The Importance of ‘We’ Time

As marriages evolve, particularly with the introduction of children, it can be easy to forget the importance of “we time”. In this day and age, moms are always encouraged to carve out “me time” for themselves, but marriages and partnerships need extra nurturing and attention periodically too. It provides an opportunity to reconnect with the person you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with. At some points in your marriage, when you are more in tune to each other, this might not seem so hard. But it is natural for each partner in a marriage to develop in a different direction from time to time, which may make you less inclined to spend time together. Of course, that is when it is the most important to find ways to reconnect with one another, rather than waiting until you have become virtual strangers living under the same roof.

Yesterday my husband and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary and the fact that we have a strong, happy marriage. In fact, it’s better than ever. But it didn’t get that way by chance. While we each have a healthy sense of ‘me’ within our marriage, pursuing our own interests, and spending time with our own friends, we  also have a strong sense of ‘we’ and we make sure the needs of ‘we’ are met as much as the needs of ‘me’. With two children in elementary school, sometimes carving out time for the two of us can be hard. But it would definitely never happen if we didn’t plan for it. The surprising thing is though, just because you plan time to spend together, doesn’t mean you have to go to great lengths to make the time you have together special.

We are not big gift givers, so we typically use our anniversary as an excuse to go out for a nice meal. While our big anniversary date night is yet to come (we are celebrating this weekend at a fine French restaurant nearby), I wanted the actual day to be celebratory as well, so I bought a bottle of sparkling wine and prepared a nice meal to be served after our kids were in bed. As we enjoyed our quiet, candle-lit dinner of braided salmon (recipe compliments of The Wicked Noodle), roasted garlic and baby potatoes, and broccoli rabe, followed by chocolate souffle, it dawned me how relatively easy it was to make an ordinary evening into something extra-ordinary.

I’m not saying you should prepare gourmet, candle-lit meals every night (though really, our anniversary meal wasn’t that hard). But even something as simple as picking one night a week to eat dinner together after the kids are in bed can give you a chance to take a deep breath and spend some quality time together. If you don’t like to cook or don’t have time, make it less stressful by serving up a prepared meal, or even fast food, but take the extra step of putting the meal on nice plates, put on a little music, and relish the moment of quiet the two of you have together.

If enjoying a nice meal together still seems like too much effort (which it would have to me when my kids were infants), sometimes just being close to one another, with light physical contact can keep those connections alive. Instead of turning on the TV and flipping through the channels, try curling up together under a blanket, and reading your favorite books. You many not be talking, but your bodies are communicating.

And of course, having a night on the town going to a favorite restaurant or listening to some live music is always a great way to enjoy each other’s company. I find that just having a date night to look forward to, regardless of what our plans are, creates a fun air of anticipation. We try and schedule a night out at least once a month, and make up for the time in between by catching up after the kids are in bed. I’m definitely looking forward to our fancy French dinner!