Sneaking Quiet Time Into Your Day — The First Steps to Incorporating Meditation

By Michelle Market, LPC

Imagine quiet amongst the chaos of your daily to-do’s. Imagine uninterrupted time during your day to focus on your breathing and slowing down. When you allow your mind to quiet down, how do you feel? Is it uncomfortable? Why might you avoid slowing down? These are questions to give some consideration as you begin to implement the practice of meditation.

It is possible to slow down, although it often needs to be intentional and, initially, rehearsed. Picture the first time you learned to ride a bike. You did not do it perfectly the first time. You fell, bumped into things – you started slowly. Learning the art of meditation and quieting your mind can sometimes feel like the same process.

When was the last time you sat in silence for any extended period of time? Meditation not only is a healthy coping skill to handle stress, but it is also a tool to help us tune in with ourselves. Quieting our mind results in becoming more centered. When we have slowness in our day we develop greater awareness of what is going on in our mind, body and with our emotions.

Steps to incorporate meditation into your day:

Choose a time in the day that is most conducive to your meditation practice. (All you need is 5 minutes). Initially, it is helpful to set a timer (start at 5 minutes).

Find a space where you can sit comfortably. Sit up tall with your legs uncrossed. Have your hands open and palms up. Close your eyes.

Find a word to focus on that will illicit a calm response. For example, peace, acceptance, slow, breathe.

When you have other thoughts that enter your mind picture them as clouds floating through the sky and then focus back on the calming word that you had chosen, refer to this as your mantra.

Take notice of taking slow, intentional deep breaths. Inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth.

Though there are many different ways to meditate, here are five types of meditations that may be easier to incorporate into your day:

Candle Meditation: Light a candle and place your focus on the flicker of the flame. When your mind begins to drift, re-center your focus back on the candle.

Walking Meditation: Find a path to walk (preferably a scenic route). Take notice of slowing down your steps one foot in front of the other. Take notice of slowing your breathing. Take notice of the scenery, the flowers, the trees and the grass as you connect with nature.

Cleaning Meditation: Turn any chore into a mini-escape. Take focus on the rhythmic nature of the chore. For example, if you are washing dishes, notice the sound of the water, take notice of the soap bubbles and take notice of your breathing. Use your calming word to re-center.

Car Mediation: While driving to work or running your errands turn off the music and drive in silence. Make a conscious decision to practice deep breathing.

Breathing Meditation: A simple way to incorporate calm into the day is committing to taking 3 deep breaths at different times throughout the day. You can use different transitions as a reminder to breathe such as before meals, before checking email, before starting the day. You will be amazed at the calming effect of just changing the way you breathe will make.

To sit without any judgment and to invite slowness is a gift of compassion to ourselves. Be patient in the process and start slowly. Begin to look forward to this pause within your day. Make the commitment to incorporate this self-care tool on a daily basis.

“I commit to 5 minutes of quiet each day.”

As you begin this practice on an on-going basis, you will start to look forward to this time of the day and will notice the days that you skipped. Meditation provides a bridge to create peace within ourselves.

Michelle Market, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Wellness Coach with more than 10 years of experience in Wellness and Women’s issues. She is dedicated to helping females feel better physically and emotionally. She has a private practice in Herndon, Virginia and works with Adults. Michelle provides counseling, coaching and workshops. She specializes in self-esteem and healthy food relationships. Her mission is to create and maintain positive change in the lives of her clients. She believes that beauty comes from the inside out. For more information visit her website www.michellemarket.com.

Creating Balance in Your Life

or

When Your Personal and Professional Lives Collide, You Can’t Control the Wind But You Can Adjust Your Sails

By Barbara M. LaRock

As you begin to think about bringing more balance into your life, consider the following set of 12 rules from a brochure on white water rafting safety. They’re relevant and applicable to the choices we all make as we decide how to live our lives.

1. Decide before you start if you’re going to steer from the front or back
2. Someone has to be elected to call out orders clearly.
3. Take rest in calm places.
4. Never stop paddling even when it seems hopeless.
5. If you get into trouble, don’t panic.
6. Don’t be surprised if the boat doesn’t go where you want it to go.
7. On a raft, the more activity on the left, the boat goes right, and vice versa.
8. If you go under, let go of everything and you will float.
9. Everyone paddles, but the current always takes you.
10. Trust the boat and if you are in white water, hold on.
11. Remember, white water is what you came for, so enjoy it.
12. The people in the boat are the ones who will pull you out of the water if you go overboard, and they are also the people with whom you must eat supper.

Keep these rules in mind as you negotiate your own white water. They’re definitely points to ponder if you, like most people, are struggling to fit together all the pieces of your life. As you are probably all too well aware, most people today are overscheduled, over-committed and generally overwhelmed. This kind of over scheduling can leave you running on empty and desperate about how to improve your situation.

For people with children, the impact of this imbalance can be serious when you consider that as parents, you are your children’s first and most important teachers. Your kids are always learning from you and will copy into their own lives the way you live your life. Following are examples of things your children learn from you. In fact, they’re important areas to examine whether or not you have children.

• How you manage time and what choices you make about how you spend your time
• What priority you place on the relationships in your life
• How you handle both professional and personal stress
• How you share responsibilities such as chores at home or responsibilities at work
• What place hobbies and interests play in your life
• How you handle free time–days off, weekends or vacation

The lesson for all of us to learn is that it’s up to each individual to create a life that is balanced, a life that s/he loves. No one can do it for you. It’s your responsibility. It’s not healthy to keep saying, “if it weren’t for this” or “if it weren’t for that, everything would be great.” Nor is it healthy to put your satisfaction in the future, e.g., when the kids or older, or when you or your spouse get a raise, or when you finish a project, etc. Remember: Life is not a dress rehearsal. Your future is now.

An important part of developing self-awareness is to take some time to think about your priorities–to identify the areas that are important to you. Priorities are individual–what’s important to one person may not be important to another and vice versa. To that end, consider a few questions whose answers may prove quite revealing to you. Ask yourself: What do I really want for my life? When you consider this question, what comes to your mind first? Do you want more rest? More exercise? A promotion? More time alone? More time with family or friends? A new home? To telecommute? To expand your business? List everything that comes
into your mind.

Take a look at all that you’ve just written and ask yourself if your desires are really your desires or are they meant to please someone else. Also ask yourself if your desires are ones you think you should have rather than desires you truly want. “Shoulds” can get you into difficulty. Now that you’ve considered what’s important to you, prioritize these areas. In other words, put them in order of their importance to you. Then ask yourself how much time and attention the top priority items are receiving. This activity will help you see areas that are out of balance–areas that matter to you but aren’t getting enough of your time and attention and aren’t being nourished.

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Listening to that Voice that says “SLOW DOWN”!

As I rushed in from the grocery store around noon, scurrying about trying to get groceries put away, I started contemplating what the quickest meal I could whip together for lunch would be so I could get on with the rest of my busy day. A smoothie? Some yogurt mixed with fruit and cereal? An apple with peanut butter? No, no, and no. I don’t have time to sit down long enough to eat any of those things, I thought. Maybe, I considered, I could just get a smoothie while I was out. That would eliminate my having to make it, then wash the blender, and I would have it in a cup that was ready to travel with me through the remainder of my activities.

And then, as I bustled about in my kitchen, feeling stressed about all that I felt needed to be done urgently, I suddenly stopped. A voice that I have only recently learned to listen to said “SLOW DOWN!” And at that moment, I decided I would not fall back into old habits of devouring my meal, trying to get to the next task, the next moment, without paying attention to the moment I was in or to the task that was right in front of me — the task of nourishing my body properly. I got the rest of my groceries put away,  put together a plate of warm pita bread, some hummus, a couple slices of cheese, and some carrots, and sat down with a large glass of water, and ate my lunch slowly and with awareness. It was not a fancy meal, but it was delicious and nutritious, and once I made the decision to enjoy it slowly, it felt nice to take a break, and regain some perspective on my life and all that has been filling it lately. When I was finished, instead of jumping back into the fray of chaos that I mistakenly viewed my day as, I took my dog for a much needed (for both of us) walk.

Sure I’ve been busy lately. In addition to being a full time mom of a 8- and 6-year-old girls, maintaining (albeit loosely) a household, and trying to stay current with VenusVision, I have also started a group for women to explore and improve their relationships with food and their body, and I have recently launched a home-based business of selling a line of jewelry called Stella & Dot. Add to that the other things that pop up, like birthday parties, out-of-town guests, and end-of-school-year activities, and what you might get is one crazed, stressed out mom. Or, at least that’s what you would have gotten a year ago. But you know that voice I mentioned earlier? Well, I’ve been working on letting her have her say more often. She is the voice that knows I can do my best when I am taking care of me. She is the voice that reminds me that the world will not stop turning if I don’t get the laundry put away right away, or if there are clumps of dog hair here and there, or if I don’t get to most of the other things on my to-do list right away. She is the voice that reminds me that I only have one life to live, and that if I spend it always trying to get to the next moment, I will reach the finish line wondering how I filled my years, my days, and my hours.

And so, after I slowly ate my lunch, and took my dog for a walk, I did get out to run a couple of more errands. But now I am sitting here writing this, even though until a couple of hours ago, this post was not on my to-do list, hoping that I can encourage you to slow down, take a breath, and savor the moment, whatever that moment might bring for you. If you are feeling like this is the worst time to try and slow down, that probably is a pretty good indication that you need it more than ever. Take a deep breath. Go for  a walk. Read a book — anything that serves as a speed bump in your life because you need it and you deserve it.

Yog-ahh

by Esther Kane, MSW

In this article, I wanted to share with you one of my greatest passions and recommendations for all of my clients to help them de-stress, find balance, and get in shape- yoga. I have been practicing this ancient form of fitness, meditation, and relaxation for over half my life already. I was introduced to Kundalini yoga – a form of intense, sweat-producing postures and very fast breathing techniques — at the tender age of 19, which literally changed my life. At the time, I was experiencing really bad bouts of depression an anxiety and after learning the poses, movements, and proper breathing techniques, I felt much happier, lighter, and much more relaxed. I was completely blown away by this simple ‘workout’, which was also deeply rooted in spirituality and mindfulness.

Over the past 20 years, I have tried every type of yoga I can get my hands on via taking in-person classes and listening to CD’s and watching videos. I can honestly say that I love every kind of yoga I have tried, from the slow, meditative kind called ‘yin yoga’ where you hold postures for roughly seven minutes to the more vigorous flowing dance-like series called ‘ashtanga’. But the one type of yoga that I prefer the most (and have practiced for over six years now at least three times a week) is Bikram’s hot yoga — a series of 26 hatha (beginner) postures done twice each in a super-hot room (average heat is 105 degrees). I know it’s not for everyone, but I am a complete addict and actually look forward eagerly to ’sweating it out’ in a hot crowded room with others who are often grumpy, smelly, and irritated. Some days are harder than others and I really don’t feel like stretching and being instructed loudly by a yoga teacher who talks non-stop for 90 minutes, but in the six years I’ve been practicing this yoga, I have NEVER regretted doing a class once it’s over.

For me, yoga is so much more than simply exercising the body. I find that it’s a great way to cultivate self-discipline- especially of one’s mind. There is nothing that will trigger your irritability more than being stuck in an incredibly hot, humid room full of other people while being expected to perform an entire 90 minutes of challenging exercise. Sometimes I actually feel murderous and want to scream obscenities at the teacher or the person next to me, wriggling around, and most definitely, not contributing to my inner peace. As a psychotherapist, I consider this release of extreme feelings as an ‘emotional cleansing’ and find it incredibly therapeutic.

Let’s face it — we all go through major stressful events in our lives, often on a daily basis — and don’t have time to process them emotionally. We just move ahead with our lives, going through our routines, simply getting the job of living done. Where do these feelings go? Inside! We stuff, suppress, ignore, and deny what we’re feeling underneath until there is a large ‘emotional stew’ bubbling away inside us, just under the surface.  And when we don’t acknowledge and express these feelings, they just compile; one on top of the other until our emotional ‘cup’ runneth over and we end up exploding in rage, crying jags, or succumb to physical illness.

That’s where yoga can be a real lifesaver. The word “yoga” actually means, “union of body and mind”– it’s purpose being to balance us out physically, mentally, and spiritually. I recommend yoga to nearly all of my clients as a method to:

• Release traumas held in the cells of the body
• Get some much needed ‘me time’
• Learn how to relax and meditate
• Relieve symptoms of depression and anxiety
• Improve body awareness and body image
• Relieve various forms of physical illnesses in the body which are tied to emotions

Happy stretching!

Esther Kane, MSW, Registered Clinical Counsellor, is the author of the book and audio program, “It’s Not About the Food: A Woman’s Guide To Making Peace with Food and Our Bodies” ( www.endyoureatingdisorder.com) and “Dump That Chump”(www.dumpthatchump.com), and “What Your Mama Can’t or Won’t Teach You”(www.guidebooktowomanhood.com).  Sign up for her free monthly e-zine, Women’s Community Counsellor, to uplift and inspire women at: http://www.estherkane.com.

Time Management or Self-Management?

By Barbara M. LaRock

Would you like more time in your calendar and your life? What if changing the way you look at time could make a good life a great life? Think these concepts are impossible? Read on.

At one time or another, most of us have said, “There just isn’t enough time in the day” or “I can never accomplish all I want to both at work and at home”? This kind of thinking makes people see themselves as victims of their overcrowded, overwhelming and demanding schedules. They then sit back, complain and continue their self-defeating behaviors. You can, however, change your attitude about managing time by acknowledging and accepting your responsibility for managing yourself.

It goes without saying that everyone has the same amount of time in his or her day. It’s how you choose to “spend” that time that counts. The word “spend” is key. When you spend money, you choose what amount to pay out in order to get what you want/need. The same holds true for time. Each of us decides how much to spend to get what we want/need. Time is wasted when we don’t spend or invest it wisely. It’s up to each of us to decide what our personal and professional priorities are and then to honor those priorities. This is why effective management of time really is self-management.

Effective time/self-management begins with examining and knowing your own style. People who are structured, organized, good at identifying, setting and respecting priorities, and good at meeting deadlines find managing their time relatively easy. On the other hand, people who lack determination and discipline and who are reluctant to have structure and organization in their lives have a more difficult time managing themselves and their time. But, with resolve and practice, they can learn to get done more of the important things in their lives.

Here are a few tips to help you get started managing yourself and your time more effectively:

1. Keep in mind that you, not circumstances are in the driver’s seat.
2. Keep a daily log for one week of how you spend your time.
3. Assess your own style and attitudes about time. For instance, if you’re a morning person, schedule your most difficult tasks early when you are at your best.
4. Take 10 minutes at the end of each day to write down your top 5-6 priorities for the next day in order of their importance.
5. Make sure that before the end of your workday, you accomplish the top 5-6 priorities that you set for yourself. Let nothing pull you off track or intervene with this accomplishment.
6. Maintain a calendar, either written or electronic, so you don’t over schedule yourself.
7. Have a clear understanding of what is important to your family members and your associates.
8. Delegate what you can.
9. Every week, handle one unfinished task or project that has drained your energy.
10. Respect other people’s time
11. Learn to say no to anything that takes you away from respecting your priorities, and
12. Practice living with the guilt that may come from saying no. You will get better at it.

Remember that it’s up to you to manage yourself–and your time.

Barbara M. LaRock, M.Ed., offers life, leadership and career coaching as well as organizational training.  Her firm is located in Reston, VA.  Her background prior to coaching includes teaching, advising and mentoring students; designing and directing training programs for trade and professional associations; and organizational training involving presentation and facilitation of workshops and seminars. Barbara’s coaching specializes in life-related and career areas with her individual clients and provides them with encouragement, support and challenge as they focus on transition and change in their personal and professional lives. Her clients find more enjoyment in their everyday lives and become even more productive on the job. For more information, visit her web site Barbara LaRock.

Copyright 2010

No parts of this article or the article in its entirety may be reproduced without permission of the author.

5 Easy Ways to Turn Your Mood Around

Your kid threw up on you as you were walking out the door, you hit every red light on your way to work, your PMSing through the roof, and your boss informs you that your deadline has been moved up to COB — today! Ok, you get the idea. You’re crabby! You want to crawl in a hole, isolating yourself from everyone who may the unwitting victim of your lousy mood. Unfortunately, we can’t stop the world every time we’re  having a bad day. But you can do a few things to make your day a little more bearable and maybe even save you from losing your job because you chewed out your boss.

Here are just a few quick and easy ideas to lift your spirits instantly.

1.) Breathe. Yes, it’s as simple as that. Take deep breaths. If you aren’t relaxed, and you start paying attention to your breathing, you’ll probably realize that you are taking quick shallow breaths. The short and long-term benefits you will gain from proper breathing are innumerable, but for starters, it can reduce tight chest muscles, relieving pain and anxiety, improve blood circulation¹, ease straining on the heart through increased oxygen flow, as well as increase nutrient and oxygen flow to cells throughout the body. Deep breathing also releases endorphins in the body², and by now we all now that endorphins are our bodies natural painkillers, allowing us to feel more relaxed. If you need a little extra guidance on proper breathing, I found some good exercises on Dr. Andrew Weil’s web site.

2.) Stretch. Like breathing, stretching can improve circulation, increasing blood flow to your muscles. Also like breathing, it can relieve stress as it releases tension in the muscles. Of course, stretching also increases flexibility, which can make doing even the most simple tasks, like bending over and tying your show a little easier. And you don’t have to break into a downward dog yoga position to feel better. Sure, an hour of yoga would never hurt, but chances are you only have a few extra minutes. If that’s the case, you can start by just doing a simple stretch like you might do when you first wake up, reaching for the sky and straightening out your spine. Even that will get the oxygen flowing. If you have more time and space, or you want to target specific areas for stretching, check out this quick and easy guide at Health24.com.

3.) Drink. No, I’m not talking about hitting the bar before Happy Hour has officially started. I am talking about H₂0. Although I don’t subscribe to the idea that every person needs to drink 64 ounces of water each day (see the article Water, Water, Everywhere … But How Much Should We Drink?), there are undeniable benefits reaped from drinking the elixir of life. According to the Mayo Clinic, even mild dehydration can zap your energy³. And hydrating your body is another form of nourishment.  Not to mention, just taking a few minutes to sit down and drink a glass of water might give you a much needed break in your day.

4.) Smell. Ok, I don’t mean you should stop wearing deoderant. I am talking about the smelling you do through your nose. Buy a bottle of lotion in your favorite scent, and when you are feeling stressed out or down, lather up. Our sense of smell is powerful, and it has long been known that certain scents elicit certain reactions, ranging from enhanced memory to sexual arousal. But the right scents can also decrease stress and help you feel more relaxed. While different scents will impact each person differently, common scents used for to evoke a more positive state include lavender, lemon, and peppermint. Personally, I like vanilla (who doesn’t feel better after smelling like cookies) and juniper.

5.) Smile. Sure, that may be the last thing you feel like doing right now. But while the jury is still out, some scientists have theorized that the simple act of smiling, even if forced, can have a mood changing effect. Not to mention, happiness is contagious, so if you look happy, you may just spread the joy, and if everyone else around you is happy, it’s going to be pretty tough for you to stay glum. Besides, smiling can never hurt.

So the next time things aren’t going your way, or for whatever reason, you feel like Oscar the Grouch, remember these easy tricks to help you face the world with a more positive outlook. Even taking the time to pay attention to your feelings may be just what you need to move on.

Sources
¹ Breathing.com
² HealthMad
³ Mayo Clinic

Survey Shows Weight Rivals the Economy as Source of Stress

by Emily Haile

With recent polls showing that 80 percent of Americans are stressed out about the economy, it’s a wonder we have time to think about anything else. But, apparently, we do. We still wonder whether we look fat in our jeans.

Green Mountain at Fox Run recently conducted a survey asking: “Which Stresses You More: Your Weight or the Economy?”

Here is the breakdown of the 630 respondents, 91.1 percent of whom were female:

While concern about the economy is clearly the winner, concern about weight gives the economy a surprising run for its money. With many calling this the biggest recession since the Great Depression, the fact that well over one quarter say their weight creates more stress than the economy, and almost one-third feel it’s just as stressful as their weight, is troubling. I suppose it goes to show that no matter what else may be going on in our lives, the persistent negative thoughts many of us have about our bodies don’t just take a vacation. Another interesting twist is the shame one woman expressed that she voted for her weight:

“I think I may be shallow for feeling this way, but I voted my weight,” one mom wrote on BabyCenter.com after taking our survey. “I think about my weight all day long. We are in the process of trying to buy a house and pay off lots of credit card debt. That is VERY stressful too. But I think about and stress over my weight much more than the economy.”

Not only does she feel stressed about her weight, now she feels shallow as a result of those feelings. What an energy drain! When we truly stop and think how much time we spend each day criticizing ourselves and undermining the small successes of daily life, it’s truly mind boggling.

One woman, who said the economy was more stressful, was more pragmatic. She wrote:

“I voted economy mostly because that is out of my control. I can control the factors that influence my weight so I don’t worry as much about it but I do focus on it (calories eaten, exercise done). The economy just brings me continual worry because I can’t control the stock market or home values or job losses.”

The notion of control is interesting. While we can influence our weight, we can only control our behaviors. Ultimately, our weight is determined by a lot of factors, including genetics and age. Still, how many of us truly feel that we are in control of our weight and not the other way around?

Before we conducted the survey, we had a hunch that weight was still a major concern for Americans, even as the economy flounders. What’s perhaps more interesting is how stress itself impacts us. What do we do when we’re stressed out about the economy, our weight, or anything else? Many of us eat, and it shows up as extra pounds and inches over the years.

If there were one stress that you could remove from your life, we’d vote for worry over your weight. While it may not be easy, accepting yourself as you are right now, in this moment, and doing the best you can to maintain a lifestyle that promotes well being is a great start. Because if we’re living mindfully, we can reach a healthy weight that’s right for us and stay there without struggle.”