Conquering Your Fears

Anxiety, apprehension, the jitters, the shakes, butterflies in your stomach–they’re all the product of one thing . . .

FEAR

Fear takes control of us. It dictates who we talk to and about what. It keeps us from tackling things that could actually be beneficial. Like heavy chains, it holds us back and keeps us from living our lives to the fullest. Fear ruins what could be our most treasured moments. But what exactly are we afraid of?

In most animals, fear has proven to be an asset. If the bunny doesn’t worry about the whereabouts of the fox, chances are–its fearless self is likely to become a meal. Nowadays most of us who live in cities with modern technology don’t need to be concerned about being gobbled up by a bigger animal. The grocery store has pretty much eliminated our need to hunt. We’re safe! So why do we continue to fear and fret?

Our society has developed a communal anxiety disorder. Human beings can no longer discriminate between a lion staring us in the face or an approaching work deadline. This leaves us constantly on edge and constantly afraid. What we continually forget is that if we miss the work deadline, chances are slim that we’ll be literally eaten alive. A slight reprimand is slightly different than losing a limb.

Fear continues to negatively impact us on a daily basis. How do we set ourselves free? How do we escape our fear-filled prisons?

We stop listening to fear! It may seem easier said than done right now, but every person is capable of reclaiming their life. It only takes a little concentration. Here are my own top ten ways to fight fear:

Top Ten Ways to Fight Fear

10) Remind yourself that letting fear affect you is selfish. I balked when I first heard this, and I almost walked out of the lecture hall. But as time goes on, the truth of those words become more and more apparent. Fear often keeps us from doing our best. It ends up being our scapegoat when our performances aren’t up to par. Don’t be selfish! Own up to your potential. The only person you’re hurting by not trying your best is yourself. Usually even the people for whom you are attempting to perform want you to do your best!

9) Break down whatever it is that has you so upset. Things tend to look less scary in pieces. The old scientific method can take the foreboding mood off of anything. I use this strategy in dealing with friendship issues. For example, if a friend is mad at me and has told others about how I am a terrible person, I ask myself if there has been anything I could have done to cause this. Then, I politely and tactfully confront them directly. Not only is it a time saver, but is usually keeps the friendship intact. In some cases, my friend and I have even gotten closer thanks to this method.

8.) Do one small thing per day that may intimidate you but is good for you. If you are shy, strike up a conversation with a stranger. It’s easier than you think! A question or compliment can earn you a valuable friendship. I have a fear “to do” list that I carry around with me. Baby steps towards an adult goal helps you get used to the water. You can get more comfortable with your fears step by step instead of diving in head first (which can be terrifying).

7) Make an encouragement buddy. If you’re aware that someone shares your same concerns, use the encouragement buddy system! Encouragement is so underrated in today’s society. You and your buddy can encourage each other to conquer your fear together. And nothing feels better than receiving genuine praise for something that was difficult for you. It can be incredibly motivating!

6) Persevere. Understand that you’re not going to become fearless overnight. You may occasionally revert, but the idea is to strive to achieve your best daily. Even President Lincoln had setbacks! Check out Lincoln’s whole story if you want to be inspired. The legendary Emancipator endured more trials and tribulations in those 30 years than most of will endure in our entire lifetime. If he could stick to it, so can you!

5) Speaking of inspiration, inspire yourself. Inspirational quotes, comics, and pictures are all over the internet! Transfer them to post-its. Then leave them in places you’ll discover when you need them. As Aristotle once said, “Happiness is the state of activity.” You may have to actively try to stop thinking about your fear, but it will be worth it. I currently have Gilda Radner motivating my coffee table. “While we have the gift of life, it seems to me the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die–whether it is our spirit, our creativity, or our glorious uniqueness.”

4) Never take life too seriously. If you can laugh it off, laugh it off. It’s easier to get through the day with a smile on your face than a frown weighing you down. Find a couple of pictures, cartoons, etc. that make you belly laugh. It’s important that it be something that has you laughing out loud. Now memorize it. Next time you are to face something that scares you–remember your laughing place. If you lighten up, it’s doubtful your problems will remain heavy. These Savage Chickens comics make me laugh. How about you?

3) Take off running. No! Not away from your issues. Exercise charges your body with endorphins. Endorphins encourage a positive sense of well being. Even a brisk 20-minute walk can help get those positive vibes going. Eating balanced meals and getting enough sleep is also a given for bringing out your brave side. A sound body and mind is more capable of making sound choices than a deprived body/mind.

2) Embrace that you’re not the only one who experiences these feelings. Movies like “As Good As It Gets” or “Dan In Real Life” exemplify how paralyzing fear can be and how fantastic and amazing it can be to overcome it. You are never alone. There is no “normal”. Every individual is different. Support groups exist for practically every phobia, but even just watching a motivational movie can perk you up.

1) Make a conscious effort. It seems too simple to be the number one way to battle your fear, but it works. Fear is often associated with the future. It is deeply rooted in the domino effect. We fear that something we do or did will cause a bad reaction creating more chaos and so on and so on. However, you can’t live the future, you can only live the present. Do not allow yourself to be devalued today so you can reap the benefits tomorrow. That kind of thinking will make your successes less sweet because you compromised yourself to get them. Making a conscious effort to live the here and now can present you with the joys of actually living life and not merely fretting about the future. The future is incapable of being enjoyed. So why are you so obsessed with it? Carpe diem! Seize today because today is the only time you really even can seize.

Now that you’re armed with a fear fighting arsenal, get out there and live! Don’t let anything hold you back. When you expect more of yourself and give yourself a chance to thrive, more often than not you’ll find yourself thriving in a reality where you are unafraid. That deep satisfaction with life isn’t as far off as you’d imagine. It’s as close as a smile, a run, a reminder, a million little things that set you in motion towards positive thinking. And you must remember never to give up. That’s the only instance in which fear actually wins. You know you’re better than that! Give up fear–not your happiness.