Talking with Jenni Schaefer, Author & Eating Disorder Activist

I admit it. Jenni Schaefer is one of my personal heroes. It’s not just because she’s battled with and recovered from an eating disorder. It’s not just because she travels around the country, talking about eating disorders and raising awareness on the most deadly of all mental disorders. It’s not just because she’s written and published two books. It’s not just because she is pursuing her dream of becoming a country singer. Perhaps it’s the culmination of all of these things, combined with her candidness and a comfort with herself that comes through in conversation, but each of her qualities are ones that I admire and feel inspired by. Jenni and I spoke for the second time after I finished her second book, Goodbye Ed, Hello Me, and through the course of our discussion, we covered topics both old and new, but each subject we touched on gave me another look at her perspective on herself and the world.

Before we dove into some of the questions I had for Jenni, I decided to be frank with her in regards to my first impression of her. To be honest, I can sometimes be skeptical when I hear someone say “I’ve learned to accept my body as it is” and when I look at them, I see a body which to me, represents our society’s ideal of being thin. Sure, I thought. That’s easy for you to say. You have a body that everyone else accepts too … what’s not to accept? These are the same thoughts I had when Jenni stood up to speak at a Congressional hearing on eating disorders. To me, she was thin, and I was envious of her flat stomach. When I shared these thoughts with Jenni, she was not the least bit surprised (or offended, as I feared) and she said that this subject is one frequently discussed at eating disorder conferences, saying that the “size and shape of a therapist is like the elephant in the room no one is talking about.” Eating disordered patients will definitely scrutinize the body of their therapist and it’s an issue that must be addressed. Jenni also personally related to my feelings as she put it into perspective for me.

“My ideal my body size with my eating disorder was many pounds lighter than I am now … The Jenni that was sick would have looked at Jenni today and say ‘wow you’ve really let yourself go.’ Jenni today looks at me and I actually love my body. My brain is now nourished and I can see I have a healthy body.” She also talked about the height of her eating disorder when she was severely bulimic and actually overweight by most doctors charts. That fact made it more difficult for her to seek the treatment she so desperately needed. She looked healthier compared to when she was anorexic, making it harder for others to understand the depth of her struggles. During this time, she looked at others with eating disorders, and thought she wasn’t thin enough to deserve help and get treatment. When she finally did seek treatment, one of the coping skills she learned early on was to look for similarities instead of looking for differences in other people.

“We will always find differences and use that to seperate us from the rest of the world which is what I used to do, or we can seek similarities and try to look at how we are all the same.” She then added this wonderful pearl of wisdom: “Eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes and recovered bodies also come in all shapes and sizes, and where I am recovered at my current body size, someone else might be recovered and actually be thinner than me, or heavier than me.”

If you read my previous interview with Jenni, you know that when I saw her at the hearing, she was wearing a black shirt which said “Recovered.” in white lettering (that wasn’t a typo — there is a period at the end of ‘Recovered’ in order to drive home the statement). This was an issue we discussed last time, but because of a recent blog post by Life Coach Andrea Owen entitled Can We Ever Fully Recover?, I felt the subject had to be explored further.

One of the things I really admire about Jenni is that she is very good about encouraging people to find the approach that best works for them. She asks the question “Does saying you are in recovery from an eating disorder keep you sick or keep you healthy?” For Jenni, always saying she was in recovery kept her sick, but she recognizes that for others, it keeps ED away.

“As long as I said I was in recovery, my eating disorder was waiting around the corner to get me. I really had to claim [recovery] for me and that’s what worked best for me.” She then added, “I am recovered from my eating disorder. I am not recovered from life. I still am constantly getting better at perfectionism. Of course I have a negative voice in my head. What’s different today is that negative voice is not surrounded around weight and food. My personal ED is gone. Does that mean I never have a bad body image experience? Do I never think anything bad about my body? Of course not, I live in America!”

But the negative voice Jenni hears from time to time is one that most of us deal with even without any history of an eating disorder, and Jenni refers to this voice as societal ED. Jenni recalled a chapter in Goodbye Ed, entitled The Worst Pick Up Line Ever, in which she describes an experience at her gym when a guy asks her “Are you here to lose weight too?” Her initial reaction was to ask herself why he would say that? But her therapist quickly reminded her that most women would have a negative reaction to his comment, and it isn’t necessarily the voice of an eating disorder. It was time to stop identifying herself with her eating disorder. When asked if she ever had moments when she questioned if life wouldn’t be better or wouldn’t she be happier at a lower weight, Jenni emphatically says no.

After writing two books about ED and traveling around the country raising awareness about eating disorders, Jenni is ready to focus on something new in her life — balance. While she enjoys talking about eating disorders and recovery, she is spending more time making room to talk about other things. In her own words, “I don’t want to always be defined by an illness I once had. Now that I’m recovered, I can do anything.”

Jenni has a variety of interests that have nothing to do with eating disorders, and those interests are leading her in new directions as she works more on her music (she has recorded two singles so far) and having fun. Being close to nature has become an important part of Jenni’s happiness and helps her feel grounded, so she tries to find activities that she can enjoy outside ranging from hitting the slopes to simply sitting outside reading a book. And speaking of books, she is already in research mode for her next one — and it’s not about ED! As she further explores the world of dating, finding new challenges and new experiences, she is realizing these are also experiences worth sharing. I for one can’t wait to read about them.

Turning Hidden Talents Into a Business

Let’s face it: making a go at “it” on your own is scary. Whether it’s consulting work for an area with which you are already familiar, or a hobby you want to turn into a business, there’s no easy way to get a business going. Or is there?

Jacki Rigoni, owner and creator of jacki paper greeting cards is an example of a woman — a stay-at-home mother of three — who jumped in with both feet and came out, not just with her head above water, but floating along comfortably on the proverbial “lazy river”.

VenusVision wanted to know what some of her secrets were and how she managed to go from sending a few cute home-made cards to friends and family to having a name among local greeting card stores, heading towards national brand recognition. Whether you need a spark to light your own flame, or you just want to learn about an awesome woman, this interview is worth reading.

VV: When did you start making your own cards?

JP: I was on maternity leave with my first daughter, Stella. I had always been into my career as an advertising copywriter. But as soon as she came into the picture, I knew I wanted to find something that would allow me to make money without spending the whole day away from her. I think this is the quintessential mom dilemma.

I’ve always made my own greeting cards to send to family and friends. I certainly never considered that it could be a business—until I started thinking about what I was good at and, more importantly, what I liked doing. The question I asked myself, and what I tell other people to ask themselves is: What do I love doing in my spare time? That should give you a pretty good idea of where to look for business ideas. I mean, you’re going to put your whole heart and energy into it, so it better be something you love. And that usually means that it’s also something you’re good at.

VV: When did you realize you could turn your hobby into a business?

JP: There were two inspired moments for me.

The first was when I was meeting with two other moms for a playdate. Both had had successful careers before kids and both were transitioning to small business ventures as stay-at-home moms. They started talking about a guy who had been an advertising copywriter who became successful as an irreverent greeting card maker. I knew the card brand and liked it a lot, so it really hit home when I heard he was a former writer. It got me thinking.

The second moment was when I was telling a friend about my idea and her response was, “Jacki, of all the people I know, if anyone can do it, you can.” That was huge for me, because I knew she was right.

VV: What kind of initial investment did you make? Were you nervous about the investment?

JP: I initially had a run of my first designs printed for about $5k all told. It was a lot of money for me at the time, but not so much that I’d be on skid row if it totally flopped. I just wanted to do enough cards to get them out in the world and see if anybody liked them. I had no business plan. And really no idea what I was doing. I just went for it and figured I’d learn what I needed to along the way if I got a positive response.

I wasn’t nervous about the investment. What made me nervous was putting myself out there for the world to see. I was really nervous to show friends and stores my cards because they might think they were lame.

So the harder investment for me was my ego.

VV: What have you done to expand your business?

JP: I started by going store to store and quickly realized two things. One, I don’t like sales. Two, I’d never be able to spend the time needed to get my cards all around the country.

So I had to find sales reps, which I did a bit on my own. But recently I just hired my first part-time employee—another mom—to help me build my rep base and expand sales. That was a huge step for me—deciding that it was time to invest in someone to help me out. But one important thing I’ve learned, among the gajillion important things I’ve learned, is to focus on what I do best and outsource the rest.

VV: Where do you hope your card business will be in 5 years?

JP: I’ve kind of done things by jumping in the moving jump rope without a plan. Now that I see I have a viable idea for a brand, I’m working on actually having a 5-year plan and beyond. It’s always been in my head, but it’s time to put it down in writing and work toward it systematically. So that’s part of my growth and maturation as a businessperson.

In my head, I have greeting cards in 1000 boutique stores across the country and Canada, as well as a thriving online store. I also plan to expand to other products like t-shirts, but am working on developing other fun products, too. No mugs and magnets. And I want everything I do to support the brand concept of jacki paper and make it into a company people love and admire. So I want to make sure my growth actually grows the brand, not just the sales.

VV: How do you balance your work life with a family?JP: I want to meet the woman who can.

I often work until one or two a.m. But that’s because I have the flexibility to go with my kids to a mommy and me class or the park during the day. I try to fit that in first and make the work fall in around my kids. Which often means working when they’re in bed at night. I work a lot, but I guess that goes without saying for anyone who has her own business.

I do have a Blackberry, so I can work even when I’m at the park, just in case I do need to send an emergency email. But I try not to answer the phone. When I’m with my kids, I really want to be with them.

I also have an amazing mother-in-law who takes care of the kids during the day and a husband who takes them in the afternoon after work. So a supportive family system is key.

And an office with a door. That I can close if I have to get an order out. Or open if I need to kiss a skinned knee.
In jacki paper terms, it’s doing the hokey pokey and never forgetting what it’s all about.

VV: What has been the greatest motivating factor for growing your business?

Two things, really. First, I don’t want to let anyone down. All the people around me believe in me, and I want to prove them right.

Second, I want to be an example to my kids for how to have a family and do something that you create on your own, on your own terms, without having to answer to anyone else.

Oh, and to make a living. I guess that’s three.

VV: What advice would you give to other women who want to turn their passion into a business?

JP: Go outside and play. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and who are also doing their own thing. Seek out those people and get together with them. Go on play dates with them and bring your kids. It’s surprising how many moms are doing amazing things. It’s totally inspiring and motivating. It makes you realize you can do it yourself.

Put your whole self in. Try things, change if they don’t work, and do whatever you need to do to make it work. Know you won’t get it right the first time. Get feedback, constantly, change, and adapt. My first cards were small and horizontal, because I thought they were sweeter and it made sense that they should be the right way when you pull them out of the envelope. What I found out was that stores were putting them sideways on the shelf to save space. So you couldn’t read them as you stood in the store. I started making the cards bigger, vertical, with most of the design at the top third of the card so that you can see it when it’s peeking out on the shelf. But I only found that out after a year from a sales rep I was asking feedback from. I had to drag it out of him. And I had to be willing to change my design to make the cards pop off the shelf.

Also, create a brand, not just a name, service or a product. People want to buy an idea to believe in, not just a product. Try to create a whole brand identity for yourself. If you don’t know how to do that, pay someone who can. That’s the advertising writer in me still talking.

You can be anything you want to be when you grow up, so don’t dawdle. I find the biggest barrier for most people is just taking the leap of faith to go for it. So my best advice is: Wing it.

I did my research and set a short-term, audacious but attainable goal—having a booth at the National Stationery Show with 20 new cards. And I just went for it, even though I could have been way more prepared. I went to this huge convention, sight unseen, and pretended like I knew what I was doing. I then came home with a sales rep and a bunch of orders. I had to really scramble to get a fax machine and shipping boxes and so many other things I knew nothing about. But it was the kick in the pants I needed to get going.

So stop dilly-dallying and make it happen.

And finally, wear your nice underwear in case you get hit by a bus.

Additional comment to moms:

Before I had kids, I thought I’d never be able to do anything once I did have them. I’ve found the complete opposite to be true.

I have 3 kids—Stella, almost 5, Giovanni, almost 3, and Celeste, 1. And they’ve only been an inspiration to get my act together and live my life on my terms. Having Stella really made me focus on what I wanted out of my life and my family. In fact, you can look at my cards (My mother told me to pick the very best one and you are it.) and see how my kids and my own childhood inspire what I do.

So even though the kids make things technically more difficult—I’m juggling way more now and wonder what I did in my spare time as a single person—I’m much more organized, focused, and motivated.

And way more tired.

But then again, happier and more energized than I’ve ever been in my life.

About jacki paper:

It was a time when station wagons were paneled and jello was serious. In the Midwest suburbs, Jacki and her sisters were drinking from the garden hose and playing kick-the-can past dark. Little did she know how useful those experiences would some day become. As a grown-up, Jacki turned them into words letterpressed on paper like skates clamped on gym shoes.

jacki paper is Jacki Rigoni. She freelances as an advertising copywriter until this adventure lets her out for recess. She built a fort in Belmont, California, with her husband, Mauricio, and their young kids, Stella, Giovanni, and Celeste. She hopes to give their little ones a childhood as idyllic as her own.

Except, without wiping dirt off their faces using her own saliva.

Or ever, ever giving them a perm.

Abby Lentz Is Out to Change the Image of Yoga

For most of us, the word ‘yoga’ conjures up image of svelt women in form fitting clothing bending themselves in seemingly impossible ways. Of course, that’s a bit of a stereotype. Nonetheless, we don’t generally associate yoga, and especially yoga instructors, with people who are overweight or obese. Abby Lentz is out to change the image of yoga. An experienced instructor who has been practicing yoga for over 30 years, Abby, who is approaching her 61st birthday weighs upwards of 240 pounds.

Talking to Abby was invigorating and inspiring, and I couldn’t wait to share her experiences and perspectives on life, weight, and exercise with VenusVision readers. When we spoke, I immediately heard the zest for life Abby has. While many overweight and obese women retreat into themselves, hiding their bodies from the world and feeling ashamed about their weight, Abby is a woman who clearly has not let her weight get in the way of living a life full of fun, adventure, and opportunities to learn and grow.

Coming to yoga after the birth of her first child, Abby immediately fell in love with yoga, enjoying the self awareness that came with it, which she believes is the true value of yoga. “People come to the yoga mat thinking about their physical body … but they keep coming because of the sense of well being,” she said. However, yoga can be intimidating to someone who is overweight or obese, when there aren’t a lot of options available when it comes to fitness DVDs. Abby wanted to make yoga accessible to a group of people who would greatly benefit from all it has to offer but don’t have the opportunities for trying it. Going a step further than just a beginners class, Heavyweight Yoga accounts for overweight and obese participants through gentle, encouraging  language, and appropriate poses modified to take into account some of the limitations of someone who is larger.

“Yoga is a wonderful entry point [into exercise] if you’re obese because it can help bring you to a point of having a dedication to your health without risking injury. It gives you that feeling that you’ve started, that you’re making headway. And then when your body tells you it’s ready to do something more aerobic, yoga will be there to help you with that so you will be more mindful in whatever activity you choose and hopefully avoid injury.” Abby provides a safe environment for people to push themselves to the point of what she calls “sweet discomfort.” Abby describes ’sweet discomfort’ as the point to which you work your body to to the edge, and then go just a little bit further.”

Exerting yourself just a little bit more is where you’ll find progress according to Abby. “When you come past your edge, and you gradually move your edge further and further … it helps my students feel like they’re making progress. If you come to your edge every time, you won’t make any progress. You have to be uncomfortable but you don’t want pain.”

Abby points out that “sweet discomfort” is a great message to implement into your real life. “You don’t want to be doing the same thing every day. You have to take a little risk.” Not afraid to apply this philosophy to her own life, Abby has taken on many risks and reaped the benefits of pushing herself to her own point of sweet discomfort. In addition to being a successful yoga instructor with her own DVD and another one coming soon, Abby also considers herself a triathlete and a marathoner, having walked the Dublin City Marathon in 2000.

Up until finishing the Dublin marathon, Abby never thought of herself as an athlete. But after crossing that finish line, it changed her perspective, and she now views herself nothing short of an athlete. Though many might discount her huge accomplishment because she walked the entire marathon, I challenge anyone to walk 26.2 miles in a day, and then tell me how they feel! She finished 7093rd, and while the glass-half-empty outlook would only focus on the fact that 7092 people finished before Abby, she points out that 1.) she finished, 2.) there were more than 100 people who finished after her, and 3.) over 9000 people started the race, meaning that “lots of people didn’t complete the task they came to do.” Abby now proudly identifies herself as a marathoner and feels that the training and completion of the race brought her athleticism to a new level, which has led to her continuing interest in other endurance events. Currently, she is training for her 3rd triathlon, and an upcoming half-marathon.

Since Abby is making her living using her body at an age she points out is when many people are wrapping up their careers, I asked her about her relationship with her body and how that has evolved over time. She shared with me her insecurities about her body that started at the age of 10 when she began to consider herself fat as she was teased relentlessly by an older sibling about her appearance, which, they can now both admit was perfectly normal. But as she points out, body image fluctuates, and learning to feel ok with herself and her body came in large part from teaching yoga and being in front of people, wearing a unitard revealing her full self. “I teach in clothing that allows people to see exactly what I am asking them to do with their bodies. It was always the hardest part for me in the first year.”

When she started teaching, she had already been a student in that same class, so she found herself in a very supportive, familiar environment. But going out into the world made her come face to face with prejudice and stereotypes towards heavier people, as students coming to her class for the first time would assume just about anyone in the classroom was the instructor before imagining that she — the large woman in the unitard at the front of the room, fiddling with the CD player — could possibly be the instructor. When Abby sensed a look of disbelief, reading behind their eyes the question “What could this fat person possibly know?” those were the nights she would really “kick butt” to show them exactly what she has to offer, since, after all she’s been “doing this longer than most of them have been breathing.” And any issues she has with her self and her own body “melt away” when she hears the wonderful, enthusiastic response she receives from so many people who have benefitted from her program.

Wanting to capture the essence of her spirit and share it with my readers, I asked Abby what she would suggest, beyond yoga, to help women become more comfortable with their bodies, and learn to love themselves unconditionally. She emphasized the importance of hobbies, and finding something you love, but encourages women to focus their energy on hobbies that get them moving. It doesn’t have to be running, or biking, or even walking, which she is not particularly fond of. It can be anything, even skipping, as she suggested. Just something that makes you feel good and makes your body move. But she also emphasized the importance of being good to yourself in a variety of ways, like getting a facial, taking or bath, or simply taking time out to do something that you love. And, she added, “let yourself eat!”

In Abby’s yoga instruction, you’ll see more than some difficult poses. She incorporates what she calls the 3 As: awareness, acceptance and affection. She believes that every woman — every person has the right and ability to feel good in their bodies, and she is on a mission to help them get there. “Embrace small changes and the big changes will come,” she said, adding “It’s not how your body looks, it’s how your inner body feels … every day your body is different, and if you can love your body as it is today, that’s a big deal.”

Though completing a marathon and other athletic events mark major milestones in Abby’s life, I was curious as to what else she considered some of her greatest accomplishments. But really it all comes back to yoga, and everything she has gained from it. “It’s a minor miracle that I am on the yoga mat teaching people yoga. It’s unbelievably cool that somebody of my size can be doing this, making a living, that people trust me. It brings tears to my eyes.” She recognizes the power of the relationship between teacher and student. “When you teach anything you are as much a student learning as the people in front of you and I’m really grateful for all the lessons. If I’m not teaching, I’m also not learning.”

Following her dreams and making things happen is something Abby has proven that she’s good at and she reminded me that “there’s more than just one dream, and you can always take your dream and drop it to a level that’s really achievable. And, sometimes just saying “I tried” is something.”

Wrapping up our conversation, Abby shared her favorite poem by Rumi with me:

Thank you Abby, for opening up a world to so many people, and allowing them to come.

To learn more about Abby, visit HeartFeltYoga.com or you can purchase her DVD directly: HeavyWeight Yoga: Yoga for the Body You Have Today.

A Sigh of Relief for Ugandan Women

We all know about the tragedies going on in many of the war-torn countries in Africa. Maybe because the atrocities are too much for us to bear, or maybe because some just simply can’t be bothered with other peoples problems, most of us are not likely to get involved. I like to think it’s not because we just don’t care, but instead because the issues are so overwhelming, and as is often the case, it’s simply easier to remain blissfully ignorant intentionally. And, if you do want to do something, where do you start?

Jolly Bugari found her own answer to that question. Moving to California with her then-husband, Bugari left Uganda to escape the inner turmoil her country was facing. Eventually her marriage ended and she was left raising three children by herself, but her new-found freedom from a domineering husband provided her with the opportunity to return to school.

After watching countless loved ones die from HIV in her homeland of Uganda and experiencing the repressive nature of a patriarchal society, Jolly decided she had to do something to help those back in her homeland and focused her studies on community health education. After receiving her degree, the idea of OTYO! (which means “a sigh of relief”) was born and she began a 3-year Masters in Public Health program that would better enable her to realize her dreams of helping those most in need in Uganda.

Though Bugari realized that the problems in Uganda are widespread, she narrowed down her efforts to focus on women, whom she felt needed the most help because “women take care of everyone, have nothing, and are highly overlooked.” The mission of OTYO! is “to improve the quality of life and health of women, adolescents and orphans of rural Uganda by providing financial and technical support to community based organizations working with these populations.”

Needless to say, her efforts are full of challenges. The cultural attitudes towards women in Africa and their lower status lead to fewer opportunities to exercise their independence. This in turn makes them more vulnerable to diseases such as HIV, as they are  dominated by the men who spread the disease and have few options once acquiring it. Bugari has also found that getting attention and resources has been more difficult  in comparison to high profile more developed areas with large populations.

In the face of so many hurdles, not to mention Jolly’s own life challenges, I asked her what keeps her going when everything and everyone tells you to quit. Her reply: “This is where I come from, this is where my family is. I recognize the obligation I have to use the advantages of the resources I have gained through public health education to help these people.”

When I reflect on Jolly’s story — how she came to America at 19, the young wife of an oppressive husband who eventually left her with three children — I think of how hard it must have been just to get by, not just financially but emotionally. And yet, she did more than just get by. Freed from the shackles of a marriage and society that suppressed who she was and was capable of being, Jolly realized her potential and pursued her dreams. For that, she is extraordinary.

Interview With Actress, Screenwriter, and Producer Sybil Temtchine

Though she’s been in numerous films and TV shows, starring along side names like Adrien Brody, Ving Rhames, Helen Mirren, and Peter Fonda, Sybil Temtchine is one actress who doesn’t leave her success to chance. She’s been described as “one of those rare talented beings in Hollywood that can do it all.” In addition to ‘actress’, Sybil lists ’screenwriter’ and ‘film producer’ among her accomplishments. In her film short ‘Piece A’ Cake’ — in which Sybil not only starred, but wrote and produced — a woman faces her insecurities as she battles the urge to devour a decadent piece of cake, imagining the dire, albeit irrational, consequences that will ensue. Following the incredible response she had to ‘Piece A’ Cake’, Sybil and her co-producer Dean Pollack knew that they had to expand the story into a full length feature. Though Sybil is still in the process of securing financing for ‘Audrey’, she’s met the half way mark in their fundraising goal, and have recently begun casting for the male lead.

Impressed by her vision, dedication, and bold self confidence that remains strong in an industry where every imperfection is scrutinized, I wanted to share some of Sybil’s philosophies in life with VenusVision readers in the hopes that we can all be inspired to aim high and stay strong in the face of challenges, and ultimately reach our goals.

I wondered about the pressure Sybil must feel, trying to fill so many roles at once, as writer, producer, and actress. But she pointed out, “It’s one of the only ways to get things done sometimes … if you have a passion for something and you have to do it, you’ll find a way. Instead of waiting for other people to do it, I’ve always been the sort of person who does get things done on her own. It’s not even a matter of choice sometimes when something just drives you to make it happen.” Plus, she added, “It’s more rewarding in a lot of ways … since you get to be in control of the project.”

When we think of the Hollywood machine, we don’t typically think of movies that encourage women to be ourselves, instead featuring women that represent an ideal that is unattainable for most women. I wondered how ‘Audrey’ which Sybil sums up as being about “every insecurity that women tend to have, standing up to those demons, and coming through on the other side,” would be received. But Sybil remains confident. “I think women want to feel that it’s ok to be yourself, and be proud to be yourself … to be grateful for everything that you are. Like ‘Juno’ or ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’, this isn’t about the “perfect” girl, but someone who can come into their own at the end.” To that point, Sybil and her co-producers are getting a lot of attention already for ‘Audrey’. “A lot of incredible things have happened for the film,” like being chosen for Film Independent Producer’s Lab which brings with it important industry exposure, as well as financing. ‘Audrey’ was also chosen for Panavision’s New Filmmaker Grant.

Asking how she survives among the harsh criticism that any actor can face in Hollywood, she pointed out that in the end what people respond to most is the ability to truly let go, and be yourself, rather than trying to fit into a mold of what you think others want you to be. She then likened her passion for acting to one’s love for their own children — an analogy that struck a chord with me, and made me understand how she can endure the bad for the sake of the good in the pursuit of her dreams. Parents certainly don’t enjoy every moment of parenthood, and at times, it can be extremely emotionally painful. But most of us wouldn’t trade our roles as parents for anything because of our passion for our children. Sybil’s dedication to her film career is the same.

“Does it hurt sometimes?” She said, “Yes, of course. I’m not saying it’s easy. But to me it’s always about the work.” Sybil then recalled the story of how Meryl Streep was initially turned down for Out of Africa on the basis that she wasn’t “sexy” enough. Instead of accepting that answer and walking away, Streep returned, portraying a sexier version of the character for which she was auditioning, and as well all know, got the part. It’s not uncommon to hear stories just like that of how our favorite actors were turned down for roles that in retrospect  seem perfect for them. But instead of quitting based on one rejection, or even multiple rejections, they kept pursuing their dreams. “If you do the work, and you do it well, that’s all that matters. It’s difficult sometimes, but it’s always worth it if it’s something you love.”

Sybil recognizes her good fortune to have had a lot of support from other people and she feels grateful to have had good people in her life. But she also has the innate belief that good will prevail. “If you live your life and work your butt off, keep your focus, and live your life with integrity, I do think good things will prevail.”

But how do you prevail when the signs say to give up? How do you maintain the fortitude to follow your dreams when everything and everyone may be telling you to quit? Sybil’s response to those questions was: “There are plenty of negatives going on in your head all the time, and you just have to quiet them. Sometimes you don’t believe in yourself, but you still have to put one foot in front of the other and continue, and it leads to the next belief.  You just have to get through, and then build fortitude from having done that. You will fall down. And you’ll get back up. You have to get up. You absolutely have to.” And it’s that conviction that I believe will make ‘Audrey’ AND Sybil Temtchine the huge success that they deserve to be.

When Life Gives You Lemons, Throw Them Back and Laugh!

Adapted from Michelle Bloom’s blog, The Bloomiverse, with the help of Michelle Cantrell.

It all started with the simple act of kicking a punching bag, venting frustration. One wrong kick. When it happened, everyone asked Michelle if she was ok. “Yes,” she replied. “I have no health insurance, yes”.  When she took off her boot everyone gasped in horror.  The bone was jutting out inches past where it ought to be. By the time the ambulance arrived,  the pain was so bad, the paramedic had to give her morphine. Michelle had surgery less than a week later when they put screws and plates in her ankle, making her feel a bit like bionic woman. Except, unlike bionic woman who was strong enough to bend a tire rod and break a tennis ball in her bear hands, Michelle is laid up for eight weeks, getting by feebly on crutches whenever necessary.

It seems like whenever you stop paying attention to your life, something happens that makes you stop and say “Hey! What the heck are you doing?!” For Michelle Bloom, breaking her ankle was just such a moment. “First of all,” she said, “I have been reminded of how wonderful people are and how big our hearts can be.  I love ‘us’ and I feel so grateful for the people in my life.”

But she also realized something else very important. She realized she was not listening to her heart. Because of the accident, she had to cancel the classes she had been taking for an MFA program in advertising. And all at once, she realized that this program was not the right path. Perhaps, she has wondered, this is why she broke her ankle. She was not listening to her own heart, so her body had to do something to set things right.

And then she asked herself, “Why wasn’t I listening to my heart?” The answer, full of raw honesty, was that she wanted so much to succeed in life.  At 36 years old, she had not had the taste of what society at large considers to be “success” and she wanted to achieve that arbitrary idea of success so much that she was willing to do the wrong thing for herself just to put an end to her perceived cycle of failure. Fear was guiding her because she did not want to return to the beginning again. Instead, she pushed herself farther away from what was truly important to her, and kept going.

Many people do this and get away with it. They abandon themselves for one reason or another.  But when Michelle created what she called her Self Commandments, she vowed not to tolerate leaving herself, ever.  “It is a strong vow to live by and while I do not have very many of them, the few I have,  I stick by with complete devotion, even if it means breaking my ankle.”

After lifting the burden of pursuing someone else’s idea of success, it hit Michelle: “I am not a failure. I am already a success.” She decided that while she may not know how to succeed in the world with a career, or money, or  financial stability (yet), she has achieved success in other, less measurable ways: unconditional love of herself and wisdom rank among what she considers to be her top achievements. She declares a strong sense of self awareness — something in which many are lacking, and don’t even realize it. And, she has produced immense amounts of creative work in the form of paintings and written work, especially poetry.

Yes, Michelle senses the lack of balance in her life… love, wisdom, creativity, and awareness need a foundation to rest upon, and the one she feels she has been resting upon all these years is no longer working for her.  “People may judge me for how I have chosen to live thus far, and I admit, I am not so proud of all my choices. Yet when I look back I realize I have accumulated a treasure chest of goods that I would not trade in for all the financial success in the world.  Every mistake I have made has led me to encounter more beautiful souls who have become my dear friends. Every failure has led me to new experiences through which I have learned new things, and all of my wandering has led me to live a life filled with adventure.  I am truly lucky.”

Following her heart is what is important to Michelle in this life and she believes … no, she knows that she can make money without sacrificing who she is. It is just going to take some time to it figure it out and get it right. The rule book is a bunch of crap.  Everyone blossoms at their own pace. Michelle was raised very white collar and had a hard time getting off the ladder that was supposed to keep her climbing towards that life. But now she realizes it’s not a life she cares about. She can be happy with very little money if need be. “After all,” she says, “I’m really a bohemian.” Maybe being a building manager, barista, florist, or bookstore clerk is the right work for her.

“If I can find something that supports my life as an artist, all that matters is that I make enough money to live decently. This is what I care about — being an artist, and that what should always come first for me.  I do not want a career that will eat up all of my energy.”

In the simple (but painful) act of breaking a bone, Michelle realized so much about life. She no longer cares about a top floor condo, or trips to Europe. But she does care about being able to create, to love, to be loved, and to gain wisdom. While she needs to earn a living, she has renewed her comittment that she won’t sell her heart to do it. Her failures of yesterday do not  determine what today may bring.

“I know life wants to show me something right now. I sense new opportunity coming. I know that the more I dedicate to what I know to be true, the more doors will open.  In the past, I have allowed other people’s opinions of me to seep and mix in with my own knowing, and this has disempowered me deeply.  No more of this!  We have one life, guys. We are born, we live, and we leave here.  So why take things so seriously?  Put down that anvil on your back and take that stick out of your bum.  It is really ok to lighten up.”

Why not teach our children that they can thrive, instead of scaring them back into survival mode all the time, Michelle suggests.  Fear begets fear.  “I am not sure how much we create the events in our lives and how much is already written. Life is a mystery.  What I do know is that if we have one life, why not enjoy it as much as possible. Life gives us enough challenges as it is: we have death, disease, natural disasters, broken bones..is that not crazy enough?  I sure as hell do not need to create any more hardship for myself then the one already given to me just by being human.”

Interview With Jenni Schaefer, Author of Life Without Ed

Jenni Schaefer first met Ed when she was 4 years old taking a dance class. From the very beginning he badgered her about her weight, telling her she was the fattest girl in class and criticizing her because her thighs rubbed together in her leotard. And thus began a long relationship of abuse. Ed controlled Jenni’s every move, forcing himself inside her head to control even her thoughts. But Ed isn’t a man who can be locked up behind bars, preventing him from ruining countless lives. Ed’s impact is far more prolific than that of any one man. Ed is an acronym for Eating Disorder — an illness that takes on a life of its own, and becomes greater than its victim, repeating abuses as damaging as physical abuse brought on by an actual person and often as hard to escape from.

But Jenni did escape from Ed and lived to tell about it in her book Life Without Ed — How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too, and her follow-up book Goodbye Ed, Hello Me: Recover from Your Eating Disorder and Fall in Love with Life due out in September of this year. I met Jenni last fall when she was in town speaking to congress about the severity of eating disorders and the lack of proper access to help because of insurance for those who suffer from it. The first thing I noticed about Jenni was her was her black shirt which stated boldly in white letters “recovered.”

I was curious about the proclamation because my understanding was that eating disorders were like alcoholism in that one is never completely recovered, but instead always in a state of recovery. So when Jenni agreed to do an interview with me, that was the first thing I wanted to know about. Asking her how she defined ‘recovered’ and at what point she considered herself  to be fully recovered, she reminded me that Life Without Ed came out in 2002 and a lot has happened in the time since then.

Even at the end of her first book, while Schaefer delcares her divorce from Ed, she still battled with him from time to time, suffering from the occasional relapse. In retrospect, she defines herself as having been “significantly recovered” at the time, and only through more years of being in recovery did she finally reach a point where she actually felt fully recovered. Period. But she admits that some are fearful of the word ‘recovered’ because it may allow them to let down their defenses making them more vulnerable to relapse. To Jenni, the idea that you will never be recovered “is a hopeless message.” She added, “I didn’t want to have an eating disorder forever. I wasn’t born with an eating disorder. You learn an eating disorder and you can unlearn it.”

Concerned about the power Ed can have on those who are vulnerable to him, I asked Jenni if she worried that someone reading her book could actually end up empowering the Ed in their lives. Though she wrote the book with that in mind, avoiding the inclusion of obvious triggers like pictures of her during the height of her anorexia, or low and high weights, she also reminded me that Ed will use whatever tools he has available to maintain control over his victims, and she even reminds readers in the book that as they are going through the book, Ed too is there with them, possibly trying to twist the words into something that will make him stronger. The important thing to remember is that by the time someone is ready to read this book, they are already questioning the authority Ed has over them, and that in itself can be the starting point for beginning the separation process from Ed.

Wondering about those who are teetering on the edge of an eating disorder, Jenni and I talked about how women can avoid letting Ed into their life in the first place, even after he’s been knocking at your door. A big component of her own recovery was body image counseling and coming to the realization that the ideals she was trying to live up to — ideals created primarily by the media — were in large part based on manufactured images. A good example of this is the video created by Dove’s Real Beauty Campaign entitled “Evolution” where an ordinary woman has a team of people from make-up artists, hair stylists, and eventually Photoshop experts create her into a new, fictitious woman plastered on the face of a billboard. Though eating disorders develop from more than just trying to meet society’s standards of beauty, the idea that we need to be something beyond what we are biologically programmed to be can create a vicious cycle of failure and self loathing that makes one more vulnerable to an eating disorder.

Speaking of society’s standard of beauty, we discussed the obsession of celebrity weight battles, and in particular, her choice of Cindy Crawford as a model for a healthy body while Jenni was in recovery. When reading the book, I had to admit that I was a bit put off by her choice of a supermodel as someone whose figure represented her new “healthy” ideal. But she pointed out that at the time, Cindy Crawford was criticized for being fat next to her peers. “If she’s overweight, all of us are … we need to look at people who are at their natural size whether that’s naturally thin or a little overweight according to societal standards … if you’re at your natural weight, you’re a role model. If you accept your natural healthy weight that’s a role model … and what’s strange about that is that it’s going to be all shapes and sizes.”

But Schaefer added, “The paradox about eating disorders is that it’s completely not about food and weight at all on the other hand, when you look at it from the outside, it’s completely about food and weight”  Ultimately, however, eating disorders are about control. When you can’t control other elements of your life, it’s easy to believe that controlling food puts you back in the driver’s seat. Of course, it’s also about avoidance. The endless cycle of binging, starving and otherwise being focused on food and your body 100% of the time doesn’t allow much time for dealing with life’s other difficult issues. And when you have a low self esteem, an eating disorder can give you a sense of “being unique, feeling special, having a boost of self esteem by being the thinnest person in the room … because you’re the one who gets patted on the back … and it’s an instant boost to your self esteem,” as Jenni felt. But she added, “eventually I had to find new life coping skills … we need to look at the underlying issues.”

So I asked Jenni what made her feel ready to deal with the underlying issues and begin her seperation from Ed once and for all. She had the tools before and chose not to use them. But eventually she was “sick and tired of feeling sick and tired” and Jenni realized that the pain she had been avoiding through her eating disorder couldn’t be any worse than the pain she suffered because of her eating disorder.” It was time to walk through that pain. Not that healing was ever easy. “I thought the eating disorder was painful, but the truth was, life in the beginning without the eating disorder was more painful because I didn’t know how to deal with feelings and I had never dealt with things so intensely.” Jenni even asked her doctor if it was normal to feel so sad. Eventually she did learn how to cope, and of course a lot of the tools she finally implemented are outlined in her book. She recited her favorite Japanese proverb: fall down seven times, stand up eight. As you go through recovery, you might keep “falling down, but you just have stand up again and keep getting better.”

Breaking off her relationship with Ed has allowed Jenni to finally pursue her dream of becoming a musician in Nashville, Tennessee. I asked Schaefer about the pressures she must face in the entertainment industry, where success is often directly linked to beauty and body size. But after having been through the seriousness of an eating disorder, she realizes that ultimately it comes down to a life or death matter, and that she can’t “play those games anymore”. Further, being at a healthy weight has given her the energy to follow her dreams and she fully believes she would not be where she is today if she was still chained to Ed.

Whether or not you have had a relationship with Ed, Jenni’s story leaves you with a sense of hope that we can all overcome the most difficult of life’s challenges and be all that we were meant to be. She encourages everyone to “find a passion in life and follow it, putting energy into who you are instead of who you don’t want to be.” She has learned to believe in herself, and I hope that you can too.

Recommended Reading:

Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too

Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program That Works

Body Wars

Goodbye Ed, Hello Me: Recover from Your Eating Disorder and Fall in Love with Life (Due out in September)

How One Woman Dealt With Diabetes

Diabetes is a word we hear a lot these days. In fact, I think in many ways we’re becoming desensitized to the word. I’m fairly certain there are few people out there who don’t know someone affected by diabetes. Because we often hear about it being controlled by diet and exercise, we’ve come to view diabetes as a relatively benign disease — perhaps something as inevitable as gray hair.

Laura Wolfe, who goes by “Lahle,” learned first-hand that diabetes is anything but benign when it nearly took the life of her daughter at the age of 4. Since Lahle had long suffered from Type 2 diabetes, she started noticing signs in her daughter that concerned her. Initially doctors dismissed Wolfe’s concerns that Elizabeth was diabetic, but a year later, when symptoms came on rapidly, Elizabeth had to be rushed to the emergency room where her blood sugars were found to be at life-threatening levels.

Overnight Lahle’s life changed, along with that of her family. Elizabeth’s blood sugars were impossibly hard to stabilize, and it was soon determined that she was allergic to the buffering agents in long-acting insulin, and that regular insulin administered through a pump would solve the problem. Because the insulin pump regulated Elizabeth’s insulin levels, she was able to regain some control over eating, playing, and sleeping.

Lahle’s initial reaction to Elizabeth’s diagnosis was that of most parents when tragedy strikes their child – total shock and the guilty feelings that this was somehow all her fault. One day you think you have a perfectly healthy normal child, and the next day your life and hers is turned upside down. But Lahle learned many things as a result of her experiences, not the least of which was the strength of herself and her other children who in her own words were “saintly patient” as their own needs often went neglected while Lahle learned to cope with Elizabeth’s diabetes.

While there are many resources out there for diabetics, many newly diagnosed patients don’t know where to turn for help in managing their health and dealing with insurance companies who often determine “the best treatment” which may not always be consistent with what your doctors deem is the best treatment. Or worse, there are many without any insurance who struggle to pay for the care they need. Lahle battled with her own insurance company to get Elizabeth’s pump, and was grateful that the company Animas Corp. stepped in and offered her one. Lahle realized how fortunate Elizabeth was to receive one so quickly — only one month after being diagnosed with diabetes — when so many other patients must wait an indefinite amount of time while insurance companies determine the need.

Feeling frustrated with a lack of coherent information on diabetes and concerned that others struggled to get the right care, Lahle took action and created the non-profit organization iPump whose mission is to provide free insulin pumps and diabetes supplies to qualifying approved applicants. Since its inception in 2006, iPump has distributed more than $750,000in free insulin pumps and diabetes supplies to individuals and struggling free clinics throughout the country. Additionally, Wolfe created Islets of Hope, a certified Health on the Net website, that provides information and resources on diabetes and helps connect diabetics with one another through community support.

Together, iPump and Islets of Hope have provided more than 6,700 people with diabetes with free medical supplies, insulin pumps, and legal assistance. Having this positive mission gives Lahle’s own experiences a purpose and new meaning. According to Wolfe, “In my work I have seen every worst-case scenario of what diabetes does to people. But because of the tremendous outpouring of compassion from the diabetes community itself, we are able to help others with diabetes stay alive until we have a cure. iPump is an organization built by people with diabetes taking care of other people with diabetes and there is currently no other organization like it in the world.”

Though Lahle admits that diabetes may have “darkened” part of her world, she found that it also “provided contrast to the brights which now seem even more brilliant and wonderful than before.” She savors the simple moments of Elizabeth’s childhood, and views each of her four children as miracles. In her own words, “While diabetes certainly is no gift, it came surrounded by gifts of grace and personal growth and the ability to see beauty in far more things than I ever imagined possible.”