Letting Go of Control

What do we truly have control over in this life?  The answer is simple.  We only have power over ourselves.  We have no control over the actions and ideas of others.  In that sense, we are merely passengers along for the ride.  Others must make their own life decisions.

While the idea of influencing only yourself can make you feel weak, a better way to view it is as a new source of freedom.  Knowing that you are the only vessel over which you have ultimate control should lighten your load of responsibilities.  After all, you only have a responsibility to maintain your own life and your own problems.  You can give your opinion to others.  You can recommend, advise, suggest, and advocate.  You can stress the importance of certain things and offer up stories of experience to back up your claims.  However, at the end of the day, each person is their own deliberator.

As women, we often feel the need to nurture the world.  We want to take on and solve the problems of the world; and of course we want to work out the troubles of our loved ones.  We think that if we were in the other person’s shoes we would have everything sorted out in no time.  We’re forgetting that it’s impossible to actually know what it feels like to be in that person’s shoes.  We have an entirely different life experience, and it’s ridiculous to think that we would have all of life’s answers in another body.  By assuming that we know better, we are disregarding the other person’s right to guide their own life.

It is essential that you realize that control over others isn’t real.  Control over others is an idea, a design created by you.  Your design for someone else, no matter how well intentioned, has no basis in reality.  Plus, this imaginary ideal will cause you an inordinate amount of stress.  Your stress levels will increase over something which you never had control of in the first place.  This can become a never ending merry-go-round of self-inflicted worry.  Take control worries out at their root—you.

If you think about it, trying to control someone is the same as forcing them to do what you want, but most of the time, force is not a viable option. Forcing someone to see things your way will never be as effective as explaining what you believe and helping them see your perspective. Exerting your choices and opinions on someone is more likely to cause resentment and ill will between you.  This is creating a lose-lose situation.  Let go and both of you can be winners.

Ultimately, we are all just doing the best with what we’ve been given.  Strive to be the best person that you can be rather than trying to make someone else into what we imagine is their best.  Attempting to control someone and getting upset when they don’t comply also renders us powerless.  Someone else should not be the center of your life.  You should never offer them that much control over you.  The only person that should have control over your life is you.  Grab the reigns and steer!  Let the other horses run wild.  Your horses are the ones who will carry you to where you desire to go.

Many thanks to Jean Albright for teaching me to look for the good in myself and to take control of my life!  Her guidance motivated this encouraging work, and I can never thank her enough.