“Life Without Ed” — A Book Review

You might think that Life Without Ed is a book about a woman separating herself from a boyfriend/husband/lover named Ed. But when you read the sub-header “How One Woman Declared Independence from her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too” it is apparent that Ed is not a person. As it turns out, for Jenni Schaefer, as well as for many other women, Ed (a convenient acronym for Eating Disorder) can be just as powerful a force as the most abusive of men, and like abusive partners, Ed can and does kill.

The review of this book is timely as National Eating Disorders Awareness Week begins February 22. Through Shaefer’s book, other victims of Ed can find the hope they need to begin the long process of declaring their own independence from an eating disorder.

Life Without Ed begins with Jenni stating that although she has never been married, she is happily divorced. Through the guidance of her therapist Thom Rutledge — with whom Jenni cowrote her book — Jenni began to identify her eating disorder as an entity separate from her own person, an entity she identified as Ed. Personifying her disorder gave clarity to the thoughts in her head as she began to identify which thoughts belonged to her, and which thoughts belonged to Ed. Making that distinction enabled her first to disagree with Ed, and eventually to disobey him.

From the beginning, Ed was as controlling, domineering, and selfish as the worst partners committing domestic violence. But he was also as manipulative, leading Jenni to believe that she was deserving of his negative treatment. Without Ed, she believed she was nothing, because that is what Ed told her at every opportunity he had. He also gave her the proverbial carrot, leading her on with promises of beauty (through being thin), success (through being thin), and happiness (through being thin). Without him, he convinced her she would never achieve any of those things. Finally, Jenni realized though that the life she was living with Ed was not one worth living at all, and instead of giving into his demands indefinitely — which ultimately would have led to her death — she got the help she needed to begin the long process of separating herself from Ed.

Throughout Shaefer’s account — which is witty at times, and tragic at others — we are reminded of the hold Ed has taken of her. But we are also reminded of the strong sense of survival that eventually leads to Jenni’s “divorce” from Ed. As with the separation of many couples, Jenni’s recovery was full of moments of self doubt and the desire to go back to Ed who was always full of promises of a better life. Although he was a great source of misery for her, he also knew how to relieve moments of stress and unhappiness through binging, purging and restricting — all of which can provide a false but powerful sense of control when all else feels out of control.  Ultimately, with the help of a strong support system comprised of therapists, internists, dieticians and peers, Jenni found the strength to leave Ed once and for all. Though he still periodically tries to reunite with Jenni — perhaps for a casual fling or even worse — she now has the emotional tools to recognize his presence, and then dismiss him.

Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too
is a detailed account of life with an Eating Disorder — something that is often misunderstood by society at large. As Jenni points out, it does not matter what size you are or how much you weigh. Ed comes in all shapes and sizes. What matters is the emotional abuse from which so many women suffer in silence, as Ed consumes every moment, telling them what to eat or not eat, what to purge, and how they look compared to every other woman they see. If Ed is destroying your life, or the life of someone you know, this book is an absolute must-read in order to understand the battles with Ed, and how to win them.