When Life Gives You Lemons, Throw Them Back and Laugh!

Adapted from Michelle Bloom’s blog, The Bloomiverse, with the help of Michelle Cantrell.

It all started with the simple act of kicking a punching bag, venting frustration. One wrong kick. When it happened, everyone asked Michelle if she was ok. “Yes,” she replied. “I have no health insurance, yes”.  When she took off her boot everyone gasped in horror.  The bone was jutting out inches past where it ought to be. By the time the ambulance arrived,  the pain was so bad, the paramedic had to give her morphine. Michelle had surgery less than a week later when they put screws and plates in her ankle, making her feel a bit like bionic woman. Except, unlike bionic woman who was strong enough to bend a tire rod and break a tennis ball in her bear hands, Michelle is laid up for eight weeks, getting by feebly on crutches whenever necessary.

It seems like whenever you stop paying attention to your life, something happens that makes you stop and say “Hey! What the heck are you doing?!” For Michelle Bloom, breaking her ankle was just such a moment. “First of all,” she said, “I have been reminded of how wonderful people are and how big our hearts can be.  I love ‘us’ and I feel so grateful for the people in my life.”

But she also realized something else very important. She realized she was not listening to her heart. Because of the accident, she had to cancel the classes she had been taking for an MFA program in advertising. And all at once, she realized that this program was not the right path. Perhaps, she has wondered, this is why she broke her ankle. She was not listening to her own heart, so her body had to do something to set things right.

And then she asked herself, “Why wasn’t I listening to my heart?” The answer, full of raw honesty, was that she wanted so much to succeed in life.  At 36 years old, she had not had the taste of what society at large considers to be “success” and she wanted to achieve that arbitrary idea of success so much that she was willing to do the wrong thing for herself just to put an end to her perceived cycle of failure. Fear was guiding her because she did not want to return to the beginning again. Instead, she pushed herself farther away from what was truly important to her, and kept going.

Many people do this and get away with it. They abandon themselves for one reason or another.  But when Michelle created what she called her Self Commandments, she vowed not to tolerate leaving herself, ever.  “It is a strong vow to live by and while I do not have very many of them, the few I have,  I stick by with complete devotion, even if it means breaking my ankle.”

After lifting the burden of pursuing someone else’s idea of success, it hit Michelle: “I am not a failure. I am already a success.” She decided that while she may not know how to succeed in the world with a career, or money, or  financial stability (yet), she has achieved success in other, less measurable ways: unconditional love of herself and wisdom rank among what she considers to be her top achievements. She declares a strong sense of self awareness — something in which many are lacking, and don’t even realize it. And, she has produced immense amounts of creative work in the form of paintings and written work, especially poetry.

Yes, Michelle senses the lack of balance in her life… love, wisdom, creativity, and awareness need a foundation to rest upon, and the one she feels she has been resting upon all these years is no longer working for her.  “People may judge me for how I have chosen to live thus far, and I admit, I am not so proud of all my choices. Yet when I look back I realize I have accumulated a treasure chest of goods that I would not trade in for all the financial success in the world.  Every mistake I have made has led me to encounter more beautiful souls who have become my dear friends. Every failure has led me to new experiences through which I have learned new things, and all of my wandering has led me to live a life filled with adventure.  I am truly lucky.”

Following her heart is what is important to Michelle in this life and she believes … no, she knows that she can make money without sacrificing who she is. It is just going to take some time to it figure it out and get it right. The rule book is a bunch of crap.  Everyone blossoms at their own pace. Michelle was raised very white collar and had a hard time getting off the ladder that was supposed to keep her climbing towards that life. But now she realizes it’s not a life she cares about. She can be happy with very little money if need be. “After all,” she says, “I’m really a bohemian.” Maybe being a building manager, barista, florist, or bookstore clerk is the right work for her.

“If I can find something that supports my life as an artist, all that matters is that I make enough money to live decently. This is what I care about — being an artist, and that what should always come first for me.  I do not want a career that will eat up all of my energy.”

In the simple (but painful) act of breaking a bone, Michelle realized so much about life. She no longer cares about a top floor condo, or trips to Europe. But she does care about being able to create, to love, to be loved, and to gain wisdom. While she needs to earn a living, she has renewed her comittment that she won’t sell her heart to do it. Her failures of yesterday do not  determine what today may bring.

“I know life wants to show me something right now. I sense new opportunity coming. I know that the more I dedicate to what I know to be true, the more doors will open.  In the past, I have allowed other people’s opinions of me to seep and mix in with my own knowing, and this has disempowered me deeply.  No more of this!  We have one life, guys. We are born, we live, and we leave here.  So why take things so seriously?  Put down that anvil on your back and take that stick out of your bum.  It is really ok to lighten up.”

Why not teach our children that they can thrive, instead of scaring them back into survival mode all the time, Michelle suggests.  Fear begets fear.  “I am not sure how much we create the events in our lives and how much is already written. Life is a mystery.  What I do know is that if we have one life, why not enjoy it as much as possible. Life gives us enough challenges as it is: we have death, disease, natural disasters, broken bones..is that not crazy enough?  I sure as hell do not need to create any more hardship for myself then the one already given to me just by being human.”