Abstract

In 2010, Americans spent nearly $10.7 billion on 9.5 million cosmetic procedures (American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, 2011). Since 1997, the first year in which the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ASAPS) began collecting data, there has been a 155% increase in the total number of cosmetic procedures. According to a recent survey, more than half of Americans approve of cosmetic plastic surgery. As surgical and nonsurgical cosmetic procedures become normalized in our culture, changing expectations about age and beauty ideals may be altered in a way that can impact physical, cognitive, social, and emotional development throughout the life cycle. This paper explores the culture of cosmetic medicine, the social implications of its increasing popularity, and the resulting shift in ideologies that can contribute to increasing ageism and the unending quest for unachievable ideals, while also considering a cross cultural perspective and counseling implications.

Literature Review

There has been extensive research on the motivations that drive consumers of cosmetic procedures. While much of the literature focuses on college-age females, some studies have looked at the attitudes of older men and women. Regardless of age, many respondents who have either had one or more cosmetic procedures performed, or approve of cosmetic procedures, place less emphasis on the features for which they sought alterations, and more on the extraphysical benefits of doing so (Adams, 2010). In a study of motivational narratives, Adams found that the most prominent theme for the basis of opting for one or more procedures was “the notion that having surgery would have extraphysical effects, such as increased self-esteem or increased attractiveness to potential partners.” (p. 764). Adams went on to add “there was also an acute cognizance of the societal pressures to look young and attractive, and many respondents suggested that these messages, from media outlets and society in general, played a role in their decisions to have surgery.” (p. 764). The impact of media and the expectations of society are shown to have an impact in virtually every piece of literature reviewed for this paper.

In a study of the factors affecting the likelihood of having cosmetic surgery, Swami et al. found that there is a greater sociocultural pressure on women than men to attain and incorporate beauty ideals, and because these pressures are seen as normative for women, cosmetic surgery can appeal to those seeking a way to feel better about their bodies. (p. 217). Sarwer et al. had similar findings in their study of body image in its relation to the pursuit of cosmetic procedures. Their conclusion revealed that “for many individuals, cosmetic surgery appears to be an adaptive strategy to address body image dissatisfaction … thus, the pursuit of cosmetic surgery may be related to some form of psychopathology, which may be more appropriately treated by psychotherapy than cosmetic surgery.” (p. 107). Indeed, in the same study, breast augmentation patients reported more appearance related teasing, and more frequently used psychotherapy than the control group. (p. 106). In a case study by Lijtmaer (2010), a patient’s preoccupation with her outward appearance was a way to mask her intrapsychic feelings which were a result of unresolved conflicts with her mother.

It’s important to note that the pressures to move closer to an idealized image are not limited to women. Returning to the study by Adams, we see that men are opting for procedures that will make them more attractive to others in the “dating scene” (p. 759) and possibly give them more opportunities in a competitive job market where a younger generation is entering the workforce (p. 757).

Because some findings indicate the presence of a cohort effect from Baby Boomers who tend to feel that their physical age is incongruent with their mental age and are, therefore, more likely to resist aging naturally than pre-Boomers (Clarke, 2007), it is important to examine the motivations behind the largest age cohort in America. (Ferguson, 2010). In their examination of older women’s perceptions of natural and unnatural aging, Clarke and Griffin found that while women who had not had any surgical or non-surgical procedures viewed natural aging as the acceptance of the physical realities of growing older, another group who subscribed to the benefits of cosmetic procedures viewed natural aging as “unattractive, if not objectionable, as well as risky in light of the social and physical realties of growing older.” (p. 198). To this group, using medical technology to enhance or alter their appearance is a requirement of aging as later life becomes “further devalued and socially repugnant in a society underscored by ageist values and norms.” (p. 199). In a study by Slevec and Tiggemann (2010), they proposed and confirmed that aging anxiety defined as a “combined concern and anticipation of losses centered around the aging process” (Lasher, 1993), is a strong component in the decision to pursue cosmetic procedures. Aging anxiety and the pursuit of beauty are reinforced in the media and perpetrated by the cosmetic industry with books like The Wrinkle Cure (2000) by dermatologist Nicholas Perricone (as cited by Bayer, 2005) in which he refers to “wrinkled, sagging skin” as a “disease, and you can fight it”. Additionally, with the emergence of reality television programming touting the life-altering effects of cosmetic procedures while minimizing the risks involved, a normalization of participating in cosmetic enhancements has had a persuasive effect on potential patients. (Slevec, 2010).

While some people argue that age-defying and beauty-enhancing products and procedures can be liberating against the seemingly unstoppable effects of aging, Bayer proposes that such options “buttress the notion that looking old — and thus, being old — is socially, medically, and personally undesirable.” As cosmetic surgery and non-surgical procedures become more affordable in a competitive market, it is important to consider the psychological and social ramifications of body altering procedures. (Gilmartin, 2010). In her review of current literature, Gilmartin concludes that the medical system “bolsters and benefits from the larger consumer-orientated society by colluding with the beauty ideal and cultural mores.” (p. 1807). In a report on ethical challenges within the cosmetic surgery industry, Atiyeh et al. also concluded that physicians participating in the selling of cosmetic services and offering aesthetic services face inherent conflicts of interest, pointing out that it becomes “ethically suspect, breaching obligations of beneficence and honesty, when a physician trades on the status of doctor to sell a clinically unproven product (2008).” In so doing, not only is the culture at large exploited through their insecurities and poor body image, but those with psychopathologies such as eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder are at greater risk of exacerbating their condition through procedures which by virtue of their disorder can not produce the results they seek. (p. 1804).

Discussion

The increasing popularity in cosmetic surgery and non-surgical procedures seems to take us down a slippery slope. Where does one draw the line between getting a pedicure, putting on lipstick, using Botox injections, or having abdominoplasty (tummy tuck)? By participating in a beauty culture, are we adding to our potential or entering into a vicious cycle of body dissatisfaction? According to Sarwer, some studies have revealed continued improvements in psychological functioning in the first year following cosmetic surgery. However, Sarwer also points out it is possible that “improvements may diminish, particularly if they are related to the frequency of positive feedback patients receive about their postoperative appearance.” (p. 109). More studies need to be done to research the long-term psychological impact of cosmetic surgery, particularly in a culture of medicine where many surgeons’ mantra is said to be ‘start early, do often’, (Gilmartin, 2010), a philosophy internalized by many pro-cosmetic procedure participants across numerous studies reviewed for this paper. Additionally, with 19% of cosmetic procedures performed on racial and ethnic minorities in 2010, more research needs to be done on the relationship between the work being done and its psychological impact on members of different cultures who have to mitigate the ideals from their own cultures with those of a new culture in which they desire to become a part of.

Though ideals of beauty change over time as a result of many influences, Western cultures, and in particular, white cultures seem to dominate the ethos of beauty. In Lijtmaer’s review of the literature, she found numerous studies that point to an increase in body dissatisfaction as non-white groups become acculturated into American culture. (pp. 205-207). With the current widening in socioeconomic gaps, access to cosmetic procedures could further reinforce the difference in status between the haves and have nots, which may be delineated across cultures with minority groups in lower income brackets and less access to expensive procedures.

Another concern I have is the possible pressure exerted on those who otherwise have a healthy body image and self perception. As cosmetic procedures become more accepted and affordable, we run the risk that it becomes a new standard and practice in which we are to participate if we wish to be deemed normal. Take for example the predominantly female practice of hair removal. Though women may not want to participate in the practice, in American culture, it is seen as socially unacceptable to have hair on the legs and underarms, and indeed, according to Toerien et al., “body hair is a flaw, unfit for public display”, (2005). Therefore, women practice hair removal as a necessary part of maintaining femininity, an act, which Toerien suggests serves to “reinforce the view that underpins all the body-changing procedures, from make-up application to cosmetic surgery: that a women’s body is unacceptable if left unaltered.” (p. 400). So, although at this time, I choose not to color my hair, accepting the gray as it comes with age, there may come a time when I am competing for a job, or perhaps even a mate, against peers who participate more extensively in the beauty culture and present a younger facade which in turn may give them an advantage — an advantage that I too could obtain by making similar choices. So one can be faced with giving in to a new norm or facing the consequences of trying to stay true to oneself.

There is no denying the inherent appeal of beauty throughout animal nature. Birds have their plumage to attract a mate, flowers have bright, bold colors to attract their pollinators, male lions have large manes to intimidate their opponents. All of these attributes signify their potential ability to be successful in their environment, surviving challenges and attracting a mate to produce offspring. It could be and has been argued that humans, in this regard, are no different, at the basic level, which provides a basis for our quest for youth and beauty. If, at our core, our purpose is to pro-create, then we are likely to seek out those who reflect the ability to successfully do so. However, as humans, we have the benefit of higher thinking to take in a bigger picture when assessing the desirability of others, whether we are seeking a mate, an employee, a friend, or a nanny. What alarms me about the rising numbers of people seeking cosmetic procedures is that it places an increasing importance on outward appearance while potentially diminishing the value of what is inside. As discussed in depth by Namir (2006), when the outward body becomes the ultimate means for expression through transformation, a person risks abandoning the inside for the outside. In Namir’s interpretation of one patient’s decision to have procedures done, she chose to hide “in homogenization, looking as the world deemed attractive rather than emerging from her own aliveness, radiance, sensuality and self-expression.” (p. 218).

Counseling Considerations

The counseling considerations in relation to the booming cosmetic surgery industry are wide reaching since its impact spans all four domains of development across the stages. As children enter into adolescence and face changes in their bodies, pressure to make their bodies conform to physical ideals that may only be met through unnatural means could lead to risky behaviors such as disordered eating. At a time when identity formation is at its peak, increasing emphasis on physical appearance can lead to a devaluation on internal qualities that make up the identity. As a person continues throughout the life cycle, the pursuit of physical ideals might lead to continued disappointments as an individual tries in vain to live up to fabricated ideals that hold no basis in reality. Maintaining a focus on superficial traits can influence social relationships as a person forms personal connections with others based on externally formed values. And while the long term physical affects of plastic surgery and more recent cosmetic procedures have yet to be extensively measured, it seems impossible to escape at least some negative physical ramifications of these procedures.

Interventions

As clients evaluate their own self worth in the therapeutic setting, it is important to consider the impact of the beauty culture within which we live and work with clients to set standards for self evaluation that are less dependent on external measures while also allowing for the inevitable pressures placed on us by society to look our best on the outside regardless of how we feel on the inside. With patients who are considering or have already used cosmetic procedures to enhance their self perception, counselors should evaluate the goals the patient ultimately believes they will attain by having procedures done and work to understand the underlying psychopathologies that may be contributing to a diminished self image. Interventions could include working with a client to discover internal measures of value, focusing on past accomplishments that occurred irrespective of the client’s physical appearance, and working on goals that can continue to build on a person’s inner qualities. Also, since a focus on external appearance may be a coping mechanism for masking interpsychic conflicts (Lijtmaer, 2010), a greater understanding of unresolved issues that may have arisen even far in the past may present a relevant context for their attitudes and allow for an opportunity of resolution.

As a counselor, I would have to be cognizant of my own body image and views on cosmetic surgery. Past struggles with an eating disorder and defining my value based on physical appearance predisposes me to judgements about others in decisions they make based on their own physical appearances, particularly when they engage in surgical and non-surgical cosmetic procedures. Prior to researching this topic, I felt certain that in most cases, a patient’s body image and overall psychic well being would not benefit long term from cosmetic procedures because my assumption was they were focusing on external, easily manipulated “problems” rather than focusing on deeper issues that may present bigger challenges a patient is not ready to face. While that may be the case for some, I would need to remind myself that each person presents different experiences and therefore different responses to those experiences and some may in fact benefit from the very procedures I naturally find myself opposed to.

References

Adams, J. (2010). Motivational narratives and assessments of the body after cosmetic surgery. Qualitative Health Research 20(6), 755-767.
American Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, Cosmetic Surgery National Data Bank Statistics, 2010.
Atiyeh, B., Rubeiz, M., & Hayek, S. (2008). Aesthetic/cosmetic surgery and ethical challenges. Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, 32, 829-839.
Bayer, K. (2005). Cosmetic surgery and cosmetics: redefining the appearance of age. Generations, Fall 2005, 13-18.
Clarke, L.H., & Griffin, M. (2006). The body natural and the body unnatural: beauty work and aging. Journal of Aging Studies, 21, 187-201.
Ferguson, R. & Brohaugh, B. (2010). The aging of Aquarius. Journal of Consumer Marketing, 27/1, 76-81.
Gilmartin, J. (2010). Contemporary cosmetic surgery: the potential risks and relevance for practice. Journal of Clinical Nursing, 20, 1801-1809.
Lasher, K.P., & Faulkender, P.J. (1993). Measurement of aging anxiety: development of the anxiety about aging scale. International Journal of Aging & Human Development, 37, 247-259.
Lijtmaer, R. (2010). The beauty and the beast inside: the American beauty — does cosmetic surgery help? Journal of the American Academy of Psychoanalysis and Dynamic Psychiatry, 38 (2), 203-218.
Namir, S. (2006). Embodiments and disembodiments: the relation of body modifications to two psychoanalytic treatments. Psychoanalysis, Culture & Society, 11, 217-223.
Sarwer, D.B., & Crerand, C.E. (2004). Body image and cosmetic medical treatments. Body Image 1, 99-111.
Slevec, J., & Tiggemann, M. (2010). Attitudes toward cosmetic surgery in middle-aged women: body image, aging anxiety, and the media. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 34, 65-74.
Swami, V., Arteche, A., Chamorro-Premuzic, T., Furnham, A., Stieger, S., Haubner, T., & Voracek, M. (2008). Looking good: factors affecting the likelihood of having cosmetic surgery. European Journal of Plastic Surgery, 30, 211-218. DOI: 10.1007/ s00238-007-0185-z
Torien, M., Wilkonson, S., & Choi, P.Y.L. (2005). Body hair removal: the ‘mundane’ production of normative femininity. Sex Roles, 52, Nos. 5/6, 399-406. DOI: 10.1007/ s11199-005-2682-5.

After nearly three years of work, my novel, Confessions of a Failed Anorexic is finally available! Here is the description as it reads on Amazon:

Sarah Thompson went on her first diet when she was seven years old, and has been on a dieting roller coaster ever since. Longing for what she doesn’t have, the unfulfilled stay-at-home mom goes on a journey of self discovery tainted by the pursuit of a perfect body. An unlikely friendship with fun-loving and thin-obsessed Stacy Vargus leads Sarah down a path she believes will bring her closer to a world she has spent a lifetime chasing, only to realize it doesn’t exist. An unexpected reunion with an old friend unleashes a passion for life Sarah had long forgotten, giving her a new lens through which to view her world.

This debut novel by Michelle Cantrell offers an entertaining twist on keeping up with the Joneses while revealing the dangers of losing oneself to the superficial status symbols of suburban life.

Sharing this with the VenusVision community, I am aware that some readers may be fighting an eating disorder. For that reason, I would like to share what I wrote about the title in my novel.

Being involved in the Eating Disorder Community, I’m sensitive to the emotions Confessions of a Failed Anorexic might elicit in some. The reason I chose the title is that for much of my life, that’s how I felt. Years of disordered eating skewed my thinking to the point that I believed an eating disorder would bring me happiness in the form of a thin body. I was naive in thinking that if I could somehow become anorexic, I could control the eating disorder. Though I never did become anorexic, I periodically practiced starvation and purging, and was eventually diagnosed with an Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS). I finally sought help when thoughts of food and hatred towards my body, combined with destructive behaviors dominated every moment of my life.

Eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes and as many as 10 million females in the United States suffer from an eating disorder. Despite the fact that eating disorders have the highest mortality of any mental disorder, the majority of people with severe eating disorders do not receive adequate care. (National Eating Disorders Association, 2008)

It is my hope that this novel will demonstrate how the destructive nature of disordered eating can easily cross over into an eating disorder, and bring life and death complications with it. After recovering from my own eating disorder, I began discovering all life has to offer when one isn’t entirely devoted to achieving an arbitrary ideal of beauty and thinness. I hope that others can find the same hope and begin to aim for more in life than a number on the scale.

At this time, the novel is only available on the Kindle. If you don’t have a Kindle, there are still many devices for which a free Kindle reader application is available, such as PCs, Macs, iPads, iPhones, Droids and Blackberrys. To download a free app, go to Amazon.

I am hoping in the future there will be a print edition. Until then, I hope you will share my novel with anyone who has ever struggled with body image and their relationship with food.

Note: This book contains content that may be triggering for some who are suffering from or in recovery from an eating disorder.

Confessions of a Failed Anorexic

Now I’m not so sure. Why should I be cautious with my optimism? Why can’t I just be optimistic outright? Yes, holding back on optimism is a way of protecting ourselves from disappointment, but by expecting less than the best from our futures are we shorting ourselves on the power of hope?

Just because I am optimistic doesn’t mean I am not being realistic. I am well qualified for the graduate program to which I have applied, and feel that I would make an excellent student within the program. But I know that there may be more well qualified people than openings in the program, and regardless of my expectations, I will be disappointed if I am not admitted into the program. Being cautious about my feelings really won’t provide much buffer against that disappointment, and the reality is, disappointment is a part of life. It’s how we learn to grow, adapt, change, and find new paths. It is not something to shield ourselves from, but instead channel into something purposeful.

How do you approach your future? Do you live your life expecting the worst to avoid being let down or do you open your hear to the endless possibilities life holds for you?

But the reality is, the number on that little label that no one ever sees indicates absolutely nothing about me — not my health, not my beauty,  not my worth. And if that’s the case, why should that little number affect me positively or negatively.

I remember a few years ago, when I had worked hard to lose a lot of weight, counting every calorie, and working out every single day to the point of exhaustion, my prize when I reached my goal weight was to buy a pair of expensive designer jeans. But when I got to my goal weight, and tried on a pair in the size that I thought should fit me, I was disappointed to find them to be too small. And I let that be my measure of success — a measure I had not yet lived up to.

Now, a good 30 pounds heavier than I was at that time, I know I don’t need to wear a pair of designer jeans or fit into a certain size to mark my success at good health.

Do you let the number on a tag determine your success?

I could go in to details about the things that were bringing me down, but ultimately, I see them as irrelevant. Given the mindset I was in, if it hadn’t been those particular things I was latching on to as a reason to feel blue, it just would have been something else. After a month or more of feeling this way, I finally decided to speak to the one person outside of my marriage that has always understood me and offered me sage advice: my Dad. I was eager to pour my heart out to him, hear his sympathy end empathy as he felt the injustices of the events I would portray to him.

It didn’t quite go as planned.

I did pour my heart out, and he did listen. And he was sympathetic to my feelings. But ultimately his response could be summed up by the phrase “get over it”. No, he didn’t actually say those words. And he didn’t use that tone with me. But the gist of what he said, no matter what I threw his way, was “You can not look to others to bring you contentment in life. You have to look within yourself.” I wanted to scream. That’s not at all what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear:

“Wow, honey, that’s really terrible. You have every right to be upset.”

or

“I agree that you should be mad. Let me see what I can do about it.” (This, even though I’m nearly 39 years old.)

or

“Things sound really tough right now. Here’s what you should do.”

Well, I guess he did tell me what I should do, but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

He also told me a story of a woman he had known years ago who was dying of cancer and was bitter and angry about everything in her life — a jerk of a husband who had left her in the middle of her illness, and of course, the illness itself. My dad’s advice to her was to to take just one day to live in the present, and observe everything around her, every act she did, as if she was seeing and doing it for the first time. I know it sounds like a simple task, but after she took his advice, she reported back to him that it was the most amazing experience. She felt the lather of her shampoo as she washed her hair, she noticed the warmth of the water while doing the dishes, she heard the birds chirping, and saw the trees swaying in the wind. Yes, she was still dying, but without focusing on what was going to happen at some unknown time in the future, she was able to enjoy living in the time she had right then and there.

Still, after hearing the story, I thought what does this story about a woman dying of cancer have to do with me? I went home after our lunch and sulked some more. After all of these years of my Dad knowing exactly what to say to me, how could he be so off the mark this time.

But, the more I thought about his words, the more I opened myself up to them and let them sink in. After all, isn’t that what I am always telling everyone else? Isn’t that what my messages on VenusVision are all about? Finding contentment from within? Living in the present? I can’t dole out advice but with conditions. I can’t dole out advice and then not follow it. (Ok, I know everyone does that, but this is pretty important advice to follow.)

The morning after our lunch, I woke up and made a decision. I wasn’t going to be down anymore. I focused on the little things and saw them with the wonder they deserved. When you really think about it, isn’t every little thing in our life a miracle?

For more than a month, I had felt as though my heart had just shut down. I wanted to find the on switch, but just didn’t know where to look. After hearing the words of my father, I was able to look and see that it was always right there inside me and all I needed to do was turn it on again.* Once again, I take time each day to be thankful of all I have in my life and reach inside to find the contentment I know is there, ready to be received.

* Though I was feeling down for what to me seemed like a prolonged period of time, I want to make the distinction between what I was feeling and what someone goes through with clinical depression. In no way do I wish for my experience to undermine that of someone with a serious mental illness.

Now, an airplane is loud, and I knew I had heard her correctly, but with what was probably a bit of a stunned look, I said “what?”. She instantly realized her mistake and tried to cover her tracks.

“I mean your flight. How much further do you have to go,” she stammered. Too late. I knew what she meant. And frankly, I couldn’t blame her. While I’m not a particularly large woman, I have been blessed with the eternal pooch. No matter how much weight I gain or lose, my pear shaped body seems to hold tight to my tummy which, yes, can resemble that of a pregnant woman. Add to that the fact that I was wearing an empire cut maxi dress, leaning against the wall of the airplane, probably accentuating my stomach, and the mistake she made doesn’t seem so out of the question.

I went along with her change in course and replied that I was headed home. And, that was it. I didn’t go back to my seat and spend the next hour and a half of my flight stewing and brewing over what she said while clouds of self hatred materialized around my body. I simply took it for what it was — an honest mistake, and moved on.

There was a time I would not have been so non-chalant about such a mistake and indeed, it is not the first time it happened. (The first time was when I was in 10th grade when a teacher asked me if I was pregnant, but that’s another story entirely!) And the last time it happened prior to the airplane episode, a guy at the gas station pointed to my stomach and asked in one-word broken English, “Baby?”. My answer? “Nope, just fat.” And then we laughed together.

Once upon a time, these types of comments would have propelled me into my next diet, extreme exercise routine, or depending on where my head was at the time, straight into a bag of chips.

But really, if you think about it, what’s so insulting about someone thinking you’re pregnant. Yes, I know the obvious answer is. But the reality is, that’s the way my body is shaped, and even at my very lightest — when I was counting every calorie in and out — I still had my tummy. We go way back, and it’s not about to leave me now. I can choose to resent it, or accept it the way it is, and the occasional pregnancy comments that come with it.

Besides, the flight attendant gave me a free movie and for the prices airlines charge for such luxuries these days, I’ll deal with the pregnancy faux pas now and then for a free in-flight chick flick.

And then, as I bustled about in my kitchen, feeling stressed about all that I felt needed to be done urgently, I suddenly stopped. A voice that I have only recently learned to listen to said “SLOW DOWN!” And at that moment, I decided I would not fall back into old habits of devouring my meal, trying to get to the next task, the next moment, without paying attention to the moment I was in or to the task that was right in front of me — the task of nourishing my body properly. I got the rest of my groceries put away,  put together a plate of warm pita bread, some hummus, a couple slices of cheese, and some carrots, and sat down with a large glass of water, and ate my lunch slowly and with awareness. It was not a fancy meal, but it was delicious and nutritious, and once I made the decision to enjoy it slowly, it felt nice to take a break, and regain some perspective on my life and all that has been filling it lately. When I was finished, instead of jumping back into the fray of chaos that I mistakenly viewed my day as, I took my dog for a much needed (for both of us) walk.

Sure I’ve been busy lately. In addition to being a full time mom of a 8- and 6-year-old girls, maintaining (albeit loosely) a household, and trying to stay current with VenusVision, I have also started a group for women to explore and improve their relationships with food and their body, and I have recently launched a home-based business of selling a line of jewelry called Stella & Dot. Add to that the other things that pop up, like birthday parties, out-of-town guests, and end-of-school-year activities, and what you might get is one crazed, stressed out mom. Or, at least that’s what you would have gotten a year ago. But you know that voice I mentioned earlier? Well, I’ve been working on letting her have her say more often. She is the voice that knows I can do my best when I am taking care of me. She is the voice that reminds me that the world will not stop turning if I don’t get the laundry put away right away, or if there are clumps of dog hair here and there, or if I don’t get to most of the other things on my to-do list right away. She is the voice that reminds me that I only have one life to live, and that if I spend it always trying to get to the next moment, I will reach the finish line wondering how I filled my years, my days, and my hours.

And so, after I slowly ate my lunch, and took my dog for a walk, I did get out to run a couple of more errands. But now I am sitting here writing this, even though until a couple of hours ago, this post was not on my to-do list, hoping that I can encourage you to slow down, take a breath, and savor the moment, whatever that moment might bring for you. If you are feeling like this is the worst time to try and slow down, that probably is a pretty good indication that you need it more than ever. Take a deep breath. Go for  a walk. Read a book — anything that serves as a speed bump in your life because you need it and you deserve it.

How many summers have you spent your time at the pool or beach fretting away over how you looked in your swimsuit rather than splashing around or digging in the sand? Is that anyway to live? If you have kids is that what you want them to remember about your play time together? Or maybe you just avoid those situations all together. How much more time are you going to give to the negative thoughts that keep you down and out, and prevent you from experiencing life from the fullest?

I’m here to offer you a third approach to the swim suit season. Find the swim suit that fits the body you have now, and wear it with confidence, regardless of your size and shape. The only reason you are afraid to put on a bathing suit is because you have been so conditioned to think that you can only look good in one if you are a size 2, have flat abs, and a BMI of 18. But I beg to differ. Just do a google search on “plus size swimsuits” and you will find image after image of women representing many different sizes who look body confident and just all around beautiful in their swim wear. And let’s face it, that’s what so much of it comes down to anyway — body confidence. Do you think Queen Latifah hides under the umbrella because she doesn’t want to show off her larger than life curves? I can’t say with good authority, but I would guess when she walks out onto the beach or alongside the pool, she commands attention with her poise, and self-assured stature that reveals nothing short of body confidence.

These models wearing Lane Bryant swim wear certainly don’t look self conscious. If you saw them on the beach, the only thing you would notice about them would be how beautiful they are.

This year, say no to the last-ditched attempts at quick weight loss that don’t do anyone any good, and instead declare the coming season a summer of fun that won’t get “weighed down”.

You’ll have to forgive me for the following analogy, but I’ve always had a thing for vampire stories (LONG before teams Edward and Jacob emerged!) and subsequently I’ve been immersed lately in the Sookie Stackhouse vampire series (the stories from which HBO’s True Blood were derived) by Charlaine Harris.  Though there are many variations in vampire myths in terms of their behaviors and weaknesses (garlic, crosses, sparkling in the sunlight), there is one thing all vampire stories have in common. When a person becomes a vampire, they remain as they are at the time they are turned — for eternity (or until they meet the sun). That means, if you are a handsome young man, you will forever appear to be a handsome young man. If you are a tall, buxom woman, you will forever be a tall, buxom woman. And lest you think you could get a boob reduction (if we’re talking modern vampire stories), in most lore, think again. Because of a vampires ability to heal, the likely result of any cosmetic surgery would be the eventual return to the way things were at the time the vampire was turned.

Ok, yes, I realize I’ve put way more thought into this than what might be considered healthy for a grown woman, but the whole thing got me thinking: what if you were bitten, and instead of like in the movies where all the vampires are sealed in a state of perfection for eternity (thanks to lots of HD make-up and computer enhancements), you weren’t exactly at your fighting weight when you were turned. Ok, let’s drop the euphemisms. Let’s say you were fat when the undead came along and sunk his teeth into you, bringing you over to the dark side. Imagine knowing that no matter what you did or ate (and let’s face it, drinking blood can’t really be all that calorically dense) or how much you ran at lightening speed to catch your prey, you would never, ever lose weight (ok, you might already feel that way). Would you be destined to spend an eternity feeling depressed because your body didn’t meet the ideal of one short period in history? Would you sulk around waiting for the next Rubenesque period to come along? Would you seek out Fat Vampire Support Groups?

I see a different scenario for my imaginary fat vampire. Maybe at first, you are a bit bummed about being stuck at your less-than-ideal weight until the end of days. But I think that would quickly be replaced by the incredible new abilities and opportunities you would have. Sure, immortality has its down side, but just play along with me here!

First of all, vampires have notoriously super-human strength. Imagine being able to walk down a dark alley and not being afraid of anything or anyone because whomever came along (except maybe an older, more powerful vampire), you could kick their butt! Secondly, they heal pretty quickly. Paper cut? No problem. Broken arm? So what? Severed leg? You’ll grow a new one! Third, in many vampire stories, you can fly, if not in your ‘human’ form, at least in bat form. Now I know most people aren’t crazy about bats, but hey, if you could fly from New York to LA without having to buy a plane ticket — especially with today’s prices, would you really complain too much? Fourth, you probably have some mind control over humans so you can make them do whatever you want. Hey — I’m not saying I would want — or use — that ability myself, but as long as we’re looking at the pros here, give me a little slack! And of course, even though you would be fat for eternity, cholesterol, diabetes, high blood pressure and other problems associated obesity will be a thing of the past. No more doctors giving you the tsk tsk and telling you that you’d better lose weight or else (or else you’d suck his blood!).

And then there are the opportunities! Bucket list? How about Giant Vat list? I mean, so you didn’t get to do that study abroad program in Paris that you were dying to do in college. Now you can go next year, or next decade, or next century. What’s the rush? It will still be there. Never had enough time to learn a foreign language? Now you can learn ten! What’s that hobby you’ve been meaning to take up but thought it would just be a waste of time? Knitting? Fencing? Wind-surfing? (Ok, that one you might have to forgo, since I’ve never heard of night wind-surfing). You get the idea.

What I’m trying to say here — the long confusing obscured point I’m trying to make is that if you absolutely positively had no other choice but to accept the only reality that was given to you, you would HAVE to eventually give in to it — embrace it even. So why not do it now? Why not learn to be content in the reality you are in even if it’s while trying to bring about a new reality. I’m not saying succumb to all of the things that give you grief in life, but I am asking you to consider accepting that it’s a part of your life, but only just that — one part. And it’s a part that may change — a part that you may choose to and have the power to change. Or it’s a part that might be that way forever. But dwelling on the negative things in our lives, whether it’s our body shape, the size of our breasts, or anything else that we perceive as less than, can make our short lives on this planet feel like an eternity, but more like an eternity in hell.

So take a look at your life — all of it, and reflect on what you love about it. Reflect on what you can change about it. And reflect on what will always be. And live it. All of it. With zeal.

I took on the project because I love photography but can get lazy about getting my camera out and using it to even half of its potential. I took a class teaching me how to use my camera almost a year ago, and yet I rarely venture beyond a few simple programmable functions on my complicated digital SLR. But I am finding the project so much more than just a creative outlet. It’s putting me in touch with my inner being, and bringing out sides of me I often wish I could show but for whatever reason don’t.

I have always thought that in general, I photograph well … that is to say, pictures of me generally turn out nicely. I consider myself one of the rare beings who always has a good driver’s license photo. Of course, when pictures of me don’t turn out so well, my inclination is to burn them, or as the case may be, delete them, but definitely not post them — especially on Facebook where any of my friends could see me in a less than favorable light.

But with this project, looking good isn’t the goal. The goal is to capture a mood, a moment, a feeling. Those moments don’t always look good. But I am moving beyond the need to present myself in the form that I most want people to see day to day, instead revealing more of what’s inside of me that I sometimes keep more hidden. Though today is only Day 4 of the project, I feel that the photos I’ve already posted reflect a broad range of emotions. The funny thing is, the pictures that I see as a less favorable reflection of myself, at least from a superficial stand point, seem to be the ones getting the most attention.

When I walk out of cycling class, dripping wet from sweat after an hour of working as hard as I possibly can, I would not see myself as a particularly attractive woman — indeed, most people probably want to get as far away from me and my sweat and my stench as possible. My clothes are soaked, I usually look like I’ve peed in my pants, and my head looks like I’ve just had a bucket of water dumped over it.

But this picture I posted of myself, in my opinion, reflects the inner strength I always feel after I work out. It’s not the most flattering picture of me, and it is only one of two pictures in existence that shows me in bike shorts because I’ve never been thrilled about my legs, let alone in bike shorts. Through the work I have done on loving my body and appreciating all that it can do, I now know that my legs are beautiful in this picture because they are strong.

Another picture I’ve gotten a lot of feedback on reveals a little more of me — literally. Interestingly, I had no reservations about posting this picture, despite the partial nudity. I felt like it was such a strong reflection of the love and appreciation I have for my body which I have only recently accepted as beautiful.

Another picture I posted juxtaposed a photograph of me as a child — one that was chubby and already learning that my body was not the ideal — with a photograph of me now. It feels good to go back to the beginning of so much pain and put the adult version of me next to it, almost as if saying “hang in there kid, there’s more to life than having a perfect body”.

Of course, at this point, I’m only 4 days into the project (though I’ve posted five pictures in the group because I couldn’t choose between the post-workout photo and the half nude photo yesterday). Creativity is fresh and young and flows easily. I recognize that it will be difficult to maintain my level of enthusiasm for the entire year. But the habit of reflecting on myself for a little bit each day has been so invaluable, I’m not sure I’ll want to give it up when the year is through.

(More of my photos can be seen on my personal Flickr page.)