Do Numbers Rule Your Life?

Do you count the number of calories you eat and/or burn each day? Do you start each day determining your mood by the number on a scale? Do you feel good or bad depending on the number on the inside label of your pants? Are you old because of the number of candles that were on your last birthday cake?

Numbers: We place a lot of value in them. We see numbers as concrete, black and white dependable values. Numbers can be a source of comfort with the order they provide in our chaotic lives. We know there will always be 365 days in a year (ok, except for leap years). We know there will always be 7 days in a week. We know there will always 24 hours in a day (no matter how much we keep wishing for more).  These things don’t change and we can plan our life events around them.

Similarly, if you have one dollar, you know, without a doubt, that you are in possession of 100 cents — not 101 cents, not 99 cents, but always 100 cents. If something is 100 years old, we know that it has existed for exactly 100 years — non 101 years, not 99 years, but 100 years. Although these numbers can change, we always know exactly how to interpret them in these situations. Yes, numbers can be variable, but we tend to think their value always holds true.

Let me remind you, however, that the values of numbers do not remain consistent. An easy example is currency. Although one dollar will always be equal to 100 cents, the value of that dollar can fluctuate greatly, as we have seen in the recent economic conditions. And, while initially we assume something that is 100 years old to be old, if we are talking about something like a tree in the middle of the Redwood Forest, 100 years is practically a juvenile.

It is values like these that we assign to numbers that end up taking control of our lives. Numbers are no longer just numbers. They signify our worth. They tell us whether or not we are young or old, smart or dumb, fat or thin, etc. But who assigns the values to each of the numbers that signify these things? While generally there are standards to go by, we ourselves  ultimately place the values on the numbers by which we most frequently gauge our happiness and success.

If you step on the scale daily, or even weekly, you know exactly what I mean. No matter what your mood is before you step on a scale, the number on that square-shaped mechanical device will have the ultimate say over your outlook for the rest of the day. If it is a “good” number, it validates your success as a person, and you can go about your day with a smile on your face. If it is a “bad” number, you are a failure and your mood will reflect the results of those two seconds on the scale for the next 24 hours.

When you go shopping for new clothes, it’s the size on the tag that will dominate your feelings. For many women, nothing is more shocking than trying on the newest pair of jeans at your favorite store, only to find out that the same size you’ve been wearing for the last two years no longer fits you. Any number of explanations NOT pertaining to an actual change in your body shape will enter your mind. And the idea of blaming the brand or the store for the fluctuation rather than your own short-comings is out of the question. Instead, you are likely to skip your next meal (or two) until you can fit into those jeans and feel confident once more.

And then there’s dreaded numbers like 30 and 40. Many fear those numbers as if they represent death itself, like life is over after a certain age. Whatever happened to the idea that “age is a state of mind” or “you’re only as old as you feel”. Perhaps the phrases are overused so that we no longer see the value in their meaning. Yes, each year your body changes. But you also can control to some extent how much through lifestyle choices (and I’m NOT talking about plastic surgery!). You can also choose to look at the benefits of aging, like the experiences and wisdom that can accompany it.

I recently watched a documentary on beauty, and one of the women (whom had been nominated to be in the film because of her beauty) was a doctor. When the interviewer asked how she felt about aging, she said that it would serve to add to her credibility as a doctor because it meant that she had more experience. While we may not look at each gray hair as another stroke of wisdom, we can look at the ways we have become a better person through our life experiences rather than focus on the negative aspects of aging. You may be a better parent because you’ve been around the block a few times. You may be better in your career as you have had more time to hone your skills. You may have mastered your favorite hobby through lots of practice. So you see, the number of candles on your birthday cake don’t have to be something to fear, but instead something to take pride in. The more number of candles there are, the more things you have experienced and the more opportunities you have had to grow as a person.

Now, let’s go back to the number on the inside label of your clothes. There could be many reasons a size you expect to fit you when trying on a new pair of jeans does not fit. First of all, manufacturers change their sizing frequently. At any given time, I have pants in my closet that are the same brand, but 3 different sizes, all of which will fit me at any given time. Second, does one person make EVERY pair of pants in a given line? No, of course not. Although they have a pattern and a system for making the clothes, there will certainly be variations. Another reason the size might not fit is the cut and fabric of the pants. I recently went shopping for jeans and bought one size in one cut, and another size in a different cut.

Finally, it could be true that your body has in fact changed. Maybe you have gained weight. But that doesn’t make you a bad person, any more than seeing a higher number on the scale makes you a bad person. Let me say this loud and clear: “IT’S JUST A NUMBER!” I repeat: “IT’S JUST A NUMBER”.

Of course I realize that we need to put a certain amount of weight in some numbers, even those that we see on the scale. Weight and BMI can (and I emphasize can) be indicators of health, and that’s not something we can ignore. But basing your happiness and self esteem on those numbers is completely counter-productive. Think about it. Have you ever accomplished something when you were feeling down about yourself and your abilities? Sure, you might be able to temporarily “fix” the problem, maybe by going on a diet and losing the weight, but you’re not likely to maintain a healthy weight if you are defining your success solely by the numbers on the scale and in the size of your jeans.

So instead of focusing on the numbers that the fashion industry has deemed as an indicator of your value as a human being, try to find new numbers to focus on. How about the number of times you made another person smile in a day. Or the number of items you checked off from your to-do list. Or the number of times you had a positive thought about yourself. Ultimately, those are the numbers that should contribute to your happiness. And if you have to buy the jeans in the next size up, go for it! You’ll look and feel better wearing clothes that fit you properly!