In Girl on Top, we learned that Nicole became very aware at an early age of the toll a job from hell can take on someone as she watched her mother go to work every day to a job she hated. Nicole was determined not to end up in the same position and took on the role of career investigator with every new person she met, assertively asking questions like “What do you do? What did you study in school? How much money do you make? Do you love what you do?”. Because of her inherent curiosity about people’s careers Nicole began looking for career resources that were not just pro-women, but also fun and entertaining — much like Nicole’s personality. Finding a shortage of books, web sites, and businesses that met her needs, she realized that no one was perhaps better suited for providing this information than she.

Taking on any one of the achievements Nicole has to her name — three published books, a career reality TV series called Making It Big, guest appearances on network televisions shows like The Today Show and Good Morning America,  a frequent contributor to Elle, Self, Glamour, and more, and founder of her own company, Works, just to name a few — it seems like she’s always shooting for the stars, and that’s just what Nicole did. I wanted to know how she was able to make the leap to start her own business, and she reminded me of her mantra: “To achieve the marvelous, think the unthinkable.” And so she approaches each endeavor in life by asking herself what her “unthinkable goals” are. Reflecting on her dreams and accomplishments, it was unthinkable to publish a book (let alone three). It was unthinkable to create her own television series. It was unthinkable to build a highly successful business from the ground up. But ultimately she said “the dreams that give me shivers are the ones that become my goals,” and with a lot of hard work, focus, and the ability to expand her horizons to open herself up to new opportunities, Nicole seems to be capable of achieving the marvelous. Perhaps the best part is, part what makes her dreams so marvelous is that she is helping other women achieve their dreams.

I wanted to know if there were some common factors among the women she counsels that were holding them back in their careers. While she addresses a variety of issues with her company, she sees a lot of women who just “want it now”; they are impatient. Though Nicole sees impatience as a virtue because of the drive that often accompanies it, she is quick to point out that success takes time and effort. She works to dispel the myth of overnight success because it leads to people expecting it too soon and then giving up too early. Nicole said she also sees a lot women settling, and she challenges them to “have big dreams and have high expectations for yourself because that’s directly proportionate to what you are going to get in life.” They are underestimating what they can do with their lives and at far too young of an age, they think this is as good as it gets.

Since Nicole spends a considerable amount of time addressing the importance of appearance, particularly as it relates to one’s career, I wondered if her own sense of style was one that she was born with. Though Nicole has always loved fashion, she said that her own sense of style has required a lot of trial and error. She explained that growing up in a small town exposed her to some more flamboyant styles and her response was to go in the opposite direction, seeking out conservative looks. With the benefit of  a personal stylist Nicole now has, she is able to think a little more outside the box in terms of fashion. When I saw her at The Limited, her look was stylish, sexy, and powerful resulting in the look of total confidence that reflects her personality.

For someone who has achieved the success that Nicole has, I was surprised at how open and approachable she is. I asked her about her divorce, and she admitted that “it shook me to the bone”. Having seen her own parents go through divorce, she was convinced she would never allow it to happen to herself. But in the end, she new that it was something she had to do, and while it was the hardest experience of her life, she had a vision of where she wanted her life to go and she remained focused on that vision, creating goals, and putting one foot in front of the other. She also admitted to, at times, putting on rose-colored glasses and wondering if she had done the right thing in leaving her husband, particularly after she started dating again. But ultimately the answer was the same, and she kept moving forward, taking stock of what she learned, and working towards creating the life and success she desired.

While Nicole’s career is obviously a huge part of her identity, and something she likely won’t set aside anytime soon, she places a lot of importance on developing a personal life — one well outside the bounds of work — and for herself, this is where her efforts are most focused for the near future. Professionally, Nicole has no regrets but she can’t say the same about her personal life as she laments not investing in the relationships she most values. Moving forward she plans on starting a family, devoting time to herself and her personal relationships.

Reading Nicole’s book, Girl on Top, and talking with her personally made me have little doubt that she means what she says when she states “anything is possible”.

Some of the women OTYO! has helped.

We all know about the tragedies going on in many of the war-torn countries in Africa. Maybe because the atrocities are too much for us to bear, or maybe because some just simply can’t be bothered with other peoples problems, most of us are not likely to get involved. I like to think it’s not because we just don’t care, but instead because the issues are so overwhelming, and as is often the case, it’s simply easier to remain blissfully ignorant intentionally. And, if you do want to do something, where do you start?

Jolly Bugari found her own answer to that question. Moving to California with her then-husband, Bugari left Uganda to escape the inner turmoil her country was facing. Eventually her marriage ended and she was left raising three children by herself, but her new-found freedom from a domineering husband provided her with the opportunity to return to school.

After watching countless loved ones die from HIV in her homeland of Uganda and experiencing the repressive nature of a patriarchal society, Jolly decided she had to do something to help those back in her homeland and focused her studies on community health education. After receiving her degree, the idea of OTYO! (which means “a sigh of relief”) was born and she began a 3-year Masters in Public Health program that would better enable her to realize her dreams of helping those most in need in Uganda.

Jolly Bugari, founder of OTYO! (A Sigh of Relief)

Though Bugari realized that the problems in Uganda are widespread, she narrowed down her efforts to focus on women, whom she felt needed the most help because “women take care of everyone, have nothing, and are highly overlooked.” The mission of OTYO! is “to improve the quality of life and health of women, adolescents and orphans of rural Uganda by providing financial and technical support to community based organizations working with these populations.”

Needless to say, her efforts are full of challenges. The cultural attitudes towards women in Africa and their lower status lead to fewer opportunities to exercise their independence. This in turn makes them more vulnerable to diseases such as HIV, as they are  dominated by the men who spread the disease and have few options once acquiring it. Bugari has also found that getting attention and resources has been more difficult  in comparison to high profile more developed areas with large populations.

In the face of so many hurdles, not to mention Jolly’s own life challenges, I asked her what keeps her going when everything and everyone tells you to quit. Her reply: “This is where I come from, this is where my family is. I recognize the obligation I have to use the advantages of the resources I have gained through public health education to help these people.”

When I reflect on Jolly’s story — how she came to America at 19, the young wife of an oppressive husband who eventually left her with three children — I think of how hard it must have been just to get by, not just financially but emotionally. And yet, she did more than just get by. Freed from the shackles of a marriage and society that suppressed who she was and was capable of being, Jolly realized her potential and pursued her dreams. For that, she is extraordinary.

These 10 habits of highly successful women are practical, easy, and effective — and they’re what See Jane Soar is all about! These tips for success range from maintaining your hormonal balance to letting go of the past – and they affect your mind, body, and soul.

First, a quotation from writer Anais Nin:

“Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the action stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.”

Taking action is one of the most important habits of successful women…and so is dreaming. For inspiration and practical advice for succeeding in life after failure or knock-out punches, click on This is Not the Life I Ordered: 50 Ways to Keep Your Head Above Water When Life Keeps Dragging You Down by Deborah Collins Stephens et al.

10 Habits of Highly Successful Women

1. Maintain your hormonal balance. Are you moody, exhausted, irritable, or sad? Check your hormones. If they’re out of whack, then you’ll struggle to be successful! Make sure you’re getting enough protein and vitamins, and decrease your refined sugars and carbohydrates.

2. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Highly successful women don’t obsess or feel guilty about past choices or failures. They make mistakes, move on, and apply what they’ve learned to new situations.

3. Connect with who you are. Being a daughter, wife, or mother is one aspect of your life. It doesn’t define who you are as a woman. To connect with who you are, find and express your authentic self. The more authentic you are, the more appealing you’ll be to others – and to yourself!

4. Avoid energy vampires. Do you feel drained or sad after spending time with a particular friend, coworker, or relative? Limit the time you spend with him or her. Note how you feel after visiting with a certain person; if you feel energized and happy, then you’re in good company. Highly successful women choose their companions wisely.

5. Speak kindly to yourself! If you beat yourself up for being overweight, a “bad” mom, or not exercising enough, you just create a downward spiral. Highly successful women remind themselves of their achievements and successes. They refuse to tell themselves negative things; they accept themselves.

6. Listen to your body. I heard Oprah Winfrey say this about 10 years ago: listen to what your body is telling you. Are you emotionally hungry or physically hungry? Feed yourself properly. Are you sad, furious, or depressed? Follow your body’s cues.

7. Volunteer your time. Find something that takes you out of your comfort zone or that you love to do. You’ll feel great that you’re helping others out – and volunteering directly improves your physical health. Highly successful women step out of their comfort zones and takes risks.

8. Let go of perfectionism. Strive to do your best, but let go of perfectionist tendencies. Accepting that you’re doing the best you can is a habit of highly successful women. Letting go of perfectionism is vitamins and exercise for the soul!

9. Use your core strengths. Are you a natural mathematician, writer, or party planner? Discover your core strengths by trying different things until you find what fits. To take risks and try new things, take short-term volunteer positions or volunteer for new projects at work or in your community.

10. Take time for yourself. This habit for highly successful women is my favorite: take time to recharge your batteries and refuel your emotional, spiritual, and physical energy. Spend at least a few minutes alone each day – even if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom to do it!

Have a missed a habit of highly successful women – or do you have any comments on any of the above? I welcome your thoughts below!

Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen is a full-time freelance writer and blogger; visit her at Quips and Tips For Achieving Your Goals or See Jane Soar.