Is “Half-Assed” Always So Bad?

We live in a perfectionist society. If you aren’t a perfectionist, you probably either wish you were ,or are feeling guilty for not aiming for perfection all the time. And why wouldn’t you feel that way? We’re taught from very early on to “always try your best”. But is it ever ok to just try “enough”? I think it is.

When we were young, and our parents told us we should do our best at everything we did, there was a reason for this. How else would we learn what we were good at? Some things do take more effort than others, and if we weren’t putting in effort on more challenging things, we might not ever know what we’re capable of. But at some point that approach to life and all that it holds becomes set in stone, and there is no room for putting in any less than our best effort on everything we do without feeling the pangs of guilt.

If you’re the perfectionist, then you spend your life trying — as the label implies — to do EVERYTHING perfectly. Of course, it’s impossible to be perfect at everything, and inevitably some things — even those that rank as important — begin to suffer. And of course, with the knowledge that you aren’t doing everything perfectly, your happiness suffers too. You’re not even capable of considering doing something anything less than all the way because that’s how you’ve done things your entire life. Maybe it’s even in your genetic coding. But at some point you need to reframe your experiences. You need to understand that you are not accomplishing anything by believing that everything has to be done perfectly and requires everything you have to give, because when you do that, you have nothing left to give yourself. Decide what’s important to you, and put your utmost into that. If being a great mom is what you value most, then don’t worry so much about having a perfectly kept house. Sure, you have responsibilities you can’t just let go of — meals need to be prepared, laundry needs to be done, and cleaning must be done. But that doesn’t mean that every meal has to be a perfectly balanced gourmet meal, the clothes ALWAYS need to be neatly ironed, folded and put away, and the floors have to be clean enough to eat off of. Of course, if those things ARE really, genuinely important to you, and you don’t just think they SHOULD be important to you, then there’s nothing wrong in devoting your energy to it. But don’t waste time putting in more energy than necessary on things that you only think you should value versus what you really do value.

The same obviously holds true for those who don’t consider yourselves perfectionists, but perhaps feel guilty when you don’t put your all into everything. Maybe you feel lazy or unmotivated because you don’t keep a perfect house, when really, that’s not what’s important to you. Of course, if you share your home with another person, there has to be some compromise here, but the compromise on your part shouldn’t come with endless guilt for not putting your utmost into something you don’t value.

So going forth, I think we should all embrace a little bit more of a “half-assed” mentality. Evaluate what you are putting most of your efforts into, and what you feel guilty about not putting more effort into, and decide which things are really worth your physical and emotional energy. For those things, reserve your best efforts. For everything else, just do what you can, and sweep the rest under the rug. Most likely, no one else will ever notice, and eventually you’ll feel more fulfilled and less drained for putting your energy into people and activities that deserve what you have to give.