In a society that focuses on the two extremes of the constant quest for thinness and the high rate of obesity in our country, Joy rejects both the notion that thinness equals happiness and obesity equals laziness. Growing up, Joy was always the “big girl” among her peers. She recalled with a laugh that her arms were bigger than her friends’ thighs. Joy’s mother did show concern for her larger size and began restricting food “for her own good.” But ultimately Joy recoiled against the restrictions placed on her, took charge of her own eating habits, and in essence announced “I’m the boss of me.” This attitude has served her well in her career as an actress.

Not surprisingly, Joy always knew she wanted to be an actress. She performed in plays beginning in middle school and always got good, supportive feedback. As she got older, she started pursuing solo performances out of frustration that there were not more roles for her. She figured she could sit back and complain about the fact that no one wants to “tell her story” or she could do something about it, and write her own stories. She wrote Fat Rant when she was 21 and in college. At the time her best friend had brain cancer which led to limited physical abilities and ultimately to her premature death. The experience left Joy feeling outraged at the complaints of healthy women who fixated on their “flaws” and allowed their weight and insecurities to limit what they wanted to do — and were perfectly capable of doing — in life. Meanwhile her friend was physically unable to do those same things and yet refused to take ‘no’ for an answer, fighting until the end.

Watching the Fat Rant films certainly gives one the impression that Joy — an apt name I might add — has unwavering self confidence, and I asked her if that was the case. While the films do reflect the way she thinks and feels about herself overall, she reminded me that everyone has good days and bad days. But in general she considers herself “friends” with her body and feels grateful for what it can do, and the fact that she’s in good health. She has never felt like she had to “live up to some type of model standard because I’ve never been anywhere near it.”

Still, being overweight can lead to some emotionally painful moments when others are insensitive or downright rude, particularly when pursuing a career as an actress in LA. When I asked Joy how she handles some of the open criticism about her size that sometimes comes her way, she says she tries to look at the overall situation and realize that ultimately it’s not really about her, but instead it’s about the agenda and narrow mindset of the offending person. “I think it’s really important to not believe the hype … When people are talking shit about you, who are they and why should I believe what you’re telling me. If anyone would say something [negative] to me, then obviously you’re a poison source who I don’t need to be listening to anyway.”

Joy’s self confidence comes in large part from reading fat positive literature and blogs like Fatshionista, where women can find acceptance and encouragement to love the skin they’re in. There is also a section where members also upload photos of themselves in their favorite outfits which has really made a big impact on Joy’s views. “Just seeing people you’re not supposed to see looking beautiful and happy and fashionable, it changes so much. It just takes away the unavailability of everything.” In Fat Rant, she walks through stores like H&M and decries the lack of accessibilty to good fashion for larger woman in stores where the sizes stop at the rarely found 16. (For the record, Joy wears between an 18 and a 22.) But instead of letting it get her down, she has found other stores that believe fashion and larger sizes are compatible. In fact, to supplement her income, she works as a fit model for plus size clothing designers, kind of like a live mannequin, as she says.

At the end of our conversation, I asked Joy if she could create her ideal film role, what would that character be like. That was an easy question because she currently has the star role in the stage production Fat Pig, a story about a “regular guy” falling in love with a fat girl, and the fallout that ensues when his friends can’t handle the new relationship because of her size. If they made that into a movie, Joy said, that would be her ideal role. I have no doubt she’d be fabulous in it.

To see her Fat Rant film shorts, click below:

A Fat Rant

Fat Rant 2: Confessions of the Compulsive

Fat Rant 3: Staircase Wit

Impressed by her vision, dedication, and bold self confidence that remains strong in an industry where every imperfection is scrutinized, I wanted to share some of Sybil’s philosophies in life with VenusVision readers in the hopes that we can all be inspired to aim high and stay strong in the face of challenges, and ultimately reach our goals.

I wondered about the pressure Sybil must feel, trying to fill so many roles at once, as writer, producer, and actress. But she pointed out, “It’s one of the only ways to get things done sometimes … if you have a passion for something and you have to do it, you’ll find a way. Instead of waiting for other people to do it, I’ve always been the sort of person who does get things done on her own. It’s not even a matter of choice sometimes when something just drives you to make it happen.” Plus, she added, “It’s more rewarding in a lot of ways … since you get to be in control of the project.”

When we think of the Hollywood machine, we don’t typically think of movies that encourage women to be ourselves, instead featuring women that represent an ideal that is unattainable for most women. I wondered how ‘Audrey’ which Sybil sums up as being about “every insecurity that women tend to have, standing up to those demons, and coming through on the other side,” would be received. But Sybil remains confident. “I think women want to feel that it’s ok to be yourself, and be proud to be yourself … to be grateful for everything that you are. Like ‘Juno’ or ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’, this isn’t about the “perfect” girl, but someone who can come into their own at the end.” To that point, Sybil and her co-producers are getting a lot of attention already for ‘Audrey’. “A lot of incredible things have happened for the film,” like being chosen for Film Independent Producer’s Lab which brings with it important industry exposure, as well as financing. ‘Audrey’ was also chosen for Panavision’s New Filmmaker Grant.

Asking how she survives among the harsh criticism that any actor can face in Hollywood, she pointed out that in the end what people respond to most is the ability to truly let go, and be yourself, rather than trying to fit into a mold of what you think others want you to be. She then likened her passion for acting to one’s love for their own children — an analogy that struck a chord with me, and made me understand how she can endure the bad for the sake of the good in the pursuit of her dreams. Parents certainly don’t enjoy every moment of parenthood, and at times, it can be extremely emotionally painful. But most of us wouldn’t trade our roles as parents for anything because of our passion for our children. Sybil’s dedication to her film career is the same.

“Does it hurt sometimes?” She said, “Yes, of course. I’m not saying it’s easy. But to me it’s always about the work.” Sybil then recalled the story of how Meryl Streep was initially turned down for Out of Africa on the basis that she wasn’t “sexy” enough. Instead of accepting that answer and walking away, Streep returned, portraying a sexier version of the character for which she was auditioning, and as well all know, got the part. It’s not uncommon to hear stories just like that of how our favorite actors were turned down for roles that in retrospect  seem perfect for them. But instead of quitting based on one rejection, or even multiple rejections, they kept pursuing their dreams. “If you do the work, and you do it well, that’s all that matters. It’s difficult sometimes, but it’s always worth it if it’s something you love.”

Sybil recognizes her good fortune to have had a lot of support from other people and she feels grateful to have had good people in her life. But she also has the innate belief that good will prevail. “If you live your life and work your butt off, keep your focus, and live your life with integrity, I do think good things will prevail.”

But how do you prevail when the signs say to give up? How do you maintain the fortitude to follow your dreams when everything and everyone may be telling you to quit? Sybil’s response to those questions was: “There are plenty of negatives going on in your head all the time, and you just have to quiet them. Sometimes you don’t believe in yourself, but you still have to put one foot in front of the other and continue, and it leads to the next belief.  You just have to get through, and then build fortitude from having done that. You will fall down. And you’ll get back up. You have to get up. You absolutely have to.” And it’s that conviction that I believe will make ‘Audrey’ AND Sybil Temtchine the huge success that they deserve to be.

Take auditions for example. Mia walks in, a tall, thin brunette with striking features. And yet, she is told she’s “not pretty enough”. It’s one thing to not be right for the part. And there would be no real harm in a casting director saying so to the one auditioning. But it seems the casting director, who from accounts are often overweight and unattractive (by Hollywood standards anyway) themselves, apparently sooth their own insecurities by being in a position of power that allows them to make others feel worthless. In what other profession can you openly discriminate against people for noses that are too big, breasts that are too small, legs that have too much cellulite, etc.? I understand that casting directors have a certain image they are trying to portray in filling key roles, but what right does that give them to play God in determining the worth of others based on physical attributes. And I only exaggerate slightly when I say they are playing God, because a few short words from a casting director to an insecure aspiring actor can lead to plastic surgery, starvation, and drug use including Clenbuterol, a drug used on horses to control asthma, that has also been found to contribute to weight loss in humans — but at what cost? Not to mention the alcohol and recreational drug use often used to numb the constant feelings of rejection and self loathing they face.

Meanwhile, the rest of us sit back and enjoy the results brought on by casting directors in the form of the idealistic beautiful people that end up gracing the silver screen. We don’t think much of the people that weren’t cast in the film. The people that were rejected because they might have a mole in the wrong place on their face, or their breasts sag too much. We just go to see the Brad Pitts and the Angelina Jolie’s who herself seems to have recently succumbed to the Hollywood Thin Machine. And if we aren’t buying the movie tickets, we sure are picking up the tabloids, feeling relief and disgust at the pictures of this star and that with cellulite. (Egad!) If you do a search on Google for ‘celebrity cellulite’, you will get 150,000 results. One site devotes an entire section to celebrity cellulite. While I think the intent is to make us all realize that everyone, even those we think of as perfect has “flaws”, I think the intent backfires and instead sends the message that since these women, who at a size 2 have cellulite, what hope is there for the rest of us. We love finding the imperfections in our beloved celebrities because it helps us feel better about ourselves in the same way that the casting directors boost their egos through insults.

Periodically, a celebrity lashes out as Jennifer Love Hewitt did last year after pictures of her romping on the beach in a bikini revealed that she had grown out of her 16 year old body and acquired some cellulite. Nevermind that she was still a size 2. All that mattered to the papparazzi was to reveal her “flaws”. When criticism of her body was showing up in the media and in blogs she responded on her web site: “I’ve sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women’s bodies are constantly scrutinized. To set the record straight, I’m not upset for me, but for all of the girls out there that are struggling with their body image.”

And the cruelty doesn’t stop at the studio gates. It’s so ingrained in the culture that even homeless people expect perfection from women. While Sarah dined at a street-side cafe, a drunk homeless man began harassing customers, trying to get someone to buy him alcohol at a nearby liquor store (from which presumably he’d been banned). When he got to Sarah, and she politely declined to “help”, he began his verbal assualt: “You FAT FUCK. You FAT FUCKING PIG! I would rather be ME than you, you fat pig!” And so it went for about 30 seconds, though to Sarah it felt like an eternity. To add insult to injury, all those standing around gaping at the scene, maintained silence and feeling glad it was not them he was after. Sarah, who has cerebral palsy, has had numerous surgeries, takes medications around the clock, some of which contribute to weight gain, and has been virtually immobile for much of the last few years, does struggle with her weight, for obvious and understandable reasons. But to her, the reason no one stepped in to stop this homeless man’s verbal assault is because he was in fact right (to all those around). To everyone standing there, the worst thing in the world is to be fat, and even being drunk and homeless was a better lot in life than that of Sarah.

So where does it all stop? When do we as a culture, finally draw the line and say “enough is enough” with the emotional torture in LA that we encourage, if not actively, then at least passively by not DIScouraging it? It’s great when a celebrity — like Jennifer Love Hewitt — steps out here and there to criticize the media, but one size 2 actress with a little cellulite speaking out every now and then is like trying to tear down the Berlin wall with a chisel. We as a society need to reject what has become a standard — if not for the skeletons that walk the red carpet, then for the rest of us in taking back the idea of real beauty and not defining it by jutting collar bones or the number of ribs you can see.