Here is an excerpt from one of the comments:

“Why is it a crime to suggest (through images, words, whatever) that only a few people are ever going to represent the ideal? That’s not demeaning, it’s truth. If it hurts your little feelings, use that to motivate you to go after your personal best, not cry over cultural obsession or objectification and use that as an excuse to say how it makes you feel so demeaned. If you want something, you have to give up the excuses and blaming anyone other than yourself, and go for it. Effort = results. Actions = priorities. So showing a tight body with the message “get off your lazy ass if you want to look like this” is entirely appropriate to me.”

I think good physical health is an important part of good emotional health. I believe in taking care of and respecting our bodies, and I think there are a variety of ways to do that. But when the motivation to do so is extrinsic, as in when were are doing it to live up to some ideal determined by someone else — and promoted in many “fitspiration” or “thinspiration” pictures and quotes, it can lead to unhealthy consequences that at best bring an end to the commitment to achieve said ideals, and at worst can lead to unhealthy body and food obsessions, and deadly eating disorders, which are on the rise across genders, ethnic, and age groups.

The waistlines in our country have been growing for several decades. We’ve all heard the statistics — two thirds of Americans are overweight or obese. During the same time period, the diet and fitness industries have grown into multi-billion dollar money making factories. They provide plenty — let me repeat — plenty of thinspiration, fitspiration, and any other kind of inspiration that will make you want to spend money on their products and services because they know we all will ignore their dirty little secret: DIETS DON’T WORK. No matter how many posters and quotes and fitness magazines we look at, the reality is, 95 percent of us won’t be successful at losing weight for an extended period of time. If thinspiration and fitspiration really worked, surely there would be more than a 5 percent success rate among those who claim to be motivated by it.

It’s easy to call it a cop out to blame our culture for feeling demeaned, but the reality is, Madison Avenue has every intention of making you feel that way. After all, if you were happy with the way you were, what motivation would you have to buy the products that are supposed to make you better? Trust me, they wouldn’t spend the kazillions of dollars that they do if they weren’t absolutely sure that you would fall for their slight of hand tricks. They sell us a bill of goods, that if we look the way they tell us to look, we’ll be happy. Be thin and you’ll get the gorgeous guy, the big bank account, the McMansion, the convertible. Have six pack abs and your doctor will say hooray, forgetting to ask how many cigarettes you smoke each day and how much wine you drink at night to numb the self hate that comes from a life of always trying to please other people and live up to their standards, rather than exploring your genuine self. That’s not to say that everyone with six-pack abs or “tank-top ready” triceps is unhappy with who they are. My point is that if the reason for challenging and strengthening their body comes from external sources of motivation, ultimately the euphoria achieved from reaching goals (if that euphoria is actually ever achieved) will most likely be fleeting as soon as another standard arises for them to meet, compelling them back into a cycle of body dissatisfaction.

Again, I want to point out that I think good physical health is an important goal for anyone. I think most people could benefit from turning off their computers and/or TVs and moving for 30-60 minutes a day, and not just because the latest health reports say it’s good for our hearts, but because like rats in a cage, we go a little crazy if we don’t get to move our bodies, even if it’s in a “hamster wheel”. But I firmly believe that shaming people by convincing them that there is one ideal of health and beauty, as fitspiration/inspiration so often does not only is ineffective in providing long term motivation, but it also to perpetuates the idea that we are only as good as our bodies look. Someone may look at a picture of a beautiful body and suddenly feel compelled to go spend an hour on the eliptical, but the motivation has nothing to do with achieving a higher level of cardiovascular health and everything to do with molding their shameful body into something worth looking at. Some may argue that if the end result is the same — a healthier body — than what difference does it make? Well, if you are happy to achieve the short term “success” of a fit body while sacrificing the longer benefits that come from an intrinsically motivated health and fitness routine, I guess it’s not really a problem. But if you hope to achieve a balance in emotional and physical health, it might be useful to begin by ending the body shaming that comes from the media and so called “fitspiration.”

I LOVE my body. I am proud of my body. I don’t let my weight determine my value or my assessment of my health — all in spite of the fact that it is in no way shape or form any sort of ideal, at least by outward appearances. When I go to my doctors now, I don’t even let them weigh me anymore because I don’t want a number on the scale to be how my health is judged by them or by me. I have told them they can talk to me all they want about my blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar levels, and cardiovascular health, but so far, every year at my physical, all of those numbers indicate I’m in excellent health which is contrary to what they would think if they simply looked at my weight. Despite all of this, I still have to actively reject the constant messages that tell me I should be thinner if I am to be seen by our world as beautiful and/or healthy. And the key word there is ‘active’.

We live in a culture where we are constantly told that our body parts represent our value and place in our society, and some people don’t have a problem with that fact. I certainly can’t tell someone else what they should or shouldn’t be motivated by. I can simply state the facts and make choices for myself, and hopefully inspire people who wish to to achieve a healthy balance between mind and body. I will also continue to encourage people to think critically about the media they consume as well as continue to voice my opinions about the messages I see as damaging to the mind, body, and spirit.

As Jenni Schaefer said in her recent post Body Image: I Love How I Look in a World That Doesn’t, “Make a choice today to love your body. It will love you back.”

You can use the principle of intention with respect to planning meals and snacks or even generally applied to your food relationship. Weekly intentions might take the form of incorporating healthy snacks, packing your lunch to work, and/or having meals planned throughout the week. The reality is that those who are most successful are the ones who realize they are worth taking those extra ten minutes per day to pack their lunch or plan their meals. I recently had a client measure the time it took to create a healthy salad to pack in her lunch bag. To her surprise, creating and packing this salad took only three minutes. So sometimes we perceive that it will take longer than it actually will. Why not give yourself the challenge? I am sure you can find three extra minutes to pack your lunch.

Reflection Questions

1) Identify the sabotaging thoughts that get in the way of having a healthy food relationship (i.e., “I don’t have the time”, “It is too expensive”, “I am too tired”, “I’ll start next week”, “Next month, next year”).

2) Identify the supportive statements that you tell yourself about cultivating a healthy food relationship (i.e., one meal at a time, I am worth the time and investment, progress not perfection). In what ways are you already incorporating mindfulness in your food relationship?

Action Steps

How might you incorporate the act of intention with your food relationship? What will you commit to do over the next month? Make your act of intention focus on only one thing. Some ideas may include: starting your day with a healthy breakfast; practicing mindful eating at a minimum of one meal or snack per day; committing to having a regular day to grocery shop and meal plan. Some find it helpful to break down shopping and meal planning into two planning sessions and two shopping sessions per week. For example, on Sunday plan meals and snacks through Wednesday, and then again on Wednesday plan for Thursday through Saturday. Recognize that you are worth the investment of time. When you are able to plan and have healthy food options readily available you set yourself up for success.

Michelle Market, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Wellness Coach with more than 10 years of experience in Wellness and Women’s issues. She is dedicated to helping females feel better physically and emotionally. She has a private practice in Herndon, Virginia and works with Adults. Michelle provides counseling, coaching and workshops. She specializes in self-esteem and healthy food relationships. Her mission is to create and maintain positive change in the lives of her clients. She believes that beauty comes from the inside out. For more information visit her website www.michellemarket.com.

The spare bedroom in our house is known as ‘the office’. Although the only piece of furniture that now occupies the room is a futon which is usually pulled out in the bed position and covered in toys that have spilled over from our kids’ rooms, it once served as a home office for my husband. And, even though he moved his office into the basement more than a year ago, the bedroom which has become our guest/play room will likely forever be known to us as ‘the office’.

Fortunately, our spare bedroom doesn’t have an identity that is being warped by conflicting ideas of who it is and who it should be based on past experiences. People, on the other hand, are different.

An individual’s identity develops over time, shifting and growing with each life experience. But sometimes it becomes easy to get wrapped up in maintaining a piece of your identity from the past even if it may not reflect who and where you are now. This can be physical, as in “I am dieting to get back to the body I had in high school”. Or it can be emotional, where one might lament what they see as a loss in the life they had in the past, as in a parent longing for the care-free days of their pre-child life.

While past experiences are an important part of who we are today, remaining tied to the past can lead to feelings of frustration and discontent. Instead of hanging on to who you “used to be”, concentrate on who you are now, reflect on the positive things, and consider what you might change for the better — not in an effort to get back to the past, but instead to move toward a better future.

Have you been trying to go back in time? What would happen if you let go of the person you “used to be”?

When she was a year old, Aimee Mullins, born missing fibula in both legs, underwent a double amputation and was fitted with a set of prosthesis limbs. She learned to walk with her prosthesis and began playing competitive sports early and aggressively.

While attending college, a track coach encouraged Aimee to join the Georgetown University Women’s Track Team and to compete not as a ‘disabled runner’ but as an individual. During Aimee’s first major competition one of her sprinting legs came loose. She was mortified and, fearing failure, tried to drop out of her next race.

She begged her coach not to make her compete: “Please, don’t make me do this. I can’t do this in front of all those people. My legs will come off!”

He replied: “So what if your legs falls off? You pick it up, you put the damn thing back on, and finish the race!”

Real life is not about winning or losing. You can never be a failure as long as you are giving it your best.

Pick up your leg. Finish the race.

C.Reed Weber has been writing since she first discovered an unguarded pencil and continues today as a freelance journalist and grant writer. Living Beyond the Worst has been adapted from Happy Thoughts, a collection of email columns she wrote for friends and family during 2008-2009. Weber is currently working on developing Happy Thoughts into a book. You can purchase mini-volumes of Happy Thoughts from her Etsy site.

I have no doubt that each Olympian athlete has their own ritual for visualizing their success. But while watching the women’s snowboarding, I noticed that more often than not, the competitors would leave the gate slowly, slide down the hill, and then pause before entering the half pipe. At first I wondered why they were stopping, since not every woman did it. But then I realized as the camera zoomed in on them that they were taking in the course, visualizing their moves, their tricks — catching air, grabbing the board, doing turns and every other move that makes these hot dog women something worthy of sheer awe in my opinion. Then, after a few moments, we would see in action what these women already knew they would achieve. Of course, not every one did achieve it. Some fell. Some fell more than once. But they all got back up, and went on.

How often do you visualize yourself achieving your goals? Do you set goals only to find yourself failing before you feel like you’ve really even begun? Maybe you decided you wanted to eat healthier, or start exercising, or read more, or change careers, and then, you sat back and waited for the change to come. Sometimes it seems as though making a change is as simple as making the decision to do so, but nothing could be further from the truth. Do you think Olympic athletes woke up one day, decided to compete, and then headed off to Vancouver with their skiis, mittens and snowcap, waiting to bow down and have a medal placed around their neck? Certainly not.

It is time for you to start visualizing the person you want to become. This is in no way a suggestion to reject who you currently are — in fact, you need to embrace who you are before you can bring the changes that will truly benefit your mind, body, and spirit. But when you set goals that can lead to greater fulfillment in life — and please be honest with yourself as to what actually will do that (hint: it’s not looking like a model) — you need to create a roadmap for achieving those goals, and visualizing the outcome is part of that process. And of course, you don’t just stop there. You need to see yourself taking the interim steps and accomplishing the smaller milestones that will help you reach your larger goals.

So how exactly does this translate to achieving your own Olympic gold? If your goal is to eat healthier, visualize yourself looking and feeling better, but also see yourself at a meal, in the store, going to a restaurant, and making better choices — not for the sake of losing weight, but for the sake of taking care of your body and loving it.

If your goal is to exercise more, visualize yourself at your end goal where you can run around with your kids, climb the stairs without getting winded, or maybe even completing a race. And then picture yourself getting up in the morning to take a walk, or parking further away from the store to add a few steps to your day, or lifting weights at the gym, making your body stronger and healthier.

Or maybe you are ready to change jobs, or even careers. See yourself doing something that you love. Imagine your dream job, and then imagine yourself in it! Now, what do you have to do to get there? Take a class? Save money? Take out a loan? Attend networking events? Figure out what will lead you to your goals, and visualize yourself taking each step to get there.

Not every Olympian who visualized themselves walking away with a gold medal did so. But I’d be willing to bet that very few — if any — did win the gold without first seeing themselves doing so. Figure out what your dreams are, and see yourself accomplishing them. It’s the first step to living a life you love and deserve.