Does ‘Fitspiration’ Motivate or Encourage Self Hate?

Today on my VenusVision Facebook page, I reposted an article by Beauty Redefined Why “Fitspiration” Isn’t So Inspirational which discusses the negative impact of “fitspiration” or images and quotes that are supposed to inspire us to fitness. Based on some of the response, I wanted to offer an extended reply and expand on why I agree with the original post.

Here is an excerpt from one of the comments:

“Why is it a crime to suggest (through images, words, whatever) that only a few people are ever going to represent the ideal? That’s not demeaning, it’s truth. If it hurts your little feelings, use that to motivate you to go after your personal best, not cry over cultural obsession or objectification and use that as an excuse to say how it makes you feel so demeaned. If you want something, you have to give up the excuses and blaming anyone other than yourself, and go for it. Effort = results. Actions = priorities. So showing a tight body with the message “get off your lazy ass if you want to look like this” is entirely appropriate to me.”

I think good physical health is an important part of good emotional health. I believe in taking care of and respecting our bodies, and I think there are a variety of ways to do that. But when the motivation to do so is extrinsic, as in when were are doing it to live up to some ideal determined by someone else — and promoted in many “fitspiration” or “thinspiration” pictures and quotes, it can lead to unhealthy consequences that at best bring an end to the commitment to achieve said ideals, and at worst can lead to unhealthy body and food obsessions, and deadly eating disorders, which are on the rise across genders, ethnic, and age groups.

The waistlines in our country have been growing for several decades. We’ve all heard the statistics — two thirds of Americans are overweight or obese. During the same time period, the diet and fitness industries have grown into multi-billion dollar money making factories. They provide plenty — let me repeat — plenty of thinspiration, fitspiration, and any other kind of inspiration that will make you want to spend money on their products and services because they know we all will ignore their dirty little secret: DIETS DON’T WORK. No matter how many posters and quotes and fitness magazines we look at, the reality is, 95 percent of us won’t be successful at losing weight for an extended period of time. If thinspiration and fitspiration really worked, surely there would be more than a 5 percent success rate among those who claim to be motivated by it.

It’s easy to call it a cop out to blame our culture for feeling demeaned, but the reality is, Madison Avenue has every intention of making you feel that way. After all, if you were happy with the way you were, what motivation would you have to buy the products that are supposed to make you better? Trust me, they wouldn’t spend the kazillions of dollars that they do if they weren’t absolutely sure that you would fall for their slight of hand tricks. They sell us a bill of goods, that if we look the way they tell us to look, we’ll be happy. Be thin and you’ll get the gorgeous guy, the big bank account, the McMansion, the convertible. Have six pack abs and your doctor will say hooray, forgetting to ask how many cigarettes you smoke each day and how much wine you drink at night to numb the self hate that comes from a life of always trying to please other people and live up to their standards, rather than exploring your genuine self. That’s not to say that everyone with six-pack abs or “tank-top ready” triceps is unhappy with who they are. My point is that if the reason for challenging and strengthening their body comes from external sources of motivation, ultimately the euphoria achieved from reaching goals (if that euphoria is actually ever achieved) will most likely be fleeting as soon as another standard arises for them to meet, compelling them back into a cycle of body dissatisfaction.

Again, I want to point out that I think good physical health is an important goal for anyone. I think most people could benefit from turning off their computers and/or TVs and moving for 30-60 minutes a day, and not just because the latest health reports say it’s good for our hearts, but because like rats in a cage, we go a little crazy if we don’t get to move our bodies, even if it’s in a “hamster wheel”. But I firmly believe that shaming people by convincing them that there is one ideal of health and beauty, as fitspiration/inspiration so often does not only is ineffective in providing long term motivation, but it also to perpetuates the idea that we are only as good as our bodies look. Someone may look at a picture of a beautiful body and suddenly feel compelled to go spend an hour on the eliptical, but the motivation has nothing to do with achieving a higher level of cardiovascular health and everything to do with molding their shameful body into something worth looking at. Some may argue that if the end result is the same — a healthier body — than what difference does it make? Well, if you are happy to achieve the short term “success” of a fit body while sacrificing the longer benefits that come from an intrinsically motivated health and fitness routine, I guess it’s not really a problem. But if you hope to achieve a balance in emotional and physical health, it might be useful to begin by ending the body shaming that comes from the media and so called “fitspiration.”

I LOVE my body. I am proud of my body. I don’t let my weight determine my value or my assessment of my health — all in spite of the fact that it is in no way shape or form any sort of ideal, at least by outward appearances. When I go to my doctors now, I don’t even let them weigh me anymore because I don’t want a number on the scale to be how my health is judged by them or by me. I have told them they can talk to me all they want about my blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar levels, and cardiovascular health, but so far, every year at my physical, all of those numbers indicate I’m in excellent health which is contrary to what they would think if they simply looked at my weight. Despite all of this, I still have to actively reject the constant messages that tell me I should be thinner if I am to be seen by our world as beautiful and/or healthy. And the key word there is ‘active’.

We live in a culture where we are constantly told that our body parts represent our value and place in our society, and some people don’t have a problem with that fact. I certainly can’t tell someone else what they should or shouldn’t be motivated by. I can simply state the facts and make choices for myself, and hopefully inspire people who wish to to achieve a healthy balance between mind and body. I will also continue to encourage people to think critically about the media they consume as well as continue to voice my opinions about the messages I see as damaging to the mind, body, and spirit.

As Jenni Schaefer said in her recent post Body Image: I Love How I Look in a World That Doesn’t, “Make a choice today to love your body. It will love you back.”

Introducing the Art of Intention

by Michelle Market, LPC

You can use the principle of intention with respect to planning meals and snacks or even generally applied to your food relationship. Weekly intentions might take the form of incorporating healthy snacks, packing your lunch to work, and/or having meals planned throughout the week. The reality is that those who are most successful are the ones who realize they are worth taking those extra ten minutes per day to pack their lunch or plan their meals. I recently had a client measure the time it took to create a healthy salad to pack in her lunch bag. To her surprise, creating and packing this salad took only three minutes. So sometimes we perceive that it will take longer than it actually will. Why not give yourself the challenge? I am sure you can find three extra minutes to pack your lunch.

Reflection Questions

1) Identify the sabotaging thoughts that get in the way of having a healthy food relationship (i.e., “I don’t have the time”, “It is too expensive”, “I am too tired”, “I’ll start next week”, “Next month, next year”).

2) Identify the supportive statements that you tell yourself about cultivating a healthy food relationship (i.e., one meal at a time, I am worth the time and investment, progress not perfection). In what ways are you already incorporating mindfulness in your food relationship?

Action Steps

How might you incorporate the act of intention with your food relationship? What will you commit to do over the next month? Make your act of intention focus on only one thing. Some ideas may include: starting your day with a healthy breakfast; practicing mindful eating at a minimum of one meal or snack per day; committing to having a regular day to grocery shop and meal plan. Some find it helpful to break down shopping and meal planning into two planning sessions and two shopping sessions per week. For example, on Sunday plan meals and snacks through Wednesday, and then again on Wednesday plan for Thursday through Saturday. Recognize that you are worth the investment of time. When you are able to plan and have healthy food options readily available you set yourself up for success.

Michelle Market, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Wellness Coach with more than 10 years of experience in Wellness and Women’s issues. She is dedicated to helping females feel better physically and emotionally. She has a private practice in Herndon, Virginia and works with Adults. Michelle provides counseling, coaching and workshops. She specializes in self-esteem and healthy food relationships. Her mission is to create and maintain positive change in the lives of her clients. She believes that beauty comes from the inside out. For more information visit her website www.michellemarket.com.

Confessions of a Failed Anorexic Has Arrived!

After nearly three years of work, my novel, Confessions of a Failed Anorexic is finally available! Here is the description as it reads on Amazon:

Sarah Thompson went on her first diet when she was seven years old, and has been on a dieting roller coaster ever since. Longing for what she doesn’t have, the unfulfilled stay-at-home mom goes on a journey of self discovery tainted by the pursuit of a perfect body. An unlikely friendship with fun-loving and thin-obsessed Stacy Vargus leads Sarah down a path she believes will bring her closer to a world she has spent a lifetime chasing, only to realize it doesn’t exist. An unexpected reunion with an old friend unleashes a passion for life Sarah had long forgotten, giving her a new lens through which to view her world.

This debut novel by Michelle Cantrell offers an entertaining twist on keeping up with the Joneses while revealing the dangers of losing oneself to the superficial status symbols of suburban life.

Sharing this with the VenusVision community, I am aware that some readers may be fighting an eating disorder. For that reason, I would like to share what I wrote about the title in my novel.

Being involved in the Eating Disorder Community, I’m sensitive to the emotions Confessions of a Failed Anorexic might elicit in some. The reason I chose the title is that for much of my life, that’s how I felt. Years of disordered eating skewed my thinking to the point that I believed an eating disorder would bring me happiness in the form of a thin body. I was naive in thinking that if I could somehow become anorexic, I could control the eating disorder. Though I never did become anorexic, I periodically practiced starvation and purging, and was eventually diagnosed with an Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS). I finally sought help when thoughts of food and hatred towards my body, combined with destructive behaviors dominated every moment of my life.

Eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes and as many as 10 million females in the United States suffer from an eating disorder. Despite the fact that eating disorders have the highest mortality of any mental disorder, the majority of people with severe eating disorders do not receive adequate care. (National Eating Disorders Association, 2008)

It is my hope that this novel will demonstrate how the destructive nature of disordered eating can easily cross over into an eating disorder, and bring life and death complications with it. After recovering from my own eating disorder, I began discovering all life has to offer when one isn’t entirely devoted to achieving an arbitrary ideal of beauty and thinness. I hope that others can find the same hope and begin to aim for more in life than a number on the scale.

At this time, the novel is only available on the Kindle. If you don’t have a Kindle, there are still many devices for which a free Kindle reader application is available, such as PCs, Macs, iPads, iPhones, Droids and Blackberrys. To download a free app, go to Amazon.

I am hoping in the future there will be a print edition. Until then, I hope you will share my novel with anyone who has ever struggled with body image and their relationship with food.

Note: This book contains content that may be triggering for some who are suffering from or in recovery from an eating disorder.

Confessions of a Failed Anorexic

When Size Doesn’t Matter

Though I prefer to wear skirts and dresses during the warmer months of the year, occasionally I have a need for wearing shorts, and recently found my wardrobe lacking somewhat in that department. While doing some other shopping in Target recently (LOVE that I can now get my groceries there!), I noticed some shorts on sale and grabbed a few different sizes to try on since I wasn’t sure how much give there would be in the stretchy cotton fabric. I started with the largest size, and felt a twinge of disappointment when they fit perfectly. But then I reminded myself that there is little rhyme or reason to the numbers on the tags in most of the clothing we buy. In my closet, I have clothes in four different sizes, all that fit me well.  So I could be upset about a larger number in one item of clothing, or thrilled about the smaller number in another piece of clothing.

But the reality is, the number on that little label that no one ever sees indicates absolutely nothing about me — not my health, not my beauty,  not my worth. And if that’s the case, why should that little number affect me positively or negatively.

I remember a few years ago, when I had worked hard to lose a lot of weight, counting every calorie, and working out every single day to the point of exhaustion, my prize when I reached my goal weight was to buy a pair of expensive designer jeans. But when I got to my goal weight, and tried on a pair in the size that I thought should fit me, I was disappointed to find them to be too small. And I let that be my measure of success — a measure I had not yet lived up to.

Now, a good 30 pounds heavier than I was at that time, I know I don’t need to wear a pair of designer jeans or fit into a certain size to mark my success at good health.

Do you let the number on a tag determine your success?

Waking Up at Your Plate

Are Words Weighing Down the Development of Policy for Better Health?

New Media Analysis Shows Room to Improve When Communicating About Weight and Health

WASHINGTON, D.C., May 9, 2011 – Unrealistic and uninformed media portrayals of weight not only can negatively influence individual behavior, but can impact how policymakers approach issues of weight and health. The result, according to experts from the Strategies to Overcome and Prevent (STOP) Obesity Alliance and the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), is a continued belief that these issues are largely a matter of personal responsibility and that little can or should be done in policy to address them.

Susan Dentzer, editor of Health Affairs, moderated a panel convened today on Capitol Hill to discuss the media’s role in shaping the policy environment surrounding weight and health. Panelists discussed whether policymakers believe that weight is an individual issue or a public health problem and whether media plays a role in driving who is responsible and who should take action.

“In a time of ongoing budget tightening and confusion regarding health care coverage, we must find a way to create policies that address obesity and eating disorders, without letting our own biases get in the way,” said Christine Ferguson, J.D., Director of the STOP Obesity Alliance. “There is no evidence that stigmatizing weight-related health issues prevents or treats these problems — in fact, the opposite appears to be true. It is an important opportunity for members of both the obesity and eating disorders communities to advocate for a focus on health rather than weight as a measure of well-being.”

The groups released a new analysis of media coverage that showed room to improve the reporting on weight and health, based on a series of media guidelines released by the STOP Obesity Alliance and NEDA last year.

The guidelines offer simple message themes to include when addressing weight and focus on the concept that weight status and the importance of maintaining a healthy weight is not about appearance, but about health. A comparison of coverage from sample outlets over the last year however — looking at media that target a “Beltway” audience and those that are more consumer oriented — found that 75 percent of articles initially reviewed were dismissed from the analysis because they lacked substantive content. While many consumer articles focused on weight-loss tips, characterized as “fighting flab”, “shrinking your middle” or “looking leaner naked”, most failed to mention the health implications.

“Our conversation today and the new media analysis echo the ongoing need for us to address the societal pressures and the unrealistic images that we know can be contributing factors among people who develop eating disorders, depression and other esteem issues,” said Lynn Grefe, President and CEO of NEDA. “It is why we have come together to address these issues. These pressures affect all of us.”

The media analysis also found that Beltway media publications were three times as likely to consider external factors beyond will power as playing a role in, and being affected by, weight issues. Examples of this were a higher rate of coverage in Beltway outlets that reported on how weight issues can impact the economy and the workplace.

The roundtable discussion, “Pounds and Policy: Effectively Communicating About Weight and Health” also included experts from a cross-section of fields including media, communications, eating disorders and obesity:

• Jean Kilbourne, EdD, media critic, author and expert on advertising and women
• Sarah Kliff, health reporter POLITICO
• Dianne Neumark-Sztainer, PhD, MPH, RD, Professor, School of Public Health, University of Minnesota
• Rebecca Puhl, PhD, Director of Research, Rudd Center for Food Policy & Obesity at Yale University
• Chevese Turner, Founder and Chief Executive Officer, Binge Eating Disorders Association

The STOP Obesity Alliance and NEDA will continue work and outreach to the media and policymakers regarding the joint guidelines.

The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), headquartered in Seattle, Wash., is the leading U.S. non-profit organization supporting individuals and families affected by eating disorders. NEDA serves as a catalyst for prevention, cures and access to quality care. Each year, NEDA helps millions of people across the country find information and appropriate treatment resources through its toll-free, live helpline, its many outreach programs and website. NEDA advocates for advancements in the field and envisions a world without eating disorders. For more information, visit www.NationalEatingDisorders.org.

The Strategies to Overcome and Prevent (STOP) Obesity Alliance is a collaboration of consumer, provider, government, labor, business, health insurers and quality-of-care organizations united to drive innovative and practical strategies that combat obesity. The STOP Obesity Alliance receives funding from founding sponsor, sanofi-aventis U.S. LLC, and supporting sponsors, Allergan, Inc. and Amylin Pharmaceuticals, Inc. For more information, visit www.stopobesityalliance.org.

Contact:
Alice Sofield
202-609-6006
asofield@ccapr.com

EDNOS: The Eating Disorder You Haven’t Heard Of

When I received the diagnosis of Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified two years ago, I had a very mixed reaction. On the one hand, the label didn’t seem to fit. Me? With an eating disorder? I wasn’t underweight, and in fact was technically on the edge of being overweight. I had intentionally thrown up from time to time, but certainly was not bulimic. I had tried starving myself periodically in an attempt to get my weight under control, but I definitely wasn’t anorexic. At the most I considered myself a chronic dieter, or someone who at times could be a little obsessed with healthy eating and exercise. I could agree that my eating was very disordered but to identify myself as someone with an eating disorder made me squirm in my seat a bit. (For more on the differences between disorders and disordered eating, read Disordered Eating or Eating Disorder?)

On the other hand, after hearing my therapist tell me I had an eating disorder, I felt relief. After all, I was there to get help, and if I could label my problem, perhaps the solution would come more easily. I was ready to silence the voice in my head that made me obsess over my body and food 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and if giving that voice the name ED (for Eating Disorder) would help, I was willing to accept it.

National Eating Disorder Awareness Week is February 21-27 this year, which seems like a good opportunity to bring attention to this lesser known sibling of Anorexia and Bulimia. Everyone knows about Anorexia and Bulimia, but EDNOS, which has only recently begun to receive recognition in the mental health community can be as equally dangerous and life consuming as its better known counterparts.

So what does Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified mean? Well, the short answer is a “category [of] disorders of eating that do not meet the criteria of a specific eating disorder,” according to the most recently updated version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. Ultimately, the definition is more anecdotal which explains why it is often harder to identify, though according to the publication Eating Disorders: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention, 50 percent of individuals who present for treatment of an eating disorder receive the diagnosis of EDNOS which effects 4 to 6 percent of the general population.*

While many of the criteria for EDNOS may closely mimic anorexia or bulimia, some behaviors are less obvious, and in fact, within our diet and body-obsessed culture, can appear perfectly normal. What may look to an outsider as just another diet involving close monitoring of caloric intake as well as exercise, may in fact become — if not already — an unhealthy and unnatural way to control weight based on an intense drive to be thin combined with an unrealistic body image. On the flip side, EDNOS also includes the sub-category of Binge Eating Disorder (BED) which is often overlooked as a simple lack of willpower and/or self control. Regardless of wherever a patient lies in the spectrum of EDNOS, it is important to realize that the emotional trauma suffered as a result of the disorder is equal to that of Anorexia and Bulimia, and should not be seen as anything less than a serious illness.

The introduction of EDNOS as an accepted diagnosis “gives a voice to sufferers who don’t fit into the narrow diagnostic categories of Anorexia, Bulimia, and Binge Eating Disorder” said Shannon Cutts, author of ANA: How to Outsmart Your Eating Disorder and Take Your Life Back, and founder of Mentor Connect, a community of people in recovery from eating and related disorders.

Cutts, who herself suffered from Anorexia, Bulimia and EDNOS feels grateful for the recognition of EDNOS, and encourages sufferers to seek help. “If you know that your symptoms, thoughts, and behaviors are affecting your quality of life, then you both need and deserve help. Use your voice and ask for help. Do not assume you are the only one who “doesn’t fit” into a category and therefore you don’t deserve help. There are many people who suffer from EDNOS and you help not just yourself but everyone who suffers from it when you demand the care you deserve. Search out a medical professional who is familiar with eating disorders rather than struggling to educate an unsympathetic doctor or therapist. Be your own health care advocate. You know better than anyone else when you are struggling and need help. Eating disorders kill, and just because your symptoms don’t fall into the three most commonly-recognized categories does not mean they are not equally deadly.”

The health complications that arise from eating disorders are extensive, and include low blood pressure, slower heart rate, a decrease in bone density, a disruption in hormones, sometimes leading to infertility, and more. Even more alarming is the fact that eating disorders have the highest rate of death among any mental disorder — just one episode of bingeing and purging can cause an electrolyte imbalance causing sudden death. That is why it is so important to recognize that eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes, and present themselves in a variety of ways.

Is there treatment for EDNOS? Though whole rehabilitation centers have risen to address the problems specific to Anorexia, Bulimia, and even Binge Eating Disorder, there is help for other non specified eating disorders. The effort to overcome any eating disorder is extensive and should not be downplayed. Most of the times, the help of a mental health professional is necessary, and the journey through recovery is never quick and painless. But when you consider the alternative of living a life plagued by self loathing, fear of food, and serious health risks, including a premature death, the effort is one that must be undertaken to break free and live a full and happy life.

As for my own journey, to be honest, it’s an ongoing process. Sometimes it’s two steps forward, one step back. But as Jenni Schaefer, author of Life Without Ed, and Goodbye Ed, Hello Me likes to say, fall down seven times, stand up eight.

Book Review: Women Food and God

After reading a sample chapter of Geneen Roth’s new book Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything my former therapist sent to me, I immediately went to Amazon, ordered the book, paid for upgraded overnight shipping, and waited impatiently for it to arrive while going back and rereading the sample chapter (which is Chapter 4, entitled “It’s Not About the Weight, but it’s Not Not About the Weight.” Saturday morning, I poured myself a cup of coffee, went out on my patio in the chilly morning spring air, and opened up the book. As I devoured page after page, tears streamed down my face as I felt both happiness and sadness with each sentence I read and identified so deeply with: happiness to realize how far I have come in my own journey to ending years of disordered eating habits and finally reaching levels of fulfillment I never thought possible, and sadness to recognize the isolation and emptiness so many around me feel and try to numb themselves from with food.

Let me preface this review by saying I am not a religious person, and when the book was first brought to my attention, I initially dismissed it, turned off by the title. I didn’t feel that God has anything to do with my relationship with food, and, I was guilty of judging a book by its cover (or in this case, the title). So, if you are inclined to dismiss it for those reasons, don’t. The book is less about God, and more about finding a space within ourselves — a space we often fill with food, rather than exploring to its depths. Some people, when they open themselves up to that space have a name for it in God. Others might define it in broader terms like spirituality. And some might simply feel it as being one with themselves and all around them. The point of the book is to demonstrate how the relationship so many people (or more specifically in this book, women) have with food keeps us from any of those things, and more importantly how to change that relationship.

In part one, Roth addresses the “God” part of the book and how God related to dieting for her in the past. “Dieting was like praying. It was a plaintive cry to whoever was listening: I know I am fat. I know I am ugly. I know I am undisciplined, but see how hard I try. See how violently I restrict myself, deprive myself, punish myself. Sure there must be a reward for those who know how horrible they are.” She talks about how dieting gave her a purpose — perhaps much in the same way religion might for some people, and then she goes on to say “bingeing gave me relief from the relentless attempt to be someone else.”

Roth has written many books (which I am sad to say I have not yet read) on the subject of emotional eating, but a realization she says she has only recently come to is that “the radical part of the tale is not that I stopped dieting; it’s that I stopped trying to fix myself.” This reminded me of a similar realization I came to and wrote about in the article Self Acceptance vs Body Acceptance in which I proclaimed to end the urge to fix myself.

And yet, it is often hard to imagine a world in which we are not constantly trying to fix ourselves, especially our bodies. For one, it’s how women have learned to relate to each other. As Roth points out, “we fit in by hating ourselves.” I’m sure from time to time you come across that person who seems to hold that secret to happiness and balance the rest of us struggle daily to find, and isn’t there just a tad of resentment towards them? Maybe you’re just waiting to see them fall in order to prove they too  are actually imperfect humans like you, which probably explains our obsession with celebrities and the great joy many find in seeing photos of their cellulite and jelly rolls as we go through the check out line with smirks on our faces. It’s almost as if there is something wrong with someone if they don’t hate themselves — or at least some part of themselves. And yet, the ability to see their imperfections and embrace them as part of a greater whole is what makes them happy, and it’s the lack of that ability that keeps others from achieving true happiness.

It’s also hard to let go of the belief that achieving weight loss will be accompanied with the answers to all of our problems. Though on a rational level, we can understand that a number on the scale won’t change the world, “the promise of weight loss is that it will allow [us] to live on a magical piece of earth from which everything else will be manageable … If I fix myself so that I am no longer myself, then everything will be fine. My feelings will be manageable.”

In the chapter entitled “Never Underestimate the Inclination to Bolt” Roth addresses head on why we might avoid overcoming compulsive eating (or dieting). She bluntly states it when she says “compulsive eaters wouldn’t have an obsession with food if we believed that life was tolerable without it … There is madness in obsession, yes, but its value is that it drowns out the madness of life.” This sentiment is followed by the chapter that hooked me on the book: It’s Not About the Weight, but It’s Not Not About the Weight. And that’s when Roth goes on to explain the conundrum of addressing the very real problems that are created by excess weight: diabetes, joint pain, shortness of breath, and for many, a general decrease in the quality of life due to health complications, while all the while trying to unsurface the deeper issues which are being covered up by the weight problems. Here is a very poignant passage from the chapter:

“The bottom line, whether you weight 340 pounds or 150 pounds, is that when you eat when you are not hungry, you are using food as a drug, grappling with boredom, or illness or loss or grief or emptiness or loneliness or rejection. Food is only the middleman, the means to the end. Of altering your emotions. Of making yourself numb. Of creating a secondary problem when the original problem becomes too uncomfortable. Of dying slowly rather than coming to terms with your messy, magnificent and very, very short — even at a hundred years old — life. The means to these ends happens to be food, but it could be alcohol, it could be work, it could be sex, it could be cocaine. Surfing the Internet. Talking on the phone … Weight (too much or too little) is a by product. Weight is what happens when you use food to flatten your life.”

And, if you’re thinking your compulsive eating stems from a simple case of too much love for food, Roth has an answer for that too: “When you like something — love something, you take time with it you want to be present for every second of the rapture … Overeating does not lead to rapture. It leads to burping and farting and being so sick that you can’t think of anything but how full you are. That’s not love; that’s suffering.” How can you love something that makes you sick over and over again? It’s like returning to an abusive partner every time they say they are sorry, and really, they do love you, and really, it won’t happen again. But like so many women who are abused and feel that they somehow deserve the abuse — as if they brought it on themselves, compulsive eaters and dieters continue to punish themselves through their relationship with food because they don’t feel worthy of something better.

Like most other books that address emotional eating, Women Food and God is for those ready to do some serious work and reflection on their lives. Roth challenges the reader to face head on the pain and uncomfortable feelings that drive them to eat when they’re bodies are telling them not to. What she reminds the reader over and over throughout the book is that the very feelings they feel will destroy them are the same feelings that allow us — everyone of us to feel alive. If you are ready to top numbing yourself with food and dieting, start feeling alive, this beautiful written, incredibly powerful book is for you.

Book Review: The Body Love Manual — How to Love the Body You Have as You Create the Body You Want

You might find it strange to think that you need a manual on loving your body, but in fact, there is a book written by Elizabeth “Lily” Hills called The Body Love Manual*, and that’s precisely what it sets out to do — teach you to love your body. Right now, go to a mirror, look yourself directly in the eye and say “I love my body.” How does that feel? When one person I know said those words out loud, she said she felt silly. Silly because nothing could be further from the truth for her, as I suspect is the case with most people. I don’t have any statistics on how many people dislike their bodies, but if I were to take a guess, I would probably say that most people range somewhere from a vague dislike to an intense hatred of their bodies. And our eating habits confirm that.

It seems like most of us are either on a diet, trying to create a body that we can feel happy with, or treating our body with complete disregard, filling it beyond capacity with foods that would make our body scream in pain if it could talk. And then, when we can’t stand to look in the mirror anymore, or feel totally out of control around food, we go on a diet. Again. But let’s face it — diets don’t work.

Ninety-five percent of people who go on a diet regain the weight lost, and often more, within five years. But how are we supposed to reconcile those statistics with things like “obesity epidemic” or “1 in 3 Americans are overweight” and “war on obesity”. If diets don’t work, how are we supposed to cure our country of unhealthy eating habits and an inactive lifestyle? Jamie Oliver thinks he has the answer with his Food Revolution. Michelle Obama hopes she has the answers in trying to eradicate childhood obesity by encouraging kids to get off the sofa and get outdoors. In both cases, the focus, ultimately, is about teaching people to live healthier lives — to choose apple slices instead of chips, grilled chicken instead of burgers, bike riding instead of Playstation. But together, both Obama and Oliver are only getting at half the problem — which is what people eat, and without addressing the other half — why people eat, they will never reach the long term success they both genuinely want and hope to achieve.

The concept of intuitive eating is gaining momentum and working towards that goal with the help of books like Intuitive Eating, and Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat will be far more effective than wagging the finger at people in an effort to get them to make better choices. The Body Love Manual takes intuitive eating one step further by guiding readers through a process of identifying what it is that keeps them so disconnected from the bodies, preventing them from listening to and properly nourishing their bodies. Though the subtitle of the book is How to Love the Body You Have as You Create the Body You Want, don’t be mistaken. This is not a diet book in disguise. The Body Love Manual is for anyone ready to put away dieting forever, deciding to become an intuitive eater, and challenging the thoughts and feelings that so far have preventing you from achieving that goal. Integral to this process is learning, as the title suggests, to love your body. As Hills points out, “The human body is tragically under-appreciated, neglected, and abused…The fact is that it is very hard to feel motivated to take care of something you don’t care about. Conversely, when you care deeply for and truly honor your body, you will be far more likely to make the healthier choices for it.”

The Body Love Manual should not be a quick read. It requires reflection and real emotional work. But ask yourself if you identify with this passage from the book:

“As the number I saw on my bathroom scale went up, my sense of self-worth plummeted. During this period of my life, it was rare for me to appreciate and value any of my other qualities … [which] became secondary in comparison to my weight.”

If you feel like you could have written those words yourself, then perhaps it is time to begin the work towards loving your body because “When your thoughts about yourself are respectful and appreciative, you will begin to attract more positive experiences of all kinds into your life.”

Though the Body Love Manual talks about achieving your ideal weight, you might begin to question what your “ideal weight” is and in fact you may find that you are already there, because your “ideal weight” should reflect a healthy lifestyle that is not measured by a number on the scale but by the feelings that come from your mind and body which will tell you when you’ve reached it.

*As required by FCC law, I am disclosing that The Body Love Manual was donated by the author for purposes of this review.

To My Body, the Vessel of My Soul

by Anonymous

I offer you this apology for the many times I have treated you badly.
For not giving you rest when you were tired
For not feeding you when you were hungry
For overfeeding you when you weren’t
For putting you in danger with smoking and too much weight

For comparing you incessantly to other bodies and usually deciding that you came up short
For the harsh words, thoughts and scrutiny over qualities about you that I deemed as less than
For falling victim to others’ definitions of beauty and not defending my own
For my disappointment when you didn’t do things fast enough or strong enough
For placing you on a pedestal with lavish praise so fleetingly that it must have felt like you were the victim of emotional abuse – which I suppose you were

But the truth is this
You are strong in so many ways
You’ve got an immunity of steel and can heal yourself so quickly
You can carry your weight in grocery bags and a two-year old for hours with your strong left arm
You can hear a child crying in the middle of the night and drag yourself out of sleep to comfort him
You can run for a long time and cover a lot of distance

And you are beautiful
With your Easter hair and cat green eyes
With your sexy Morgan nose and breasts so perfect their authenticity has been questioned
Your ears and nose and eyebrows are fine featured and delicate
You have strong muscular legs

And you work – you work extraordinarily well with very little complaining. And so I apologize and I praise and I thank you. You are a gift from God – made perfectly in his eyes – who am I to criticize the works of his hand?

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