as I spew “Love your bodies, girls!” it’s a much bigger journey than expected and harder than just saying “let’s do it”. I have this image of us all running through the daisy fields in our bikinis with rainbows in the background, singing about how much we love our bodies. Not likely, I know.

So how do you do it? Well, I don’t have a hard and fast answer. It’s a different journey for everyone, but I do have some steps that will help. The first thing I want to tell you is that instead of thinking you need to love your body, first try to make peace with it. Some women really hate their bodies. They’ve grown up hating the way they look, have trouble looking at themselves naked in front of the mirror and have a hard time being intimate with their partners. If these are some feelings you have, starting out by making peace with your body may be what you need to make the first step to be free from body loathing. These steps are small, and the bigger picture is just that, much bigger, but here are some simple things to get you started.

First off, and this may sound crazy, but start off by admitting how you feel about your body. We live in a world where it has become so normal to hate our bodies, we have become accustomed to it and are not feeling the feelings and emotions that go along with it. If it means having to strip down naked and look at yourself in front of the mirror, go ahead and do it. Take the time to really ask yourself what you think of your body. Don’t feel like you have to lie about what you see. Be honest, even if it isn’t nice. If you’re going to make an honest effort in making peace with your body, you need to start by really understanding your own feelings which may be hiding. If you have to cry, then cry. Trust me, I’ve been there. This isn’t a time to beat yourself up or make you feel worse, just a starting off point. I encourage you to journal about this.

The next thing, which is so important (they’re all important, but this one is grand), is to stop the fat talk. Take note of how cruel (yes, cruel) you are to yourself when you talk or think about your body. You may want to do something so you have to stop and notice it. For instance, I always wear a pony tail holder around my wrist. What I do is switch it to the other wrist every time I say something negative about my body or even have a thought about it. This can even be if I am watching TV and see someone that I wish I looked like. The rubber band goes to the other wrist. You may be surprised how often you are switching it back and forth. This is to make you realize how often you beat yourself up and hopefully will slow down.

Lastly, be kind to yourself. I feel like I have come a tremendous way in regards to how I feel about my body, but I still have bad days. Instead of tumbling all the way back to where I started, I realize that I am human and I still get insecure at times, and I move on. The media isn’t often nice, advertisements aren’t nice, so remember to be nice to yourself.

Hopefully these three things will get you started. Don’t underestimate how much body loathing bleeds into other aspects of your life. Once you learn to accept and love your body for what it is, you’ll be amazed at how much it will change your life.

I’ll close with this short video. I think this 4 year old little girl sums it up best…

Andrea Owen is a life coach and speaker. She is passionate about empowering women to value their character and feel beautiful by manifesting respect and love for themselves first and foremost. She teaches women how to develop and access their 3 best selves: self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem.

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